Sunday marks eleven years (11 YEARS!!!) since my car accident.
The anniversary always makes me evaluate, and re-evaluate, my life.
Where am I now?
Where was my life eleven years ago before the accident?
Where was I (and my how was my arm) five years ago …?
A year ago?
I’ll be honest and tell you I’m having a very bad week.
Paul Newman, at my last visit, informed me I’m not progressing and haven’t been for awhile.
Add to that a few personal issues, and …
Well, I’ve spent a good deal of this week in tears.
I even had a friend dismiss and minimize my arm-ordeal this week as “no big deal.”
I’ve spent eleven years of my life going through twelve surgeries,
Innumerable MRIs, painful injections, and “non-surgical” treatments,
Thousands of physical therapy treatments,
Hundreds of doctors visits.
I lost almost every friend I had 11 years ago.
I lost my entire life, as it was.
I fought like hell and endured horrific pain to build a very successful business doing what I love –
In spite of the fact I was told I’d never hold a camera again.
I’ve also LOST my entire business in the last year and a half due to my three most recent surgeries.
Between down time for surgeries/recoveries and the fact I can’t hold my camera for more than a few minutes –
How could my business survive?
I feel like my arm has taken everything from me … absolutely everything.
I am beyond discouraged and feel totally defeated.
I’ve fought like hell, but I haven’t won.
I believe I’ve reached, eleven years post-accident, the end of my arm journey.
I won’t say I’m “giving up” because I know I still have a few victories ahead of me.
I know, it’s likely I’ll regain a little more strength in my arm over my future years.
At least, I hope I will.
Maybe I’ll eventually be able to carry a cup of coffee?
I really want to be able to do that.
I think, in large part, I’m done.
My arm has come as far as it will, and I’m emotionally worn out from hoping for a happy ending.
I’m grateful (so grateful!!) to be out of the worst of the pain.
The first decade was horrific – it really was.
There are no words to describe how bad it was.
Thank you Dr. Itamura for being the ONLY surgeon who understood what was causing me such teeth-clenching pain.
I’m forever indebted to every single medical professional who helped me along this journey –
Most especially Paul Newman who has made my life livable these past several years.
(I’m sure I’ll continue to see Paul Newman on a part time “maintenance” basis.)
I began blogging about two years after my accident.
I started Twenty Four at Heart on a whim.
It has brought me friends from all over the world.
But, it’s time to close down the blog.
My heart hasn’t been in it over the last year and a half as I’ve struggled through these last three surgeries.
I’m very sad at the thought of losing my connection with many of you.
I hope you’ll stay in touch via email and social media.
I don’t know what comes next for me.
My life has been a series of twists and turns –
And most likely there will be more of those to come.
I hope, at some point, I’ll be able to shoot regularly again.
But, as of right now, even that seems unattainable.
I’m maintaining my twenty four at heart/24 at heart trademarks in case I change my mind,
But I don’t expect to.
I will leave this post up for a few weeks –
Maybe even a month or two to make sure my occasional visitors get an opportunity to read it.
I want to thank each and every single one of you for being a part of the 24 community over these many years.
Your support has meant the world to me and I wish only the best for each of you.
Thank you for everything –
I will forever cherish the many friends this blog has added to my life.
Edited to add:
Facebook: Suzanne Haggerty
Please follow me – or I will miss you too much!