Briefcase is gone again. Not that there is anything new about THAT. However, I will say that if he calls me one more time and tries to tell me what an awful time he is having out wining and dining I just might lose it. "Europe is such a bore", "What a long flight to Australia!", "I got stuck in traffic by the Eiffel Tower", "Really I’d rather be home with the family than going out to this four star restaurant tonight". And oh yes … trying to drum up sympathy he recently sent out an email to our son’s entire travel ball team saying that the food isn’t so great in Holland. Excuse me? Would he prefer some leftover mac and cheese from our fridge?
The best comment came from some married friends of ours. Ken asked me, in all sincerity, if Briefcase had bought "any of the wonderful cheese while in Holland". His wife answered, "Honey, Briefcase is in Amsterdam – I think she’s a little more concerned with what OTHER things he might buy over there … cheese is the least of her worries." (OK – just in case there is anyone out there who does not know the basics on Europe …. prostitution is 100% legal in Amsterdam and that is what she was referring to!) There is nothing like a good friend to bring up things like that in the conversation.
Let me tell you why the Briefcase pity party fails so miserably. First of all, I used to work as a manager for a fortune 500 company and I went on a zillion of those business trips, sales meetings and various business functions. In fact, that’s how I met Briefcase! Don’t let your spouse fool you folks … those meetings are one big party. And I know it. And he knows I know it. Yes, you might go to a meeting for half of a day, but then it’s on to golf or a "team building activity" like four wheeling or snow mobile riding … and then it’s party time! Party, party, party till two or three in the morning every night. I know this firsthand – yes I do. Briefcase himself tried to get me drunk at one of these "business" events the night he met me. I think he was hoping to get lucky that night. (And NO – of course that did not work on me … what are you thinking?) I’m a lightweight with alcohol and always have been … and I would never, ever, have fallen for THAT. Jeez … give me a little credit here folks!
Now nearly 21 years into our commuter marriage, Briefcase seems to think I have forgotten all of this. He thinks if he tells me he isn’t having much fun, I’ll feel better about him gallivanting across the universe. One neighbor asked me if I was concerned that someday I’d find out Briefcase has a whole separate family off living in some other city. Really! She asked me that! Isn’t that amazing? Don’t you really wonder what goes through people’s heads sometimes? And whether or not they put one thought into what they say before it comes out of their mouth? It was one of the rare times in my life when someone has been so utterly rude that it, literally, stunned me into silence. I admit, it had not crossed my mind until she said that.
Hmmmm … another home somewhere filled with baby briefcases? I guess that is always a possibility.