Feelin' Dirty

I’m feeling kind of dirty today. 

You know, the kind of dirty when you are really perfectly clean but you just want to take a shower and get the … yuk off.

Let me start over – I had to take my car into the dealer today.  (Doesn’t that just explain it all?)  It has been kind of lurching as it idles at stop lights.  As I pulled my car into the service area, a worker man kindly opened my car door for me and said, "Can I help you ma’am?"  First of all, if you aren’t living in the south – never, ever, call a woman MA’AM.  We don’t appreciate it.  It doesn’t matter how old we are … our mothers were ma’ams and we are not.  All men need to remember that always.  So already we were not off to a good start … this Mr. Worker guy and me. 

Then I stepped out of my car … and there were four hundred maybe 8 guys standing there just gawking at me.  There is not an adult woman living in the U.S. that does not know this routine.  It doesn’t matter who you are, what you look like …!  Those car guys were gaping at me as if I showed up with nothing more than a pair of pasties on.  (Ok – I do not want a single email from you telling me that your boyfriend/husband/Uncle Joe works at a car shop and has never once done this … I am sure that is TRUE.  However, I have never been to THEIR car shop!)  ANYWAY – I instantly felt … yuk … dirty.  As if I HAD shown up with nothing on.  You know that uncomfortable feeling when you think to yourself, "Did I forget to put clothes on when I left today?"  And they all just stand their staring.  They don’t CARE how uncomfortable it makes you and the longer they stare the more worried you get about what it is, exactly, that is going through their minds.  Ewwwwwwww — ! 

Now this was supposed to be a quick deal, so as soon as I could I went inside to the little waiting area.  Primarily to get away from the creeps.  While I was waiting for them to look at my car I started pondering why exactly, one man can look at us and make us feel good about ourselves – kind of sexy – and we appreciate it.  You know, when you just mentally think, "Thank you for the look Mr. Pitt – it made my day!"  But instantly a group of car guys can make you feel like a ho.  Why is that?

Well, it wasn’t long until Mr. Worker guy returned to talk to me.  Because I am female, he felt it was necessary to talk to me as if I had the mental ability of a 2 year old.  Very … very … slowly … he … told … me … that … nothing … is … wrong … with … my … car.  Just in case I couldn’t understand.  I just stared at him for a moment.  I looked deep into his eyes for any sign of intelligence, did a mental evaluation of what I saw, and decided that he most likely had an IQ of about 1/3 of mine.  So very … very … slowly … I … explained … AGAIN … that … the … car … lurches … when … it … idles.  Our conversation proceeded like this … very slowly … for awhile.  And then I had to wait awhile longer so they could fix the car. 

When a different worker guy finally showed up to tell me the car was ready I was so relieved.  What was supposed to be a 15-20 minute stop had taken up way too much of my day.  I walked out to my car … and again, felt a hundred bunch of guys watching my every move.  I knew I needed a shower – soon!  I walked to my car, got in, belted the seat belt and drove away.  A few minutes later I stopped for a red light … and wouldn’t you know …the … car … is …still … lurching …when …it …idles.         

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