Bathing Suit Shopping

It is one of the worst things most women face in their lives.  For the last several years I’ve managed to avoid dealing with it, but I can’t put it off any longer.  Living in Southern California, having the neighborhood’s favorite pool in our backyard, and with our first real vacation in years looming on the horizon … there is no more procrastinating.  I have officially begun bathing suit shopping.

This Victoria Secret ad is what I envision looking like this year:

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Really, we have so much in common.  We are both blondes, we both have big boobs (but mine are real!) and long legs …! 

I don’t know why PR just read this over my shoulder and burst out laughing and said, "Good luck with that Mom".  Really I don’t. 

For some reason when I go try on bathing suits this is more what I actually feel like:

Fatgirlsinbikinis1

When I stand in a 3-way mirror in a bathing suit, all I see are the flaws.  Trust me, after 3 kids and 40-plus years … I have a few flaws!  (And kudos to the women in the above picture for having the self confidence to pose for that picture!)  I would bet that the majority of American women feel like the women in this photo when trying on bathing suits … regardless of how they really look.

I was hoping for some type of bathing suit TENT this year.  One that is also one of those suck-it-up and tuck-it-up suits all rolled into one.  Ideally a body suit/tent combination that looks like a bikini in a size 2, lifts in all the right places, flattens in all the other places, with automatic tanning – that would be perfect.  I even got online and tried all sorts of searches, but so far with no luck. 

Like most women my body is not one-size-fits-all when it comes to bathing suits.  I am "top heavy".  Yes, you might think the solution is to just buy separates … but I want a one-piece not a bikini.  I have given up on my bikini years.  This poses nothing but problems … if the suit fits in the boobs, it bags in the waist.  If it fits in the waist, I look like I only have pasties covering my boobs.  I just started looking at suits two days ago and I am already about ready to give up.  Maybe I’ll just wear some board shorts and a tank top.  Do you think that would make me look like I am impersonating a mid-life surfer chick?  Are you allowed to wear board shorts if you have wrinkles?

      

15 Responses to “Bathing Suit Shopping”

  1. jo

    This 144 lb (previously a 123 lb. distance runner prior to perimenopause thank you very much) body who is afraid for her husband to see her naked goes for the board shorts idea big time! Start a new fashion trend, I say. Do you know how many consecutive weeks in a row I’ve started Weight Watchers over again? Ugh? One solution to your problem…move to the Mid-Ohio Valley where you would be considered sickly and underweight compared to the average gal…when people refer to me as “thin” I just laugh and show them my saddlebags. Guess I’ll always be a California girl.

  2. jo

    This 144 lb (previously a 123 lb. distance runner prior to perimenopause thank you very much) body who is afraid for her husband to see her naked goes for the board shorts idea big time! Start a new fashion trend, I say. Do you know how many consecutive weeks in a row I’ve started Weight Watchers over again? Ugh? One solution to your problem…move to the Mid-Ohio Valley where you would be considered sickly and underweight compared to the average gal…when people refer to me as “thin” I just laugh and show them my saddlebags. Guess I’ll always be a California girl.

  3. jo

    This 144 lb (previously a 123 lb. distance runner prior to perimenopause thank you very much) body who is afraid for her husband to see her naked goes for the board shorts idea big time! Start a new fashion trend, I say. Do you know how many consecutive weeks in a row I’ve started Weight Watchers over again? Ugh? One solution to your problem…move to the Mid-Ohio Valley where you would be considered sickly and underweight compared to the average gal…when people refer to me as “thin” I just laugh and show them my saddlebags. Guess I’ll always be a California girl.

  4. Keli

    Oh, so true honey! It’s the worst part of spring/summer, but it’s inevitable! I think the best trick is to know what works for your body, not what’s in season or trend. And be realistic about it, as hard as that may be.

  5. Keli

    Oh, so true honey! It’s the worst part of spring/summer, but it’s inevitable! I think the best trick is to know what works for your body, not what’s in season or trend. And be realistic about it, as hard as that may be.

  6. Keli

    Oh, so true honey! It’s the worst part of spring/summer, but it’s inevitable! I think the best trick is to know what works for your body, not what’s in season or trend. And be realistic about it, as hard as that may be.

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