It is one of the worst things most women face in their lives. For the last several years I’ve managed to avoid dealing with it, but I can’t put it off any longer. Living in Southern California, having the neighborhood’s favorite pool in our backyard, and with our first real vacation in years looming on the horizon … there is no more procrastinating. I have officially begun bathing suit shopping.
This Victoria Secret ad is what I envision looking like this year:
Really, we have so much in common. We are both blondes, we both have big boobs (but mine are real!) and long legs …!
I don’t know why PR just read this over my shoulder and burst out laughing and said, "Good luck with that Mom". Really I don’t.
For some reason when I go try on bathing suits this is more what I actually feel like:
When I stand in a 3-way mirror in a bathing suit, all I see are the flaws. Trust me, after 3 kids and 40-plus years … I have a few flaws! (And kudos to the women in the above picture for having the self confidence to pose for that picture!) I would bet that the majority of American women feel like the women in this photo when trying on bathing suits … regardless of how they really look.
I was hoping for some type of bathing suit TENT this year. One that is also one of those suck-it-up and tuck-it-up suits all rolled into one. Ideally a body suit/tent combination that looks like a bikini in a size 2, lifts in all the right places, flattens in all the other places, with automatic tanning – that would be perfect. I even got online and tried all sorts of searches, but so far with no luck.
Like most women my body is not one-size-fits-all when it comes to bathing suits. I am "top heavy". Yes, you might think the solution is to just buy separates … but I want a one-piece not a bikini. I have given up on my bikini years. This poses nothing but problems … if the suit fits in the boobs, it bags in the waist. If it fits in the waist, I look like I only have pasties covering my boobs. I just started looking at suits two days ago and I am already about ready to give up. Maybe I’ll just wear some board shorts and a tank top. Do you think that would make me look like I am impersonating a mid-life surfer chick? Are you allowed to wear board shorts if you have wrinkles?