My life is over.
Well, my life as I’ve known it is over. No one prepared me for this. No one told me to expect it, or how to handle it … or what to do if the inevitable happened. Yes, I found my first gray hair today. And no, it’s not on my head.
OK – hold on. Stop laughing … there
is was ONE gray hair buried somewhere in my left eyebrow. It is my very first gray hair … anywhere. It actually may have made an appearance a couple months ago. There was a suspicious eyebrow hair (?) about two months ago that looked like it was kind of a … funny shade of blonde. I immersed myself in immediate denial and plucked the damn thing right out. And forgot about it. Also, come to think of it – an eyebrow is on your head, so technically my first gray hair IS on my head after all.
Now … it’s back. And harder to deny the second time around. Well, it WAS back – but somehow it got plucked right out again. Now I am trying to figure out what to do next. I am also trying to figure out what the proper grammar is to explain this? "A hair within my eyebrow?", "One of my eyebrows?", "The autonomous brow hair?" … really, it is much more difficult to write about than I could ever have imagined.
So this is the deal. I look more like my mom’s side of the family. Blonde hair and brown eyes – weird combination I know. (My dad has black hair and blue eyes – my whole family is ass backward!) ANYWAY – the point being that the only physical characteristic that I got from my dad’s side of the family is my Aunt J’s size D boobs. (Yes, size D in 6th grade. That was me and it was embarrassing and humiliating and it will someday be a whole different post.) The rest of me seems to come from my mom’s side of the family. THEY are all blondes. And none of them ever went gray. No, instead at a very, very, early age (18-25) they all had their hair turn a beautiful soft snow white. I always thought I would do the same. All these years have gone by and I keep waiting for the beautiful snow white hair to arrive. Because it should have arrived in my 20’s. It never did. And now this ….
Maybe somehow, somewhere along the line I missed the girly lesson on what I am supposed to do now? I don’t know what happens next? Do I keep plucking the damn thing out? What happens if/when (gasp!) another one appears? What if it appears … somewhere else? I have seen the ladies in the salon with dye smeared all over their eyebrows, but do you do that for just one measly hair? And if/when the time ever comes do you … you know … dye OTHER parts of your body too? Or do you just go get all body hair completely lasered off and then tattoo back on pretend hair wherever you want it, in whatever shade you want?