The June edition of In Style Magazine tells us "What’s Sexy Now" beginning on page 200. I thought I’d save you the price of the magazine and the time reading the article by summarizing it here for you. I know I have a very sexy group of readers, and I myself am so sexy that we surely don’t need the tips. But just so we stay on the cutting edge, here they are:
Tip Number One: Embellished Flats
The article says we don’t need to wear stilettos to look hot. What a relief! Here are my favorite flats:
Please note the frayed edge at the top of the sneaker. The fraying is the embellishment. Old, old sneakers. But comfy, so who needs any other type of embellished flats? These will do me just fine.
Tip Number Two: Colorful Minidress
I don’t even own a dress, let alone a colorful minidress. Oh wait – that’s not true. I have a few sun dresses and I have some beach cover-ups that might qualify as minidresses. Living in Southern California means a t-shirt thrown over a bathing suit is pretty much a minidress. I am in my forties; the legs aren’t quite what they used to be so I just might skip the minidress. I do wear these a lot though:
I know, how embarrassing! I do own more fashionable jeans. I even wear them. But at least once or twice a week I throw on these Gap jeans that I’ve owned for maybe a decade. I don’t know what it is about them, but perhaps it is the fact that they go so well with my embellished flats.
Tip Number Three: Nude Lips
In Southern California you don’t see a lot of lipstick outside of the Hollywood scene. We are trend setters with the Nude Lips. I think because it is so hot here that non-Nude lips would melt off in a hurry. So I can proudly say that I am a trend setter with the Nude Lip thing … I don’t even own a lipstick. Chapstick, yes – lipstick, no.
Tip Number Four: Statement Necklace
They are talking big chunky necklaces ladies! Sometimes several at once. I like to think that by just being in a room I make a statement. I don’t need a necklace to do it for me so I am usually found wearing this almost invisible non-statement necklace:
It is made by Dogeared and they call it their Large Karma Necklace. I think it is supposed to be a reminder around your neck that what comes around goes around. It is made with the intention to help you go out into real life and be a good person. In my case, I wear it to help me keep my mouth shut. When I want to tell some asshole off, instead I touch my necklace and think "Hey buddy – you’re going to get yours someday!" Very effective! (And when it’s not I flip ’em off and feel better anyway.)
Tip Number Five: Short Red Nails
Hmmmmm … here are mine:
I just had a manicure yesterday so they are looking all nice and … not short, and not red. Guess I wasted my money.
Tip Number Six: Satin Shirtdress
I just know we all have one of those in our closet to lounge around in. Readers, when was the last time you greeted your significant other in a Satin Shirtdress? Do you even know what one is? Briefcase would just be happy if he came home and I was "lounging". You know, instead of being glued to my blog or racing kids from here to there. Meanwhile, I am most likely to borrow one of his (non-satin) shirts if I need one (and it just might double as a minidress).
Tip Number Seven: Untamed Hair
That’s right everybody, we are returning to the 80’s. See these?
Throw them away. Untamed, that’s right – we are going for pure chaos.
Tip Number Eight: Oversize Hoop Earrings
I have these! I wear these! With my decade old jeans and embellished flats and nude lips! I am so cutting edge!
Tip Number Nine: Winged Eyeliner
Here’s the eyeliner:
If you choose to paint little wings coming off of your eyes so be it. I will try not to laugh. I believe the last time winged eyeliner was popular was back in the Star Trek heydays. I was barely alive at the time, but I’ve seen pictures! And lastly …
Tip Number Ten: Lightweight Scarf
Hello – this is Southern California. We don’t do lightweight scarves. Sure, on our two or three cold days each year … when the weather hits the 60’s you will see us with our warm, heavy-weight scarves on. As if we are fighting the elements in Chicago or someplace like that – someplace that knows what cold is. You won’t, however, see us tooling around town in 85 degree weather with our "lightweight scarf" on. Ever.
Well, that’s all the tips they had for making us sexy NOW.
And … you guessed it, all this talk about what IS sexy has me singing Justin Timberlake over and over. I won’t be able to get Sexyback out of my head for hours.