What's Sexy Now?

The June edition of In Style Magazine tells us "What’s Sexy Now" beginning on page 200.  I thought I’d save you the price of the magazine and the time reading the article by summarizing it here for you.  I know I have a very sexy group of readers, and I myself am so sexy that we surely don’t need the tips.  But just so we stay on the cutting edge, here they are:

Tip Number One:  Embellished Flats

The article says we don’t need to wear stilettos to look hot.  What a relief!  Here are my favorite flats:

Sneaker

Please note the frayed edge at the top of the sneaker.  The fraying is the embellishment.  Old, old sneakers.  But comfy, so who needs any other type of embellished flats?  These will do me just fine.

Tip Number Two:  Colorful Minidress

I don’t even own a dress, let alone a colorful minidress.  Oh wait – that’s not true.  I have a few sun dresses and I have some beach cover-ups that might qualify as minidresses.  Living in Southern California means a t-shirt thrown over a bathing suit is pretty much a minidress.  I am in my forties; the legs aren’t quite what they used to be so I just might skip the minidress.  I do wear these a lot though:

Jeans

I know, how embarrassing!  I do own more fashionable jeans.  I even wear them.  But at least once or twice a week I throw on these Gap jeans that I’ve owned for maybe a decade.  I don’t know what it is about them, but perhaps it is the fact that they go so well with my embellished flats.

Tip Number Three:  Nude Lips

In Southern California you don’t see a lot of lipstick outside of the Hollywood scene.  We are trend setters with the Nude Lips.  I think because it is so hot here that non-Nude lips would melt off in a hurry.  So I can proudly say that I am a trend setter with the Nude Lip thing … I don’t even own a lipstick.  Chapstick, yes – lipstick, no.

Tip Number Four:  Statement Necklace

They are talking big chunky necklaces ladies!  Sometimes several at once.  I like to think that by just being in a room I make a statement.  I don’t need a necklace to do it for me so I am usually found wearing this almost invisible non-statement necklace:

Necklace2

It is made by Dogeared and they call it their Large Karma Necklace.  I think it is supposed to be a reminder around your neck that what comes around goes around.  It is made with the intention to help you go out into real life and be a good person.  In my case, I wear it to help me keep my mouth shut.  When I want to tell some asshole off, instead I touch my necklace and think "Hey buddy – you’re going to get yours someday!"  Very effective!  (And when it’s not I flip ’em off and feel better anyway.)

Tip Number Five:  Short Red Nails

Hmmmmm … here are mine:

Nails

I just had a manicure yesterday so they are looking all nice and … not short, and not red.  Guess I wasted my money.

Tip Number Six:  Satin Shirtdress

I just know we all have one of those in our closet to lounge around in.  Readers, when was the last time you greeted your significant other in a Satin Shirtdress?  Do you even know what one is?  Briefcase would just be happy if he came home and I was "lounging".  You know, instead of being glued to my blog or racing kids from here to there.  Meanwhile, I am most likely to borrow one of his (non-satin) shirts if I need one (and it just might double as a minidress).

Shirt

Tip Number Seven:  Untamed Hair

That’s right everybody, we are returning to the 80’s.  See these?

Hair

Throw them away.  Untamed, that’s right – we are going for pure chaos.

Tip Number Eight:  Oversize Hoop Earrings

Hoops

I have these!  I wear these!  With my decade old jeans and embellished flats and nude lips!  I am so cutting edge!

Tip Number Nine:  Winged Eyeliner

Here’s the eyeliner:

Eyeliner

If you choose to paint little wings coming off of your eyes so be it.  I will try not to laugh.  I believe the last time winged eyeliner was popular was back in the Star Trek heydays.  I was barely alive at the time, but I’ve seen pictures!  And lastly …

Tip Number Ten:  Lightweight Scarf

Hello – this is Southern California.  We don’t do lightweight scarves.  Sure, on our two or three cold days each year … when the weather hits the 60’s you will see us with our warm, heavy-weight scarves on.  As if we are fighting the elements in Chicago or someplace like that – someplace that knows what cold is.  You won’t, however, see us tooling around town in 85 degree weather with our "lightweight scarf" on.  Ever.

Well, that’s all the tips they had for making us sexy NOW. 

And … you guessed it, all this talk about what IS sexy has me singing Justin Timberlake over and over.  I won’t be able to get Sexyback out of my head for hours. 

3 Responses to “What's Sexy Now?”

  1. DeeDee

    Very funny post, Love it! Um, I wish my old shoes looked that nice! I would have sworn they were brand new!!
    Gap jeans = most comfortable jeans EVAH!!
    Unruly hair…check. For me it’s called naturally curly.
    In case you didn’t know, I found your blog through DadGoneMad. I’ve posted a complete list of everyone who left their blog link on his Big Big Stars post a while back in a post of my own in April called Blog Rolling With My Homies over on my blog, so if you want to see it come on over and sit a spell. I don’t bite..…that hard anyway!
    If you did know just overlook this and pretend I said something funny since my brain feels like mush from trying to comment on all 217 on the list because somebody had the bright idea to challenge me to it!!

  2. jo

    Hello. I am the author and world- renowned expert on the unfashion statement.
    I own a variety of embellished flats…New Balance Trail runners, old New Balance (lawn mowing) running shoes, older New Balance court shoes and of course, my beloved Montrail (the world’s most expensive) flip-flops.
    I own a lovely minidress known as size XL t-shirt.
    I’m totally hip with the nude lips thing..generic chapstick!
    Satin shirtdress?
    I hate satin,sorry on that one. I do actually own a satin night shirt which makes me feel cold all night and I prefer the LL Bean cotton night shirt.
    Nails…how about black paint and dirt undernails from planting vegetable garden and painting light post out front? Sexy, oh ya!
    Necklace? Do earrings count?
    I’m totally in with the hair and I have been cultivating this look all my life…because I just knew it would come into vogue….take shower, comb hair, go to work.
    Hoop earrings….my DOB 110860…I actually own a pair but still have a phobia of an infant putting their death grip on it and pulling my earlobe off.
    The eyeliner wing-thing is hysterical….I saw this on someone the other day (yep,even here in Ohio) and couldn’t stop staring…what’s with that and what does it mean? Putting a sharp pencil on or about my eyelids has always seemed strange anyway.

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