Mr. Dunlop – We Need to Talk!

I was at a salon last week.  That sounds so Orange County, doesn’t it?  As if, all we do here is hang out at spas and salons.  The truth is, I needed to get my straw hair fixed.  All these women who want to be blonde?  They don’t realize what happens to blonde hair in the summer.  Swimming in the ocean and in our pool (which is a salt water pool) turns my blonde hair white and the consistency of straw.  It’s one sexy look if you like Bimbette Blonde.  Personally, I’m not a big fan so I was having low-lights put in to take out the Bimbo-ness of my current look.


In any case, those low-lights (darker streaks for my male readers) take awhile to soak in.  I, of course, started flipping through magazines because there’s not a whole lot else to do while you’re sitting there with foil pieces sticking out all over your head.  The August edition of Oprah Magazine has a column titled “Adam Says”.  It is some type of advice column.  A woman wrote in with the following question, “I’m 48, divorced, and re-entering the dating scene – what should I wear?”  


Don’t you wonder what this woman was really thinking?  Did she believe a total stranger, who has never met her, doesn’t know where she lives, what she looks like, or the lifestyle she (or her community) has, will have a good idea of what she should wear on a date?


Do you know what Adam, the advice columnist, told her?  He told her, “You don’t want to look like a housewife of Orange County.”  That’s right, that was Adam’s advice to jump start her love life. 


This magazine is read throughout the entire world.  Oprah is big; Oprah is huge.  Everything Oprah says is believed by everyone in the entire world.  And Oprah’s magazine says, you don’t want to look like one of those hos ladies from Orange County.  OK, that about does it for me.  I’d like to talk to Scott Dunlop, please.  Preferably now.


Mr. Dunlop (may I call you Scott?) is the producer of The Real Housewives of Orange County and I think it is about time he and I have a chat.  He’s the one who gave all of us Orange County hos our reputation.  He lives in Money Town; a conversation should be no problem.  Mr. Dunlop and I?  We’re neighbors!  I think we even have some mutual friends.  Does anyone know if he has a sense of humor?  Would the man consent to an interview by a non-Money Town resident?  Or do you think not living in Money Town puts me beneath him?  (So to speak ….) 


I know I have a lot of Orange County readers.  If any of you know Scott (I think he likes it better when I call him by his first name), why don’t you see what he thinks about being interviewed for Twenty Four At Heart?  


Adam, the advice columnist, went on to let everyone know what to expect an Orange County “housewife” to wear.  His list included, “Anything that looks too easy to remove.”  Yes, here in the OC we all wear clothes tailor made for immediate removal.  If Briefcase ever came home and my clothes didn’t just fall to the floor upon his arrival he’d be very dismayed.  Apparently, we wear easily removable clothes everywhere we go because Orange County women need sex, everywhere, with everyone, and all the time.  We have lovers by the dozens.


The list goes on.  Besides clothes that are easy to remove, Adam says other clothes “real housewives of Orange County” wear are, “ultrashort, sheer, tight, or plunging, or bare.”  How do you wear “bare” clothes?  In addition, Orange County hos wear heavy makeup … and killer stilettos … and garish colors.


When I go out shopping?  I search first for garish colors.  If I can’t find “bare” clothes, then of course I go for minimal coverage that is easily removable.  And my stilettos?  The killer ones?  I wear them to drive the kids to school, to the beach, when I clean the house, and walk the dogs.  I wouldn’t be caught dead without my garish colored, killer, stilettos.


My makeup?  It’s not heavy.  Heavy means really a lot of makeup.  Ironically, despite what Adam says I rarely wear more than mascara.  I know women exist in Orange County who wear a lot of makeup, but I would guess that most Orange County women wear less makeup than women in other parts of the country.  It’s too warm here.  Who wants it melting off your face?  Most of us are into a more natural look.  (Well, natural as far as makeup, I admit there are not a lot of natural boobs in Orange County!) 


I hate to dispel any Orange County myths, but that’s reality as I see it.  I’d really like to chat with Mr. Dunlop Scott and see what he thinks about all the commotion he’s caused.  Jeez … that man has given all of us OC women reputations to live up to. 


 

24 Responses to “Mr. Dunlop – We Need to Talk!”

  1. EricaB

    Sounds like Adam has some ‘splianin’ to do!
    And, Scott, yes he has created this. But I am not sure he would make as much money if he featured a bunch of women like myself – real women who work too hard, look too real and really put their kids first…hmmmmmm.

  2. EricaB

    Sounds like Adam has some ‘splianin’ to do!
    And, Scott, yes he has created this. But I am not sure he would make as much money if he featured a bunch of women like myself – real women who work too hard, look too real and really put their kids first…hmmmmmm.

  3. EricaB

    Sounds like Adam has some ‘splianin’ to do!
    And, Scott, yes he has created this. But I am not sure he would make as much money if he featured a bunch of women like myself – real women who work too hard, look too real and really put their kids first…hmmmmmm.

  4. Kelly

    Wow – do ya think he’d give you an interview?

  5. Kelly

    Wow – do ya think he’d give you an interview?

  6. Kelly

    Wow – do ya think he’d give you an interview?

  7. MJ

    Sucks to be stereotyped. On “reality tv,” all blondes are idiots, all cops are a-holes, OC moms are materialistic hos, and romance is like a friggin’ Disney movie.
    WTH? The reality is that I’m a blonde working on my Master’s, I love a cop who is the nicest man in the world, most moms are not like the ones on tv, and romance is more like a bad porn flick than a Disney movie.
    If I ever see Scott or Adam, I’ll tell them where to go…

  8. MJ

    Sucks to be stereotyped. On “reality tv,” all blondes are idiots, all cops are a-holes, OC moms are materialistic hos, and romance is like a friggin’ Disney movie.
    WTH? The reality is that I’m a blonde working on my Master’s, I love a cop who is the nicest man in the world, most moms are not like the ones on tv, and romance is more like a bad porn flick than a Disney movie.
    If I ever see Scott or Adam, I’ll tell them where to go…

  9. MJ

    Sucks to be stereotyped. On “reality tv,” all blondes are idiots, all cops are a-holes, OC moms are materialistic hos, and romance is like a friggin’ Disney movie.
    WTH? The reality is that I’m a blonde working on my Master’s, I love a cop who is the nicest man in the world, most moms are not like the ones on tv, and romance is more like a bad porn flick than a Disney movie.
    If I ever see Scott or Adam, I’ll tell them where to go…

  10. alntv

    Hmmmm…I’m gonna have to watch that Orange County show…because I have no idea what you are talking about. I thought ALL women in California had all the above mentioned facets. LOL But whatever…if Scott does talk to you, I think it will make for an interesting blog! Especially the part where you bite him on his shin as he is trying to get away!

  11. alntv

    Hmmmm…I’m gonna have to watch that Orange County show…because I have no idea what you are talking about. I thought ALL women in California had all the above mentioned facets. LOL But whatever…if Scott does talk to you, I think it will make for an interesting blog! Especially the part where you bite him on his shin as he is trying to get away!

  12. alntv

    Hmmmm…I’m gonna have to watch that Orange County show…because I have no idea what you are talking about. I thought ALL women in California had all the above mentioned facets. LOL But whatever…if Scott does talk to you, I think it will make for an interesting blog! Especially the part where you bite him on his shin as he is trying to get away!

  13. Mrs. G.

    I haven’t watched the show, but I saw the Orange County women on Sheer Genius and they were hyperventilating about other people messing with their hair. My take: rode hard and put away wet. But to be fair, I love clogs.

  14. Mrs. G.

    I haven’t watched the show, but I saw the Orange County women on Sheer Genius and they were hyperventilating about other people messing with their hair. My take: rode hard and put away wet. But to be fair, I love clogs.

  15. Mrs. G.

    I haven’t watched the show, but I saw the Orange County women on Sheer Genius and they were hyperventilating about other people messing with their hair. My take: rode hard and put away wet. But to be fair, I love clogs.

  16. Sue Doe-Nim

    I don’t know why you’re so uptight. People used to think that LA girls are shallow but I’m pretty sure I set them straight. I explained to them that we aren’t shallow, we’re just PRETTIER than they are.

  17. Sue Doe-Nim

    I don’t know why you’re so uptight. People used to think that LA girls are shallow but I’m pretty sure I set them straight. I explained to them that we aren’t shallow, we’re just PRETTIER than they are.

  18. Sue Doe-Nim

    I don’t know why you’re so uptight. People used to think that LA girls are shallow but I’m pretty sure I set them straight. I explained to them that we aren’t shallow, we’re just PRETTIER than they are.

  19. Duchess

    Hmm. Sounds like Adam thinks you Orange County housewives have roots in Norwich, England. (K)nickers off ready when I come home.

  20. Duchess

    Hmm. Sounds like Adam thinks you Orange County housewives have roots in Norwich, England. (K)nickers off ready when I come home.

  21. Duchess

    Hmm. Sounds like Adam thinks you Orange County housewives have roots in Norwich, England. (K)nickers off ready when I come home.

  22. Tricia

    Is it completely acceptable to have lovers by the dozen? How do you keep up with all of them? I may have to reconsider where I live because it sounds like your neighborhood is a lot more fun.

  23. Tricia

    Is it completely acceptable to have lovers by the dozen? How do you keep up with all of them? I may have to reconsider where I live because it sounds like your neighborhood is a lot more fun.

  24. Tricia

    Is it completely acceptable to have lovers by the dozen? How do you keep up with all of them? I may have to reconsider where I live because it sounds like your neighborhood is a lot more fun.

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