This is the second time this week that I find myself publishing a post different from the one I had planned. Perhaps I should stop planning.
First of all, there are no words to express my gratitude to my readers for the love and support I felt yesterday. I admit I was concerned about publishing yesterday’s post. Most of you come here for a nice, quick, light read and a smile. I enjoy providing it. I thought long and hard about writing a “downer” post. I wondered if anyone would read it and if they did, if they would ever return to read again.
You’ve touched my soul.
Yesterday Twenty Four At Heart had the highest readership since I began the blog mid-April. My readership numbers sky rocketed. I don’t know where everyone came from, and I don’t know how they all knew to come. Despite the fact that Briefcase is away traveling, I was not alone yesterday on my “anniversary”. There were more people supporting me than I ever could have imagined. For that, I thank you. For the individual emails and comments, I also thank you.
I admit, I am having a tough week emotionally. It was not easy to write yesterday’s post. Between all the head trips which accompany a difficult anniversary, and the news from my doctor on Monday, I am out of sorts this week. The enormity of the emotions I have been going through has been surprising even to me. I knew I would be emotional this week, I did not realize how intensely.
Yesterday, as usual, I went to physical therapy. The Torturer instantly sensed my mood, the tears threatening to surface, and perhaps, for the first time, the signs that I am giving up. I couldn’t pretend yesterday; I didn’t have it in me to hide anything. I saw The Torturer watching me, taking it all in, appraising me.
I waited for the lecture. I expected him to move into his role as a hard-ass, giving me a kick in the butt to get back in gear. Instead he was quiet, gentle, and patient. He acknowledged the date, let me leave earlier than usual, and talked to me for awhile before I left. He didn’t lecture me, but his words were spoken with intense conviction. He willed me to not give up, to stay positive, to put the doctor’s prognosis aside and stay focused on moving forward.
After I left, I thought about all the hours he has also invested in my recovery. How, it can’t be easy, I suppose, to work with a patient daily for two years and then have a doctor dismiss hopes for further recovery. I often feel so alone going through this process, but I realize now that other people in my life have a lot of time and hope invested in me too. Sometimes it’s hard to see that.
I promise that tomorrow we will end the week on a lighter note. In the meantime, I thank you for your support. I thank you for your patience with me this week. I am grateful for each and every one of you for being a part of this wonderful group of readers!
A special thank you to two of my favorite bloggers for taking the time to calm my “publishing a downer post” insecurities this week. I value both of your opinions and support immensely! Thank you Jason and Danny!