I'm writing this post quickly as I wait for a man to land in my lap. So to speak, of course. If a real man landed in my lap right now, well … now that would be interesting. What would I do with him? I mean, I can think of lots of things to do with him, but I'm married and I've managed to stick with my vows all these years. (It hasn't always been easy. Remind me to tell you about the hottie I met a few years ago. Sigh!) Anyway, I'd hate to ruin the ol' wedding vows with some guy who just fell from the sky and landed in my lap.
Right about now you're probably thinking, "What the hell?"
You're maybe even wondering if I popped one of those extra strong pain pills before sitting down to write. No, I just need a man and I need a man now. (I'm going to consider starting a career writing soft porn, what do you think?)
Remember I bought a table from my friend Nike? I mentioned I "walked out of the store" with a table? Well, I didn't literally walk out of the store with a table. I've got one working arm folks, you all know that by now.
No, I got a substantial discount on that table because it had an eensy, weensy, little scratch on it that I could barely see. A tiny scratch on an already "distressed" table. The store has someone who can repair minor stuff like that, but I needed to leave it there for a couple days. I walked out of the store owning that table, but not possessing it. Now they want me to come pick it up. Now. As in, today, right now, the store closes in less than two hours come get your table.
Briefcase is off interviewing someone today. He said something about working to pay for the table. Blah, blah, blah to him. RC is not a man, but the high school girls seem to think he's "the man." Unfortunately, he's not home yet either. Yes, I've told you I have male friends, but hellooooooo out there. Where are they? Working (or avoiding lifting tables), something like that. There are no men to be found anywhere.
There is a lawyer a few houses down who never really works. (Shocking, isn't it?) I think he has a bad back though. Or that's what he told me last time I tried to hunt him down see if he could help with something. RC has some big monster friends in the neighborhood too, but none of them are around right now either. I keep waiting, but no men are appearing out of thin air. (I used to sit around waiting for that to happen back in my single days too. No luck, even then.)
So now I've wasted all this time blogging, no men have fallen in my lap, and it's even closer to the closing time of the store. I hate to be so girly, but damn! I think I'm going to head down to the store, stand out in the parking lot and look for a couple good looking strong men to load the table into the back of my SUV. Men love that shit anyway. Bat the eyelashes a little, flatter them about how strong they are … it probably won't be tough. As long as I don't bring them home with me, Briefcase won't mind. After all, it gets him out of having to lift the table. At least until I ask him to get it out of my car later this evening.
As an add-on to this post: 1) Two very hot strong men did indeed load that table for me and it now sits in my house. Yay for me! On an unrelated note, and speaking of soft porn, several of you asked me for the name of some good, smutty, romance novels. I inquired with my friend, Sue from PT (remember the invisible lady?) because she reads romance novels constantly. She recommended Prince of Ice by Emma Holly. I have not (yet) read it myself, but I imagine she knows steamy smut when she reads it. Enjoy, and plan on having a man (or toy) nearby if you read it!