Kind of Like a Spit Ball

I had an exhausting weekend.  I woke up in the pre-dawn hours on Saturday to head up the coast towards TR's new place.  She's in her first apartment this year.  It isn't really an apartment at all, but a large house divided into a duplex.  Seven girls are renting out the downstairs.  (Seven very pretty girls in one house!)  She moved in last week, but we were following with a load of her over sized belongings in my SUV.  She was overjoyed to see us.  We The checkbook had arrived.

First we took her out to eat.  Then we spent the rest of the day helping her get set up in her new place.  We unpacked stuff.  We set up shelves and drawers for organizing her belongings.  We ran to a local mattress store and purchased her a mattress.  We bought a desk.  We spent a couple hundred dollars on an initial grocery run.  Towards evening things started coming together.  We were broke, but the place looked livable.  Right about then a bunch of hot guys showed up.  Boys that age have girl-radar.  Briefcase and I were hugged good-bye in seconds flat and sent on our way. 

Sigh … it's hard being a parent sometimes.

It was a long drive home.  Longer still due to a few bad accidents.  We had decided against staying overnight because PR needed to be at a baseball game fairly early on Sunday.  Both of our boys had stayed home and not participated in the marathon driving escapade.  We arrived home late.  I poured myself a glass of wine to unwind from a zillion hours of driving in one day.  Not long after, I fell asleep.

I tell you all this so you understand why I had no idea on that same day PR had come down with a nasty, disgusting, head cold/sinus infection.  He was asleep when I left and asleep when I came home.  I talked to him briefly on the phone, but he sounded fine.  On Sunday we woke up and started packing to leave for his baseball game.  He looked horrible.  Puffy eyes, a red nose, a sore throat and nonstop snot flowing from his nose.  Gross.

I handed him a cold capsule and told him he should stay home and not play.  I told Briefcase to call the coach and let him know PR was sick.  Briefcase raised one eyebrow at me and said nothing.  PR said, "I'm playing."  That was the sum total of my input in the matter.  Briefcase and PR left together in one car.  PR needed to arrive an hour early for warm-ups.  I followed later, arriving just as the game was set to begin.

Imagine my dismay to arrive and find out PR was scheduled to be the starting pitcher.  For those of you who don't follow baseball, pitchers have a lot of pressure.  All eyes focus on pitchers.  It is painfully obvious when a pitcher has an off day.  They throw pitch the ball and  hit kids batters and hurt them.  Parents People notice.  No one appreciates it.  At all.

I asked Briefcase if he had warned the coach PR was sick.  Briefcase informed me that "at least half the team" was sick with the same thing.  In fact, the coach thought it was likely PR had caught it from one of the other players earlier that week at practice.  I looked out at the mound and PR was blowing his nose, stuffing the tissue into the back pocket of his baseball pants, and then throwing a warm-up pitch to his catcher.

Let's talk about germs here.  Blow snot on tissue, wipe nose with hand for good measure, touch ball and throw it to catcher.  Catcher handles ball and then decides to "throw around the horn" where they pass it from one player to another until everyone has had a chance to get PR's snot on their hands.  Lovely, isn't it?!

I held my breath as PR pitched his first inning.  He did pretty well considering how sick he was.  He didn't give up any runs.  Yay PR.  He definitely got kids on both teams contaminated with snot germs.  During his second inning he struggled a little.  It wasn't a disaster, but I think he gave up a run. 

The cold capsule seemed to have warn off and the floodgates of his nose had opened.  The same raggedy tissue (now soaked with snot) kept coming out of that dirty back pocket for a quick swipe at the nose between batters.  Sometimes there wasn't time for a tissue swipe between pitches and his hand had to do.  I wanted to gag.  I did.  Maybe several times.

Every time I watched another kid handle the ball I could clearly picture their filthy hands covered with billions of PR's snot germs.  When PR came out to pitch a third inning I glanced questioningly at Briefcase. 

"They're all sick," he said in explanation.

He meant the coach figured none of the pitchers felt great, so why pull PR out.

By this point, PR's nose was a continual faucet.  I tried to look everywhere, except at him.  Did I mention I was gagging a lot?  PR is pretty good with off-speed pitches.  All of a sudden his pitches were breaking all over the place.  I noticed PR "drying off" the ball on his dirt covered pants leg.  Baseball brick dust and snot mingled together.  (Gag again, and even more so this time!) 

His next pitch was awesome.

A man sitting next to me turned and said, "That was an amazing pitch, what does he call it?"

I averted my eyes and answered, "It's kind of like a spit ball, but different."   

45 Responses to “Kind of Like a Spit Ball”

  1. alntv

    Just imagine what kind of germs the locker room must have! All kinds of germy fun! You are a good mother…putting up with your daughter’s move and son’s hacking. I hope I am as patient and understanding when MY kids are that age…

  2. alntv

    Just imagine what kind of germs the locker room must have! All kinds of germy fun! You are a good mother…putting up with your daughter’s move and son’s hacking. I hope I am as patient and understanding when MY kids are that age…

  3. alntv

    Just imagine what kind of germs the locker room must have! All kinds of germy fun! You are a good mother…putting up with your daughter’s move and son’s hacking. I hope I am as patient and understanding when MY kids are that age…

  4. sometimessophia

    The moving part… been there, done that more than once. As a parent you want to do so-o-o-o-o much to smooth and comfort in transitional times. Watching your kids grow up is great …and painful.
    Loved the snot ball story.

  5. sometimessophia

    The moving part… been there, done that more than once. As a parent you want to do so-o-o-o-o much to smooth and comfort in transitional times. Watching your kids grow up is great …and painful.
    Loved the snot ball story.

  6. sometimessophia

    The moving part… been there, done that more than once. As a parent you want to do so-o-o-o-o much to smooth and comfort in transitional times. Watching your kids grow up is great …and painful.
    Loved the snot ball story.

  7. Donna in VA

    Well, that certainly explains why “they’re all sick”. No way around it really, but it certainly explains it.
    Also I love the difference you see in this story between men and women. So different in how we respond to things. I think I’m believing the whole Mars/Venus thing.

  8. Donna in VA

    Well, that certainly explains why “they’re all sick”. No way around it really, but it certainly explains it.
    Also I love the difference you see in this story between men and women. So different in how we respond to things. I think I’m believing the whole Mars/Venus thing.

  9. Donna in VA

    Well, that certainly explains why “they’re all sick”. No way around it really, but it certainly explains it.
    Also I love the difference you see in this story between men and women. So different in how we respond to things. I think I’m believing the whole Mars/Venus thing.

  10. Missy

    I always loved getting my kids set-up in their apartments. The emotions are so divergent – independence from parents, but still needing the support (emotional and checkbook) to achieve their goals. TR will do great!

  11. Missy

    I always loved getting my kids set-up in their apartments. The emotions are so divergent – independence from parents, but still needing the support (emotional and checkbook) to achieve their goals. TR will do great!

  12. Missy

    I always loved getting my kids set-up in their apartments. The emotions are so divergent – independence from parents, but still needing the support (emotional and checkbook) to achieve their goals. TR will do great!

  13. goodfather

    Ugh, he sounded miserable! Colds are no fun :(. On the other hand, PR’s got a great new pitch to name: Snot Slider? Mucus Mover? Oh wait: The Chiller®. Cause he’s infecting the other team with his cold, ha ha…?

  14. goodfather

    Ugh, he sounded miserable! Colds are no fun :(. On the other hand, PR’s got a great new pitch to name: Snot Slider? Mucus Mover? Oh wait: The Chiller®. Cause he’s infecting the other team with his cold, ha ha…?

  15. goodfather

    Ugh, he sounded miserable! Colds are no fun :(. On the other hand, PR’s got a great new pitch to name: Snot Slider? Mucus Mover? Oh wait: The Chiller®. Cause he’s infecting the other team with his cold, ha ha…?

  16. LeeAnn Wilmot

    oh gawd I will be laughing for a long, long time. spitball but different! ha!(I had 3 pitchers and a shortstop – all girls though)

  17. LeeAnn Wilmot

    oh gawd I will be laughing for a long, long time. spitball but different! ha!(I had 3 pitchers and a shortstop – all girls though)

  18. LeeAnn Wilmot

    oh gawd I will be laughing for a long, long time. spitball but different! ha!(I had 3 pitchers and a shortstop – all girls though)

  19. ballerinatoes

    Oh my, that brings back memories of shopping with my Mom for my first dorm room. I heart those times so much. If you are still updating your blog roll, I would love to be added!

  20. ballerinatoes

    Oh my, that brings back memories of shopping with my Mom for my first dorm room. I heart those times so much. If you are still updating your blog roll, I would love to be added!

  21. ballerinatoes

    Oh my, that brings back memories of shopping with my Mom for my first dorm room. I heart those times so much. If you are still updating your blog roll, I would love to be added!

  22. Helena

    Thank God I don’t take part in any ball games or frequent gyms for that matter where germs also spread fast on the handles of those machines. 🙂

  23. Helena

    Thank God I don’t take part in any ball games or frequent gyms for that matter where germs also spread fast on the handles of those machines. 🙂

  24. Helena

    Thank God I don’t take part in any ball games or frequent gyms for that matter where germs also spread fast on the handles of those machines. 🙂

  25. Jan

    Okay, woman – you’re one of the few people who can simultaneously gross me out and make me laugh out loud. Congratulations.
    I hope PR feels better, the little Typhoid, er, Mary.

  26. Jan

    Okay, woman – you’re one of the few people who can simultaneously gross me out and make me laugh out loud. Congratulations.
    I hope PR feels better, the little Typhoid, er, Mary.

  27. Jan

    Okay, woman – you’re one of the few people who can simultaneously gross me out and make me laugh out loud. Congratulations.
    I hope PR feels better, the little Typhoid, er, Mary.

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