Lady Justice?

Here it is.  Thursday.  A day I've been dreading for quite awhile.  A day I've been wishing had already come and gone.  It has been marked on my calendar, taunting me, for some time now.  It is the first day of school for my two boys.  In past years this has meant a tradition of making them a nice breakfast, snapping a photo or two, and sending them off with both a tear and a smile in my heart.  I always make them home baked cookies to come home to on the first day of school.  They come in, chattering nonstop about teachers and friends, and rambling about needed supplies.  It is our "first day of school" tradition. 

This year is different.  Last night I tossed and turned as sleep eluded me.  My mind reviewed details of the last twenty five months over, and over, and over, again.  My stomach felt nauseous as the memories of another car slamming into mine replayed in my mind with vivid intensity.  My fists clenched at the thought of each of my five surgeries.  The surgical aftermath of intense, teeth clenching, pain was brought back to me in agonizing detail.  The memories are real, distinct, and horrible.

I gave up on sleep, came downstairs and made myself a cup of tea.  I will be leaving early this morning.  Briefcase is gone and it will be up to TR to wake her brothers, make sure they have a bite to eat, and drive them to school on time.  It will also be TR who will pick them up at the end of the day, take PR to baseball practice, and run both boys out for needed school supplies.  My heart aches that I won't be there for them today.  My heart aches that I have not been there for them much of these last two years.  It can't be easy having a mom going through multiple surgeries, drugged up recoveries, and a legal nightmare.

Instead, today, I will sit in a room with judges.

American-idol-7-judges-thumb 

Oops, wrong judges.  And it will be only one judge.  Maybe one like this?

JudgeJudy
 

I will be accompanied by my lawyer.

Lawyers
 

He can be pretty intense.  I guess that's a good thing.  I definitely don't want to be on the other side of a lawsuit with him.  Ever. 

Today does not begin the trial regarding my car accident.  The trial begins in about two weeks.  Today is an attempt to avoid a trial through mediation.  The lawyers each argue their case to a judge and they try to come to some type of agreement prior to the actual trial date.  It would be nice if I could tell you on tomorrow's post, "It's over, done, finished!"  I don't expect that to be the case, however.  I hope I can say that, but I don't expect it.  I am expecting the case will go to trial.

Why?

Because nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, has gone the less complicated path in regard to this accident.  Not my injuries, not my surgeries, not my recovery.  I hope for the best, but I have come to expect a struggle.  I have come to expect that I will need to fight like hell for every millimeter of movement I regain with my arm.  I have come to expect that I will have to fight on a daily basis for a sense of normalcy in my post car accident life.  I have become so accustom to obstacles in my path, it is now hard to imagine them not being there. 

I have learned, however, that I am a lot stronger than I ever knew.  I have not had a perfect life.  Like everyone, I've had some major things to get through, even prior to the car accident.  This accident, however, caused me to hit an all time low.  Rock bottom.  I was in so much pain at times that it was an effort to breathe.  But you know what?  I made it through, one excruciating breath at a time.  One failed surgery after another.  One horrible post-surgery recovery after another (and another, and another, and another). 

When I walk into mediation today, I believe the opposing lawyers will be expecting a weak, injured, beaten to the ground woman.  Last time I met with them I was only six weeks post-op from my last surgery.  I was not in very good shape. 

They will probably expect to see that same woman today.  Their expectation will be wrong.  I am not that same person.  I have learned to fight like hell.  I've had to.

Lady Justice, my arm may not work, but I am stronger now than I have ever been.

48 Responses to “Lady Justice?”

  1. Joanne

    mediation for me was just a show, of sorts, to let the “other guy” know that we were not going to take less than their full allowable amount. It was kind of like buying a car. I sat there quietly. After the initial group meeting, they separated us, and the mediator ran up and down the hall with offers, and counter offers. My attorney called their bluff and stopped the mediation saying, “They are wasting my time, this mediation is over!” and I went home. He got the settlement he asked for about a month later.
    I will be thinking of you today. Good luck, but I dont think money can ever replace a lost quality of life, can it?? Hell no. Hugz 2 U girlie

  2. Joanne

    mediation for me was just a show, of sorts, to let the “other guy” know that we were not going to take less than their full allowable amount. It was kind of like buying a car. I sat there quietly. After the initial group meeting, they separated us, and the mediator ran up and down the hall with offers, and counter offers. My attorney called their bluff and stopped the mediation saying, “They are wasting my time, this mediation is over!” and I went home. He got the settlement he asked for about a month later.
    I will be thinking of you today. Good luck, but I dont think money can ever replace a lost quality of life, can it?? Hell no. Hugz 2 U girlie

  3. Joanne

    mediation for me was just a show, of sorts, to let the “other guy” know that we were not going to take less than their full allowable amount. It was kind of like buying a car. I sat there quietly. After the initial group meeting, they separated us, and the mediator ran up and down the hall with offers, and counter offers. My attorney called their bluff and stopped the mediation saying, “They are wasting my time, this mediation is over!” and I went home. He got the settlement he asked for about a month later.
    I will be thinking of you today. Good luck, but I dont think money can ever replace a lost quality of life, can it?? Hell no. Hugz 2 U girlie

  4. Lori

    Wow! I relate on so many levels to how you feel and my heart goes out to you. The loss of life that goes on while you are taken out of the game, can never be taken back. It fricken sucks…it sucks that our children have to suffer because of what we are going through. I totally understand how much it matters to you that your not able to be there for their first day of school. It is just another thing that you miss out on because of one tragic day.
    Your post pretty much sums up how I feel about the last 6 years of my life because of one tragic day that changed every fricken thing in my life. Yes,you have pain and loss of your arm as it once was, but I know that you have lost so much more than that, and for that I am sorry…and for that I hope that it causes you to fight that much harder and not to settle for anything less than what you deserve.
    I will be thinking and praying for you today.

  5. Lori

    Wow! I relate on so many levels to how you feel and my heart goes out to you. The loss of life that goes on while you are taken out of the game, can never be taken back. It fricken sucks…it sucks that our children have to suffer because of what we are going through. I totally understand how much it matters to you that your not able to be there for their first day of school. It is just another thing that you miss out on because of one tragic day.
    Your post pretty much sums up how I feel about the last 6 years of my life because of one tragic day that changed every fricken thing in my life. Yes,you have pain and loss of your arm as it once was, but I know that you have lost so much more than that, and for that I am sorry…and for that I hope that it causes you to fight that much harder and not to settle for anything less than what you deserve.
    I will be thinking and praying for you today.

  6. Lori

    Wow! I relate on so many levels to how you feel and my heart goes out to you. The loss of life that goes on while you are taken out of the game, can never be taken back. It fricken sucks…it sucks that our children have to suffer because of what we are going through. I totally understand how much it matters to you that your not able to be there for their first day of school. It is just another thing that you miss out on because of one tragic day.
    Your post pretty much sums up how I feel about the last 6 years of my life because of one tragic day that changed every fricken thing in my life. Yes,you have pain and loss of your arm as it once was, but I know that you have lost so much more than that, and for that I am sorry…and for that I hope that it causes you to fight that much harder and not to settle for anything less than what you deserve.
    I will be thinking and praying for you today.

  7. Smart Mouth Broad

    You are a strong, incredible woman! I will keep you in my prayers today and in days to come. And while it pains you to not be there for the boys today, I’ll bet TR is honored to step in for you.

  8. Smart Mouth Broad

    You are a strong, incredible woman! I will keep you in my prayers today and in days to come. And while it pains you to not be there for the boys today, I’ll bet TR is honored to step in for you.

  9. Smart Mouth Broad

    You are a strong, incredible woman! I will keep you in my prayers today and in days to come. And while it pains you to not be there for the boys today, I’ll bet TR is honored to step in for you.

  10. Judi

    Just adding my thoughts/prayers to the pile. Give ’em hell!

  11. Judi

    Just adding my thoughts/prayers to the pile. Give ’em hell!

  12. Judi

    Just adding my thoughts/prayers to the pile. Give ’em hell!

  13. jo

    You’ll be exhausted, no doubt, through this process. Take good care of yourself. Personally, if I were you, I’d come home this evening and make those cookies, then I would sit down and eat them ALL!
    xxoo

  14. jo

    You’ll be exhausted, no doubt, through this process. Take good care of yourself. Personally, if I were you, I’d come home this evening and make those cookies, then I would sit down and eat them ALL!
    xxoo

  15. jo

    You’ll be exhausted, no doubt, through this process. Take good care of yourself. Personally, if I were you, I’d come home this evening and make those cookies, then I would sit down and eat them ALL!
    xxoo

  16. Bev

    I pray that today goes well for you. Having been in the legal field for some 30 years, I am still amazed by what people like you have to go through in our legal system. If you have a good attorney by your side (and it sounds like you do) that is half the battle.
    You are in my thoughts! Take care and let us know how it goes.

  17. Bev

    I pray that today goes well for you. Having been in the legal field for some 30 years, I am still amazed by what people like you have to go through in our legal system. If you have a good attorney by your side (and it sounds like you do) that is half the battle.
    You are in my thoughts! Take care and let us know how it goes.

  18. Bev

    I pray that today goes well for you. Having been in the legal field for some 30 years, I am still amazed by what people like you have to go through in our legal system. If you have a good attorney by your side (and it sounds like you do) that is half the battle.
    You are in my thoughts! Take care and let us know how it goes.

  19. lauren

    !!!! how cheesy is it that i pumped my fist in the air after i read your last line?? i am SO rooting for you!!!! i love that last line. totally made me go ‘yah!’ and stick my puny fist in the air. bc you know what honey? there are too few times in my life where i get the chance to pump my fist and say a ‘hell ya’ to a fellow woman survivor.
    you kick ass in that mediation.

  20. lauren

    !!!! how cheesy is it that i pumped my fist in the air after i read your last line?? i am SO rooting for you!!!! i love that last line. totally made me go ‘yah!’ and stick my puny fist in the air. bc you know what honey? there are too few times in my life where i get the chance to pump my fist and say a ‘hell ya’ to a fellow woman survivor.
    you kick ass in that mediation.

  21. lauren

    !!!! how cheesy is it that i pumped my fist in the air after i read your last line?? i am SO rooting for you!!!! i love that last line. totally made me go ‘yah!’ and stick my puny fist in the air. bc you know what honey? there are too few times in my life where i get the chance to pump my fist and say a ‘hell ya’ to a fellow woman survivor.
    you kick ass in that mediation.

  22. vodkamom

    we got your back, girl, we got your fucking back.
    (wish we could all be there for ya. Instead, a toast to YOU!)
    now, go kick some ass.

  23. vodkamom

    we got your back, girl, we got your fucking back.
    (wish we could all be there for ya. Instead, a toast to YOU!)
    now, go kick some ass.

  24. vodkamom

    we got your back, girl, we got your fucking back.
    (wish we could all be there for ya. Instead, a toast to YOU!)
    now, go kick some ass.

  25. Sugee

    Yep, I’m a faithful blog reader who has your back too and will keep you in my positive thoughts!!

  26. Sugee

    Yep, I’m a faithful blog reader who has your back too and will keep you in my positive thoughts!!

  27. Sugee

    Yep, I’m a faithful blog reader who has your back too and will keep you in my positive thoughts!!

  28. Midlife Mama

    Hugs to you, honey. I hope it went well today.
    What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Some of good will come out of this somewhere.
    Life just sucks sometimes, doesn’t it? The good news is, you’re alive and that’s really all that matters. It could have turned out much, much worse, and then your kids would have been without you these past two years and for the rest of their lives. Instead they’re learning how to cope with adversity by watching you.
    You pulled up your big girl panties, and you’re dealing with it! And I know how hard that can be sometimes.
    One step at a time, one day at a time.

  29. Midlife Mama

    Hugs to you, honey. I hope it went well today.
    What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Some of good will come out of this somewhere.
    Life just sucks sometimes, doesn’t it? The good news is, you’re alive and that’s really all that matters. It could have turned out much, much worse, and then your kids would have been without you these past two years and for the rest of their lives. Instead they’re learning how to cope with adversity by watching you.
    You pulled up your big girl panties, and you’re dealing with it! And I know how hard that can be sometimes.
    One step at a time, one day at a time.

  30. Midlife Mama

    Hugs to you, honey. I hope it went well today.
    What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Some of good will come out of this somewhere.
    Life just sucks sometimes, doesn’t it? The good news is, you’re alive and that’s really all that matters. It could have turned out much, much worse, and then your kids would have been without you these past two years and for the rest of their lives. Instead they’re learning how to cope with adversity by watching you.
    You pulled up your big girl panties, and you’re dealing with it! And I know how hard that can be sometimes.
    One step at a time, one day at a time.

  31. sometimessophia

    My heart goes out to you. Makes me think of “What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.” I think there’s a lot of truth to that statement. Chin up. You’ll do fine.

  32. sometimessophia

    My heart goes out to you. Makes me think of “What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.” I think there’s a lot of truth to that statement. Chin up. You’ll do fine.

  33. sometimessophia

    My heart goes out to you. Makes me think of “What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.” I think there’s a lot of truth to that statement. Chin up. You’ll do fine.

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