I ran into a girlfriend the other day. She is 27 and has not yet married. I listened to her talk about the single life here in Orange County. Her stories varied somewhat from many of my friends who are a little older and divorced. She is looking for a husband. As we were talking she casually commented, "and then you've got all the toxic bachelors in Orange County."
Toxic bachelors? As she went on to explain, I realized she is dealing with Money Town men. There are a lot of them around here and they aren't necessarily bachelors although she is dealing mainly with the ones who are. I have bitched about Money Town women repeatedly, but I've never said a lot about the men. It's only fair you hear about them too.
I love men. I really do. They make the greatest friends. They are rarely back stabbers. They don't care if you have a nicer purse than them, or if you bought it at a flea market instead of at Nordstroms. If you do something stupid or naive they're likely to tell you exactly that, without passing any long term judgment because of it.
"What were you thinking?" they'll ask. A minute later it's forgotten. That's a great characteristic in a friend. Especially in a friend of mine since I'm very talented at putting my foot in my mouth or doing impulsive things.
Women forget nothing.
In the same circumstance many women will say to your face, "Of course you made the only decision you could." Five minutes later that same woman tells half the community you are an imbecile (if her vocabulary includes the word). She also exaggerates the entire event tenfold. Five years later she is probably still commenting to friends, "Well, there was that time when 24 was such an idiot."
Women tend to be that way. Not all women, but a lot of women.
That is one reason why I love my male friends.
I wrote all of the above in the hope you'll understand I'm not a man basher. I'm also not referring to all men today. There is, however, a type of man who lives here. A type of Money Town Man who is as vapid and reprehensible as the stereotypical Money Town woman. This type of Money Town man is the Toxic Man and it's in every woman's best interest to steer clear.
The Toxic Man is wealthy. He lets you know he's wealthy. He may even quote his salary or investment portfolio to casual acquaintances or total strangers. It is very important to him you understand he's wealthy. He often owns his own business. He throws around his money, or more likely the idea of his money to try and get what he wants. Name dropping of other wealthy people, and/or celebrities is standard in the majority of his conversations. The Toxic Man is all about impressing you.
He's good looking, but he may not be a walking Ken doll. Women are often attracted to him for his confidence as well as his wealth. He walks into a room like he owns it. And maybe he does.
The Toxic Man travels frequently "for business". If he is married, these trips most likely involve sex on the side. If he is a bachelor, he will bring different women with him each time. He expects the women in his life to be grateful to him. Always. Anything less is not acceptable.
The Toxic Man is not a great sexual partner, but he thinks he is. He's too self-centered to focus on anyone's pleasure but his own. His partners put up with his less than stellar bedroom performance because of the financial perks of accompanying him.
Eventually, a trophy wife is a must for the Toxic Man. She damn well better look perfect for him for many years to come. Although he is definitely involved with other women, his Trophy Wife is a reflection of him and she best not forget it. He also better not get an inkling that she's screwing around on him even though she most likely is.
The Toxic Man doesn't mind providing gifts to his women, but I pity those who don't realize he is buying trinkets in bulk quantities and dispensing them without any true feeling for the recipient. Monogamy is not a concept the Toxic Man can relate to. Lying and deceit are second nature to him; he doesn't know anything else. Never trust a Toxic Man. He simply cannot be trusted, ever.
The Toxic Man is an ass to people he deems beneath him (which is just about everybody). He's the man who speaks condescendingly to waiters, store employees, and everyone else he encounters. He's quick to criticize.
"Don't you know how important I am?" is implied by his manner with the people he encounters. He's used to being in charge and he treats everyone else (including family members) like employees. Heaven help anyone who doesn't feel like doing his bidding or disagrees with him.
He drives an expensive luxury car or an expensive sports car. His suits are custom made and he frequents only the priciest and trendiest restaurants. He vacations at resorts which will cater to his need to feel important. Where he's seen is very important to the Toxic Man. He has an image to maintain and appearances are of the utmost importance.
The Toxic Man works out, but by middle age he's gone a little soft from all the fine dining. A paunch around his middle is standard fare, but no one would dare mention it. He can be downright intimidating with his quick temper, and who wants to deal with that? He doesn't realize his physique is not what it once was, anyway. He thinks he's still got "it" with the ladies.
By the way, he usually calls the women in his life "Baby" or "Babe." It's too risky to use names because he might call the wrong woman by the wrong name. He's had far too many women in and out of his life over the years to keep them all straight. He never thinks of a female as an equal. Women are for sex and need to be indulged somewhat for the purpose of getting sex. There is no doubt in his mind, however, that women are far inferior to him.
In Money Town one Toxic Man owns three houses. One for his wife, one for his ex-wife and one for his primary mistress. Keeping everyone conveniently close aids him in house hopping on a regular basis.
Are there Toxic Men where you live? Have you known a Toxic Man? And if so, how did you deal with him?