The Toxic Bachelor

I ran into a girlfriend the other day.  She is 27 and has not yet married.  I listened to her talk about the single life here in Orange County.  Her stories varied somewhat from many of my friends who are a little older and divorced.  She is looking for a husband.  As we were talking she casually commented, "and then you've got all the toxic bachelors in Orange County."

Toxic bachelors?  As she went on to explain, I realized she is dealing with Money Town men.  There are a lot of them around here and they aren't necessarily bachelors although she is dealing mainly with the ones who are.  I have bitched about Money Town women repeatedly, but I've never said a lot about the men.  It's only fair you hear about them too.

I love men.  I really do.  They make the greatest friends.  They are rarely back stabbers.  They don't care if you have a nicer purse than them, or if you bought it at a flea market instead of at Nordstroms.  If you do something stupid or naive they're likely to tell you exactly that, without passing any long term judgment because of it. 

"What were you thinking?" they'll ask.  A minute later it's forgotten.  That's a great characteristic in a friend.  Especially in a friend of mine since I'm very talented at putting my foot in my mouth or doing impulsive things.

Women forget nothing.

In the same circumstance many women will say to your face, "Of course you made the only decision you could."  Five minutes later that same woman tells half the community you are an imbecile (if her vocabulary includes the word).  She also exaggerates the entire event tenfold.  Five years later she is probably still commenting to friends, "Well, there was that time when 24 was such an idiot."

Women tend to be that way.  Not all women, but a lot of women. 

That is one reason why I love my male friends.

I wrote all of the above in the hope you'll understand I'm not a man basher.  I'm also not referring to all men today.  There is, however, a type of man who lives here.  A type of Money Town Man who is as vapid and reprehensible as the stereotypical Money Town woman.  This type of Money Town man is the Toxic Man and it's in every woman's best interest to steer clear.

The Toxic Man is wealthy.  He lets you know he's wealthy.  He may even quote his salary or investment portfolio to casual acquaintances or total strangers.  It is very important to him you understand he's wealthy.  He often owns his own business.  He throws around his money, or more likely the idea of his money to try and get what he wants.  Name dropping of other wealthy people, and/or celebrities is standard in the majority of his conversations.  The Toxic Man is all about impressing you.

He's good looking, but he may not be a walking Ken doll.  Women are often attracted to him for his confidence as well as his wealth.  He walks into a room like he owns it.  And maybe he does.

The Toxic Man travels frequently "for business".  If he is married, these trips most likely involve sex on the side.  If he is a bachelor, he will bring different women with him each time.  He expects the women in his life to be grateful to him.  Always.  Anything less is not acceptable. 

The Toxic Man is not a great sexual partner, but he thinks he is.  He's too self-centered to focus on anyone's pleasure but his own.  His partners put up with his less than stellar bedroom performance because of the financial perks of accompanying him.

Eventually, a trophy wife is a must for the Toxic Man.  She damn well better look perfect for him for many years to come.  Although he is definitely involved with other women, his Trophy Wife is a reflection of him and she best not forget it.  He also better not get an inkling that she's screwing around on him even though she most likely is.

The Toxic Man doesn't mind providing gifts to his women, but I pity those who don't realize he is buying trinkets in bulk quantities and dispensing them without any true feeling for the recipient.  Monogamy is not a concept the Toxic Man can relate to.  Lying and deceit are second nature to him; he doesn't know anything else.  Never trust a Toxic Man.  He simply cannot be trusted, ever

The Toxic Man is an ass to people he deems beneath him (which is just about everybody).  He's the man who speaks condescendingly to waiters, store employees, and everyone else he encounters.   He's quick to criticize. 

"Don't you know how important I am?" is implied by his manner with the people he encounters.  He's used to being in charge and he treats everyone else (including family members) like employees.  Heaven help anyone who doesn't feel like doing his bidding or disagrees with him.  

He drives an expensive luxury car or an expensive sports car.  His suits are custom made and he frequents only the priciest and trendiest restaurants.  He vacations at resorts which will cater to his need to feel important.  Where he's seen is very important to the Toxic Man.  He has an image to maintain and appearances are of the utmost importance. 

The Toxic Man works out, but by middle age he's gone a little soft from all the fine dining.  A paunch around his middle is standard fare, but no one would dare mention it.  He can be downright intimidating with his quick temper, and who wants to deal with that?  He doesn't realize his physique is not what it once was, anyway.  He thinks he's still got "it" with the ladies. 

By the way, he usually calls the women in his life "Baby" or "Babe."  It's too risky to use names because he might call the wrong woman by the wrong name.  He's had far too many women in and out of his life over the years to keep them all straight.  He never thinks of a female as an equal.  Women are for sex and need to be indulged somewhat for the purpose of getting sex.  There is no doubt in his mind, however, that women are far inferior to him.  

In Money Town one Toxic Man owns three houses.  One for his wife, one for his ex-wife and one for his primary mistress.  Keeping everyone conveniently close aids him in house hopping on a regular basis. 

Are there Toxic Men where you live?  Have you known a Toxic Man?  And if so, how did you deal with him?

54 Responses to “The Toxic Bachelor”

  1. SSG

    Oh. My. God. I can’t believe there are so many awful people around where you live and you have to talk to them. If they were women, we’d say they were “Up themselves”. ugh ugh ugh I hope i never find someone like that attractive… Maybe after a while of seeing the same men they start looking ‘normal’? Chauvenistic…. Sexist… and i just want to bitch-slap the women they are with… well OK if they know what they are getting themselves into, but what if they are nice girls who just want a nice husband, who turns out to be a P***K? man, shaking my head as I type…

  2. SSG

    Oh. My. God. I can’t believe there are so many awful people around where you live and you have to talk to them. If they were women, we’d say they were “Up themselves”. ugh ugh ugh I hope i never find someone like that attractive… Maybe after a while of seeing the same men they start looking ‘normal’? Chauvenistic…. Sexist… and i just want to bitch-slap the women they are with… well OK if they know what they are getting themselves into, but what if they are nice girls who just want a nice husband, who turns out to be a P***K? man, shaking my head as I type…

  3. SSG

    Oh. My. God. I can’t believe there are so many awful people around where you live and you have to talk to them. If they were women, we’d say they were “Up themselves”. ugh ugh ugh I hope i never find someone like that attractive… Maybe after a while of seeing the same men they start looking ‘normal’? Chauvenistic…. Sexist… and i just want to bitch-slap the women they are with… well OK if they know what they are getting themselves into, but what if they are nice girls who just want a nice husband, who turns out to be a P***K? man, shaking my head as I type…

  4. Gina

    that was a great post! if i spot a man like this i immediately run in the other direction. I was once at a club and a guy invited me to his vip area, i said no thank you and he then preceded to tell me that he was the manager of some sports team… i said ” and that matters because..?” The list could go on forever, there are way to many overconfident men out there

  5. Gina

    that was a great post! if i spot a man like this i immediately run in the other direction. I was once at a club and a guy invited me to his vip area, i said no thank you and he then preceded to tell me that he was the manager of some sports team… i said ” and that matters because..?” The list could go on forever, there are way to many overconfident men out there

  6. Gina

    that was a great post! if i spot a man like this i immediately run in the other direction. I was once at a club and a guy invited me to his vip area, i said no thank you and he then preceded to tell me that he was the manager of some sports team… i said ” and that matters because..?” The list could go on forever, there are way to many overconfident men out there

  7. Linda

    It’s truely amazing to me how you keep yourself so grounded surronded by all these high maintence, self centered people. Do you drink a lot? hehe!
    I have only had two encouters in my life with a Toxic Man. One I concidered a casual friend. I stress the friend part. We did not hold hands, kiss or sleep together. We did things together because it was convenient and we liked doing the same sort of things. Or so I thought. Less than a year into our “friendship” he proposed to me. It was like a slap in the face it was so unexpected. I declined graciously. I didn’t love him. Hell I didn’t even think about the possability. He was completely mystified. He actually said “I’m the best thing that’s’ ever going to happen to you!” I said “Um no, I think you have that backwards.” And I left. I never saw or heard from him again. I did hear through the grapevine that he did marry someone else within that same year. Poor girl, I wish I could have warned her.

  8. Linda

    It’s truely amazing to me how you keep yourself so grounded surronded by all these high maintence, self centered people. Do you drink a lot? hehe!
    I have only had two encouters in my life with a Toxic Man. One I concidered a casual friend. I stress the friend part. We did not hold hands, kiss or sleep together. We did things together because it was convenient and we liked doing the same sort of things. Or so I thought. Less than a year into our “friendship” he proposed to me. It was like a slap in the face it was so unexpected. I declined graciously. I didn’t love him. Hell I didn’t even think about the possability. He was completely mystified. He actually said “I’m the best thing that’s’ ever going to happen to you!” I said “Um no, I think you have that backwards.” And I left. I never saw or heard from him again. I did hear through the grapevine that he did marry someone else within that same year. Poor girl, I wish I could have warned her.

  9. Linda

    It’s truely amazing to me how you keep yourself so grounded surronded by all these high maintence, self centered people. Do you drink a lot? hehe!
    I have only had two encouters in my life with a Toxic Man. One I concidered a casual friend. I stress the friend part. We did not hold hands, kiss or sleep together. We did things together because it was convenient and we liked doing the same sort of things. Or so I thought. Less than a year into our “friendship” he proposed to me. It was like a slap in the face it was so unexpected. I declined graciously. I didn’t love him. Hell I didn’t even think about the possability. He was completely mystified. He actually said “I’m the best thing that’s’ ever going to happen to you!” I said “Um no, I think you have that backwards.” And I left. I never saw or heard from him again. I did hear through the grapevine that he did marry someone else within that same year. Poor girl, I wish I could have warned her.

  10. Midlife Mama

    Wowzers. That’s a sad tale of narcicissm (sp??) and debauchery. Why women would put up with this amazes me. But then, like you said, Money Town Women are just as shallow and ridiculous as Toxic Man. ::shudder:: Ugh. What an existence.
    I have never had an encouter with one of “those” but I did have a boyfriend I dated after my divorce, who could be incredibly condescending and rude to waiters, grocery store clerks, and fast food servers. Pretty much anyone in a service position. He was arrogant and rude and didn’t suffer fools gladly. I’m glad I don’t have to put up with him anymore; it used to be embarrassing to go anywhere with him. However, in every other way, he was the perfect man; we were perfectly compatible in every way, except he needed a personality transplant. He was waaaay too impressed with himself. LOL

  11. Midlife Mama

    Wowzers. That’s a sad tale of narcicissm (sp??) and debauchery. Why women would put up with this amazes me. But then, like you said, Money Town Women are just as shallow and ridiculous as Toxic Man. ::shudder:: Ugh. What an existence.
    I have never had an encouter with one of “those” but I did have a boyfriend I dated after my divorce, who could be incredibly condescending and rude to waiters, grocery store clerks, and fast food servers. Pretty much anyone in a service position. He was arrogant and rude and didn’t suffer fools gladly. I’m glad I don’t have to put up with him anymore; it used to be embarrassing to go anywhere with him. However, in every other way, he was the perfect man; we were perfectly compatible in every way, except he needed a personality transplant. He was waaaay too impressed with himself. LOL

  12. Midlife Mama

    Wowzers. That’s a sad tale of narcicissm (sp??) and debauchery. Why women would put up with this amazes me. But then, like you said, Money Town Women are just as shallow and ridiculous as Toxic Man. ::shudder:: Ugh. What an existence.
    I have never had an encouter with one of “those” but I did have a boyfriend I dated after my divorce, who could be incredibly condescending and rude to waiters, grocery store clerks, and fast food servers. Pretty much anyone in a service position. He was arrogant and rude and didn’t suffer fools gladly. I’m glad I don’t have to put up with him anymore; it used to be embarrassing to go anywhere with him. However, in every other way, he was the perfect man; we were perfectly compatible in every way, except he needed a personality transplant. He was waaaay too impressed with himself. LOL

  13. sometimessophia

    Your analysis is right on the money. My ex was a Toxic Man. Now he’s just a pathetic old guy with a weak heart. I was a trophy wife until my carriage turned back into a pumpkin. My princess days were followed by a long term of single-mom misery. Now I’ve teamed up with the fabulous Senor Discount to live live the simple life. Men make great friends… especially gay ones.

  14. sometimessophia

    Your analysis is right on the money. My ex was a Toxic Man. Now he’s just a pathetic old guy with a weak heart. I was a trophy wife until my carriage turned back into a pumpkin. My princess days were followed by a long term of single-mom misery. Now I’ve teamed up with the fabulous Senor Discount to live live the simple life. Men make great friends… especially gay ones.

  15. sometimessophia

    Your analysis is right on the money. My ex was a Toxic Man. Now he’s just a pathetic old guy with a weak heart. I was a trophy wife until my carriage turned back into a pumpkin. My princess days were followed by a long term of single-mom misery. Now I’ve teamed up with the fabulous Senor Discount to live live the simple life. Men make great friends… especially gay ones.

  16. Donna in VA

    I, too, have always preferred men to women as friends for the same reason. Men are not catty, petty and are generally more honest (as long as you’re not sleeping with them) and straight-forward. I like that.
    BUT, you are oh so right about the Money Men. Having been single for the last 18 years, I’ve run into a couple of these guys and I am always floored by their audacity to think that it should be MY priviledge to be with them. I have a running list in just my old neighborhood alone. These men spotted single, blonde, divorcee and thought they were the answer to my prayers.
    I’ve been a lotta things in my lifetime, but desperate has never been one of them.

  17. Donna in VA

    I, too, have always preferred men to women as friends for the same reason. Men are not catty, petty and are generally more honest (as long as you’re not sleeping with them) and straight-forward. I like that.
    BUT, you are oh so right about the Money Men. Having been single for the last 18 years, I’ve run into a couple of these guys and I am always floored by their audacity to think that it should be MY priviledge to be with them. I have a running list in just my old neighborhood alone. These men spotted single, blonde, divorcee and thought they were the answer to my prayers.
    I’ve been a lotta things in my lifetime, but desperate has never been one of them.

  18. Donna in VA

    I, too, have always preferred men to women as friends for the same reason. Men are not catty, petty and are generally more honest (as long as you’re not sleeping with them) and straight-forward. I like that.
    BUT, you are oh so right about the Money Men. Having been single for the last 18 years, I’ve run into a couple of these guys and I am always floored by their audacity to think that it should be MY priviledge to be with them. I have a running list in just my old neighborhood alone. These men spotted single, blonde, divorcee and thought they were the answer to my prayers.
    I’ve been a lotta things in my lifetime, but desperate has never been one of them.

  19. Lo

    sigh. unfortunately you don’t have to live on the west coast to have toxic bastards. i live outside of chicago and there are a fair share of them there, too. usually i am treated like a piece of meat- they’re nonetoshy to grab, touch, manhandle, talk down to, tell me how much i need them in my life. i’m sorry, but if i’m walking down the street? the only man allowed to grab my ass is my husband. and no, i wouldn’t like to get a divorce and be ‘taken care of’ by you. and no, buying me that fendi wallet will not make me give a total STRANGER a bj in the back of his towncar. sorry. i’m just a prude like that.

  20. Lo

    sigh. unfortunately you don’t have to live on the west coast to have toxic bastards. i live outside of chicago and there are a fair share of them there, too. usually i am treated like a piece of meat- they’re nonetoshy to grab, touch, manhandle, talk down to, tell me how much i need them in my life. i’m sorry, but if i’m walking down the street? the only man allowed to grab my ass is my husband. and no, i wouldn’t like to get a divorce and be ‘taken care of’ by you. and no, buying me that fendi wallet will not make me give a total STRANGER a bj in the back of his towncar. sorry. i’m just a prude like that.

  21. Lo

    sigh. unfortunately you don’t have to live on the west coast to have toxic bastards. i live outside of chicago and there are a fair share of them there, too. usually i am treated like a piece of meat- they’re nonetoshy to grab, touch, manhandle, talk down to, tell me how much i need them in my life. i’m sorry, but if i’m walking down the street? the only man allowed to grab my ass is my husband. and no, i wouldn’t like to get a divorce and be ‘taken care of’ by you. and no, buying me that fendi wallet will not make me give a total STRANGER a bj in the back of his towncar. sorry. i’m just a prude like that.

  22. Heather

    This type of man is so disgusting! I think every place you find rich men, you find them. Yuk!

  23. Heather

    This type of man is so disgusting! I think every place you find rich men, you find them. Yuk!

  24. Heather

    This type of man is so disgusting! I think every place you find rich men, you find them. Yuk!

  25. Kristan Hoffman

    oy. this sounds like it’s straight out of sex and the city (in a good way). blech to these kinds of guys. i’m sure they are everywhere, although of course in greater concentration in certain areas, but luckily i haven’t really run into them… yet… hopefully ever…

  26. Kristan Hoffman

    oy. this sounds like it’s straight out of sex and the city (in a good way). blech to these kinds of guys. i’m sure they are everywhere, although of course in greater concentration in certain areas, but luckily i haven’t really run into them… yet… hopefully ever…

  27. Kristan Hoffman

    oy. this sounds like it’s straight out of sex and the city (in a good way). blech to these kinds of guys. i’m sure they are everywhere, although of course in greater concentration in certain areas, but luckily i haven’t really run into them… yet… hopefully ever…

  28. goodfather

    I am SO GLAD (although sorry for you) that these men are CONTAINED in Money Town – a toxic manfill, if you will. I can’t imagine the damage these men would do if they were allowed OUT, and had positions of leadership or influence in the world, like Washington. Or Wall Street. Yikes.

  29. goodfather

    I am SO GLAD (although sorry for you) that these men are CONTAINED in Money Town – a toxic manfill, if you will. I can’t imagine the damage these men would do if they were allowed OUT, and had positions of leadership or influence in the world, like Washington. Or Wall Street. Yikes.

  30. goodfather

    I am SO GLAD (although sorry for you) that these men are CONTAINED in Money Town – a toxic manfill, if you will. I can’t imagine the damage these men would do if they were allowed OUT, and had positions of leadership or influence in the world, like Washington. Or Wall Street. Yikes.

  31. thistle

    yike…i’ve met a few of these, but mercifully not dated any of them…and there is a variation, the ones who don’t actually HAVE the money and yet treat people in the same fashion…and they are everywhere, not just contained in the ‘manfill’…what a great term, btw…

  32. thistle

    yike…i’ve met a few of these, but mercifully not dated any of them…and there is a variation, the ones who don’t actually HAVE the money and yet treat people in the same fashion…and they are everywhere, not just contained in the ‘manfill’…what a great term, btw…

  33. thistle

    yike…i’ve met a few of these, but mercifully not dated any of them…and there is a variation, the ones who don’t actually HAVE the money and yet treat people in the same fashion…and they are everywhere, not just contained in the ‘manfill’…what a great term, btw…

  34. Joanne

    hahahaha, I just call them “ear pullers” (in a thinly veiled reference to their sexual generosity).
    I live right across the bridge from Palm Beach, that is where “trophies” and their tired ass conspicuos husbands go to retire from the rat race.There is nothing quite as weird as a 65 yr old ex-trophy widow, out trying to bag another old fart. I’ll send ya some pics

  35. Joanne

    hahahaha, I just call them “ear pullers” (in a thinly veiled reference to their sexual generosity).
    I live right across the bridge from Palm Beach, that is where “trophies” and their tired ass conspicuos husbands go to retire from the rat race.There is nothing quite as weird as a 65 yr old ex-trophy widow, out trying to bag another old fart. I’ll send ya some pics

  36. Joanne

    hahahaha, I just call them “ear pullers” (in a thinly veiled reference to their sexual generosity).
    I live right across the bridge from Palm Beach, that is where “trophies” and their tired ass conspicuos husbands go to retire from the rat race.There is nothing quite as weird as a 65 yr old ex-trophy widow, out trying to bag another old fart. I’ll send ya some pics

  37. Lo

    and if you want to take a trip to chicago?
    DO NOT COME IN THE WINTER. i repeat.
    DO NOT BE INSANE, and TRY TO COME IN THE WINTER.
    come in June, instead. you know. when you can actually WALK and not ice skate/sled your way around Michigan Avenue.

  38. Lo

    and if you want to take a trip to chicago?
    DO NOT COME IN THE WINTER. i repeat.
    DO NOT BE INSANE, and TRY TO COME IN THE WINTER.
    come in June, instead. you know. when you can actually WALK and not ice skate/sled your way around Michigan Avenue.

  39. Lo

    and if you want to take a trip to chicago?
    DO NOT COME IN THE WINTER. i repeat.
    DO NOT BE INSANE, and TRY TO COME IN THE WINTER.
    come in June, instead. you know. when you can actually WALK and not ice skate/sled your way around Michigan Avenue.

  40. Di

    In late 1996 a male friend placed my profile on an on-line dating site. He wanted me to have someone special in my life so I approved of him doing this for me. Within 30 days I was contacted by e-mail by more than 100 men. I remember one man in particular who fit your ‘toxic man’ description to a tee. One date with him was more than any woman should have to endure. All I heard was, how much money he makes, his title at work, his motorcycle, his home in the mountains, his wealthy relatives, every word to escape his lips related to money in some way. One date from me was all he got…. He really turned my stomach.

  41. Di

    In late 1996 a male friend placed my profile on an on-line dating site. He wanted me to have someone special in my life so I approved of him doing this for me. Within 30 days I was contacted by e-mail by more than 100 men. I remember one man in particular who fit your ‘toxic man’ description to a tee. One date with him was more than any woman should have to endure. All I heard was, how much money he makes, his title at work, his motorcycle, his home in the mountains, his wealthy relatives, every word to escape his lips related to money in some way. One date from me was all he got…. He really turned my stomach.

  42. Di

    In late 1996 a male friend placed my profile on an on-line dating site. He wanted me to have someone special in my life so I approved of him doing this for me. Within 30 days I was contacted by e-mail by more than 100 men. I remember one man in particular who fit your ‘toxic man’ description to a tee. One date with him was more than any woman should have to endure. All I heard was, how much money he makes, his title at work, his motorcycle, his home in the mountains, his wealthy relatives, every word to escape his lips related to money in some way. One date from me was all he got…. He really turned my stomach.

  43. sheila correll

    God u are all so right I have never had this experience before having had a lot of men friends when I was a track runner. I met a Guy over the internet and he sent me loads of photos of himself his big house. He declared his great love for me after quite a short time and was wonderful on the net then visited and I did not really recognise the personality he grabbedme from behind and I was really shocked = we spent 8 days together because he came from abroad and then he went on to visit his rich brother – I could not believe how completely different he was in the flesh – he then went back and became the very loving personality on the net visited me again that is how stupid am I and nothing was really god enough for him he started to criticise my house my driving all sorts of things. He returned back but I was getting warning lights and he started to call me rubbish woman etc etc messing me around. I was walking on egg shells and betgween this he wsa telling me such lovely love declarations. One day I had had enough and I told himhe was not a big man he was furious I am very big he said no I said u are very small in my eyes a frightened little man inside – well he was furious this is my last message to u he said AND VANISHED never to be seen again – HAS ANYONE EVER HAD THIS EXPERIENCE PLEASE

  44. sheila correll

    God u are all so right I have never had this experience before having had a lot of men friends when I was a track runner. I met a Guy over the internet and he sent me loads of photos of himself his big house. He declared his great love for me after quite a short time and was wonderful on the net then visited and I did not really recognise the personality he grabbedme from behind and I was really shocked = we spent 8 days together because he came from abroad and then he went on to visit his rich brother – I could not believe how completely different he was in the flesh – he then went back and became the very loving personality on the net visited me again that is how stupid am I and nothing was really god enough for him he started to criticise my house my driving all sorts of things. He returned back but I was getting warning lights and he started to call me rubbish woman etc etc messing me around. I was walking on egg shells and betgween this he wsa telling me such lovely love declarations. One day I had had enough and I told himhe was not a big man he was furious I am very big he said no I said u are very small in my eyes a frightened little man inside – well he was furious this is my last message to u he said AND VANISHED never to be seen again – HAS ANYONE EVER HAD THIS EXPERIENCE PLEASE

  45. sheila correll

    God u are all so right I have never had this experience before having had a lot of men friends when I was a track runner. I met a Guy over the internet and he sent me loads of photos of himself his big house. He declared his great love for me after quite a short time and was wonderful on the net then visited and I did not really recognise the personality he grabbedme from behind and I was really shocked = we spent 8 days together because he came from abroad and then he went on to visit his rich brother – I could not believe how completely different he was in the flesh – he then went back and became the very loving personality on the net visited me again that is how stupid am I and nothing was really god enough for him he started to criticise my house my driving all sorts of things. He returned back but I was getting warning lights and he started to call me rubbish woman etc etc messing me around. I was walking on egg shells and betgween this he wsa telling me such lovely love declarations. One day I had had enough and I told himhe was not a big man he was furious I am very big he said no I said u are very small in my eyes a frightened little man inside – well he was furious this is my last message to u he said AND VANISHED never to be seen again – HAS ANYONE EVER HAD THIS EXPERIENCE PLEASE

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