Today I thought we'd try something a little different. It won't work unless you are willing to participate, but I'm guessing you'll want to. I'm hoping you'll want to.
A few months ago one of my readers was corresponding with me on email. She suggested I interview The Torturer here on Twenty Four At Heart. It might have been right about the time when he volunteered to be Ms. Plastic's personal trainer. I laughed at the idea at the time. More recently we came up with the idea of letting you, my readers, come up with interview questions for him.
Here's The Torturer:
Well, not really, but close enough.
Here is some basic information I've given you in the past about him: He's evil.
Just kidding. (Sort of.)
Let's try again. He is a physical therapist but he now runs a personal training program also. He owns his own business and people actually have to work for him. He broke up with his girlfriend awhile back. Maybe you want to be his next one?
The Torturer is quite verbal about telling me I'm out of shape and have the body of a marshmallow. He taught me how to roll a ball again (like a one year old) after my worst surgery. He has seen my fat dyed orange from fake tanning lotion. He's also seen my orange feet. He has tried to teach me to meditate through my pain and failed. He's totally kicked my ass with some of his personal training shit.
Other fun facts I may, or may not, have mentioned. I have actually known The Torturer for over thirteen years. He is a divorced father of four girls. The youngest two are twins. The Torturer is 47 years old. He has a lot of patients from Money Town.
Many of the Money Town women think he's hot. They pursue him relentlessly and in ridiculous, but humorous ways. (He is soooooo going to kill me for sharing that!) Clearly they don't know him as well as I do. He says he wants a "sugar mama," but I don't think he really does. The Money Town women seem to turn him off. Something about being superficial and high maintenance? I can't imagine what he means.
I have sworn at The Torturer, cried on him, begged him to stop hurting me, and laughed until I cried with him. More swearing and crying than laughing. I have been drugged senseless in front of him on numerous occasions. He has repeatedly told me I'm much more fun when I'm drugged up. He's a real sweet talker, isn't he?
Sometimes he gets angry. For example, when I throw temper tantrums (who, me?), storm out of PT, and/or quit forever and ever play hooky. That kind of shit really pisses him off. The office staff has been given strict orders to never allow me to cancel an appointment or let me leave the building without approval. (Yes, I am treated like a three year old and I have no idea why he feels that's necessary?!)
I have possibly verbally abused him when I was in excruciating pain. For some reason he still puts up with me. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that he gets paid to do so. (Note to self: pay The Torturer sometime soon! Or maybe just sometime?)
By the way, he isn't ever always nice.
Here's an example. (I could give you pages of examples, but I won't.) Just yesterday he hooked me up to a taser gun and told me to lift my arm. When I couldn't do it, he shot me with the taser. When I screamed, "F*$K that hurts!" he said, "I don't care about your pain, I only care about function."
Oh yes, he did. And I told him right then I was going to publicize his comment for the entire Internet to read. Even those readers in far away places like India and Vietnam and China now know about it. (Hi far away readers!) Was he concerned about bad publicity? No, not at all. He just rolled his eyes and sighed. He does that a lot when he's around me.
And Torturer? I have no function. Still.
Can you believe he's yelled at me? And scolded me? He has even been (gasp!) exasperated with me! Many, many times.
He sleeps well at night after hurting me that same day. (I've asked!)
He reads Twenty Four At Heart and tells me when he doesn't like a post. He's also told me when he thinks "it's the best writing [I've] ever done."
He's not shy with his opinions. Clearly.
Why is it when I'm trying to tell you how evil he is, it sounds like I'm maybe part of the problem? I'm sure that isn't the case. I'm the best patient the man's ever had. I just know I'm his all time favorite.
No, really I am.
You can leave any question you would like for The Torturer in my comments section today. I will then interview him with your questions and report his answers back to you sometime next week. You can ask him anything, but I can't promise he'll answer every question.
Have fun, be creative, and don't be shy!