I know you'll be surprised to hear I did something kind of stupid yesterday.
It wasn't really stupid.
I mean, it wasn't a result of a low IQ or anything like that.
No, I'm pretty intelligent with the stupid things I do. Most of the time they're the result of being preoccupied, or trying to do way more than any one person should try to do in any given day.
So now we've established I'm a very bright individual, right?
Remember that forever and ever.
I didn't get much sleep on Tuesday night.
The whole blah, blah, blah pain and trying not to take any pain meds blah, blah, blah thing. As a result, my intelligent brain might not have been firing all it's neurons on Wednesday. I thought I'd hop on our elliptical (exercise equipment for you couch potatoes) and get a quick workout in before my standing 11 a.m. PT appointment. Exercise creates endorphins and endorphins decrease pain.
Sounds like a load of crap to me, but I'll try anything.
I finished my stellar workout having burned off maybe three calories. I work out really hard like that.
I came downstairs because all morning long my retrievers kept wanting to go outside every few minutes. If you're one of the poor suckers people who follow me on Twitter, you got a message yesterday saying something along the lines of, "Let dogs in, let dogs out. Let dogs in, let dogs out. Let dogs in …." Honestly, my two retrievers have never been so annoying.
And yes, I really do send out earth-shattering messages like that on Twitter.
It never occurred to me maybe the dogs were going out a lot because there was somethinginteresting for them to look at outside. I admit, I was a little concerned initially because we had a rattlesnake pay us a visit the day before. My backyard backs up to a canyon and lake. There is nothing but wilderness behind our back fence. It's very pretty. It's been killer hot out here lately. With the heat, sometimes we get critters like mountain lion, deer, coyotes, bobcats, and rattlesnakes.
I did have a brief moment where the thought of the dogs and the rattlesnake passed through my head, but I dismissed it. That snake had plenty of time to move on from the prior day. Also, the dogs weren't barking at anything. Once a rattlesnake was right next to my foot and my Golden Retriever went berserk alerting me. Retrievers are lovable, but also protective, and my dogs were not barking at anything. They were just going in and out, and in and out, over and over again.
I finally got so frustrated with them I left our back door, leading to our backyard, wide open so they could go in and out without bothering me every two minutes. For those of you who know me well, this is not normal behavior for me.
No, I'm one of those neurotic people who always keeps the doors closed, and locked, all the time when I'm home. Because it isn't normal behavior for me to leave a door wide open, I promptly forgot I had done so. I was busy trying to knock out a few chores before I left for PT.
At one point I found myself in my laundry room tossing in a load to be washed. I suddenly realized I might as well wash my workout clothes at the same time. I stripped down naked in the laundry room, tossed some detergent in the washer and walked out. I was going to head upstairs for a shower.
I like being naked just as much as the next person, but I'm not an exhibitionist.
I'm in my forties. Things don't look as great as they used to. Come to think of it, things never looked great. I'm the last person in the world to go advertising my stuff around town.
I walked out from the laundry room and found myself staring straight down a hall leading to our back door. Both of my retrievers had retired to another room for a nap. The door itself is glass, as is pretty much the entire back wall of our home. We have lots and lots of windows so we can look out at the beautiful mountains and canyon.
Standing there buck naked, I immediately noticed the back door wide open. I hesitated. I could head upstairs and take a shower. However, I'm neurotic enough to be worried about showering with a door to my house wide open. My other choice was to walk to the back door completely naked, shut the door, and then head to the shower.
I just couldn't take a shower with the door wide open.
Besides, there's nothing but canyon behind our house.
At least, not normally.
I was about three feet from the door when I saw them. Probably six landscaping men standing on the other side of our backyard fence. Four of them were in discussion with their backs to me. Two of them were turned towards me with their eyes glued on me.
Once in awhile our community hires landscaping teams to come in and clear brush from the perimeter of our neighborhood. They do this in the name of fire prevention, which is of course, very important here in California.
I froze mid-step. I'm not even kidding, it was as if I turned into a statue. Should I take three or four more steps closer to those men to shut the door? Or turn and run? The door is glass, so even if I shut it, the men would have full view of me after I closed it.
I couldn't move. I stood there frozen for what seemed like hours, but was probably only seconds. They didn't move either. And then one of them did. He turned and nudged one of the men next to him who was not yet staring in my direction. He was alerting his buddies to the naked blonde woman they hadn't yet seen.
That was all it took to snap me out of my trance.
In a millisecond I sprung forward, slammed the door shut, turned the lock, and sprinted away. I'm sure they all got a nice view of my bouncing breasts and fat ass running away.
I suppose it gave them something to talk about?
I wonder how many times they see naked women when they're out in wilderness areas clearing brush?
It must happen every day.
Or at least, that's what I told myself as I showered and quickly departed for the day.
© Twenty Four At Heart