This post may be too sexually explicit for your tastes. If you are easily offended, I hope you'll rejoin us on another day.
When Briefcase and I first got married we lived in a small starter home. We were both career driven and had no thoughts of beginning a family quite yet. Next door to us lived a very conservative Catholic family. They had three children and welcomed us to the neighborhood with open arms. Although we got along quite well with this family, the adults at their house were much more conservative than us. One night after a few glasses bottles of wine, my neighbor, Julie began talking.
Julie informed me she had been a nun, but had quit to get married. Her husband had been on the path to becoming a priest when they met. Then she went on to tell me that in their 18 years of marriage they had never gone a day without having sex a minimum of twice. Another friend was with us and she was floored.
"Every single day?" she asked.
Julie confessed that after 18 years of marriage they still had sex every morning upon waking and every night when they went to bed. I had a hard time reconciling this information with the quiet, conservative, image I had of this couple. Then Julie confessed that although she never turned down her husband, she didn't enjoy it in the least. She laughed and said, "I moan and groan and make the appropriate noises. He thinks I love it, and then it's over."
Wouldn't it be better for both of them if she really did love it?
Yesterday I got an email from one of my Canadian readers. Thistle challenged me to take on the topic of fake orgasms here on Twenty Four at Heart. Thistle included with her email, an excerpt regarding the origin of the fake orgasm scene in the movie When Harry Met Sally. If there's a person on earth who hasn't seen this movie, I'd be surprised. Thistle's email made me start thinking about how best to approach the topic. Deep in thought, I went to my normal PT appointment.
Would it surprise you to hear I'm shy? Well, I'm shy in large groups, and I'm shy with people I don't know well. Once I reach my comfort zone, however, there's no stopping me. I'm very comfortable at PT. I have spent more time there than anywhere but my own home over the last few years. I sat out in the large common area with a heating pad on my arm for twenty minutes when I arrived yesterday. The room was packed with patients, therapists, and techs.
"Let's talk fake orgasms," I suggested.
People at PT know me so well that no one even blinked or looked surprised. One therapist laughed, but that was it. A group discussion of fake orgasms began.
First of all, every single woman present (and there were quite a few) confessed to having "faked it" on occasion. Every.Single.Woman. (Except for me. I didn't talk about myself or my sex life at all, I just listened. I'm so clever like that!) The women didn't hesitate in the least when discussing faking it. A few women were even pretty specific on the heavy breathing, moaning, nails scraping his back, or whatever else they do, to convince their sex partner they had an orgasm.
I thought I'd gather all sorts of interesting information to write about. What ended up being the big surprise for me, however, was the men started talking about faking orgasms.
I was dubious at first.
"Men don't fake it," I insisted.
"Do you know that for sure?" they countered.
Then the men's stories came out about faking orgasms. Here are a few of the comments I heard from men:
"Sometimes I realize it's just not going to happen so I fake it."
"There are times when it's just too much work and I'm tired."
"I've never had a woman fake it with me, but I've faked it."
In turn, I asked, "How can a woman possibly not know if a man fakes it? An orgasm in a man leaves behind physical evidence. How is it possible to not realize the proof is missing?" (Especially if you, ahem … swallow?)
(Also, I have never called it "proof" before, but I'm trying to not offend every single reader I have today. Cum Come to think of it, I probably already have with my swallow comment.)
The entire conversation left me wondering what's wrong with just saying, "That was nice, but I didn't have an earth shattering orgasm this time." Does that have to mean sex was a failure?
I flashed back to my college days. I remember a male friend dating a girl who was a screamer. No, I'm serious, a screamer. You could hear her half a block away and I'm not exaggerating. She would scream and scream at the top of her lungs during their marathon lovemaking sessions. She would scream and then her boyfriend would brag about giving her multiple orgasms.
The thing is, everyone could hear her. Out of all the people who were within a half block radius, none of us thought it was real. We all thought she was faking the whole thing. I've often wondered if he went on to be with quiet-comers (new word!) in the future. And if so, did he feel like a failure if they weren't breaking the sound barrier with their screams?
What do you think? Have you faked it? Do you know if/when your partner fakes it with you? Do you think sex is a failure if it doesn't always lead to an orgasm? And what do you think about men faking it?