Fit or Fat?

To all my my computer related friends:  My laptop died on me yesterday and is in the shop.  Fortunately, I had this post pre-written so you have something to read today.  I'm currently able to read emails, but not respond.  If you've been waiting to hear from me for any reason, I apologize.  Hopefully it will be fixed and returned to me by the end of today.  Thanks for your patience!  P.S.  I have the funniest story to share with you about my experience with the computer repair guy.  Hopefully tomorrow!

Awhile back I decided to get back in shape after all my surgeries and car accident rehab.

OK, that's a lie.  I thought I was in shape because I do a lot of walking and swimming.  Then The Torturer called me an out of shape marshmallow and stuck me on his personal training program.  I discovered pretty quickly that maybe I wasn't is such great shape after all.  My first hint was when I sat on down to pee and couldn't stand back up because my muscles were screaming in pain from his personal training. 

A week or two after I told you about my gallant efforts at fitness, The Torturer stopped my personal training.  The first time he skipped it I thought it was just because he had a very busy schedule that day and didn't have time to work with me.  After a week of no personal training I inquired as to his reasoning.  He gave me some mumble, mumble, mumble, explanation about being at some critical point with my arm and needing to spend extra time on it. 

Of course I kept working out very diligently on my own. 

Just kidding. 

I went right back to my marshmallow-like ways.  Walking and maybe hopping on our elliptical, but no squats, and no sit-ups.  I was easily able to walk up and down the stairs in my house without moaning and groaning in pain.

Last week I asked The Torturer again why he wasn't putting me through his grueling workouts.  This time he answered differently.  This time he said, "I was tired of listening to you bitch about it."

Who me???

Isn't that part of the fun of working out?  Bitching about it?  Aren't you supposed to yell at your personal trainer?  Aren't you allowed to call him all sorts of obscenities when he forces you to do another 50 squats past your pain limit?  Was it really that wrong of me to throw one of the exercise balls at him after he insisted on another 100 sit-ups? 

Maybe he's just not cut out to be a personal trainer? 

I mean, why let little things like that deter him from his job?  Never mind that he's not getting paid for doing my training, shouldn't he just want to do it for the fun of it?  Especially when I swear at him?  Isn't that fun?

Why isn't he getting paid?  Other people pay him but this is different because this whole deal with me was his idea.  (Don't ask, it makes perfect sense in my mind and he's never sent me a bill so I'm going with it.)

I didn't like hearing that I wasn't getting personal training because of my own complaining.  What the hell?  Immediately I insisted we start again.  This makes perfect sense if you know me.  If someone tells me I can't have something, I immediately want it.  Even if I totally don't want it.  You can understand that, right?

So about a week ago I began The Torturer's personal training program again.  He pushed me, but he didn't completely kill me with the first workout.  He made me do tons of squats and those cursed, evil one-legged squats that make me want to die.  I did sit-ups and more sit-ups.  When I was done with those he made me do these bicycle-in-the-air thingys for my lower abs.  (I almost threw up right on him!)  He even had me do some very light arm stuff and he moved my bad arm for me since I can't do that part on my own.

Yes, I just might be limping around a bit when I climb or descend stairs.  I wince a tiny bit if I sneeze or cough and feel my abdominal muscles scream.  So far, it hasn't been as bad as the first time I attempted this.  My guess is, it's because I'm in such great shape.  (!) 

This time we are going to be consistent with his training program, or so we both say.  The Torturer only laughed at me five times as I attempted to go through the first workout he gave me the other day.  He laughs at my lack of coordination or at the fact I want to die after only 2 reps of an exercise.  I only swore at him one time for mocking me.  Seriously, how can he make fun of an athlete like me?

In any case, I'm left wondering ….  Am I the only one who immediately wants something when I'm told I can't have it?  Even awful things like being tortured with endless squats and sit-ups?  Or if someone takes something away from you or tells you that you can't have it, does it make you want it too?

36 Responses to “Fit or Fat?”

  1. goodfather

    First! Yay!
    Sorry about your laptop, that’s no fun. And yes! I always want what I can’t have, even if it’s PAIN. Mini-blog-in-a-comment-time:
    I ran a marathon when I was nineteen (and still made out of rubber). I trained pretty hard, but I hit ‘the wall’ at mile 20. The only thing that got me through the race without stopping was a woman walking with her kids through the intersecting 8K part of the race, who looked at me and asked, ‘Are you going to make it?’
    I made it.

  2. goodfather

    First! Yay!
    Sorry about your laptop, that’s no fun. And yes! I always want what I can’t have, even if it’s PAIN. Mini-blog-in-a-comment-time:
    I ran a marathon when I was nineteen (and still made out of rubber). I trained pretty hard, but I hit ‘the wall’ at mile 20. The only thing that got me through the race without stopping was a woman walking with her kids through the intersecting 8K part of the race, who looked at me and asked, ‘Are you going to make it?’
    I made it.

  3. goodfather

    First! Yay!
    Sorry about your laptop, that’s no fun. And yes! I always want what I can’t have, even if it’s PAIN. Mini-blog-in-a-comment-time:
    I ran a marathon when I was nineteen (and still made out of rubber). I trained pretty hard, but I hit ‘the wall’ at mile 20. The only thing that got me through the race without stopping was a woman walking with her kids through the intersecting 8K part of the race, who looked at me and asked, ‘Are you going to make it?’
    I made it.

  4. Donna in VA

    Many moons ago after being tested beyond belief, the doctors told me that I was hypoglycemic and that meant that I couldn’t be eating Big Macs anymore. Well, I never ate Big Macs. In fact, I don’t even LIKE Big Macs. But because they told me that I could NOT have them anymore, I HAD to have one! And I did. By the end of that week, I’d eaten a Big Mac and again realized that I truly do not like them. But the fact that somebody told me that I couldn’t have it is what sticks to me to this day. I’m a freak like that.

  5. Donna in VA

    Many moons ago after being tested beyond belief, the doctors told me that I was hypoglycemic and that meant that I couldn’t be eating Big Macs anymore. Well, I never ate Big Macs. In fact, I don’t even LIKE Big Macs. But because they told me that I could NOT have them anymore, I HAD to have one! And I did. By the end of that week, I’d eaten a Big Mac and again realized that I truly do not like them. But the fact that somebody told me that I couldn’t have it is what sticks to me to this day. I’m a freak like that.

  6. Donna in VA

    Many moons ago after being tested beyond belief, the doctors told me that I was hypoglycemic and that meant that I couldn’t be eating Big Macs anymore. Well, I never ate Big Macs. In fact, I don’t even LIKE Big Macs. But because they told me that I could NOT have them anymore, I HAD to have one! And I did. By the end of that week, I’d eaten a Big Mac and again realized that I truly do not like them. But the fact that somebody told me that I couldn’t have it is what sticks to me to this day. I’m a freak like that.

  7. Linda

    Oh I remember squats. My personal trainer LOVED them. And oh how I hated that evil little man. He tried to back off on our routine when I mentioned (OK complained) that I cused him that morning on the toilet. Oh no! We aren’t backing off! I’ll do this bloody workout if it kills me! It’s their evil little plan. They know what stubburn wenches we can be and if they say “oh it’s ok we won’t do that if it too hard” we’ll get all indignant about it and do what THEY wanted us to do in the first place. Yea. We sure showed them didn’t we?

  8. Linda

    Oh I remember squats. My personal trainer LOVED them. And oh how I hated that evil little man. He tried to back off on our routine when I mentioned (OK complained) that I cused him that morning on the toilet. Oh no! We aren’t backing off! I’ll do this bloody workout if it kills me! It’s their evil little plan. They know what stubburn wenches we can be and if they say “oh it’s ok we won’t do that if it too hard” we’ll get all indignant about it and do what THEY wanted us to do in the first place. Yea. We sure showed them didn’t we?

  9. Linda

    Oh I remember squats. My personal trainer LOVED them. And oh how I hated that evil little man. He tried to back off on our routine when I mentioned (OK complained) that I cused him that morning on the toilet. Oh no! We aren’t backing off! I’ll do this bloody workout if it kills me! It’s their evil little plan. They know what stubburn wenches we can be and if they say “oh it’s ok we won’t do that if it too hard” we’ll get all indignant about it and do what THEY wanted us to do in the first place. Yea. We sure showed them didn’t we?

  10. Heather

    I think Linda’s right. The Torturer knows you pretty damn well. I don’t think it’s an accident he’s got you asking for his training now. Go figure! Yes, I’m the same way. Easy, aren’t we?

  11. Heather

    I think Linda’s right. The Torturer knows you pretty damn well. I don’t think it’s an accident he’s got you asking for his training now. Go figure! Yes, I’m the same way. Easy, aren’t we?

  12. Heather

    I think Linda’s right. The Torturer knows you pretty damn well. I don’t think it’s an accident he’s got you asking for his training now. Go figure! Yes, I’m the same way. Easy, aren’t we?

  13. Jan

    Well, it depends on what you’re telling me I can’t have.
    If you’re telling me I absolutely can not and will not exercise – chances are, you’re not going to get any argument out of me.
    Tell me I can’t have a piece of chocolate cake? I’ll bake one and eat it in front of you just to prove you wrong.

  14. Jan

    Well, it depends on what you’re telling me I can’t have.
    If you’re telling me I absolutely can not and will not exercise – chances are, you’re not going to get any argument out of me.
    Tell me I can’t have a piece of chocolate cake? I’ll bake one and eat it in front of you just to prove you wrong.

  15. Jan

    Well, it depends on what you’re telling me I can’t have.
    If you’re telling me I absolutely can not and will not exercise – chances are, you’re not going to get any argument out of me.
    Tell me I can’t have a piece of chocolate cake? I’ll bake one and eat it in front of you just to prove you wrong.

  16. Lori

    This cracked me up. I can just picture you insisting he train you and swearing you won’t throw anything at him if he does. Ha!

  17. Lori

    This cracked me up. I can just picture you insisting he train you and swearing you won’t throw anything at him if he does. Ha!

  18. Lori

    This cracked me up. I can just picture you insisting he train you and swearing you won’t throw anything at him if he does. Ha!

  19. Kristan Hoffman

    Yeah, I think it’s human nature or something. 😛
    Although for me it’s more about if you tell me I can’t do it, I want to prove to you that I can…

  20. Kristan Hoffman

    Yeah, I think it’s human nature or something. 😛
    Although for me it’s more about if you tell me I can’t do it, I want to prove to you that I can…

  21. Kristan Hoffman

    Yeah, I think it’s human nature or something. 😛
    Although for me it’s more about if you tell me I can’t do it, I want to prove to you that I can…

  22. EricaB

    Oh man, I totally hear you!
    I once had a new client come in and tell me that the person who recommended me didn’t think I could work as deep as he needed. I heard challenge.
    The next time he came in he told me that if I ever “working that effing hard on me again I will never effing be back”…I explained that he had challenged me and since I had proven myself it wasn’t necessary anymore 🙂
    I posted a blog a while back about my experiences at the gym…one of my favorites: http://craybickford.blogspot.com/2008/06/and-oldieworking-it-out.html

  23. EricaB

    Oh man, I totally hear you!
    I once had a new client come in and tell me that the person who recommended me didn’t think I could work as deep as he needed. I heard challenge.
    The next time he came in he told me that if I ever “working that effing hard on me again I will never effing be back”…I explained that he had challenged me and since I had proven myself it wasn’t necessary anymore 🙂
    I posted a blog a while back about my experiences at the gym…one of my favorites: http://craybickford.blogspot.com/2008/06/and-oldieworking-it-out.html

  24. EricaB

    Oh man, I totally hear you!
    I once had a new client come in and tell me that the person who recommended me didn’t think I could work as deep as he needed. I heard challenge.
    The next time he came in he told me that if I ever “working that effing hard on me again I will never effing be back”…I explained that he had challenged me and since I had proven myself it wasn’t necessary anymore 🙂
    I posted a blog a while back about my experiences at the gym…one of my favorites: http://craybickford.blogspot.com/2008/06/and-oldieworking-it-out.html

  25. Kelly

    I am sooooooooo that way. Tell me I can’t have it and I want it. I’ve always been that way. Sigh.

  26. Kelly

    I am sooooooooo that way. Tell me I can’t have it and I want it. I’ve always been that way. Sigh.

  27. Kelly

    I am sooooooooo that way. Tell me I can’t have it and I want it. I’ve always been that way. Sigh.

  28. Midlife Mama

    Okay I think we are twins separated at birth. I am SO that way. I am extremely stubborn and willful and headstrong, and by god don’t you tell me I can’t have something, because then I’ll want it even if I don’t want it. Just because you told me I can’t have it. I’ll show you. LOL
    And if you tell me I should have something? Even if I do want it? I’ll pretend I don’t want it because you told me I should. LOL
    Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy! LOL

  29. Midlife Mama

    Okay I think we are twins separated at birth. I am SO that way. I am extremely stubborn and willful and headstrong, and by god don’t you tell me I can’t have something, because then I’ll want it even if I don’t want it. Just because you told me I can’t have it. I’ll show you. LOL
    And if you tell me I should have something? Even if I do want it? I’ll pretend I don’t want it because you told me I should. LOL
    Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy! LOL

  30. Midlife Mama

    Okay I think we are twins separated at birth. I am SO that way. I am extremely stubborn and willful and headstrong, and by god don’t you tell me I can’t have something, because then I’ll want it even if I don’t want it. Just because you told me I can’t have it. I’ll show you. LOL
    And if you tell me I should have something? Even if I do want it? I’ll pretend I don’t want it because you told me I should. LOL
    Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy! LOL

  31. Tricia

    I always want what someone says I can’t have. I’d never thought of getting someone to tell me I can’t exercise. You may have just solved my exercise mojo problem.

  32. Tricia

    I always want what someone says I can’t have. I’d never thought of getting someone to tell me I can’t exercise. You may have just solved my exercise mojo problem.

  33. Tricia

    I always want what someone says I can’t have. I’d never thought of getting someone to tell me I can’t exercise. You may have just solved my exercise mojo problem.

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