Giving Up?

I was going to try and write a nice, flippant, post today.  I'd have to bullshit all of you if I did, so I thought better of it.  If I'd written it, you'd know I was faking the cheery attitude.  I'm nothing, if not transparent.  In fact, I think I'm one of the most transparent people on earth.  I'm not good at hiding anything from anyone. 

Last time I checked, I had a bunch of new subscribers.  If they haven't all bailed on me in the last few days, I know they're patiently waiting.  They are saying to themselves, "Hey, I thought this chick was supposed to be interesting and funny.  I thought she was going to make fun of all the freaky rich people she lives near.  She's nothing but boring!"

So instead, I'm going to be honest with all of you today.  I hope you'll appreciate the honesty enough to hang in there with me for a few days until I get back in a groove.  I have good news and bad news.  The good news is that I seem to have made some progress with my accident recovery.  The Torturer tells me I've reached some new blah, blah, blah level.  The bad news is that for about a week he has been giving me new things to do at PT and I'm in so much frickin' pain I can hardly think straight.

It isn't very conducive to writing.  The pain has temporarily killed my sense of humor. 

Imagine that.

Briefcase is gone on an extended trip.  I've been trying to fill the role of mom and dad and every other imaginable role that has been needed around here.  I enjoyed the solitude over the weekend.  I really did.  I thought I'd get a lot of writing done.  There's just one problem.  I'm wincing every time I move.  Or think.  Or type.  My pain level is through the roof. 

I get frustrated whenever I need to resort to pain meds because I see it as a giant step backwards.  I beat myself up for being weak and not being able to endure the pain without them.  I walk around cranky all day and don't take them so that I am able to drive and function.  Then I cave in and take them once I'm home for the evening.  When I go weeks without them I convince myself I'll never need them again.  Then The Torturer changes my routine and I feel like a failure when I do need them again after all.

I've been beating myself up a lot this last week.  Yesterday The Torturer told me I must raise my arm 90 degrees.  (That means raising it up until it reaches straight out in front of me at shoulder height.)  He hooked me up to the dreaded taser gun and tried shocking my muscles into working.  I grimaced and winced and, with immense effort, eventually got my arm to lift 70 degrees. 

Seventy measly degrees out of one hundred and eighty

The pain made it not even worth it.  I mean, really, who the hell wants to be able to use their arm? 

I'm so over it.  Arms are overrated.

Seventy degrees is nothing.  Nothing.  My sense of failure multiplied.  Over two years in physical therapy, five surgeries, and I'm a failure.  A failure and in a lot of pain, what's the point?  And, not for the first time, I felt my spirit just giving up.  "I just can't do this anymore," began as a whisper and developed into a chant in my head.  Discouragement is too mild of a word to describe what I've been feeling.

"I can't do this," I said out loud yesterday.

"I don't ever want to hear you say that word again," snapped The Torturer.

Can't!  Can't!  Can't!!

(Why in the world does he think I need to be treated like a 3 year old?)

The Torturer and I went off to a private room for all the one-on-one shit he does to me.  I am normally chatty and bubbly, but I couldn't even talk.  I knew if I tried to express what I was feeling I'd start crying.  The man's seen enough of my tears.  I think seeing me quiet was more disconcerting to him than tears would have been. 

He tried to talk me out of my funk.  He repeated again how happy I should be that he's giving me new things to try.  How this is a big step forward.  How, of course, there will be a lot of pain every time I start in with new things.  I lay there on the table, eyes closed, letting him move my arm and pretending to listen.  Really, I was concentrating on holding back the tears.  He talked, and all I really heard was blah, blah, blah.

Then suddenly he scolded me, "Snap out of it!" he said sternly.

Startled, I looked at him. 

"You should be happy," he admonished me.  "This is a good sign." 

I rubbed my eyes, trying to quell the threatening tears. 

"What will happen if I quit right now and never come back?  Will it improve on it's own?" I inquired.

He looked stunned.  Stunned and angry.

"What do you think will happen?" he rebuked me.

I didn't answer.  I really don't know what would happen.  I guess my arm would just stay the way it is.  Would I regress?  I don't know.  Would my arm shrivel up like a raisin? 

I left a short while later.

"I'll see you Wednesday?" he asked.

I could see him studying me, appraising.  He was deliberating how to deal with me this time.  I suppose I'm a bit of a challenge.  Maybe.

I nodded, but of course I was contemplating canceling all my appointments.  I think maybe he knew that since … ahem, I've done it before.

To be honest, I'm still considering it.  I'm so frustrated.  I'm so discouraged.  Do I quit or keep trying?

117 Responses to “Giving Up?”

  1. Michelle

    How many times have you had new routine and pain and discouragement and wanted to quit?
    I can’t feel your pain, but I believe that if you quit you won’t only feel discouraged, but also will feel more of a failure than by taking the painkillers. Sometimes we need help, and if taking painkillers (earlier rather than later) is going to make you able to cope and live, rather than want to curl up and die, then I’d be doing that.
    Please don’t give up. I think the days we give up we die a little inside and we don’t get that back.

  2. Michelle

    How many times have you had new routine and pain and discouragement and wanted to quit?
    I can’t feel your pain, but I believe that if you quit you won’t only feel discouraged, but also will feel more of a failure than by taking the painkillers. Sometimes we need help, and if taking painkillers (earlier rather than later) is going to make you able to cope and live, rather than want to curl up and die, then I’d be doing that.
    Please don’t give up. I think the days we give up we die a little inside and we don’t get that back.

  3. Michelle

    How many times have you had new routine and pain and discouragement and wanted to quit?
    I can’t feel your pain, but I believe that if you quit you won’t only feel discouraged, but also will feel more of a failure than by taking the painkillers. Sometimes we need help, and if taking painkillers (earlier rather than later) is going to make you able to cope and live, rather than want to curl up and die, then I’d be doing that.
    Please don’t give up. I think the days we give up we die a little inside and we don’t get that back.

  4. KH

    You keep trying, even though it sucks. Some day you are going to be able to lift that arm 180 degrees and use it to punch torturer in the face, and then, won’t it be worth it? 🙂
    You get to feel bad and have crappy days where crappy things happen. You just don’t get to give up. It’s not what you would tell your kids to do if they were in a similar situation.
    Keep Truckin.

  5. KH

    You keep trying, even though it sucks. Some day you are going to be able to lift that arm 180 degrees and use it to punch torturer in the face, and then, won’t it be worth it? 🙂
    You get to feel bad and have crappy days where crappy things happen. You just don’t get to give up. It’s not what you would tell your kids to do if they were in a similar situation.
    Keep Truckin.

  6. KH

    You keep trying, even though it sucks. Some day you are going to be able to lift that arm 180 degrees and use it to punch torturer in the face, and then, won’t it be worth it? 🙂
    You get to feel bad and have crappy days where crappy things happen. You just don’t get to give up. It’s not what you would tell your kids to do if they were in a similar situation.
    Keep Truckin.

  7. Helena

    You must not think that you are a failure because you can’t lift your arm. But if you give up your treatments you will probably feel more like a failure. Don’t give up!

  8. Helena

    You must not think that you are a failure because you can’t lift your arm. But if you give up your treatments you will probably feel more like a failure. Don’t give up!

  9. Helena

    You must not think that you are a failure because you can’t lift your arm. But if you give up your treatments you will probably feel more like a failure. Don’t give up!

  10. Lori

    Dear lord I feel your pain and frustrations more than you know. I think those of us that live with pain 24/7 and have a physical issue whether it be from an injury or ailment, are going to have days or weeks like this because reality is pain sucks…not being able to do the the things we physically want to do in our heads suck big time.
    I have these moments when the reality of living with pain for the rest of my life really hits me and the thought that keeps coming into my head is “I wish this girl would have just killed me.” The reality has been hitting me this week as we are on vacation in Florida for my daughters wedding and here I am feeling like shit. The injury, the pain goes where ever I go…I wish I could have left it back at home. It sucks because there are things I want to do but know I can’t and sometimes the pain is just to fricken much and everything has to stop for the moment. I understand the guilt you feel for taking the pain meds…it feels like going backwards. But, I also know that as much as we hate taking them, they help our bodies fight and help us cope with pain that most people don’t have a clue about. So I just stop and try to keep breathing through these moments…and not give up.
    I understand wanting to just say “fuck it” and give up…but I also know that these are just feelings and that I, like you, are going to feel this way sometimes and we just need to give ourselves permission to feel this way and express it like you are in this post and then move on to fighting for our lives again. We both know we aren’t going to give up because we both have way too much to fight for.
    I know how pain affects our ability to think rational thoughts…well actually to think period. We say many things…think many things through the eyes of pain. Many times the pain speaks loud and clear because plain and simply we have flippin had enough.

  11. Lori

    Dear lord I feel your pain and frustrations more than you know. I think those of us that live with pain 24/7 and have a physical issue whether it be from an injury or ailment, are going to have days or weeks like this because reality is pain sucks…not being able to do the the things we physically want to do in our heads suck big time.
    I have these moments when the reality of living with pain for the rest of my life really hits me and the thought that keeps coming into my head is “I wish this girl would have just killed me.” The reality has been hitting me this week as we are on vacation in Florida for my daughters wedding and here I am feeling like shit. The injury, the pain goes where ever I go…I wish I could have left it back at home. It sucks because there are things I want to do but know I can’t and sometimes the pain is just to fricken much and everything has to stop for the moment. I understand the guilt you feel for taking the pain meds…it feels like going backwards. But, I also know that as much as we hate taking them, they help our bodies fight and help us cope with pain that most people don’t have a clue about. So I just stop and try to keep breathing through these moments…and not give up.
    I understand wanting to just say “fuck it” and give up…but I also know that these are just feelings and that I, like you, are going to feel this way sometimes and we just need to give ourselves permission to feel this way and express it like you are in this post and then move on to fighting for our lives again. We both know we aren’t going to give up because we both have way too much to fight for.
    I know how pain affects our ability to think rational thoughts…well actually to think period. We say many things…think many things through the eyes of pain. Many times the pain speaks loud and clear because plain and simply we have flippin had enough.

  12. Lori

    Dear lord I feel your pain and frustrations more than you know. I think those of us that live with pain 24/7 and have a physical issue whether it be from an injury or ailment, are going to have days or weeks like this because reality is pain sucks…not being able to do the the things we physically want to do in our heads suck big time.
    I have these moments when the reality of living with pain for the rest of my life really hits me and the thought that keeps coming into my head is “I wish this girl would have just killed me.” The reality has been hitting me this week as we are on vacation in Florida for my daughters wedding and here I am feeling like shit. The injury, the pain goes where ever I go…I wish I could have left it back at home. It sucks because there are things I want to do but know I can’t and sometimes the pain is just to fricken much and everything has to stop for the moment. I understand the guilt you feel for taking the pain meds…it feels like going backwards. But, I also know that as much as we hate taking them, they help our bodies fight and help us cope with pain that most people don’t have a clue about. So I just stop and try to keep breathing through these moments…and not give up.
    I understand wanting to just say “fuck it” and give up…but I also know that these are just feelings and that I, like you, are going to feel this way sometimes and we just need to give ourselves permission to feel this way and express it like you are in this post and then move on to fighting for our lives again. We both know we aren’t going to give up because we both have way too much to fight for.
    I know how pain affects our ability to think rational thoughts…well actually to think period. We say many things…think many things through the eyes of pain. Many times the pain speaks loud and clear because plain and simply we have flippin had enough.

  13. Pam

    I don’t know you. I’m a fairly new subscriber who lurks back in the corner every morning. I look forward to your blog every day. Funny or not so funny. I DO know you are an amazing woman. When you can see through the fog that clouds your mind whatever that fog may be… pain, pity, frustration, disgust… whatever… please pull your bootstraps up and get back on your pony and ride girlfriend. This somewhat new subscriber supports you!

  14. Pam

    I don’t know you. I’m a fairly new subscriber who lurks back in the corner every morning. I look forward to your blog every day. Funny or not so funny. I DO know you are an amazing woman. When you can see through the fog that clouds your mind whatever that fog may be… pain, pity, frustration, disgust… whatever… please pull your bootstraps up and get back on your pony and ride girlfriend. This somewhat new subscriber supports you!

  15. Pam

    I don’t know you. I’m a fairly new subscriber who lurks back in the corner every morning. I look forward to your blog every day. Funny or not so funny. I DO know you are an amazing woman. When you can see through the fog that clouds your mind whatever that fog may be… pain, pity, frustration, disgust… whatever… please pull your bootstraps up and get back on your pony and ride girlfriend. This somewhat new subscriber supports you!

  16. Donna in VA

    Gosh 24, I hear your pain talking (screaming out for help) and I am so sorry you hurt so, yet I’m not qualified enough to give you ANY advice. I have no idea what you’re going through. . . the agony. I think this may just be a bump in the road of your recovery. It sounds like you’ve had other bumps in the past. Hopefully, you’ll work through this one too. My heart goes out to you and I wish you well.

  17. Donna in VA

    Gosh 24, I hear your pain talking (screaming out for help) and I am so sorry you hurt so, yet I’m not qualified enough to give you ANY advice. I have no idea what you’re going through. . . the agony. I think this may just be a bump in the road of your recovery. It sounds like you’ve had other bumps in the past. Hopefully, you’ll work through this one too. My heart goes out to you and I wish you well.

  18. Donna in VA

    Gosh 24, I hear your pain talking (screaming out for help) and I am so sorry you hurt so, yet I’m not qualified enough to give you ANY advice. I have no idea what you’re going through. . . the agony. I think this may just be a bump in the road of your recovery. It sounds like you’ve had other bumps in the past. Hopefully, you’ll work through this one too. My heart goes out to you and I wish you well.

  19. Joanne

    hang in there girl. I know you wont quit. I am glad that we are here so you can vent, rage, complain, and get it all of your chest. Sounds to me like you are in touch with your pain management, and not abusing it, so take them when you need them, you are doing the right thing. So this Wednesday try to shoot for 75deg and worry about 90deg later!

  20. Joanne

    hang in there girl. I know you wont quit. I am glad that we are here so you can vent, rage, complain, and get it all of your chest. Sounds to me like you are in touch with your pain management, and not abusing it, so take them when you need them, you are doing the right thing. So this Wednesday try to shoot for 75deg and worry about 90deg later!

  21. Joanne

    hang in there girl. I know you wont quit. I am glad that we are here so you can vent, rage, complain, and get it all of your chest. Sounds to me like you are in touch with your pain management, and not abusing it, so take them when you need them, you are doing the right thing. So this Wednesday try to shoot for 75deg and worry about 90deg later!

  22. CourtneyRyan369

    YOU KEEP TRYING! Every kind of therapy comes with steps forward and steps back. Don’t see the pain meds as being weak, they’re making that next step forward possible right now. Hang in there…and think of it this way. 70* is a LOT better than 5*
    I know I don’t know you, but my heart is sending you a hug right now.

  23. CourtneyRyan369

    YOU KEEP TRYING! Every kind of therapy comes with steps forward and steps back. Don’t see the pain meds as being weak, they’re making that next step forward possible right now. Hang in there…and think of it this way. 70* is a LOT better than 5*
    I know I don’t know you, but my heart is sending you a hug right now.

  24. CourtneyRyan369

    YOU KEEP TRYING! Every kind of therapy comes with steps forward and steps back. Don’t see the pain meds as being weak, they’re making that next step forward possible right now. Hang in there…and think of it this way. 70* is a LOT better than 5*
    I know I don’t know you, but my heart is sending you a hug right now.

  25. Midlife Mama

    I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through, so I won’t lie and say I know how you feel. The phrase “no pain no gain” comes to mind. I think that you’re entitled to a pity party once in awhile, just don’t make it a permanent thing.
    It’s all in the perspective, I guess. There are others out there worse off than you, and there are others better off. What we have to do is deal with the reality that’s happening to you, and if the Torturer feels you have more progress to make, then it sounds like it’s worth it to keep going.
    And let the pain pills do what they’re designed to do — give you pain relief. And if you take them in the evenings, when you’re home and don’t have to worry about driving and all, then use them to get some much-needed relief. Having pain 24-7 isn’t going to do your mental health any good. If you can get the occasional reprieve from the pain, then that will give you a chance to crawl out of your pain hole.
    One of the things I went through when I got divorced, was wondering if my emotional pain was ever going to end. One of the things I learned from a divorce group I went through, was that you can’t look ahead and say, “How am I going to ever get through the rest of my life with this emotional pain? You see endless days stretching ahead, full of emptiness, loneliness, and taking care of two kids (who were 3 and 8 at at the time) all by myself. We were told to take it one day at a time. Say to yourself, “I can get through today.” And make that your goal. The next day, you say to yourself, “I can get through today.” and so forth, until you can start saying, “I can get through this week.” and eventually you stop looking down, realized you’ve dealt with and passed through depression and emotional pain, and can begin looking forward to the rest of your life without thinking it’s just too hard.
    So. That’s my two cents worth. I’ve never had physical pain like that, but I’ve had emotional pain, and I know it can be bad.
    Hugs to you! 🙂

  26. Midlife Mama

    I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through, so I won’t lie and say I know how you feel. The phrase “no pain no gain” comes to mind. I think that you’re entitled to a pity party once in awhile, just don’t make it a permanent thing.
    It’s all in the perspective, I guess. There are others out there worse off than you, and there are others better off. What we have to do is deal with the reality that’s happening to you, and if the Torturer feels you have more progress to make, then it sounds like it’s worth it to keep going.
    And let the pain pills do what they’re designed to do — give you pain relief. And if you take them in the evenings, when you’re home and don’t have to worry about driving and all, then use them to get some much-needed relief. Having pain 24-7 isn’t going to do your mental health any good. If you can get the occasional reprieve from the pain, then that will give you a chance to crawl out of your pain hole.
    One of the things I went through when I got divorced, was wondering if my emotional pain was ever going to end. One of the things I learned from a divorce group I went through, was that you can’t look ahead and say, “How am I going to ever get through the rest of my life with this emotional pain? You see endless days stretching ahead, full of emptiness, loneliness, and taking care of two kids (who were 3 and 8 at at the time) all by myself. We were told to take it one day at a time. Say to yourself, “I can get through today.” And make that your goal. The next day, you say to yourself, “I can get through today.” and so forth, until you can start saying, “I can get through this week.” and eventually you stop looking down, realized you’ve dealt with and passed through depression and emotional pain, and can begin looking forward to the rest of your life without thinking it’s just too hard.
    So. That’s my two cents worth. I’ve never had physical pain like that, but I’ve had emotional pain, and I know it can be bad.
    Hugs to you! 🙂

  27. Midlife Mama

    I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through, so I won’t lie and say I know how you feel. The phrase “no pain no gain” comes to mind. I think that you’re entitled to a pity party once in awhile, just don’t make it a permanent thing.
    It’s all in the perspective, I guess. There are others out there worse off than you, and there are others better off. What we have to do is deal with the reality that’s happening to you, and if the Torturer feels you have more progress to make, then it sounds like it’s worth it to keep going.
    And let the pain pills do what they’re designed to do — give you pain relief. And if you take them in the evenings, when you’re home and don’t have to worry about driving and all, then use them to get some much-needed relief. Having pain 24-7 isn’t going to do your mental health any good. If you can get the occasional reprieve from the pain, then that will give you a chance to crawl out of your pain hole.
    One of the things I went through when I got divorced, was wondering if my emotional pain was ever going to end. One of the things I learned from a divorce group I went through, was that you can’t look ahead and say, “How am I going to ever get through the rest of my life with this emotional pain? You see endless days stretching ahead, full of emptiness, loneliness, and taking care of two kids (who were 3 and 8 at at the time) all by myself. We were told to take it one day at a time. Say to yourself, “I can get through today.” And make that your goal. The next day, you say to yourself, “I can get through today.” and so forth, until you can start saying, “I can get through this week.” and eventually you stop looking down, realized you’ve dealt with and passed through depression and emotional pain, and can begin looking forward to the rest of your life without thinking it’s just too hard.
    So. That’s my two cents worth. I’ve never had physical pain like that, but I’ve had emotional pain, and I know it can be bad.
    Hugs to you! 🙂

  28. Linda

    *smacking you up side the head* Quitting is NOT an option. You think the Torturer is tough? If You cancel your appointments the nxt sound you hear will me ME banging on your front door! You hear me?? And don’t think I won’t!
    *Momisum* 70 degress?! Beats a poke in the ey with a sharp stick! 70 degrees! There are people in the world that don’t have ANY arms!
    *hugs* Oh Honey, I’m sorry you hurt but Torturer is right this is a good thing and it too will pass.
    We all come here because we care about and love you no matter what your mood. Don’t you know that? *more hugs*

  29. Linda

    *smacking you up side the head* Quitting is NOT an option. You think the Torturer is tough? If You cancel your appointments the nxt sound you hear will me ME banging on your front door! You hear me?? And don’t think I won’t!
    *Momisum* 70 degress?! Beats a poke in the ey with a sharp stick! 70 degrees! There are people in the world that don’t have ANY arms!
    *hugs* Oh Honey, I’m sorry you hurt but Torturer is right this is a good thing and it too will pass.
    We all come here because we care about and love you no matter what your mood. Don’t you know that? *more hugs*

  30. Linda

    *smacking you up side the head* Quitting is NOT an option. You think the Torturer is tough? If You cancel your appointments the nxt sound you hear will me ME banging on your front door! You hear me?? And don’t think I won’t!
    *Momisum* 70 degress?! Beats a poke in the ey with a sharp stick! 70 degrees! There are people in the world that don’t have ANY arms!
    *hugs* Oh Honey, I’m sorry you hurt but Torturer is right this is a good thing and it too will pass.
    We all come here because we care about and love you no matter what your mood. Don’t you know that? *more hugs*

  31. goodfather

    If you give up, I’m unsubscribing.
    And then I will try to forget how you made me laugh in the face of your pain. I will try to forget how you showed everyone that reads your blog how to stay grounded and REAL, even while pointing out the absurdities of your life.
    If you give up, I will literally come to Orange County (I’ve got frequent flyer miles where my mouth is), find The Torturer, and go out and HAVE A BEER WITH HIM. I’ll give up too.
    Please don’t give up. Like you, I’ve worked really hard to get as far as I am.

  32. goodfather

    If you give up, I’m unsubscribing.
    And then I will try to forget how you made me laugh in the face of your pain. I will try to forget how you showed everyone that reads your blog how to stay grounded and REAL, even while pointing out the absurdities of your life.
    If you give up, I will literally come to Orange County (I’ve got frequent flyer miles where my mouth is), find The Torturer, and go out and HAVE A BEER WITH HIM. I’ll give up too.
    Please don’t give up. Like you, I’ve worked really hard to get as far as I am.

  33. goodfather

    If you give up, I’m unsubscribing.
    And then I will try to forget how you made me laugh in the face of your pain. I will try to forget how you showed everyone that reads your blog how to stay grounded and REAL, even while pointing out the absurdities of your life.
    If you give up, I will literally come to Orange County (I’ve got frequent flyer miles where my mouth is), find The Torturer, and go out and HAVE A BEER WITH HIM. I’ll give up too.
    Please don’t give up. Like you, I’ve worked really hard to get as far as I am.

  34. Jan

    If you give up, how will I be able to tell AKJ that he should never give up, and how there’s always hope?
    (((24@Heart))) We love you dear – all of your readers, new and old, would hate to see you stop now when you’ve gone so far.

  35. Jan

    If you give up, how will I be able to tell AKJ that he should never give up, and how there’s always hope?
    (((24@Heart))) We love you dear – all of your readers, new and old, would hate to see you stop now when you’ve gone so far.

  36. Jan

    If you give up, how will I be able to tell AKJ that he should never give up, and how there’s always hope?
    (((24@Heart))) We love you dear – all of your readers, new and old, would hate to see you stop now when you’ve gone so far.

  37. Angela

    Awww…I know I don’t understand the pain you’re having, but I do understand about it being rough. You think that we all just come here to read your funny stories, but really we come here because we care about you. I think every one of your readers understands that sometimes you just have to vent and let people know that you’re frustrated, and that’s okay! And if there are any readers that get mad and refuse to keep coming back just because you’re sharing your struggles — then you don’t want those kinds of people reading your stuff anyway!
    I hope it gets better soon. Don’t give up! You have to think about long term — don’t just focus on what’s going on right now. You’re making progress, right? A few months ago would you have been able to raise your arm 70 degrees? It’s better than nothing!

  38. Angela

    Awww…I know I don’t understand the pain you’re having, but I do understand about it being rough. You think that we all just come here to read your funny stories, but really we come here because we care about you. I think every one of your readers understands that sometimes you just have to vent and let people know that you’re frustrated, and that’s okay! And if there are any readers that get mad and refuse to keep coming back just because you’re sharing your struggles — then you don’t want those kinds of people reading your stuff anyway!
    I hope it gets better soon. Don’t give up! You have to think about long term — don’t just focus on what’s going on right now. You’re making progress, right? A few months ago would you have been able to raise your arm 70 degrees? It’s better than nothing!

  39. Angela

    Awww…I know I don’t understand the pain you’re having, but I do understand about it being rough. You think that we all just come here to read your funny stories, but really we come here because we care about you. I think every one of your readers understands that sometimes you just have to vent and let people know that you’re frustrated, and that’s okay! And if there are any readers that get mad and refuse to keep coming back just because you’re sharing your struggles — then you don’t want those kinds of people reading your stuff anyway!
    I hope it gets better soon. Don’t give up! You have to think about long term — don’t just focus on what’s going on right now. You’re making progress, right? A few months ago would you have been able to raise your arm 70 degrees? It’s better than nothing!

  40. emmysuh

    OH NO. MY COMMENT WAS DELETED. And it was so lovingly hand-crafted too.
    Take II.
    Here’s what we do — we get you one of those Steven Hawkings Mind Reading Computer that types based on how you blink. THEN we hire me as your personal assistant. Then you NEVER have to use that arm because you either have the Mind Reading Computer to type your blog posts for you, or you have me to do whatever the hell else you want. (I mean, within reason. I draw the line at public nudity…unless there’s a signifcant pay raise for me…and barf bags for anyone forced to witness…)
    Seriously — I know that feeling of frustration is the worst. Nothing is a worse anti-motivator than pain/the mind. (SO MANY double negatives.) But you have to keep working, not because of the arm but to prove to yourself you’re not a quitter and you’re strong enough to work through adversity. It can be your life’s work.
    Think about what a great blog post that will be someday… =)

  41. emmysuh

    OH NO. MY COMMENT WAS DELETED. And it was so lovingly hand-crafted too.
    Take II.
    Here’s what we do — we get you one of those Steven Hawkings Mind Reading Computer that types based on how you blink. THEN we hire me as your personal assistant. Then you NEVER have to use that arm because you either have the Mind Reading Computer to type your blog posts for you, or you have me to do whatever the hell else you want. (I mean, within reason. I draw the line at public nudity…unless there’s a signifcant pay raise for me…and barf bags for anyone forced to witness…)
    Seriously — I know that feeling of frustration is the worst. Nothing is a worse anti-motivator than pain/the mind. (SO MANY double negatives.) But you have to keep working, not because of the arm but to prove to yourself you’re not a quitter and you’re strong enough to work through adversity. It can be your life’s work.
    Think about what a great blog post that will be someday… =)

  42. emmysuh

    OH NO. MY COMMENT WAS DELETED. And it was so lovingly hand-crafted too.
    Take II.
    Here’s what we do — we get you one of those Steven Hawkings Mind Reading Computer that types based on how you blink. THEN we hire me as your personal assistant. Then you NEVER have to use that arm because you either have the Mind Reading Computer to type your blog posts for you, or you have me to do whatever the hell else you want. (I mean, within reason. I draw the line at public nudity…unless there’s a signifcant pay raise for me…and barf bags for anyone forced to witness…)
    Seriously — I know that feeling of frustration is the worst. Nothing is a worse anti-motivator than pain/the mind. (SO MANY double negatives.) But you have to keep working, not because of the arm but to prove to yourself you’re not a quitter and you’re strong enough to work through adversity. It can be your life’s work.
    Think about what a great blog post that will be someday… =)

  43. matter

    I’m with goodfather: If you quit, I’m unsubscribing! I am also a new subscriber, and like Pam, I look forward to your posts whether or not their funny. Please don’t quit! You have come so far and made so much progress! (I know that because you wrote that in this post; like I said, I’m new to your blog.) In twenty years, you will be glad you stuck to it and can move your arm, even though it is so terrible to go through now.
    Also, no one else thinks you’re a failure for using pain meds! You have them for a reason, and you should use them. They’re a tool to help you get through this so that one day you won’t need them. Please don’t be so hard on yourself! (I know; easier said than done!)

  44. matter

    I’m with goodfather: If you quit, I’m unsubscribing! I am also a new subscriber, and like Pam, I look forward to your posts whether or not their funny. Please don’t quit! You have come so far and made so much progress! (I know that because you wrote that in this post; like I said, I’m new to your blog.) In twenty years, you will be glad you stuck to it and can move your arm, even though it is so terrible to go through now.
    Also, no one else thinks you’re a failure for using pain meds! You have them for a reason, and you should use them. They’re a tool to help you get through this so that one day you won’t need them. Please don’t be so hard on yourself! (I know; easier said than done!)

  45. matter

    I’m with goodfather: If you quit, I’m unsubscribing! I am also a new subscriber, and like Pam, I look forward to your posts whether or not their funny. Please don’t quit! You have come so far and made so much progress! (I know that because you wrote that in this post; like I said, I’m new to your blog.) In twenty years, you will be glad you stuck to it and can move your arm, even though it is so terrible to go through now.
    Also, no one else thinks you’re a failure for using pain meds! You have them for a reason, and you should use them. They’re a tool to help you get through this so that one day you won’t need them. Please don’t be so hard on yourself! (I know; easier said than done!)

  46. Lo

    you are probably the most funny and genuine person that i read online. (okay. that sounded pervy. erm.) you always manage to make me laugh no matter how craptastic my day is going. you are honest, gorgeous, kind, freakin’ hilarious and you strike me as a person who is strong willed and tough.
    don’t let 70 degrees discourage you. take it from me. i’m only 24 years old and because i bailed on my p.t. when i was 16, i can’t run. at. all. i go to bed in pain every night. i wake up stiff and feeling like i’m 70. i am in pain 24/7. it’s gotten to the point where honestly, i can’t remember a time when my back or knee didn’t hurt, or what that even felt like. to not be in pain.
    and you know why? i was in p.t. for two years. at the two year mark, i said, f-this, it’s not getting any better and meanwhile i’m in so much pain i can’t get out of bed- and i’m only 16. screw it, it can’t get any worse, i’m leavin’. never comin’ back.
    and it got worse. a hell of a lot worse. now i can’t have surgery bc of scar tissue. and now, i’m probably screwed for life and god help me when i get pregnant bc i’m going to have HUGE issues carrying that weight, what w/my spine issues and tailbone and nerve damage and la- di- da.
    anyway. enough about my crappy sob story. be stronger than i was. be a grownup and while sucking itup and self-medicating SUCKS, sometimes? it’s worth it. you’re worth it. you’re better than your pain.

  47. Lo

    you are probably the most funny and genuine person that i read online. (okay. that sounded pervy. erm.) you always manage to make me laugh no matter how craptastic my day is going. you are honest, gorgeous, kind, freakin’ hilarious and you strike me as a person who is strong willed and tough.
    don’t let 70 degrees discourage you. take it from me. i’m only 24 years old and because i bailed on my p.t. when i was 16, i can’t run. at. all. i go to bed in pain every night. i wake up stiff and feeling like i’m 70. i am in pain 24/7. it’s gotten to the point where honestly, i can’t remember a time when my back or knee didn’t hurt, or what that even felt like. to not be in pain.
    and you know why? i was in p.t. for two years. at the two year mark, i said, f-this, it’s not getting any better and meanwhile i’m in so much pain i can’t get out of bed- and i’m only 16. screw it, it can’t get any worse, i’m leavin’. never comin’ back.
    and it got worse. a hell of a lot worse. now i can’t have surgery bc of scar tissue. and now, i’m probably screwed for life and god help me when i get pregnant bc i’m going to have HUGE issues carrying that weight, what w/my spine issues and tailbone and nerve damage and la- di- da.
    anyway. enough about my crappy sob story. be stronger than i was. be a grownup and while sucking itup and self-medicating SUCKS, sometimes? it’s worth it. you’re worth it. you’re better than your pain.

  48. Lo

    you are probably the most funny and genuine person that i read online. (okay. that sounded pervy. erm.) you always manage to make me laugh no matter how craptastic my day is going. you are honest, gorgeous, kind, freakin’ hilarious and you strike me as a person who is strong willed and tough.
    don’t let 70 degrees discourage you. take it from me. i’m only 24 years old and because i bailed on my p.t. when i was 16, i can’t run. at. all. i go to bed in pain every night. i wake up stiff and feeling like i’m 70. i am in pain 24/7. it’s gotten to the point where honestly, i can’t remember a time when my back or knee didn’t hurt, or what that even felt like. to not be in pain.
    and you know why? i was in p.t. for two years. at the two year mark, i said, f-this, it’s not getting any better and meanwhile i’m in so much pain i can’t get out of bed- and i’m only 16. screw it, it can’t get any worse, i’m leavin’. never comin’ back.
    and it got worse. a hell of a lot worse. now i can’t have surgery bc of scar tissue. and now, i’m probably screwed for life and god help me when i get pregnant bc i’m going to have HUGE issues carrying that weight, what w/my spine issues and tailbone and nerve damage and la- di- da.
    anyway. enough about my crappy sob story. be stronger than i was. be a grownup and while sucking itup and self-medicating SUCKS, sometimes? it’s worth it. you’re worth it. you’re better than your pain.

  49. Heather

    Whether you intended to or not, you invited all of us into this battle with you when you began your blog. You aren’t doing this alone. Every single one of your readers is now emotionally invested in your recovery. Every bit of it. Even the bad days, and the bad weeks. You can’t give up. You have thousands of other people here with you now. We NEED you to keep going. For yourself and for us.

  50. Heather

    Whether you intended to or not, you invited all of us into this battle with you when you began your blog. You aren’t doing this alone. Every single one of your readers is now emotionally invested in your recovery. Every bit of it. Even the bad days, and the bad weeks. You can’t give up. You have thousands of other people here with you now. We NEED you to keep going. For yourself and for us.

  51. Heather

    Whether you intended to or not, you invited all of us into this battle with you when you began your blog. You aren’t doing this alone. Every single one of your readers is now emotionally invested in your recovery. Every bit of it. Even the bad days, and the bad weeks. You can’t give up. You have thousands of other people here with you now. We NEED you to keep going. For yourself and for us.

  52. Mike

    Don’t even think about it. It’s not an option. You certainly deserve the moments of WANTING to give up. But you aren’t allowed to really do it. Ever.

  53. Mike

    Don’t even think about it. It’s not an option. You certainly deserve the moments of WANTING to give up. But you aren’t allowed to really do it. Ever.

  54. Mike

    Don’t even think about it. It’s not an option. You certainly deserve the moments of WANTING to give up. But you aren’t allowed to really do it. Ever.

  55. Joan

    I haven’t commented in a while because I’ve had nothing interesting to add. But I’m still here, just like I promised I would be when we “celebrated” your PT anniversary. If you give up, there won’t be a party next year!!! So suck it up, and don’t be so hard on yourself for using pain meds. Your body has to be able to rest to progress, and that won’t happen unless the muscles are able to relax once in a while.

  56. Joan

    I haven’t commented in a while because I’ve had nothing interesting to add. But I’m still here, just like I promised I would be when we “celebrated” your PT anniversary. If you give up, there won’t be a party next year!!! So suck it up, and don’t be so hard on yourself for using pain meds. Your body has to be able to rest to progress, and that won’t happen unless the muscles are able to relax once in a while.

  57. Joan

    I haven’t commented in a while because I’ve had nothing interesting to add. But I’m still here, just like I promised I would be when we “celebrated” your PT anniversary. If you give up, there won’t be a party next year!!! So suck it up, and don’t be so hard on yourself for using pain meds. Your body has to be able to rest to progress, and that won’t happen unless the muscles are able to relax once in a while.

  58. Miz Liz

    Life sucks sometimes. Well, sometimes alot. And then it doesn’t.Pain sucks for sure. It clouds everything, esp when it’s consistent and blocks out everything else. Give yourself a break and then get back on the horse. Use the pain meds when you can’t stand it; it’s not a sign of failure, it’s a sign of good judgment and that you value yourself.
    Keep the faith sister!

  59. Miz Liz

    Life sucks sometimes. Well, sometimes alot. And then it doesn’t.Pain sucks for sure. It clouds everything, esp when it’s consistent and blocks out everything else. Give yourself a break and then get back on the horse. Use the pain meds when you can’t stand it; it’s not a sign of failure, it’s a sign of good judgment and that you value yourself.
    Keep the faith sister!

  60. Miz Liz

    Life sucks sometimes. Well, sometimes alot. And then it doesn’t.Pain sucks for sure. It clouds everything, esp when it’s consistent and blocks out everything else. Give yourself a break and then get back on the horse. Use the pain meds when you can’t stand it; it’s not a sign of failure, it’s a sign of good judgment and that you value yourself.
    Keep the faith sister!

  61. alntv

    Feel sorry for yourself for one day…then you get your ass back in there and keep working at it! We’re all here for you when you need us! 🙂

  62. alntv

    Feel sorry for yourself for one day…then you get your ass back in there and keep working at it! We’re all here for you when you need us! 🙂

  63. alntv

    Feel sorry for yourself for one day…then you get your ass back in there and keep working at it! We’re all here for you when you need us! 🙂

  64. Kristan Hoffman

    Do we really need to dignify that with an answer? Especially one you already know?
    I don’t know if you need to be *happy* about new stuff, but I trust the Torturer when he says it means you’re going in the right direction.
    CAN. CAN. CAN.
    Will.

  65. Kristan Hoffman

    Do we really need to dignify that with an answer? Especially one you already know?
    I don’t know if you need to be *happy* about new stuff, but I trust the Torturer when he says it means you’re going in the right direction.
    CAN. CAN. CAN.
    Will.

  66. Kristan Hoffman

    Do we really need to dignify that with an answer? Especially one you already know?
    I don’t know if you need to be *happy* about new stuff, but I trust the Torturer when he says it means you’re going in the right direction.
    CAN. CAN. CAN.
    Will.

  67. Judi

    You are absolutely entitled to vent and cry and wallow in self-pity every now and then. Own your feelings, and recognize them for what they are (a necessary catharsis).
    Then get your butt back to PT and keep working, because otherwise the bastards win (the bastards being the jerk who hit you and his lawyer and anyone who doubts the validity of your injuries or who doesn’t appreciate how hard you have worked and how far you have already come).

  68. Judi

    You are absolutely entitled to vent and cry and wallow in self-pity every now and then. Own your feelings, and recognize them for what they are (a necessary catharsis).
    Then get your butt back to PT and keep working, because otherwise the bastards win (the bastards being the jerk who hit you and his lawyer and anyone who doubts the validity of your injuries or who doesn’t appreciate how hard you have worked and how far you have already come).

  69. Judi

    You are absolutely entitled to vent and cry and wallow in self-pity every now and then. Own your feelings, and recognize them for what they are (a necessary catharsis).
    Then get your butt back to PT and keep working, because otherwise the bastards win (the bastards being the jerk who hit you and his lawyer and anyone who doubts the validity of your injuries or who doesn’t appreciate how hard you have worked and how far you have already come).

  70. Renee

    I hope you will keep going. You are such an inspiration. So many people have crap going on in their lives, I think we shouldn’t give up. We all get down sometimes and feel like quiting, but I think if we keep on pushing it has to get better.
    Right??

  71. Renee

    I hope you will keep going. You are such an inspiration. So many people have crap going on in their lives, I think we shouldn’t give up. We all get down sometimes and feel like quiting, but I think if we keep on pushing it has to get better.
    Right??

  72. Renee

    I hope you will keep going. You are such an inspiration. So many people have crap going on in their lives, I think we shouldn’t give up. We all get down sometimes and feel like quiting, but I think if we keep on pushing it has to get better.
    Right??

  73. Larissa

    God, it’s so easy to give up, isn’t it? But the thing you have to focus on (as difficult as it is) is the fact that even withOUT the pain from therapy, there’s still the pain from just BEING. And only one route will benefit you in the long run.
    I can tell you first hand that without therapy, you will regress. The muscles will atrophy, and new pains will arise. My father fell and fractured 3 vertebrae in his neck in June 2006. By the end of that August, he was discharged, and able to walk with support, and stand and sit on his own as long as he had his standing walker for leverage… Today, he has been bedridden for the last 20 months, unable to move ANYTHING but his head from side to side about 45 degrees, and lift his arms from the elbows down about 30 degrees. He has lost all bowel and bladder control. He has to be fed, bathed in bed, and cleaned like a baby after bowel movements. He has a foley catheter for urine. He has become a fragile shell of himself – because at-home PT got him to the point that, given his spinal cord injury, they could not progress anymore (which they had gotten him so, so far)… and then STOPPED COMING. A month or so after that, he fell again, wound up in the hospital for a few days, and then was bedridden from that point on.
    In my own personal hell, it’s so much easier to just claim “I can’t” and lie down as much as possible throughout the day with an almost 3-year old to care for. But I’m pushing… I’m embarking on a world of treatment with a pain clinic & their *7* different specialists. After the initial consult, I wanted to give up – AGAIN – because the simple assessment of my issues not only angered the pains I already had, but also sent me home with new, firey pains in new locations. It was hell. I had no medications from the visit, but even less of a grasp of “normal.”
    It’s hard. But ANY gain is worth it. I understand – believe me… and if you want to email me, I’ll be here.

  74. Larissa

    God, it’s so easy to give up, isn’t it? But the thing you have to focus on (as difficult as it is) is the fact that even withOUT the pain from therapy, there’s still the pain from just BEING. And only one route will benefit you in the long run.
    I can tell you first hand that without therapy, you will regress. The muscles will atrophy, and new pains will arise. My father fell and fractured 3 vertebrae in his neck in June 2006. By the end of that August, he was discharged, and able to walk with support, and stand and sit on his own as long as he had his standing walker for leverage… Today, he has been bedridden for the last 20 months, unable to move ANYTHING but his head from side to side about 45 degrees, and lift his arms from the elbows down about 30 degrees. He has lost all bowel and bladder control. He has to be fed, bathed in bed, and cleaned like a baby after bowel movements. He has a foley catheter for urine. He has become a fragile shell of himself – because at-home PT got him to the point that, given his spinal cord injury, they could not progress anymore (which they had gotten him so, so far)… and then STOPPED COMING. A month or so after that, he fell again, wound up in the hospital for a few days, and then was bedridden from that point on.
    In my own personal hell, it’s so much easier to just claim “I can’t” and lie down as much as possible throughout the day with an almost 3-year old to care for. But I’m pushing… I’m embarking on a world of treatment with a pain clinic & their *7* different specialists. After the initial consult, I wanted to give up – AGAIN – because the simple assessment of my issues not only angered the pains I already had, but also sent me home with new, firey pains in new locations. It was hell. I had no medications from the visit, but even less of a grasp of “normal.”
    It’s hard. But ANY gain is worth it. I understand – believe me… and if you want to email me, I’ll be here.

  75. Larissa

    God, it’s so easy to give up, isn’t it? But the thing you have to focus on (as difficult as it is) is the fact that even withOUT the pain from therapy, there’s still the pain from just BEING. And only one route will benefit you in the long run.
    I can tell you first hand that without therapy, you will regress. The muscles will atrophy, and new pains will arise. My father fell and fractured 3 vertebrae in his neck in June 2006. By the end of that August, he was discharged, and able to walk with support, and stand and sit on his own as long as he had his standing walker for leverage… Today, he has been bedridden for the last 20 months, unable to move ANYTHING but his head from side to side about 45 degrees, and lift his arms from the elbows down about 30 degrees. He has lost all bowel and bladder control. He has to be fed, bathed in bed, and cleaned like a baby after bowel movements. He has a foley catheter for urine. He has become a fragile shell of himself – because at-home PT got him to the point that, given his spinal cord injury, they could not progress anymore (which they had gotten him so, so far)… and then STOPPED COMING. A month or so after that, he fell again, wound up in the hospital for a few days, and then was bedridden from that point on.
    In my own personal hell, it’s so much easier to just claim “I can’t” and lie down as much as possible throughout the day with an almost 3-year old to care for. But I’m pushing… I’m embarking on a world of treatment with a pain clinic & their *7* different specialists. After the initial consult, I wanted to give up – AGAIN – because the simple assessment of my issues not only angered the pains I already had, but also sent me home with new, firey pains in new locations. It was hell. I had no medications from the visit, but even less of a grasp of “normal.”
    It’s hard. But ANY gain is worth it. I understand – believe me… and if you want to email me, I’ll be here.

  76. Kelly

    I agree with everyone else. Giving up is not an option although I can understand why you want to. Also, I need to tell you that you made me smile even with what you wrote today. Can’t, can’t, can’t! Ha! You SHOW the torturer girl! Also, I’m sorry but it’s just entertaining to read about the interaction between the two of you. I’d love to be a fly on the wall and watch you two. Blah, blah, blah. Ha ha!

  77. Kelly

    I agree with everyone else. Giving up is not an option although I can understand why you want to. Also, I need to tell you that you made me smile even with what you wrote today. Can’t, can’t, can’t! Ha! You SHOW the torturer girl! Also, I’m sorry but it’s just entertaining to read about the interaction between the two of you. I’d love to be a fly on the wall and watch you two. Blah, blah, blah. Ha ha!

  78. Kelly

    I agree with everyone else. Giving up is not an option although I can understand why you want to. Also, I need to tell you that you made me smile even with what you wrote today. Can’t, can’t, can’t! Ha! You SHOW the torturer girl! Also, I’m sorry but it’s just entertaining to read about the interaction between the two of you. I’d love to be a fly on the wall and watch you two. Blah, blah, blah. Ha ha!

  79. Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children

    I used to work in a rehab hospital and watch the patients in PT and nearly all of them hated it. That said, every single one of them made progress that helped them achieve a better quality of life.
    Hang in there, keep plugging away.
    Good luck.

  80. Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children

    I used to work in a rehab hospital and watch the patients in PT and nearly all of them hated it. That said, every single one of them made progress that helped them achieve a better quality of life.
    Hang in there, keep plugging away.
    Good luck.

  81. Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children

    I used to work in a rehab hospital and watch the patients in PT and nearly all of them hated it. That said, every single one of them made progress that helped them achieve a better quality of life.
    Hang in there, keep plugging away.
    Good luck.

  82. Missy

    Is this the largest outpouring of comments you’ve had? You are fortunate to have the support of all these dedicated readers who really are invested in your recovery. I know you will push through this because that’s who you are. Take a pain pill already and get ready for tomorrow’s session. Consider your butt kicked!!!

  83. Missy

    Is this the largest outpouring of comments you’ve had? You are fortunate to have the support of all these dedicated readers who really are invested in your recovery. I know you will push through this because that’s who you are. Take a pain pill already and get ready for tomorrow’s session. Consider your butt kicked!!!

  84. Missy

    Is this the largest outpouring of comments you’ve had? You are fortunate to have the support of all these dedicated readers who really are invested in your recovery. I know you will push through this because that’s who you are. Take a pain pill already and get ready for tomorrow’s session. Consider your butt kicked!!!

  85. Smart Mouth Broad

    I’m with KH. Just turn it around and think what you would tell your kids if they were in your situation. And don’t think they aren’t watching you and learning from your trials and your strength. Don’t give up and as you can see, we are all here pulling for you.

  86. Smart Mouth Broad

    I’m with KH. Just turn it around and think what you would tell your kids if they were in your situation. And don’t think they aren’t watching you and learning from your trials and your strength. Don’t give up and as you can see, we are all here pulling for you.

  87. Smart Mouth Broad

    I’m with KH. Just turn it around and think what you would tell your kids if they were in your situation. And don’t think they aren’t watching you and learning from your trials and your strength. Don’t give up and as you can see, we are all here pulling for you.

  88. Lori

    I’m sorry for your pain and frustration. Are you better than you were 3 months ago? I know the answer to that is yes. And there is your answer. Three more months and you’ll be in an even better spot. I know it’s not easy, but you CAN do it.

  89. Lori

    I’m sorry for your pain and frustration. Are you better than you were 3 months ago? I know the answer to that is yes. And there is your answer. Three more months and you’ll be in an even better spot. I know it’s not easy, but you CAN do it.

  90. Lori

    I’m sorry for your pain and frustration. Are you better than you were 3 months ago? I know the answer to that is yes. And there is your answer. Three more months and you’ll be in an even better spot. I know it’s not easy, but you CAN do it.

  91. The Torturer

    Wow,a lot of people really like you and they don’t even know you as well as I do.
    Prescription for tonight. A nice glass of wine (PLEASE NO MEDS WITH ALCOHOL) and lift the arm to 70 degrees and toast “I’ve come a long way, baby”.
    I’ll see you tomorrow with your normal smile back on your face.
    “T”

  92. The Torturer

    Wow,a lot of people really like you and they don’t even know you as well as I do.
    Prescription for tonight. A nice glass of wine (PLEASE NO MEDS WITH ALCOHOL) and lift the arm to 70 degrees and toast “I’ve come a long way, baby”.
    I’ll see you tomorrow with your normal smile back on your face.
    “T”

  93. The Torturer

    Wow,a lot of people really like you and they don’t even know you as well as I do.
    Prescription for tonight. A nice glass of wine (PLEASE NO MEDS WITH ALCOHOL) and lift the arm to 70 degrees and toast “I’ve come a long way, baby”.
    I’ll see you tomorrow with your normal smile back on your face.
    “T”

  94. Bev

    I am glad that you are keeping it real here on your blog. It is YOUR blog and I don’t think blogs are to be entertaining all the time. They are to give slices of our real lives, to be an outlet to express ourselves. So, good on you for writing what you did today.
    That said, from what I have read, there aren’t many of your readers who can even FATHOM the pain you have gone through, and continue to go through. I think anyone in your position would be wondering if they could continue on, knowing how painful new therapies are. I wish there were simple answers for the decision you have to make, but there are none.
    I hope and pray that whatever you do, your pain will ease and that you will have a peace with your decision. I cannot tell you how much I admire and respect you for sharing your journey with those of us who read your blog.
    I send you a great big virtual hug, my friend.

  95. Bev

    I am glad that you are keeping it real here on your blog. It is YOUR blog and I don’t think blogs are to be entertaining all the time. They are to give slices of our real lives, to be an outlet to express ourselves. So, good on you for writing what you did today.
    That said, from what I have read, there aren’t many of your readers who can even FATHOM the pain you have gone through, and continue to go through. I think anyone in your position would be wondering if they could continue on, knowing how painful new therapies are. I wish there were simple answers for the decision you have to make, but there are none.
    I hope and pray that whatever you do, your pain will ease and that you will have a peace with your decision. I cannot tell you how much I admire and respect you for sharing your journey with those of us who read your blog.
    I send you a great big virtual hug, my friend.

  96. Bev

    I am glad that you are keeping it real here on your blog. It is YOUR blog and I don’t think blogs are to be entertaining all the time. They are to give slices of our real lives, to be an outlet to express ourselves. So, good on you for writing what you did today.
    That said, from what I have read, there aren’t many of your readers who can even FATHOM the pain you have gone through, and continue to go through. I think anyone in your position would be wondering if they could continue on, knowing how painful new therapies are. I wish there were simple answers for the decision you have to make, but there are none.
    I hope and pray that whatever you do, your pain will ease and that you will have a peace with your decision. I cannot tell you how much I admire and respect you for sharing your journey with those of us who read your blog.
    I send you a great big virtual hug, my friend.

  97. jo

    OK, I am taking a huge, huge risk here. PT and The Torturer have been your entire exisitence lately. You are out of gas right now. Now don’t get me wrong…I am NOT recommending that you quit….but maybe just a very short break….week or so…. still doing your part to maintain your the mobility that you’ve worked so hard for…just enough time to sort all this out, fresh start, get your head straight…or maybe just a couple of days..I’m sure The Torturer and many of your readers would kill me for suggesting this…I know enough to realize this could set you back a bit, but you are also human and maybe just need a “reset” time…..I’ll go hide now in cyberspace.
    xxoo

  98. jo

    OK, I am taking a huge, huge risk here. PT and The Torturer have been your entire exisitence lately. You are out of gas right now. Now don’t get me wrong…I am NOT recommending that you quit….but maybe just a very short break….week or so…. still doing your part to maintain your the mobility that you’ve worked so hard for…just enough time to sort all this out, fresh start, get your head straight…or maybe just a couple of days..I’m sure The Torturer and many of your readers would kill me for suggesting this…I know enough to realize this could set you back a bit, but you are also human and maybe just need a “reset” time…..I’ll go hide now in cyberspace.
    xxoo

  99. jo

    OK, I am taking a huge, huge risk here. PT and The Torturer have been your entire exisitence lately. You are out of gas right now. Now don’t get me wrong…I am NOT recommending that you quit….but maybe just a very short break….week or so…. still doing your part to maintain your the mobility that you’ve worked so hard for…just enough time to sort all this out, fresh start, get your head straight…or maybe just a couple of days..I’m sure The Torturer and many of your readers would kill me for suggesting this…I know enough to realize this could set you back a bit, but you are also human and maybe just need a “reset” time…..I’ll go hide now in cyberspace.
    xxoo

  100. Momo Fali

    Aw. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I really, truly am. But, you absolutely can NOT quit. Quitting is for quitters. See how deep I am?

  101. Momo Fali

    Aw. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I really, truly am. But, you absolutely can NOT quit. Quitting is for quitters. See how deep I am?

  102. Momo Fali

    Aw. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I really, truly am. But, you absolutely can NOT quit. Quitting is for quitters. See how deep I am?

×

Comments are closed.