No Pride Week

You've all heard of Gay Pride Week, correct?  Well, this seems to be No Pride Week for me.  I'm clearly trying to embarrass and/or humiliate myself as many times as possible in a short span of time.  It's like I'm on a roll with my utmost asinine behavior.

It started when I decided to be a table-whore and go beg strangers to lift a new table into my car for me.  Don't I have any pride at all?  I'm willing to stand in parking lots and attempt to solicit strangers by batting my eyelashes and complimenting them on their muscles.  Have I no shame?

No, I don't.  As evidenced by the fact that I stripped down for Dr. McDreamy under the most embarrassing of circumstances.  Add to that a few "little" things which have gone on the last few days, and I am left wondering what the hell is up with me this week?

I was at the grocery store yesterday.  Physically I was, that is.  In my head I was contemplating the upcoming VP debate, what time PR would be done with his baseball practice, and whether or not I had remembered to mail some forms off to TR.  I guess you can safely say I was preoccupied.  I filled a bag with some apples.  I put them in my cart.  I left the produce section and headed down another aisle.

In the background I heard some annoying woman calling to a friend, but it didn't really register.  No, it didn't register at all until she flagged me down and grabbed my grocery cart forcing me to stop.  I looked at her in dismay.

"You just took my cart," she said.

I looked down at the cart.  My bag of apples.  And another bag filled with turnips.  I hate turnips.  I have never once bought turnips in my entire life and yet there they were in my her cart.  Right next to her, um, purse.  Shit.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" I said.

She was breathing hard from running after me.  She looked irritated.  And then her eyes focused on me for a minute and she said, "Oh, aren't you Twenty Four At Heart?"

Shit.  Again.

My eyes darted around frantically, hoping to find someone to save me from this awkwardness.

"Um, what?" I said, stalling for time.

I'll be honest.  Thoughts began rushing through my head at record speed.  I could say "Twenty Three who?" grab my apples, and run.  Or I could say, "That crackpot Twenty Four?  No way!!"  I even contemplated breaking into my minimal Spanish and pretending, "No hablo ingles."  (Being blonde, I had a feeling that may not be convincing.)

I haven't told many of my friends about Twenty Four At Heart, I certainly wasn't expecting a total stranger to know who I am.  

The woman began prattling.  It turns out she's a friend of a friend's friend or something like that.  She's one of my readers and somewhere along the line, awhile back, a mutual acquaintance had pointed me out to her, although we never met.

I felt just a littly teeny tiny bit awkward.  You know, since I just ran off with her stuff.  Luckily for me, she is very nice.  She even forgave me for stealing her groceries.  And her purse.  Which by the way?  I'm very sorry for, again, Lori!  Very sorry indeed.

I had a little incident at PT earlier the same day.  It had something to do with staring at the tall, bare-chested, 20-something, amazing, God-like, male specimen on a table across the room.  I walked straight into a piece of fitness equipment.  I wish I was kidding.  Then, of course, I had to act like I meant to do just that.  I pretended I was just, sort of, examining the equipment. 

In my attempt at pretending my collision was intentional, I tripped over the leg of that very same piece of equipment.  I didn't fall.  No, I kind of just staggered around and looked like an idiot until I regained my balance.  The Torturer rolled his eyes at me, as if to say, "Really?  You are a moron!"  I'm sure Male Specimen was quite impressed too.  To be honest?  Seeing him in nothing but a pair of shorts was worth the humiliation. 

Next week I'm going to be much more focused.  Really I am.   

60 Responses to “No Pride Week”

  1. SSG

    Hahha too funny…. if it makes you feel better once I was walking down a road talking to a hot guy and I walked into a lamp post. Yeah. Cooooooool. We all have days/ weeks/ years/ lifetimes like that. Hope the guy was VERY hot.

  2. SSG

    Hahha too funny…. if it makes you feel better once I was walking down a road talking to a hot guy and I walked into a lamp post. Yeah. Cooooooool. We all have days/ weeks/ years/ lifetimes like that. Hope the guy was VERY hot.

  3. SSG

    Hahha too funny…. if it makes you feel better once I was walking down a road talking to a hot guy and I walked into a lamp post. Yeah. Cooooooool. We all have days/ weeks/ years/ lifetimes like that. Hope the guy was VERY hot.

  4. Helena

    You pretended that you were examining the equipment??!! Haha! That is hillarious.

  5. Helena

    You pretended that you were examining the equipment??!! Haha! That is hillarious.

  6. Helena

    You pretended that you were examining the equipment??!! Haha! That is hillarious.

  7. Tricia

    I would have just fallen on my face and not have thought quickly enough to pretend an equipment inspection.
    I’m not sure how I’d feel if a “stranger” recognized me from my blog. I would be thrilled, or I could want to curl up in a ball and realize, oh yea…those people out there in blog land, they’re real. Holly S#@t.

  8. Tricia

    I would have just fallen on my face and not have thought quickly enough to pretend an equipment inspection.
    I’m not sure how I’d feel if a “stranger” recognized me from my blog. I would be thrilled, or I could want to curl up in a ball and realize, oh yea…those people out there in blog land, they’re real. Holly S#@t.

  9. Tricia

    I would have just fallen on my face and not have thought quickly enough to pretend an equipment inspection.
    I’m not sure how I’d feel if a “stranger” recognized me from my blog. I would be thrilled, or I could want to curl up in a ball and realize, oh yea…those people out there in blog land, they’re real. Holly S#@t.

  10. Angela

    That reminds me of one day last week….I was wearing a new pair of pants — wide leg trouser jeans with cuffs — with my favorite pair of black heels. I work in downtown, and while I was walking a few blocks to get lunch, I tripped 3 different times by catching the heel of my left shoe in the cuff of my right pant leg. And there were TONS of people around because it was lunch time and hundreds of downtown employees were out picking up lunch! So embarrassing!!

  11. Angela

    That reminds me of one day last week….I was wearing a new pair of pants — wide leg trouser jeans with cuffs — with my favorite pair of black heels. I work in downtown, and while I was walking a few blocks to get lunch, I tripped 3 different times by catching the heel of my left shoe in the cuff of my right pant leg. And there were TONS of people around because it was lunch time and hundreds of downtown employees were out picking up lunch! So embarrassing!!

  12. Angela

    That reminds me of one day last week….I was wearing a new pair of pants — wide leg trouser jeans with cuffs — with my favorite pair of black heels. I work in downtown, and while I was walking a few blocks to get lunch, I tripped 3 different times by catching the heel of my left shoe in the cuff of my right pant leg. And there were TONS of people around because it was lunch time and hundreds of downtown employees were out picking up lunch! So embarrassing!!

  13. Kristan Hoffman

    Okay, accidentally stealing someone’s cart is funny and silly, but running smack dab into a piece of fitness equipment is HYSTERICAL! And totally something I have done. Er, would do. Uh…. Right.

  14. Kristan Hoffman

    Okay, accidentally stealing someone’s cart is funny and silly, but running smack dab into a piece of fitness equipment is HYSTERICAL! And totally something I have done. Er, would do. Uh…. Right.

  15. Kristan Hoffman

    Okay, accidentally stealing someone’s cart is funny and silly, but running smack dab into a piece of fitness equipment is HYSTERICAL! And totally something I have done. Er, would do. Uh…. Right.

  16. Linda

    What you didn’t know you were a Money Town celebrity? Silly Girl!
    And very funny, OMG! The whole cute, half naked guy, equipment examining episode…bwaahahahaha. Don’t worry. These things come in 3’s. What…the table, Dr. McDreamy, purse snatching, hot naked guy hmmmm…O.K. don’t worry these things come in 4’s. Just be careful will ya?!

  17. Linda

    What you didn’t know you were a Money Town celebrity? Silly Girl!
    And very funny, OMG! The whole cute, half naked guy, equipment examining episode…bwaahahahaha. Don’t worry. These things come in 3’s. What…the table, Dr. McDreamy, purse snatching, hot naked guy hmmmm…O.K. don’t worry these things come in 4’s. Just be careful will ya?!

  18. Linda

    What you didn’t know you were a Money Town celebrity? Silly Girl!
    And very funny, OMG! The whole cute, half naked guy, equipment examining episode…bwaahahahaha. Don’t worry. These things come in 3’s. What…the table, Dr. McDreamy, purse snatching, hot naked guy hmmmm…O.K. don’t worry these things come in 4’s. Just be careful will ya?!

  19. emmysuh

    Ooooo, you’s like a Celebrity!
    I get recognized from my blog all the time, but that’s probably because my most loyal readers are my best friends whom I spend every night with, who demand that I BLOG RIGHT AWAY even though they are sitting on the cough watching SVU with me and that’s all we’ve done all day, and hence all I will blog about.

  20. emmysuh

    Ooooo, you’s like a Celebrity!
    I get recognized from my blog all the time, but that’s probably because my most loyal readers are my best friends whom I spend every night with, who demand that I BLOG RIGHT AWAY even though they are sitting on the cough watching SVU with me and that’s all we’ve done all day, and hence all I will blog about.

  21. emmysuh

    Ooooo, you’s like a Celebrity!
    I get recognized from my blog all the time, but that’s probably because my most loyal readers are my best friends whom I spend every night with, who demand that I BLOG RIGHT AWAY even though they are sitting on the cough watching SVU with me and that’s all we’ve done all day, and hence all I will blog about.

  22. thistle

    oh yeah…done the whole walking into a pole so many times…Dong!…can hear that ringing sound even as i type…
    don’t even try and pretend i ‘meant’ to do it anymore…*sigh*

  23. thistle

    oh yeah…done the whole walking into a pole so many times…Dong!…can hear that ringing sound even as i type…
    don’t even try and pretend i ‘meant’ to do it anymore…*sigh*

  24. thistle

    oh yeah…done the whole walking into a pole so many times…Dong!…can hear that ringing sound even as i type…
    don’t even try and pretend i ‘meant’ to do it anymore…*sigh*

  25. Lo

    oh…… i don’t even know if ‘m typing right bc i am literally CRYING at work right now! holy freakin crap you’re hilarious. examining equipment?? and i love how the torturer just looks over at you and is all ‘really? i mean, really? falling over? are you an idiot?’ heheehehehehe. no, no, just a hormonal teenager seeing a greek god for teh first time. heh.
    and i’ve SO run off with peoples carts. thank god i’ve never seen them again.

  26. Lo

    oh…… i don’t even know if ‘m typing right bc i am literally CRYING at work right now! holy freakin crap you’re hilarious. examining equipment?? and i love how the torturer just looks over at you and is all ‘really? i mean, really? falling over? are you an idiot?’ heheehehehehe. no, no, just a hormonal teenager seeing a greek god for teh first time. heh.
    and i’ve SO run off with peoples carts. thank god i’ve never seen them again.

  27. Lo

    oh…… i don’t even know if ‘m typing right bc i am literally CRYING at work right now! holy freakin crap you’re hilarious. examining equipment?? and i love how the torturer just looks over at you and is all ‘really? i mean, really? falling over? are you an idiot?’ heheehehehehe. no, no, just a hormonal teenager seeing a greek god for teh first time. heh.
    and i’ve SO run off with peoples carts. thank god i’ve never seen them again.

  28. Jan

    While I can’t say I’ve walked off with anyone’s cart by mistake, although I DO have a cart story (well, of course I do), I am positively INFAMOUS for selecting an item, walking to the register with it, setting it on the counter, paying for it, and then walking away without it. It’s usually something that I went to the store specifically for, and something I was positive I would die without if I didn’t go buy it right that minute.
    As for the cart, when we’re shopping Beloved loves to leave the cart, which we’ve spent however long laboriously loading up with the stuff we want, in one place and roam around the store. Every time he does that, I tell him, “Someone is going to make off with our cart” and he always says, “No one is going to take our cart.”
    I’ve stopped keeping count how many times our cart has been absconded with, usually by an employee who is patiently restocking the contents.

  29. Jan

    While I can’t say I’ve walked off with anyone’s cart by mistake, although I DO have a cart story (well, of course I do), I am positively INFAMOUS for selecting an item, walking to the register with it, setting it on the counter, paying for it, and then walking away without it. It’s usually something that I went to the store specifically for, and something I was positive I would die without if I didn’t go buy it right that minute.
    As for the cart, when we’re shopping Beloved loves to leave the cart, which we’ve spent however long laboriously loading up with the stuff we want, in one place and roam around the store. Every time he does that, I tell him, “Someone is going to make off with our cart” and he always says, “No one is going to take our cart.”
    I’ve stopped keeping count how many times our cart has been absconded with, usually by an employee who is patiently restocking the contents.

  30. Jan

    While I can’t say I’ve walked off with anyone’s cart by mistake, although I DO have a cart story (well, of course I do), I am positively INFAMOUS for selecting an item, walking to the register with it, setting it on the counter, paying for it, and then walking away without it. It’s usually something that I went to the store specifically for, and something I was positive I would die without if I didn’t go buy it right that minute.
    As for the cart, when we’re shopping Beloved loves to leave the cart, which we’ve spent however long laboriously loading up with the stuff we want, in one place and roam around the store. Every time he does that, I tell him, “Someone is going to make off with our cart” and he always says, “No one is going to take our cart.”
    I’ve stopped keeping count how many times our cart has been absconded with, usually by an employee who is patiently restocking the contents.

  31. phhhst

    I absolutely love your sense of humor about yourself. Fun fun post.
    One time my sister was visiting and she would drop me off at work and use my car (ah – back then taht would be white minivan). She came out of the grocery store and got in another one jus tlike it an row away. She was just pondering all the stuff in the she didn’t remember when some lady came flying and screaming and waving her hands “hey!!!that’s my car!!!”

  32. phhhst

    I absolutely love your sense of humor about yourself. Fun fun post.
    One time my sister was visiting and she would drop me off at work and use my car (ah – back then taht would be white minivan). She came out of the grocery store and got in another one jus tlike it an row away. She was just pondering all the stuff in the she didn’t remember when some lady came flying and screaming and waving her hands “hey!!!that’s my car!!!”

  33. phhhst

    I absolutely love your sense of humor about yourself. Fun fun post.
    One time my sister was visiting and she would drop me off at work and use my car (ah – back then taht would be white minivan). She came out of the grocery store and got in another one jus tlike it an row away. She was just pondering all the stuff in the she didn’t remember when some lady came flying and screaming and waving her hands “hey!!!that’s my car!!!”

  34. goodfather

    That’s why I chose ‘GoodFather’ as my blog name. When people come up to me at the 7-11 (it happens ALL the time) as I’m buying my chili-dogs and say, ‘Aren’t you GoodFather?’, I say, ‘Why YES. I am a good father. Thanks for noticing.’ 😀

  35. goodfather

    That’s why I chose ‘GoodFather’ as my blog name. When people come up to me at the 7-11 (it happens ALL the time) as I’m buying my chili-dogs and say, ‘Aren’t you GoodFather?’, I say, ‘Why YES. I am a good father. Thanks for noticing.’ 😀

  36. goodfather

    That’s why I chose ‘GoodFather’ as my blog name. When people come up to me at the 7-11 (it happens ALL the time) as I’m buying my chili-dogs and say, ‘Aren’t you GoodFather?’, I say, ‘Why YES. I am a good father. Thanks for noticing.’ 😀

  37. Sandra

    LOL!
    You’re definitely on a roll, that hopefully is now over.
    I know I’ve done similar things, taken someone else’s cart, tried to getinto someone else’s minivan thinking it’s mine, pretending my tripping was something I meant to do. You’re among friends who understand. :0)

  38. Sandra

    LOL!
    You’re definitely on a roll, that hopefully is now over.
    I know I’ve done similar things, taken someone else’s cart, tried to getinto someone else’s minivan thinking it’s mine, pretending my tripping was something I meant to do. You’re among friends who understand. :0)

  39. Sandra

    LOL!
    You’re definitely on a roll, that hopefully is now over.
    I know I’ve done similar things, taken someone else’s cart, tried to getinto someone else’s minivan thinking it’s mine, pretending my tripping was something I meant to do. You’re among friends who understand. :0)

  40. Heather

    I’ve had weeks like this too. Sometimes I blame it on hormones! Thanks for letting us laugh at I mean with you!

  41. Heather

    I’ve had weeks like this too. Sometimes I blame it on hormones! Thanks for letting us laugh at I mean with you!

  42. Heather

    I’ve had weeks like this too. Sometimes I blame it on hormones! Thanks for letting us laugh at I mean with you!

  43. Midlife Mama

    ROFLMAO Thanks for the laugh today!! I am SO glad I’m not the only one who does stuff like that! And how cool is that to be recognized for your blog???? Wow!! That’s awesome.

  44. Midlife Mama

    ROFLMAO Thanks for the laugh today!! I am SO glad I’m not the only one who does stuff like that! And how cool is that to be recognized for your blog???? Wow!! That’s awesome.

  45. Midlife Mama

    ROFLMAO Thanks for the laugh today!! I am SO glad I’m not the only one who does stuff like that! And how cool is that to be recognized for your blog???? Wow!! That’s awesome.

×

Comments are closed.