Briefcase has been traveling for most of the last seven weeks. He always travels a lot as a result of the line of work he's in. Sometimes he'll fly in at night while I'm sleeping, dump his laundry, repack his suitcase and be gone before I wake up the next morning. I always really appreciate a fresh pile of dirty laundry, don't you?
Over the years I've established two different routines for my life. There is my, "Corporate Widow" routine when Briefcase is out of town. Then there's my "Oh yeah, I almost forgot I really am married and now my husband's here" routine. The transition between the two has not always been easy, but after all these years I think I've got it down.
Except all of a sudden, I'm just tired lately. I'm tired of being mother and father to our kids. I'm tired of making every decision, paying every bill, and being responsible for everything all the time. I don't know how military spouses do it? How have I done it for all these years? I think this last weekend with the 5 a.m. wake-up calls for PR's baseball tournament might have pushed me over the edge into complete exhaustion.
I find myself getting further and further behind. I feel like a hamster running on a wheel, but never going anywhere. Why am I wearing myself out and getting very little accomplished?
The fall is always the most intense travel time of the year for Briefcase. I think I ask myself these same questions every November.
I think I need a change. Yes, I've decided it's time for some important changes in my life. I need newness. I need excitement. I need a change to my routine.
I need a sex toy.
Maybe I need to go to a "romance" party?
Briefcase gave me a sex toy as a gift once upon a time. It was the size of a dinosaur appendage and it scared the crap out of me. Seriously, I can't imagine what anyone was thinking making a toy that size. I could give birth to quintuplets all at the same instant and they'd be smaller than Dinosaur Sex Toy.
And why did he buy it? Why not buy a more … modest toy? What, exactly, goes through a man's mind when he purchase a four foot long, eighty pound dildo with the circumference of a large watermelon?
"Here beloved, let's see if we can tear your body in half with this!?"
I think a romance party might be fun. The problem is, I can't imagine having one at my house with two teen boys living here. Most of my friends have kids too. Is there anyone out there who'd like to volunteer to have a sex toy romance party in Orange County?
And if not, where do I buy a sex toy? And which one? I'm sure they're available on the Internet. I'm hesitant though after all the weird Google searches I get here on Twenty Four At Heart. I'm afraid to Google, "I really could use the perfect sex toy." Or, "Briefcase has been gone for seven weeks and I'm getting desperate for a toy that does it all!"
Don't be shy. I need tips (ha!)!! Seriously, where do I find a romance party? Do you know of a legitimate sex toy website? What sex toys are best?