Different Eyes

I hate reading blog posts about blogging.  It's boring for one thing, and really, who gives a shit for another.  I can't deny, however, my perspective on a lot of things has changed since I began writing Twenty Four At Heart.  I see everything through a different set of eyes now.

Last Sunday Briefcase took me out for my birthday.  We had cocktails out on a patio overlooking the ocean at Hotel Laguna as the sun was setting.  Then we took a leisurely walk to a nearby restaurant, the Sundried Tomato.  It's a comfortable restaurant with great food and great service.  We hadn't been there for quite awhile.

When we started our evening at Hotel Laguna we were relaxing with our drinks and chatting.  A couple came and sat at a table right next to us.  I was instantly alert.

"Look!" I said.  "There's a blog post happening right in front of us!"

(I'm romantic that way.)

"Where?  What?" he asked.

"Look!" I exclaimed.

Briefcase looked around and then turned to me, puzzled.

I realized then, a year ago I would probably have been oblivious to my surroundings also.  Instead, I found myself fascinated by the dynamics between the couple seated next to us.

The man was around 65 years old.  He was dressed expensively.  He was attractive with his white hair and tan skin but in a nice, gentlemanly, way.  His companion was approximately 26.  She was attractive, but not in the fake-plastic way a lot of women in Orange County are.  She had a nice figure, nice face, but she was not "stunning."  The age gap between them was the first thing I noticed.

The next thing I noticed were all the packages she was carrying.  It was evident they had been hitting up all the boutiques in Laguna and decided to stop for a drink at the end of their day.  Her arms were overflowing with the things he (?) had bought her.

Within minutes of sitting down and ordering their drinks, they were cuddling, kissing, and all over each other.  I don't mean to be a skeptic, but that caused me to immediately check for wedding rings.  (I KNOW … I'm a terrible person!) 

Nonetheless, he wore a wedding band and she did not.  Hmmm. 

It wasn't long until Briefcase and I needed to leave to be on time for our restaurant reservations.  We asked our waiter for the check.  The other couple was deep into a make-out session by this point.  Ironically, we both left the patio at the same time.  Briefcase and I left the patio to walk into town.  The other couple left the patio to head into the hotel.

The encounter left me thinking even more about the topic I posted on yesterday.  Readers, do any of you have knowledge of long term marriages that are success stories?  Marriages without affairs, separations, and misery?  I'm beginning to wonder if very many exist.  I'd love to hear some great success stories if you have any to share.

72 Responses to “Different Eyes”

  1. Lori

    Since I didn’t get to comment on yesterdays post, my comment pertains to both todays and yesterdays posts.
    Although my parents have been married for over 55 years, I can’t say it’s been happy even though there has been no affairs(at least that I know of)because my dad is an ass. I would never blame my mom for having an affair because my dad has been a mean controling man to her but my mom is too good of a person to do that and too faithful and loyal. She stands by her man even though he has made her feel small their whole marriage.
    On the other hand, my 3 sisters have been with their husbands for over 25 years and they have great relationships and are happy. All 3 of my sisters were married once before for short periods and all of their first husbands had affairs on them and basically were not nice people. Their husbands now are super people and great husbands and fathers.
    I have friends that have been married for a long time too and they all appear to be happy. So yeah I think it does happen when your married to the “right” person. I didn’t say “perfect” person because there is no such thing. The one thing that I see in all of these relationships that I see missing in others, is that they are not just married to each other, they are friends. They continue to do fun things together and they each have their own personal interests.
    I have only been married this time for 2 years but so far we have a great relationship and he is truely my best friend. Honestly, I don’t see that changing.
    I was married the first time(very young)because I was pregnant and basically forced by our parents to marry. We married for all the wrong reasons and need I say it again, that we were too young. He had an affair and got her pregnant while we were still married but I still stayed with him for 5 years basically because I didn’t think another man would want me with little kids.
    I married a second time for a father for my children, since my first husband really wanted no part in being a daddy. Once again I married for all the wrong reasons but stayed married to him for 18 years. Eighteen very long miserable years to an abusive, controling, jealous man. I really did try to make it work and I don’t blame anyone but myself. I stayed way too long. I do understand why people in these kinds of relationships end up having affairs because neither person is happy. As much as I would have wanted to cheat because I was very lonely and isolated. He accused me many times of cheating but I don’t know when the hell I was suppose to have this opportunity because I never had a chance to as I was hardly allowed to leave the house or be a part from my 5 children.
    This time I married for all the “right” reasons and it is completely different. If I add up all the years I have been married to different people, it would be 25 years…lol.
    Anyways, I really do think there are happy couples out there but I also think there are a lot of miserable ones too but they don’t have the courage to come out of the closet or fear being alone. Sorry this got so long but these were some great thought provoking post that you wrote.

  2. Lori

    Since I didn’t get to comment on yesterdays post, my comment pertains to both todays and yesterdays posts.
    Although my parents have been married for over 55 years, I can’t say it’s been happy even though there has been no affairs(at least that I know of)because my dad is an ass. I would never blame my mom for having an affair because my dad has been a mean controling man to her but my mom is too good of a person to do that and too faithful and loyal. She stands by her man even though he has made her feel small their whole marriage.
    On the other hand, my 3 sisters have been with their husbands for over 25 years and they have great relationships and are happy. All 3 of my sisters were married once before for short periods and all of their first husbands had affairs on them and basically were not nice people. Their husbands now are super people and great husbands and fathers.
    I have friends that have been married for a long time too and they all appear to be happy. So yeah I think it does happen when your married to the “right” person. I didn’t say “perfect” person because there is no such thing. The one thing that I see in all of these relationships that I see missing in others, is that they are not just married to each other, they are friends. They continue to do fun things together and they each have their own personal interests.
    I have only been married this time for 2 years but so far we have a great relationship and he is truely my best friend. Honestly, I don’t see that changing.
    I was married the first time(very young)because I was pregnant and basically forced by our parents to marry. We married for all the wrong reasons and need I say it again, that we were too young. He had an affair and got her pregnant while we were still married but I still stayed with him for 5 years basically because I didn’t think another man would want me with little kids.
    I married a second time for a father for my children, since my first husband really wanted no part in being a daddy. Once again I married for all the wrong reasons but stayed married to him for 18 years. Eighteen very long miserable years to an abusive, controling, jealous man. I really did try to make it work and I don’t blame anyone but myself. I stayed way too long. I do understand why people in these kinds of relationships end up having affairs because neither person is happy. As much as I would have wanted to cheat because I was very lonely and isolated. He accused me many times of cheating but I don’t know when the hell I was suppose to have this opportunity because I never had a chance to as I was hardly allowed to leave the house or be a part from my 5 children.
    This time I married for all the “right” reasons and it is completely different. If I add up all the years I have been married to different people, it would be 25 years…lol.
    Anyways, I really do think there are happy couples out there but I also think there are a lot of miserable ones too but they don’t have the courage to come out of the closet or fear being alone. Sorry this got so long but these were some great thought provoking post that you wrote.

  3. Lori

    Since I didn’t get to comment on yesterdays post, my comment pertains to both todays and yesterdays posts.
    Although my parents have been married for over 55 years, I can’t say it’s been happy even though there has been no affairs(at least that I know of)because my dad is an ass. I would never blame my mom for having an affair because my dad has been a mean controling man to her but my mom is too good of a person to do that and too faithful and loyal. She stands by her man even though he has made her feel small their whole marriage.
    On the other hand, my 3 sisters have been with their husbands for over 25 years and they have great relationships and are happy. All 3 of my sisters were married once before for short periods and all of their first husbands had affairs on them and basically were not nice people. Their husbands now are super people and great husbands and fathers.
    I have friends that have been married for a long time too and they all appear to be happy. So yeah I think it does happen when your married to the “right” person. I didn’t say “perfect” person because there is no such thing. The one thing that I see in all of these relationships that I see missing in others, is that they are not just married to each other, they are friends. They continue to do fun things together and they each have their own personal interests.
    I have only been married this time for 2 years but so far we have a great relationship and he is truely my best friend. Honestly, I don’t see that changing.
    I was married the first time(very young)because I was pregnant and basically forced by our parents to marry. We married for all the wrong reasons and need I say it again, that we were too young. He had an affair and got her pregnant while we were still married but I still stayed with him for 5 years basically because I didn’t think another man would want me with little kids.
    I married a second time for a father for my children, since my first husband really wanted no part in being a daddy. Once again I married for all the wrong reasons but stayed married to him for 18 years. Eighteen very long miserable years to an abusive, controling, jealous man. I really did try to make it work and I don’t blame anyone but myself. I stayed way too long. I do understand why people in these kinds of relationships end up having affairs because neither person is happy. As much as I would have wanted to cheat because I was very lonely and isolated. He accused me many times of cheating but I don’t know when the hell I was suppose to have this opportunity because I never had a chance to as I was hardly allowed to leave the house or be a part from my 5 children.
    This time I married for all the “right” reasons and it is completely different. If I add up all the years I have been married to different people, it would be 25 years…lol.
    Anyways, I really do think there are happy couples out there but I also think there are a lot of miserable ones too but they don’t have the courage to come out of the closet or fear being alone. Sorry this got so long but these were some great thought provoking post that you wrote.

  4. SSG

    I don’t think a serious relationship is determined by “marriage” so i would say long term “relationship” not “marriage” cos at the end of the day it’s two people together and affairs are affairs whether you’re married or not. I know a lot of people with long term relationships, but they are only long term so far, who’s to say relationships wont break after 30 years? But generally the people in them think about each other and would never want to hurt the other, and they talk a lot, and there’s no tension, they enjoy being together. Relationships work for as long as you work on them, i think. Like a freeman tells me, every relationship fails til one doesn’t. You both have to have the faith that it’s going to work, and want it to work. I don’t know much, but stats are only on marriage, what about stats on relationships in general? Also differences between generations… why is staying married forever such a great thing? Depends whether you’re happy or not. i’d rather be in 3 short great relationships then one long one that sucks most of the time…

  5. SSG

    I don’t think a serious relationship is determined by “marriage” so i would say long term “relationship” not “marriage” cos at the end of the day it’s two people together and affairs are affairs whether you’re married or not. I know a lot of people with long term relationships, but they are only long term so far, who’s to say relationships wont break after 30 years? But generally the people in them think about each other and would never want to hurt the other, and they talk a lot, and there’s no tension, they enjoy being together. Relationships work for as long as you work on them, i think. Like a freeman tells me, every relationship fails til one doesn’t. You both have to have the faith that it’s going to work, and want it to work. I don’t know much, but stats are only on marriage, what about stats on relationships in general? Also differences between generations… why is staying married forever such a great thing? Depends whether you’re happy or not. i’d rather be in 3 short great relationships then one long one that sucks most of the time…

  6. SSG

    I don’t think a serious relationship is determined by “marriage” so i would say long term “relationship” not “marriage” cos at the end of the day it’s two people together and affairs are affairs whether you’re married or not. I know a lot of people with long term relationships, but they are only long term so far, who’s to say relationships wont break after 30 years? But generally the people in them think about each other and would never want to hurt the other, and they talk a lot, and there’s no tension, they enjoy being together. Relationships work for as long as you work on them, i think. Like a freeman tells me, every relationship fails til one doesn’t. You both have to have the faith that it’s going to work, and want it to work. I don’t know much, but stats are only on marriage, what about stats on relationships in general? Also differences between generations… why is staying married forever such a great thing? Depends whether you’re happy or not. i’d rather be in 3 short great relationships then one long one that sucks most of the time…

  7. Kelly

    What defines a successful relationship? Lasting? I don’t think so. There are too many people who stayed married for all the wrong reasons & are never happy.
    For me, I’d rather have a man I can laugh with and have tons of fun with and be best friends with. I know it’s never perfect all the time but if there comes a time when there’s no joy left it’s time to leave.

  8. Kelly

    What defines a successful relationship? Lasting? I don’t think so. There are too many people who stayed married for all the wrong reasons & are never happy.
    For me, I’d rather have a man I can laugh with and have tons of fun with and be best friends with. I know it’s never perfect all the time but if there comes a time when there’s no joy left it’s time to leave.

  9. Kelly

    What defines a successful relationship? Lasting? I don’t think so. There are too many people who stayed married for all the wrong reasons & are never happy.
    For me, I’d rather have a man I can laugh with and have tons of fun with and be best friends with. I know it’s never perfect all the time but if there comes a time when there’s no joy left it’s time to leave.

  10. goodfather

    My own parents have been happily(?) married for 45 years. No affairs (that I know of). I wouldn’t say that they have always been in love, or even known love through long stretches of their marriage, but they have made it work.

  11. goodfather

    My own parents have been happily(?) married for 45 years. No affairs (that I know of). I wouldn’t say that they have always been in love, or even known love through long stretches of their marriage, but they have made it work.

  12. goodfather

    My own parents have been happily(?) married for 45 years. No affairs (that I know of). I wouldn’t say that they have always been in love, or even known love through long stretches of their marriage, but they have made it work.

  13. Jan

    No marriage is perfect – even if the spouses never so much as look at another person, every marriage has its ups and downs and even those moments where it could all come tumbling down. My grandparents were married for 51 years – I KNOW there were no affairs and for the most part they were very happy; I also know they came close to divorce at least once.
    As for the people watching, I’m lucky because when we’re out and about, Beloved is just as eager to seek out “blog fodder” as I am. We have a lot of fun.

  14. Jan

    No marriage is perfect – even if the spouses never so much as look at another person, every marriage has its ups and downs and even those moments where it could all come tumbling down. My grandparents were married for 51 years – I KNOW there were no affairs and for the most part they were very happy; I also know they came close to divorce at least once.
    As for the people watching, I’m lucky because when we’re out and about, Beloved is just as eager to seek out “blog fodder” as I am. We have a lot of fun.

  15. Jan

    No marriage is perfect – even if the spouses never so much as look at another person, every marriage has its ups and downs and even those moments where it could all come tumbling down. My grandparents were married for 51 years – I KNOW there were no affairs and for the most part they were very happy; I also know they came close to divorce at least once.
    As for the people watching, I’m lucky because when we’re out and about, Beloved is just as eager to seek out “blog fodder” as I am. We have a lot of fun.

  16. Donna in VA

    Sadly, I only know of ONE. My boss and his wife have been together almost 20 years and they are ideal for each other. Other than them, I’ve seen far too many broken marriages, affairs, “business trips”, etc. It’s really sad.

  17. Donna in VA

    Sadly, I only know of ONE. My boss and his wife have been together almost 20 years and they are ideal for each other. Other than them, I’ve seen far too many broken marriages, affairs, “business trips”, etc. It’s really sad.

  18. Donna in VA

    Sadly, I only know of ONE. My boss and his wife have been together almost 20 years and they are ideal for each other. Other than them, I’ve seen far too many broken marriages, affairs, “business trips”, etc. It’s really sad.

  19. Midlife Mama

    My parents have been married for 58 years. I’m sure it hasn’t been easy, but they had the very traditional marriage. The man earns the money and is the leader of the house. The woman stays home and cooks and cleans and raises the children. We were lucky enough to grow up in the 60s, when living on one income, having a nice house in the ‘burbs and a vacation every year was possible on one income.
    Anyway, they still love each other. They respect each other. They still hold hands. They got married when they were 21 and 20, worked hard, put each other through school, and they had a Plan. They were lucky and had no major setbacks. No job loss, no major illneses, everything pretty much went the way they planned it. Their difficulties were minor. They were (and are) very fortunate. Would things be different between them if they’d had a lot of struggles? Who knows? But they have a very strong relationship, because my mom takes care of my dad the way you mentioned in your previous post. She puts him first, and makes him feel special. It’s the way she was raised. My dad retired; my mom still cooks, cleans and does the laundry. Dad “helps” some now, but Mom still does the majority of it. But it works for them. Mom didn’t have to work 40 hours a week PLUS take care of Dad, PLUS take care of us. That makes a big difference.
    IMHO, if both the man and the woman work outside the home, the man is going to have to just suck it up and not be so damn needy all the time. He has to kick it up a notch. Do half the housework. Do his own damn laundry and ironing. If she cooks, he cleans up. Most men don’t get it; Dr. Jekyll included. He still whines that I won’t iron his clothes while he sits and watches football on TV on the weekends. WTF?? Women don’t automatically have the “ironing gene.” Geez. Men.
    Anyway. Yes it works. It involves a lot of sacrifice and hard work. I’ve been married three times, and sometimes I doubt this third one will work, either. But I admit that I’m selfish. At this point in my life, I’m tired of taking care of other people. I like to be taken care of, too. I’m so done with being one of those “treat your man like a king” women who do it all. If that means being alone, then so be it. I raised two kids on my own from the time they were 3 and 8 (I briefly remarried once but it was horrible) until I married Dr. Jekyll in 2004. There are a whole lot of reasons why this one isn’t working, either, but I won’t go into that here. I know that half of the reason it doesn’t always work is because I’m selfish and demand my own way a lot, but like I said I’m tired and I want to live my life my way and not catering to anyone else’s needs. Doesn’t mean I don’t care for Dr. Jekyll, but I won’t be fetching his slippers and bringing him a drink while fluffing a pillow behind his head and tell him to rest his poor weary self after a long day at work. No. uh-uh. I’m tired too when I get home from my job.
    Anyway. Whew. Long post. I think maybe I’ll have to blog about this, too! But yes there are marriages out there that work. I think it’s very easy to get out of them now, and often people will break up rather than work on it. The people of my parents generation didn’t and don’t do that so much.
    So, them’s my two cents worth! LOL

  20. Midlife Mama

    My parents have been married for 58 years. I’m sure it hasn’t been easy, but they had the very traditional marriage. The man earns the money and is the leader of the house. The woman stays home and cooks and cleans and raises the children. We were lucky enough to grow up in the 60s, when living on one income, having a nice house in the ‘burbs and a vacation every year was possible on one income.
    Anyway, they still love each other. They respect each other. They still hold hands. They got married when they were 21 and 20, worked hard, put each other through school, and they had a Plan. They were lucky and had no major setbacks. No job loss, no major illneses, everything pretty much went the way they planned it. Their difficulties were minor. They were (and are) very fortunate. Would things be different between them if they’d had a lot of struggles? Who knows? But they have a very strong relationship, because my mom takes care of my dad the way you mentioned in your previous post. She puts him first, and makes him feel special. It’s the way she was raised. My dad retired; my mom still cooks, cleans and does the laundry. Dad “helps” some now, but Mom still does the majority of it. But it works for them. Mom didn’t have to work 40 hours a week PLUS take care of Dad, PLUS take care of us. That makes a big difference.
    IMHO, if both the man and the woman work outside the home, the man is going to have to just suck it up and not be so damn needy all the time. He has to kick it up a notch. Do half the housework. Do his own damn laundry and ironing. If she cooks, he cleans up. Most men don’t get it; Dr. Jekyll included. He still whines that I won’t iron his clothes while he sits and watches football on TV on the weekends. WTF?? Women don’t automatically have the “ironing gene.” Geez. Men.
    Anyway. Yes it works. It involves a lot of sacrifice and hard work. I’ve been married three times, and sometimes I doubt this third one will work, either. But I admit that I’m selfish. At this point in my life, I’m tired of taking care of other people. I like to be taken care of, too. I’m so done with being one of those “treat your man like a king” women who do it all. If that means being alone, then so be it. I raised two kids on my own from the time they were 3 and 8 (I briefly remarried once but it was horrible) until I married Dr. Jekyll in 2004. There are a whole lot of reasons why this one isn’t working, either, but I won’t go into that here. I know that half of the reason it doesn’t always work is because I’m selfish and demand my own way a lot, but like I said I’m tired and I want to live my life my way and not catering to anyone else’s needs. Doesn’t mean I don’t care for Dr. Jekyll, but I won’t be fetching his slippers and bringing him a drink while fluffing a pillow behind his head and tell him to rest his poor weary self after a long day at work. No. uh-uh. I’m tired too when I get home from my job.
    Anyway. Whew. Long post. I think maybe I’ll have to blog about this, too! But yes there are marriages out there that work. I think it’s very easy to get out of them now, and often people will break up rather than work on it. The people of my parents generation didn’t and don’t do that so much.
    So, them’s my two cents worth! LOL

  21. Midlife Mama

    My parents have been married for 58 years. I’m sure it hasn’t been easy, but they had the very traditional marriage. The man earns the money and is the leader of the house. The woman stays home and cooks and cleans and raises the children. We were lucky enough to grow up in the 60s, when living on one income, having a nice house in the ‘burbs and a vacation every year was possible on one income.
    Anyway, they still love each other. They respect each other. They still hold hands. They got married when they were 21 and 20, worked hard, put each other through school, and they had a Plan. They were lucky and had no major setbacks. No job loss, no major illneses, everything pretty much went the way they planned it. Their difficulties were minor. They were (and are) very fortunate. Would things be different between them if they’d had a lot of struggles? Who knows? But they have a very strong relationship, because my mom takes care of my dad the way you mentioned in your previous post. She puts him first, and makes him feel special. It’s the way she was raised. My dad retired; my mom still cooks, cleans and does the laundry. Dad “helps” some now, but Mom still does the majority of it. But it works for them. Mom didn’t have to work 40 hours a week PLUS take care of Dad, PLUS take care of us. That makes a big difference.
    IMHO, if both the man and the woman work outside the home, the man is going to have to just suck it up and not be so damn needy all the time. He has to kick it up a notch. Do half the housework. Do his own damn laundry and ironing. If she cooks, he cleans up. Most men don’t get it; Dr. Jekyll included. He still whines that I won’t iron his clothes while he sits and watches football on TV on the weekends. WTF?? Women don’t automatically have the “ironing gene.” Geez. Men.
    Anyway. Yes it works. It involves a lot of sacrifice and hard work. I’ve been married three times, and sometimes I doubt this third one will work, either. But I admit that I’m selfish. At this point in my life, I’m tired of taking care of other people. I like to be taken care of, too. I’m so done with being one of those “treat your man like a king” women who do it all. If that means being alone, then so be it. I raised two kids on my own from the time they were 3 and 8 (I briefly remarried once but it was horrible) until I married Dr. Jekyll in 2004. There are a whole lot of reasons why this one isn’t working, either, but I won’t go into that here. I know that half of the reason it doesn’t always work is because I’m selfish and demand my own way a lot, but like I said I’m tired and I want to live my life my way and not catering to anyone else’s needs. Doesn’t mean I don’t care for Dr. Jekyll, but I won’t be fetching his slippers and bringing him a drink while fluffing a pillow behind his head and tell him to rest his poor weary self after a long day at work. No. uh-uh. I’m tired too when I get home from my job.
    Anyway. Whew. Long post. I think maybe I’ll have to blog about this, too! But yes there are marriages out there that work. I think it’s very easy to get out of them now, and often people will break up rather than work on it. The people of my parents generation didn’t and don’t do that so much.
    So, them’s my two cents worth! LOL

  22. Kristan Hoffman

    For frame of reference, I’m 22, so I grew up with all the abysmal statistics about divorce rates, affairs, etc.
    I will say that honestly, I can think of TWO marriages that I would be happy for my relationship to be compared to — which is how I will define “happy, healthy, & successful.” Both couples are Hispanic immigrants to this country, parents of my school friends, and in their 40s/50s at this point. I don’t know either of them *particularly* well, but my friends (their kids) assure me their parents are “disgustingly” in love still, even acting like “lovesick teenagers” on occasion. And by my estimation, these couples did a good job providing for their families (homes, schools, etc.) and raising their kids. So yeah, I’d say happy, healthy, successful.
    That’s TWO out of all the couples — married or in long-term relationships — that I would want to emulate. Can I tell you how nervous that makes me?
    BUT I think my generation has some advantages that might help. Or at least, I hope they will. I think it’s becoming more accepted to have children out of wedlock, meaning people are not rushing into marriage or getting pushed into it for the sake of a child. (Speaking from experience, let me say that it is NOT always in the best interest of a child to grow up with two parents who don’t love each other…) Also, it’s more acceptable to live with someone before marrying them, meaning you can sort of give it a “test run.” (Haha, I guess that’s what I’m doing?) And finally (really there’s probably more but I’m going for top level highlights here) I think we’re all a little saddened and scared by the statistics, and we don’t want to be a part of that, so we’re being more cautious.
    Obviously this is a generalization that doesn’t apply to everyone… Okay, maybe it’s just me. Or at least, I should only speak for myself. I guess I believe that since I’m aware of the problem, I have a better chance of avoiding/overcoming it. And I know I’m in a really good relationship right now, and we both agreed it would be better to talk about things (and maybe end them) when problems arise, rather than do something that would compromise our morals. But, more importantly, we’re both willing to work at our relationship, to try to fulfill each other’s wants and needs, and to try to grow *together* rather than grow *apart*.
    Will we do it? I don’t know. Do I think we can? Yes.
    ###
    WOW that turned out a lot longer than I intended. Sorry…
    But hey, TFAH, you and Briefcase seem to have a pretty good relationship, no? Maybe you should tell us about your success story?

  23. Kristan Hoffman

    For frame of reference, I’m 22, so I grew up with all the abysmal statistics about divorce rates, affairs, etc.
    I will say that honestly, I can think of TWO marriages that I would be happy for my relationship to be compared to — which is how I will define “happy, healthy, & successful.” Both couples are Hispanic immigrants to this country, parents of my school friends, and in their 40s/50s at this point. I don’t know either of them *particularly* well, but my friends (their kids) assure me their parents are “disgustingly” in love still, even acting like “lovesick teenagers” on occasion. And by my estimation, these couples did a good job providing for their families (homes, schools, etc.) and raising their kids. So yeah, I’d say happy, healthy, successful.
    That’s TWO out of all the couples — married or in long-term relationships — that I would want to emulate. Can I tell you how nervous that makes me?
    BUT I think my generation has some advantages that might help. Or at least, I hope they will. I think it’s becoming more accepted to have children out of wedlock, meaning people are not rushing into marriage or getting pushed into it for the sake of a child. (Speaking from experience, let me say that it is NOT always in the best interest of a child to grow up with two parents who don’t love each other…) Also, it’s more acceptable to live with someone before marrying them, meaning you can sort of give it a “test run.” (Haha, I guess that’s what I’m doing?) And finally (really there’s probably more but I’m going for top level highlights here) I think we’re all a little saddened and scared by the statistics, and we don’t want to be a part of that, so we’re being more cautious.
    Obviously this is a generalization that doesn’t apply to everyone… Okay, maybe it’s just me. Or at least, I should only speak for myself. I guess I believe that since I’m aware of the problem, I have a better chance of avoiding/overcoming it. And I know I’m in a really good relationship right now, and we both agreed it would be better to talk about things (and maybe end them) when problems arise, rather than do something that would compromise our morals. But, more importantly, we’re both willing to work at our relationship, to try to fulfill each other’s wants and needs, and to try to grow *together* rather than grow *apart*.
    Will we do it? I don’t know. Do I think we can? Yes.
    ###
    WOW that turned out a lot longer than I intended. Sorry…
    But hey, TFAH, you and Briefcase seem to have a pretty good relationship, no? Maybe you should tell us about your success story?

  24. Kristan Hoffman

    For frame of reference, I’m 22, so I grew up with all the abysmal statistics about divorce rates, affairs, etc.
    I will say that honestly, I can think of TWO marriages that I would be happy for my relationship to be compared to — which is how I will define “happy, healthy, & successful.” Both couples are Hispanic immigrants to this country, parents of my school friends, and in their 40s/50s at this point. I don’t know either of them *particularly* well, but my friends (their kids) assure me their parents are “disgustingly” in love still, even acting like “lovesick teenagers” on occasion. And by my estimation, these couples did a good job providing for their families (homes, schools, etc.) and raising their kids. So yeah, I’d say happy, healthy, successful.
    That’s TWO out of all the couples — married or in long-term relationships — that I would want to emulate. Can I tell you how nervous that makes me?
    BUT I think my generation has some advantages that might help. Or at least, I hope they will. I think it’s becoming more accepted to have children out of wedlock, meaning people are not rushing into marriage or getting pushed into it for the sake of a child. (Speaking from experience, let me say that it is NOT always in the best interest of a child to grow up with two parents who don’t love each other…) Also, it’s more acceptable to live with someone before marrying them, meaning you can sort of give it a “test run.” (Haha, I guess that’s what I’m doing?) And finally (really there’s probably more but I’m going for top level highlights here) I think we’re all a little saddened and scared by the statistics, and we don’t want to be a part of that, so we’re being more cautious.
    Obviously this is a generalization that doesn’t apply to everyone… Okay, maybe it’s just me. Or at least, I should only speak for myself. I guess I believe that since I’m aware of the problem, I have a better chance of avoiding/overcoming it. And I know I’m in a really good relationship right now, and we both agreed it would be better to talk about things (and maybe end them) when problems arise, rather than do something that would compromise our morals. But, more importantly, we’re both willing to work at our relationship, to try to fulfill each other’s wants and needs, and to try to grow *together* rather than grow *apart*.
    Will we do it? I don’t know. Do I think we can? Yes.
    ###
    WOW that turned out a lot longer than I intended. Sorry…
    But hey, TFAH, you and Briefcase seem to have a pretty good relationship, no? Maybe you should tell us about your success story?

  25. Debbie

    Although I’ve long recognized that this makes me not-the-norm, I would say that most of the marriages of the people I know well are successful, and many are (or were, in the case of those who have died) very long.
    Both sets of my grandparents were head-over-heels in love couples. My mom’s an only child; my dad is one of 3 children. All my grandparents’ children adored them and thus the successful marriages led to successful families.
    My parents met in 8th grade and dated on and off in high school. They both dropped out of college in their freshman years because they couldn’t stand to be parted and got married at 20. They’ve been happily married for 46 years. I’m not saying there weren’t hard times. There were, and there were times when they fought, but they always worked it out.
    Of my dad’s siblings, one has been happily married for 35 years; the other has been married and divorced twice, and both divorces involved … not exactly affairs, but untenable behavior from the husbands, so it’s not like no one in my family has experienced such a thing; it’s just not common.
    For the past 30 years, my parents have been friends with 4 other couples, all of who have been married without affairs or unpleasantness for 25+ years. Of the nine children in these 5 couples, 7 have long-ish term successful marriages (6-12 years). Two have been divorced and are now remarried. I guess only time will tell where the real long-term numbers will fall in this generation.
    I’ve been married for 11 years (but together with my partner/husband for 17). My husband and I have been through major hard times, with chronic illness that led to financial difficulties and more, but we’ve survived as partners. I have one sister, who is on her second marriage. In her first marriage, her husband had an affair and asked for a divorce. Her second marriage is a much better match, and I fully expect it to be successful. (I can’t say it’s been “long-term” though, as they’ve only been married 6 years.)
    My 3 closest friends have been my friends since high school (25+ years). All have been married at least 10 years, and while there have been struggles in all their lives, thus far there haven’t been affairs, separation, or misery.
    I’m not sure what it is that put together this generational group of MOSTLY successful marriages, friends with successful marriages, and family members with successful marriages, but that’s always been our experience. It’s not that there have been no affairs/ divorces, but not very many. It’s not that there have been no hardships or struggles, but most couples have weathered them together. So I know it can be done, and done by many people.
    Although I can’t quite put my finger on what makes these people “lucky in love,” I do think that witnessing successful marriages and how they work makes people more capable of conducting a successful marriage themselves. I also think that the skills it takes to be a good spouse for decades are similar to the skills it takes to be a good friend for decades or a good sibling, and thus most of the people who are close to me have successful relationships in all these areas. I recognize that this is unusual, and I feel very blessed for what we have.

  26. Debbie

    Although I’ve long recognized that this makes me not-the-norm, I would say that most of the marriages of the people I know well are successful, and many are (or were, in the case of those who have died) very long.
    Both sets of my grandparents were head-over-heels in love couples. My mom’s an only child; my dad is one of 3 children. All my grandparents’ children adored them and thus the successful marriages led to successful families.
    My parents met in 8th grade and dated on and off in high school. They both dropped out of college in their freshman years because they couldn’t stand to be parted and got married at 20. They’ve been happily married for 46 years. I’m not saying there weren’t hard times. There were, and there were times when they fought, but they always worked it out.
    Of my dad’s siblings, one has been happily married for 35 years; the other has been married and divorced twice, and both divorces involved … not exactly affairs, but untenable behavior from the husbands, so it’s not like no one in my family has experienced such a thing; it’s just not common.
    For the past 30 years, my parents have been friends with 4 other couples, all of who have been married without affairs or unpleasantness for 25+ years. Of the nine children in these 5 couples, 7 have long-ish term successful marriages (6-12 years). Two have been divorced and are now remarried. I guess only time will tell where the real long-term numbers will fall in this generation.
    I’ve been married for 11 years (but together with my partner/husband for 17). My husband and I have been through major hard times, with chronic illness that led to financial difficulties and more, but we’ve survived as partners. I have one sister, who is on her second marriage. In her first marriage, her husband had an affair and asked for a divorce. Her second marriage is a much better match, and I fully expect it to be successful. (I can’t say it’s been “long-term” though, as they’ve only been married 6 years.)
    My 3 closest friends have been my friends since high school (25+ years). All have been married at least 10 years, and while there have been struggles in all their lives, thus far there haven’t been affairs, separation, or misery.
    I’m not sure what it is that put together this generational group of MOSTLY successful marriages, friends with successful marriages, and family members with successful marriages, but that’s always been our experience. It’s not that there have been no affairs/ divorces, but not very many. It’s not that there have been no hardships or struggles, but most couples have weathered them together. So I know it can be done, and done by many people.
    Although I can’t quite put my finger on what makes these people “lucky in love,” I do think that witnessing successful marriages and how they work makes people more capable of conducting a successful marriage themselves. I also think that the skills it takes to be a good spouse for decades are similar to the skills it takes to be a good friend for decades or a good sibling, and thus most of the people who are close to me have successful relationships in all these areas. I recognize that this is unusual, and I feel very blessed for what we have.

  27. Debbie

    Although I’ve long recognized that this makes me not-the-norm, I would say that most of the marriages of the people I know well are successful, and many are (or were, in the case of those who have died) very long.
    Both sets of my grandparents were head-over-heels in love couples. My mom’s an only child; my dad is one of 3 children. All my grandparents’ children adored them and thus the successful marriages led to successful families.
    My parents met in 8th grade and dated on and off in high school. They both dropped out of college in their freshman years because they couldn’t stand to be parted and got married at 20. They’ve been happily married for 46 years. I’m not saying there weren’t hard times. There were, and there were times when they fought, but they always worked it out.
    Of my dad’s siblings, one has been happily married for 35 years; the other has been married and divorced twice, and both divorces involved … not exactly affairs, but untenable behavior from the husbands, so it’s not like no one in my family has experienced such a thing; it’s just not common.
    For the past 30 years, my parents have been friends with 4 other couples, all of who have been married without affairs or unpleasantness for 25+ years. Of the nine children in these 5 couples, 7 have long-ish term successful marriages (6-12 years). Two have been divorced and are now remarried. I guess only time will tell where the real long-term numbers will fall in this generation.
    I’ve been married for 11 years (but together with my partner/husband for 17). My husband and I have been through major hard times, with chronic illness that led to financial difficulties and more, but we’ve survived as partners. I have one sister, who is on her second marriage. In her first marriage, her husband had an affair and asked for a divorce. Her second marriage is a much better match, and I fully expect it to be successful. (I can’t say it’s been “long-term” though, as they’ve only been married 6 years.)
    My 3 closest friends have been my friends since high school (25+ years). All have been married at least 10 years, and while there have been struggles in all their lives, thus far there haven’t been affairs, separation, or misery.
    I’m not sure what it is that put together this generational group of MOSTLY successful marriages, friends with successful marriages, and family members with successful marriages, but that’s always been our experience. It’s not that there have been no affairs/ divorces, but not very many. It’s not that there have been no hardships or struggles, but most couples have weathered them together. So I know it can be done, and done by many people.
    Although I can’t quite put my finger on what makes these people “lucky in love,” I do think that witnessing successful marriages and how they work makes people more capable of conducting a successful marriage themselves. I also think that the skills it takes to be a good spouse for decades are similar to the skills it takes to be a good friend for decades or a good sibling, and thus most of the people who are close to me have successful relationships in all these areas. I recognize that this is unusual, and I feel very blessed for what we have.

  28. simply anonyMOM

    My parents became boyfriend/grlfriend n the 3rd grade. They only dated eachother. THey married Jan 15 1972. THey are still married. While it has not all been roses and sunshine, they still really like eachother. No affairs. No seperations.
    My IL’s are each on their second marriages. They oth married really young (at 16) due to pregnancies. However they married eachother in 1978 and 30 years later are madly in love with eachother. THey are the hand holding and kissing grey haired couple you see and envy. THey also insist marriage is not easy, but they all agree it is worht it.

  29. simply anonyMOM

    My parents became boyfriend/grlfriend n the 3rd grade. They only dated eachother. THey married Jan 15 1972. THey are still married. While it has not all been roses and sunshine, they still really like eachother. No affairs. No seperations.
    My IL’s are each on their second marriages. They oth married really young (at 16) due to pregnancies. However they married eachother in 1978 and 30 years later are madly in love with eachother. THey are the hand holding and kissing grey haired couple you see and envy. THey also insist marriage is not easy, but they all agree it is worht it.

  30. simply anonyMOM

    My parents became boyfriend/grlfriend n the 3rd grade. They only dated eachother. THey married Jan 15 1972. THey are still married. While it has not all been roses and sunshine, they still really like eachother. No affairs. No seperations.
    My IL’s are each on their second marriages. They oth married really young (at 16) due to pregnancies. However they married eachother in 1978 and 30 years later are madly in love with eachother. THey are the hand holding and kissing grey haired couple you see and envy. THey also insist marriage is not easy, but they all agree it is worht it.

  31. Map Guy

    I am glad I am not in the same universe as most of those posting comments to this one.
    How sad it is to feel so jaded about long term relationships.
    My world is very different. Mom and Dad have been married now for 54 years. They have been faithful and loyal and loving with each other through lean years, illness and all of life’s ups and downs. My mother and father in-law have been married for 51 years now and have enjoyed the same success. My sister and two brothers are all working on 30+ year marriages and next March I will have been married for 20 years to my first and only wife.
    What’s the secret? It’s not about me. It’s about us. I am not in this marriage to give my 50% share and expecting her to give her 50% share, I am in it to give my 100%. That’s the only score I keep; have I given my 100% to this marriage.
    Love is a verb

  32. Map Guy

    I am glad I am not in the same universe as most of those posting comments to this one.
    How sad it is to feel so jaded about long term relationships.
    My world is very different. Mom and Dad have been married now for 54 years. They have been faithful and loyal and loving with each other through lean years, illness and all of life’s ups and downs. My mother and father in-law have been married for 51 years now and have enjoyed the same success. My sister and two brothers are all working on 30+ year marriages and next March I will have been married for 20 years to my first and only wife.
    What’s the secret? It’s not about me. It’s about us. I am not in this marriage to give my 50% share and expecting her to give her 50% share, I am in it to give my 100%. That’s the only score I keep; have I given my 100% to this marriage.
    Love is a verb

  33. Map Guy

    I am glad I am not in the same universe as most of those posting comments to this one.
    How sad it is to feel so jaded about long term relationships.
    My world is very different. Mom and Dad have been married now for 54 years. They have been faithful and loyal and loving with each other through lean years, illness and all of life’s ups and downs. My mother and father in-law have been married for 51 years now and have enjoyed the same success. My sister and two brothers are all working on 30+ year marriages and next March I will have been married for 20 years to my first and only wife.
    What’s the secret? It’s not about me. It’s about us. I am not in this marriage to give my 50% share and expecting her to give her 50% share, I am in it to give my 100%. That’s the only score I keep; have I given my 100% to this marriage.
    Love is a verb

  34. jill prettyman

    We just celebrated 27 years of marriage, and I can honestly say I don’t know anyone more happily married than us. We are rarely apart. We work, play, celebrate and cry together. He is my best friend and my rock. We have been through both good times and tradgity together and everything just makes us stronger. Also,both our parents have been married for over 50 years

  35. jill prettyman

    We just celebrated 27 years of marriage, and I can honestly say I don’t know anyone more happily married than us. We are rarely apart. We work, play, celebrate and cry together. He is my best friend and my rock. We have been through both good times and tradgity together and everything just makes us stronger. Also,both our parents have been married for over 50 years

  36. jill prettyman

    We just celebrated 27 years of marriage, and I can honestly say I don’t know anyone more happily married than us. We are rarely apart. We work, play, celebrate and cry together. He is my best friend and my rock. We have been through both good times and tradgity together and everything just makes us stronger. Also,both our parents have been married for over 50 years

  37. Sandra

    I was raised by the Beaver Cleaver parents.
    My parents met on a blind date and 6 mos later got married 42 years ago and are still married today. My mother was a virgin on her wedding night.
    They’re each other’s best friend. My dad isn’t a “looker” and never was, so my mom had misgivings about marrying him. Her mother told her to look at themselves down the road, would they still be friends? My mom believed they would and that’s why she said Yes.

  38. Sandra

    I was raised by the Beaver Cleaver parents.
    My parents met on a blind date and 6 mos later got married 42 years ago and are still married today. My mother was a virgin on her wedding night.
    They’re each other’s best friend. My dad isn’t a “looker” and never was, so my mom had misgivings about marrying him. Her mother told her to look at themselves down the road, would they still be friends? My mom believed they would and that’s why she said Yes.

  39. Sandra

    I was raised by the Beaver Cleaver parents.
    My parents met on a blind date and 6 mos later got married 42 years ago and are still married today. My mother was a virgin on her wedding night.
    They’re each other’s best friend. My dad isn’t a “looker” and never was, so my mom had misgivings about marrying him. Her mother told her to look at themselves down the road, would they still be friends? My mom believed they would and that’s why she said Yes.

  40. MadWoman

    Hotty Hubby’s grandparents were married for over 55 years. Grandpa died in 2003 and a year later, almost to the day, Nana followed suit.
    They were the cutest couple…walked down the street holding hands, always made each other laugh, were always doing sweet & romantic things for each other.
    Watching them always gave me hope for my marriage. If Hubby and I can pull off even just a couple more than my own mother managed I’ll be happy. If we make it to 55 years or more, I’ll be ecstatic.

  41. MadWoman

    Hotty Hubby’s grandparents were married for over 55 years. Grandpa died in 2003 and a year later, almost to the day, Nana followed suit.
    They were the cutest couple…walked down the street holding hands, always made each other laugh, were always doing sweet & romantic things for each other.
    Watching them always gave me hope for my marriage. If Hubby and I can pull off even just a couple more than my own mother managed I’ll be happy. If we make it to 55 years or more, I’ll be ecstatic.

  42. MadWoman

    Hotty Hubby’s grandparents were married for over 55 years. Grandpa died in 2003 and a year later, almost to the day, Nana followed suit.
    They were the cutest couple…walked down the street holding hands, always made each other laugh, were always doing sweet & romantic things for each other.
    Watching them always gave me hope for my marriage. If Hubby and I can pull off even just a couple more than my own mother managed I’ll be happy. If we make it to 55 years or more, I’ll be ecstatic.

  43. Cole

    My parents were married for 32 years, until my father passed away. I remember my mother once saying, “I wasn’t kidding when I said ‘Til death do us part’.” That said, they didn’t have a model marriage.
    My husbands grandparents were married for over 50 years, but again.. I’m not so positive it was without its problems. His grandfather was remarried less than 6 months after his wife’s death. DH’s parents recently celebrated their 30-somethingth anniversary, as well.

  44. Cole

    My parents were married for 32 years, until my father passed away. I remember my mother once saying, “I wasn’t kidding when I said ‘Til death do us part’.” That said, they didn’t have a model marriage.
    My husbands grandparents were married for over 50 years, but again.. I’m not so positive it was without its problems. His grandfather was remarried less than 6 months after his wife’s death. DH’s parents recently celebrated their 30-somethingth anniversary, as well.

  45. Cole

    My parents were married for 32 years, until my father passed away. I remember my mother once saying, “I wasn’t kidding when I said ‘Til death do us part’.” That said, they didn’t have a model marriage.
    My husbands grandparents were married for over 50 years, but again.. I’m not so positive it was without its problems. His grandfather was remarried less than 6 months after his wife’s death. DH’s parents recently celebrated their 30-somethingth anniversary, as well.

  46. Midlife Mama

    I loved MapGuy’s response. He is so right. I, too, believe in giving 100%, but when you don’t get 100% back, I get tired of being the one doing all the giving. So I stop. It isn’t healthy to be the only one giving that much. Most husbands don’t realize they, too, need to give 100%. If more husbands could be more like MapGuy, then that would make a difference. MapGuy’s wife is lucky! 🙂

  47. Midlife Mama

    I loved MapGuy’s response. He is so right. I, too, believe in giving 100%, but when you don’t get 100% back, I get tired of being the one doing all the giving. So I stop. It isn’t healthy to be the only one giving that much. Most husbands don’t realize they, too, need to give 100%. If more husbands could be more like MapGuy, then that would make a difference. MapGuy’s wife is lucky! 🙂

  48. Midlife Mama

    I loved MapGuy’s response. He is so right. I, too, believe in giving 100%, but when you don’t get 100% back, I get tired of being the one doing all the giving. So I stop. It isn’t healthy to be the only one giving that much. Most husbands don’t realize they, too, need to give 100%. If more husbands could be more like MapGuy, then that would make a difference. MapGuy’s wife is lucky! 🙂

  49. gina

    My parents have been happily married for 27 years…. of course they argue but they are each others best friends 🙂

  50. gina

    My parents have been happily married for 27 years…. of course they argue but they are each others best friends 🙂

  51. gina

    My parents have been happily married for 27 years…. of course they argue but they are each others best friends 🙂

  52. Helena

    When I read your post my first thought was that it could have been a grandfather treating his granddaughter… until I got to the cuddling, kissing bit. Jeeez!
    What are people like?
    My parents have been happily married for over 40 years. I don’t think there has been any affairs. Like my mother says: “the passion is not there like when we were young but the relationship has turned into companionship”.
    They are so nice to each other and always look after each other. My mother does not have a driving licence and every morning my father asks here where she wants to go that day. He’ll drive her around to the shops. When they get home she cooks for him (she’s an ex-chef so he’s well fed). I think their marriage is a success.

  53. Helena

    When I read your post my first thought was that it could have been a grandfather treating his granddaughter… until I got to the cuddling, kissing bit. Jeeez!
    What are people like?
    My parents have been happily married for over 40 years. I don’t think there has been any affairs. Like my mother says: “the passion is not there like when we were young but the relationship has turned into companionship”.
    They are so nice to each other and always look after each other. My mother does not have a driving licence and every morning my father asks here where she wants to go that day. He’ll drive her around to the shops. When they get home she cooks for him (she’s an ex-chef so he’s well fed). I think their marriage is a success.

  54. Helena

    When I read your post my first thought was that it could have been a grandfather treating his granddaughter… until I got to the cuddling, kissing bit. Jeeez!
    What are people like?
    My parents have been happily married for over 40 years. I don’t think there has been any affairs. Like my mother says: “the passion is not there like when we were young but the relationship has turned into companionship”.
    They are so nice to each other and always look after each other. My mother does not have a driving licence and every morning my father asks here where she wants to go that day. He’ll drive her around to the shops. When they get home she cooks for him (she’s an ex-chef so he’s well fed). I think their marriage is a success.

  55. Amy

    My parents will be celebrating 33 years next week. They’re doing great. My wife’s parents have been married for 30 years and they’re great too. My grandparents were all married until death, 50+ years in both cases. My sister is coming up on 13 years and my ninth anniversary is next month.
    We make good marriages in my family. 😀

  56. Amy

    My parents will be celebrating 33 years next week. They’re doing great. My wife’s parents have been married for 30 years and they’re great too. My grandparents were all married until death, 50+ years in both cases. My sister is coming up on 13 years and my ninth anniversary is next month.
    We make good marriages in my family. 😀

  57. Amy

    My parents will be celebrating 33 years next week. They’re doing great. My wife’s parents have been married for 30 years and they’re great too. My grandparents were all married until death, 50+ years in both cases. My sister is coming up on 13 years and my ninth anniversary is next month.
    We make good marriages in my family. 😀

  58. MLS

    Good grief, you inspire the longest comments I’ve ever seen. I’ll make this one short. My in-laws have been married 70 years and still going strong.

  59. MLS

    Good grief, you inspire the longest comments I’ve ever seen. I’ll make this one short. My in-laws have been married 70 years and still going strong.

  60. MLS

    Good grief, you inspire the longest comments I’ve ever seen. I’ll make this one short. My in-laws have been married 70 years and still going strong.

  61. MLS

    Good grief, you inspire the longest comments I’ve ever seen. I’ll make this one short. My in-laws have been married 70 years and still going strong.

  62. MLS

    Good grief, you inspire the longest comments I’ve ever seen. I’ll make this one short. My in-laws have been married 70 years and still going strong.

  63. MLS

    Good grief, you inspire the longest comments I’ve ever seen. I’ll make this one short. My in-laws have been married 70 years and still going strong.

  64. Lo

    my parents. they’ve been together for about 26 years i believe, or maybe 27. the two of them aren’t complete without each other, and while i can say that they do fight- and have fought before- they always come home. i am always so shocked that my parents are still together- which may sound crass, but really? my mom is extremely intelligent, pragmatic and practical and has no problem putting someone in their place. my dad was a marine for 29 years. it put a lot of strain on our family.
    we survived and my parents are probably the only marriage i know of that isn’t tainted with fighting, lying and cheating.

  65. Lo

    my parents. they’ve been together for about 26 years i believe, or maybe 27. the two of them aren’t complete without each other, and while i can say that they do fight- and have fought before- they always come home. i am always so shocked that my parents are still together- which may sound crass, but really? my mom is extremely intelligent, pragmatic and practical and has no problem putting someone in their place. my dad was a marine for 29 years. it put a lot of strain on our family.
    we survived and my parents are probably the only marriage i know of that isn’t tainted with fighting, lying and cheating.

  66. Lo

    my parents. they’ve been together for about 26 years i believe, or maybe 27. the two of them aren’t complete without each other, and while i can say that they do fight- and have fought before- they always come home. i am always so shocked that my parents are still together- which may sound crass, but really? my mom is extremely intelligent, pragmatic and practical and has no problem putting someone in their place. my dad was a marine for 29 years. it put a lot of strain on our family.
    we survived and my parents are probably the only marriage i know of that isn’t tainted with fighting, lying and cheating.

  67. beth

    me, yes me…I’m a success story !!
    we’ve been married almost 24 years and together 26…we have two children and we’ve moved 13 times in 21 years…he’s my rock, my best friend and loves me for who I am, even when I don’t like myself sometimes, he always does !

  68. beth

    me, yes me…I’m a success story !!
    we’ve been married almost 24 years and together 26…we have two children and we’ve moved 13 times in 21 years…he’s my rock, my best friend and loves me for who I am, even when I don’t like myself sometimes, he always does !

  69. beth

    me, yes me…I’m a success story !!
    we’ve been married almost 24 years and together 26…we have two children and we’ve moved 13 times in 21 years…he’s my rock, my best friend and loves me for who I am, even when I don’t like myself sometimes, he always does !

  70. Karen in TX

    My parents would have been married for 50 years this past Halloween, however my mum passed away Dec 31st 1999. There were no affairs in my parents marriage, but there were definetly some tough rocky times. They made it through and were very happy the last few years of my mum’s life.
    I also have a friend who has been married for 18 years. When people see the way her and her husband look at each other they get wistful and sometimes even jealous. Yes I’m one of them. They still look at each other with love shining from their faces. The laugh, hold hands and enjoy being around each other. YEP, I’m jealous, but I love them both dearly and hope that their love never changes.

  71. Karen in TX

    My parents would have been married for 50 years this past Halloween, however my mum passed away Dec 31st 1999. There were no affairs in my parents marriage, but there were definetly some tough rocky times. They made it through and were very happy the last few years of my mum’s life.
    I also have a friend who has been married for 18 years. When people see the way her and her husband look at each other they get wistful and sometimes even jealous. Yes I’m one of them. They still look at each other with love shining from their faces. The laugh, hold hands and enjoy being around each other. YEP, I’m jealous, but I love them both dearly and hope that their love never changes.

  72. Karen in TX

    My parents would have been married for 50 years this past Halloween, however my mum passed away Dec 31st 1999. There were no affairs in my parents marriage, but there were definetly some tough rocky times. They made it through and were very happy the last few years of my mum’s life.
    I also have a friend who has been married for 18 years. When people see the way her and her husband look at each other they get wistful and sometimes even jealous. Yes I’m one of them. They still look at each other with love shining from their faces. The laugh, hold hands and enjoy being around each other. YEP, I’m jealous, but I love them both dearly and hope that their love never changes.

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