Men Again?!

All eight winners from last week's contests are announced in a separate post right below this one.

A lot of my friends (male and female) seem to be deep in thought about where their lives and/or relationships are headed lately.  In addition, a publisher recently sent me a few books to read in consideration of possibly doing some book reviews.  As a result, I've been talking about some big life questions recently and I've also been reading about them.  My brain cells are starting to ache from working overtime. 

I might be kidding myself into believing I can solve life altering questions.  To top it off, my hair stylist handed me the lastest edition of Cosmopolitan last week and I realized I didn't even know all 75 tricks to "Bad Girl Sex."  According to Cosmo I need to learn to be a little "naughtier" because I hadn't heard of all 75. 

Is everyone else tying knotted pantyhose around their man's penis as a new pleasure trick?  Because honestly?  It never has entered my mind. 

I don't even own any pantyhose.

Here's another Cosmo tip:  Being able to move your tongue in a circle eight is critical for both men and women.

Anyway . . . .

One of my male friends said to me last week, "You think you understand men, but you don't."  This was during a discussion of why men and women have affairs.

I do think I understand men.  Am I wrong? 

I mean, other than the pantyhose trick?  (I already knew about the circle eight thing … heh!) 

I need to generalize today for writing purposes so bear with me. 

Here are some things I think I know about men:

Men have fragile egos.
Men like to be flattered.
Men can compartmentalize their lives better than most women can.
Men like sex.
Men love blow jobs.
Men want to be the best thing to ever happen in their partner's bed.
Men like a sense of taking care of their loved ones.
Men need down time. 
Men's identities and self-worth are closely tied to their careers.
Roughly 50-60% of married men will have affairs.
Approximately the same number will divorce.
Men often get bored with a woman once they have her.
Men are babies when they get sick or hurt.
Men love back rubs and/or back scratches.
Sports dads are all convinced their child will be the next pro player.
Men like to be looked up to and respected by their partner.
Circle eights, circle eights, circle eights
Men hate to be nagged or told what to do.
Circle eights, circle eights, circle eights!
Many men are looking for a "mom" in their partner – someone to cook and clean and do laundry for them.

Did I remember to mention, men like women who can make circle eights with their tongues?

My male friend told me men who have affairs often do so for the excitement of the chase, in addition to the allure of sex.  In addition, he said men get bored and want something new.  He even went so far as to say that some men wouldn't care that much if their wife had an affair "because it would assuage their own guilt over having an affair themselves."  He admitted the male ego would be bruised by a wife's indiscretion, but implied it would be more of a relief than anything for some men.  I'm assuming he intended his comment in regard to long term marriages, not new relationships.

I was floored by his comments.  Primarily because I envision Briefcase killing me if I had an affair.  Maybe he wouldn't kill me?  Maybe I should pursue hot pool boy after all?

Is this all part of me not understanding men? 

My brain hurts from thinking about this.  I can't wait to hear input from both my male and female readers.  I'm going to head out right now to buy some pantyhose.  In the meantime, can you tell me: 

What do you know about men?
Are the items I listed above about men correct? 
Did you read them and agree or disagree with them?
Why do you think men have affairs? 
(We'll talk about women soon on another day.)

78 Responses to “Men Again?!”

  1. Deidre

    I, unfortunately, don’t know anything about men. And it is becoming painfully obvious in my current relationship!
    The only thing I know is that They’re idiots – which isn’t to say women aren’t idiots either, because we are. That’s as far as my analysis has gotten me. Sad, eh?

    Reply
  2. Deidre

    I, unfortunately, don’t know anything about men. And it is becoming painfully obvious in my current relationship!
    The only thing I know is that They’re idiots – which isn’t to say women aren’t idiots either, because we are. That’s as far as my analysis has gotten me. Sad, eh?

    Reply
  3. Deidre

    I, unfortunately, don’t know anything about men. And it is becoming painfully obvious in my current relationship!
    The only thing I know is that They’re idiots – which isn’t to say women aren’t idiots either, because we are. That’s as far as my analysis has gotten me. Sad, eh?

    Reply
  4. SSG

    i really hate cheating and lying. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. SOme people want their cake and to eat it- want the mother figure but other people to play around to. I think it’s best to be honest. I don’t know why some men (and women) want to be with someone else. If I felt like things weren’t good with my bf, or that I wanted someone else, I would just tell my bf rather than cheat or lie, and maybe it would be pointing to something in our relationship we could work out. And I hope the same goes for him. I REALLY hate lying, almost with a vengeance some would say… and I HATE people that do it. But if you are someone who’s cheated (talking to commentators/ lurkers) I’d be interested in seeing the comments from you… maybe I’m too quick to judge?

    Reply
  5. SSG

    i really hate cheating and lying. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. SOme people want their cake and to eat it- want the mother figure but other people to play around to. I think it’s best to be honest. I don’t know why some men (and women) want to be with someone else. If I felt like things weren’t good with my bf, or that I wanted someone else, I would just tell my bf rather than cheat or lie, and maybe it would be pointing to something in our relationship we could work out. And I hope the same goes for him. I REALLY hate lying, almost with a vengeance some would say… and I HATE people that do it. But if you are someone who’s cheated (talking to commentators/ lurkers) I’d be interested in seeing the comments from you… maybe I’m too quick to judge?

    Reply
  6. SSG

    i really hate cheating and lying. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. SOme people want their cake and to eat it- want the mother figure but other people to play around to. I think it’s best to be honest. I don’t know why some men (and women) want to be with someone else. If I felt like things weren’t good with my bf, or that I wanted someone else, I would just tell my bf rather than cheat or lie, and maybe it would be pointing to something in our relationship we could work out. And I hope the same goes for him. I REALLY hate lying, almost with a vengeance some would say… and I HATE people that do it. But if you are someone who’s cheated (talking to commentators/ lurkers) I’d be interested in seeing the comments from you… maybe I’m too quick to judge?

    Reply
  7. Joanne

    I agree with the great majority of the points you made, but honestly dont know a woman that doesn’t have the same needs, basically.Except for the sick part, they really are crybabies! I think the big difference is how men/ women react to these situations. The most basic difference is that men are physical, women are mental.
    Lets just talk about the “allure of the chase” issue… So a hottie flirts with you ,and slips you his number. SOME (not all) men would be totally unable to refrain from making a call. A woman( MOST, but not all) could, laugh, throw the number away and go home to her hubby and have the wildest fantasy while, shall we say, “fulfilling her marital duties” Yep, just close your eyes and stick Mr. Hotstuff’s face right there on top of you. Whatever. Men ARE men, and some women can be real shitty too. Moreover, human nature is fallible. It is up to us to use to treat people wil respect, and even MORE important, not put up with any crap we know we shouldn’t, or delude ourselves into trying (TRYING!) to believe in things that are not. sounds easier than it is, for sure

    Reply
  8. Joanne

    I agree with the great majority of the points you made, but honestly dont know a woman that doesn’t have the same needs, basically.Except for the sick part, they really are crybabies! I think the big difference is how men/ women react to these situations. The most basic difference is that men are physical, women are mental.
    Lets just talk about the “allure of the chase” issue… So a hottie flirts with you ,and slips you his number. SOME (not all) men would be totally unable to refrain from making a call. A woman( MOST, but not all) could, laugh, throw the number away and go home to her hubby and have the wildest fantasy while, shall we say, “fulfilling her marital duties” Yep, just close your eyes and stick Mr. Hotstuff’s face right there on top of you. Whatever. Men ARE men, and some women can be real shitty too. Moreover, human nature is fallible. It is up to us to use to treat people wil respect, and even MORE important, not put up with any crap we know we shouldn’t, or delude ourselves into trying (TRYING!) to believe in things that are not. sounds easier than it is, for sure

    Reply
  9. Joanne

    I agree with the great majority of the points you made, but honestly dont know a woman that doesn’t have the same needs, basically.Except for the sick part, they really are crybabies! I think the big difference is how men/ women react to these situations. The most basic difference is that men are physical, women are mental.
    Lets just talk about the “allure of the chase” issue… So a hottie flirts with you ,and slips you his number. SOME (not all) men would be totally unable to refrain from making a call. A woman( MOST, but not all) could, laugh, throw the number away and go home to her hubby and have the wildest fantasy while, shall we say, “fulfilling her marital duties” Yep, just close your eyes and stick Mr. Hotstuff’s face right there on top of you. Whatever. Men ARE men, and some women can be real shitty too. Moreover, human nature is fallible. It is up to us to use to treat people wil respect, and even MORE important, not put up with any crap we know we shouldn’t, or delude ourselves into trying (TRYING!) to believe in things that are not. sounds easier than it is, for sure

    Reply
  10. amyz5

    1. if that percentage of men are having affairs and they (i assume) are heterosexual then who are they having them WITH and why is the percentage not as high for women
    2. circle 8s, circle 8s, circle 8s
    3. thanks, now i know what to do with all that pantyhose i never threw out.

    Reply
  11. amyz5

    1. if that percentage of men are having affairs and they (i assume) are heterosexual then who are they having them WITH and why is the percentage not as high for women
    2. circle 8s, circle 8s, circle 8s
    3. thanks, now i know what to do with all that pantyhose i never threw out.

    Reply
  12. amyz5

    1. if that percentage of men are having affairs and they (i assume) are heterosexual then who are they having them WITH and why is the percentage not as high for women
    2. circle 8s, circle 8s, circle 8s
    3. thanks, now i know what to do with all that pantyhose i never threw out.

    Reply
  13. Linda

    I agree with you with Two additions.
    One: Back rubs and/or back scratches = foreplay = sex. (So glad I could help you out with that honey)
    Two: Men are fixers. Bitch/vent about your day/problem and they have half a dozen ways to make it “right”. I have to preface these situations with “Honey I don’t want you to fix this. Just listen.”
    Why do they have affairs? Bored in the bedroom. Same could be said for women too. Married folk get in a rut (no pun intended) and just end up doing the same old thing everytime. Hence the pantyhose thing I guess.

    Reply
  14. Linda

    I agree with you with Two additions.
    One: Back rubs and/or back scratches = foreplay = sex. (So glad I could help you out with that honey)
    Two: Men are fixers. Bitch/vent about your day/problem and they have half a dozen ways to make it “right”. I have to preface these situations with “Honey I don’t want you to fix this. Just listen.”
    Why do they have affairs? Bored in the bedroom. Same could be said for women too. Married folk get in a rut (no pun intended) and just end up doing the same old thing everytime. Hence the pantyhose thing I guess.

    Reply
  15. Linda

    I agree with you with Two additions.
    One: Back rubs and/or back scratches = foreplay = sex. (So glad I could help you out with that honey)
    Two: Men are fixers. Bitch/vent about your day/problem and they have half a dozen ways to make it “right”. I have to preface these situations with “Honey I don’t want you to fix this. Just listen.”
    Why do they have affairs? Bored in the bedroom. Same could be said for women too. Married folk get in a rut (no pun intended) and just end up doing the same old thing everytime. Hence the pantyhose thing I guess.

    Reply
  16. emmysuh

    COSMO is the worst magazine in the world on sooo many levels, some of which are…
    -they essentially publish the same magazine every month, with slightly different titles and a new celeb featured.
    -They are probably the WORST nagtive female role model profile I’ve ever seen, all the tips are like, “Don’t shave around him/don’t talk too much/don’t be too coy but don’t be too open…” Basically, don’t be a real person in case men don’t like it. What is this, 1954?
    -Also, all the sex tips are ridiculous and violent. No, really, he likes it if you slap his junk around a bit. Pour boiling tea on him, it’s sexy. No no no no no.
    I got caught up in a Cosmo rant, but I just hate it so much.

    Reply
  17. emmysuh

    COSMO is the worst magazine in the world on sooo many levels, some of which are…
    -they essentially publish the same magazine every month, with slightly different titles and a new celeb featured.
    -They are probably the WORST nagtive female role model profile I’ve ever seen, all the tips are like, “Don’t shave around him/don’t talk too much/don’t be too coy but don’t be too open…” Basically, don’t be a real person in case men don’t like it. What is this, 1954?
    -Also, all the sex tips are ridiculous and violent. No, really, he likes it if you slap his junk around a bit. Pour boiling tea on him, it’s sexy. No no no no no.
    I got caught up in a Cosmo rant, but I just hate it so much.

    Reply
  18. emmysuh

    COSMO is the worst magazine in the world on sooo many levels, some of which are…
    -they essentially publish the same magazine every month, with slightly different titles and a new celeb featured.
    -They are probably the WORST nagtive female role model profile I’ve ever seen, all the tips are like, “Don’t shave around him/don’t talk too much/don’t be too coy but don’t be too open…” Basically, don’t be a real person in case men don’t like it. What is this, 1954?
    -Also, all the sex tips are ridiculous and violent. No, really, he likes it if you slap his junk around a bit. Pour boiling tea on him, it’s sexy. No no no no no.
    I got caught up in a Cosmo rant, but I just hate it so much.

    Reply
  19. Neil

    I doubt that affairs have as much to do with sex as we all think. Men talk and think about sex all the time, but the reasons for a man having an affair are usually the same as a woman — some emotional need is not being met.

    Reply
  20. Neil

    I doubt that affairs have as much to do with sex as we all think. Men talk and think about sex all the time, but the reasons for a man having an affair are usually the same as a woman — some emotional need is not being met.

    Reply
  21. Neil

    I doubt that affairs have as much to do with sex as we all think. Men talk and think about sex all the time, but the reasons for a man having an affair are usually the same as a woman — some emotional need is not being met.

    Reply
  22. Missy

    Neil has it right. I believe it’s an unmet emotional need as well. And congrats to all the winners.

    Reply
  23. Missy

    Neil has it right. I believe it’s an unmet emotional need as well. And congrats to all the winners.

    Reply
  24. Missy

    Neil has it right. I believe it’s an unmet emotional need as well. And congrats to all the winners.

    Reply
  25. Kristan Hoffman

    Ugh, I hate statistics about divorces and cheating, because they’re just so DISMAL, and you want to think it’s not going to be you, you’re not going to be part of the unlucky, unhappy percentile, but those very numbers are the ones saying the odds are against you!
    Actually you and Briefcase seem to have a very good relationship. Maybe you should share the secret to keeping a man happy/entertained/interested, eh?
    As for the list, I agreed with most of it. The pantyhose I SO don’t get. (Does it build up blood/pressure?? Is that good??) But I saw that headline on Cosmo yesterday (BAD GIRL SEX) and laughed out loud in the middle of the grocery store. Not as hard as I laughed at emmysuh’s comment about the tea, though!

    Reply
  26. Kristan Hoffman

    Ugh, I hate statistics about divorces and cheating, because they’re just so DISMAL, and you want to think it’s not going to be you, you’re not going to be part of the unlucky, unhappy percentile, but those very numbers are the ones saying the odds are against you!
    Actually you and Briefcase seem to have a very good relationship. Maybe you should share the secret to keeping a man happy/entertained/interested, eh?
    As for the list, I agreed with most of it. The pantyhose I SO don’t get. (Does it build up blood/pressure?? Is that good??) But I saw that headline on Cosmo yesterday (BAD GIRL SEX) and laughed out loud in the middle of the grocery store. Not as hard as I laughed at emmysuh’s comment about the tea, though!

    Reply
  27. Kristan Hoffman

    Ugh, I hate statistics about divorces and cheating, because they’re just so DISMAL, and you want to think it’s not going to be you, you’re not going to be part of the unlucky, unhappy percentile, but those very numbers are the ones saying the odds are against you!
    Actually you and Briefcase seem to have a very good relationship. Maybe you should share the secret to keeping a man happy/entertained/interested, eh?
    As for the list, I agreed with most of it. The pantyhose I SO don’t get. (Does it build up blood/pressure?? Is that good??) But I saw that headline on Cosmo yesterday (BAD GIRL SEX) and laughed out loud in the middle of the grocery store. Not as hard as I laughed at emmysuh’s comment about the tea, though!

    Reply
  28. Tricia

    I need to buy Cosmo.
    I think 90 percent of your list can easily be applied to women as well.
    Every time I’ve had a similar conversation with a man, I always hear that affairs aren’t about being bored with their current partner, but because there’s something lacking in the relationship emotionally…trust, friendship, respect, fun, etc. It’s the fragile ego thing you mentioned, and a need to be desired. We all want to be desired, even after years and years of marriage.

    Reply
  29. Tricia

    I need to buy Cosmo.
    I think 90 percent of your list can easily be applied to women as well.
    Every time I’ve had a similar conversation with a man, I always hear that affairs aren’t about being bored with their current partner, but because there’s something lacking in the relationship emotionally…trust, friendship, respect, fun, etc. It’s the fragile ego thing you mentioned, and a need to be desired. We all want to be desired, even after years and years of marriage.

    Reply
  30. Tricia

    I need to buy Cosmo.
    I think 90 percent of your list can easily be applied to women as well.
    Every time I’ve had a similar conversation with a man, I always hear that affairs aren’t about being bored with their current partner, but because there’s something lacking in the relationship emotionally…trust, friendship, respect, fun, etc. It’s the fragile ego thing you mentioned, and a need to be desired. We all want to be desired, even after years and years of marriage.

    Reply
  31. Midlife Mama

    Okay after reading that list? I want to run as far away as I can from men. Good lord!
    So we’re supposed to be porno stars in the bedroom, take care of them when they’re sick, cook, clean, do laundry, and make sure their fragile egos aren’t bruised??? NO THANKS. Un-sign me up. I’m outta here.
    Oh, and work 40-plus hours a week. Sure. No problem. I have nothing better to do than to cater to my man’s every need. Because I have no needs, right? Just the circle figure eight thing right? Yeah. Fuggedaboutit.
    Oh, and I suppose that if we don’t do all these things for our husbands, they can then justify having an affair. Ugh. What a dismal, sad outlook on relationships.
    Because if this is true? I’m so gone. I’m gonna just live by myself and let some other sucker take care of the men. Ugh.

    Reply
  32. Midlife Mama

    Okay after reading that list? I want to run as far away as I can from men. Good lord!
    So we’re supposed to be porno stars in the bedroom, take care of them when they’re sick, cook, clean, do laundry, and make sure their fragile egos aren’t bruised??? NO THANKS. Un-sign me up. I’m outta here.
    Oh, and work 40-plus hours a week. Sure. No problem. I have nothing better to do than to cater to my man’s every need. Because I have no needs, right? Just the circle figure eight thing right? Yeah. Fuggedaboutit.
    Oh, and I suppose that if we don’t do all these things for our husbands, they can then justify having an affair. Ugh. What a dismal, sad outlook on relationships.
    Because if this is true? I’m so gone. I’m gonna just live by myself and let some other sucker take care of the men. Ugh.

    Reply
  33. Midlife Mama

    Okay after reading that list? I want to run as far away as I can from men. Good lord!
    So we’re supposed to be porno stars in the bedroom, take care of them when they’re sick, cook, clean, do laundry, and make sure their fragile egos aren’t bruised??? NO THANKS. Un-sign me up. I’m outta here.
    Oh, and work 40-plus hours a week. Sure. No problem. I have nothing better to do than to cater to my man’s every need. Because I have no needs, right? Just the circle figure eight thing right? Yeah. Fuggedaboutit.
    Oh, and I suppose that if we don’t do all these things for our husbands, they can then justify having an affair. Ugh. What a dismal, sad outlook on relationships.
    Because if this is true? I’m so gone. I’m gonna just live by myself and let some other sucker take care of the men. Ugh.

    Reply
  34. steenky bee (jenboglass)

    I’m with Midlife Mama on this one. I read the list, know it to be true and now want to invest in a lesbian relationship. My best friend is just dealing with her husband’s infidelity and it has shaken me to the core. I always thought that happened to other people. When it comes right down to it, I think most men are simplistic and selfish. I love my husband, and like to think of his as different, but sometimes nature is stronger than we think. Ugg!

    Reply
  35. steenky bee (jenboglass)

    I’m with Midlife Mama on this one. I read the list, know it to be true and now want to invest in a lesbian relationship. My best friend is just dealing with her husband’s infidelity and it has shaken me to the core. I always thought that happened to other people. When it comes right down to it, I think most men are simplistic and selfish. I love my husband, and like to think of his as different, but sometimes nature is stronger than we think. Ugg!

    Reply
  36. steenky bee (jenboglass)

    I’m with Midlife Mama on this one. I read the list, know it to be true and now want to invest in a lesbian relationship. My best friend is just dealing with her husband’s infidelity and it has shaken me to the core. I always thought that happened to other people. When it comes right down to it, I think most men are simplistic and selfish. I love my husband, and like to think of his as different, but sometimes nature is stronger than we think. Ugg!

    Reply
  37. thistle

    in fairness to the dismal stats about men…there does seem to be a new breed of really ruthless women (married and unmarried) out there these days that, what is that about?
    …and i will not buy into that people are ‘fallible’ excuse…seriously, if you’re not happy in a monogamous relationship say so and move on, don’t cheat and lie and then try to whimper about it…you’re only sorry you got caught, not for doing it…and looking for a mom (or dad) figure to take care of you…
    hmm…apparently i need to post on this as i have alot more to say about the topic…
    Thanks for curing my writer’s block TFAH!…

    Reply
  38. thistle

    in fairness to the dismal stats about men…there does seem to be a new breed of really ruthless women (married and unmarried) out there these days that, what is that about?
    …and i will not buy into that people are ‘fallible’ excuse…seriously, if you’re not happy in a monogamous relationship say so and move on, don’t cheat and lie and then try to whimper about it…you’re only sorry you got caught, not for doing it…and looking for a mom (or dad) figure to take care of you…
    hmm…apparently i need to post on this as i have alot more to say about the topic…
    Thanks for curing my writer’s block TFAH!…

    Reply
  39. thistle

    in fairness to the dismal stats about men…there does seem to be a new breed of really ruthless women (married and unmarried) out there these days that, what is that about?
    …and i will not buy into that people are ‘fallible’ excuse…seriously, if you’re not happy in a monogamous relationship say so and move on, don’t cheat and lie and then try to whimper about it…you’re only sorry you got caught, not for doing it…and looking for a mom (or dad) figure to take care of you…
    hmm…apparently i need to post on this as i have alot more to say about the topic…
    Thanks for curing my writer’s block TFAH!…

    Reply
  40. Sugee

    Yep, I’d say you have a pretty good grasp on men. Esp. on them being babies when they are sick or hurt.

    Reply
  41. Sugee

    Yep, I’d say you have a pretty good grasp on men. Esp. on them being babies when they are sick or hurt.

    Reply
  42. Sugee

    Yep, I’d say you have a pretty good grasp on men. Esp. on them being babies when they are sick or hurt.

    Reply
  43. Jan

    The guy who told you that most men wouldn’t mind if their wives had an affair because it would assuage their own guilt is, quite frankly, full of shit. Or has never met my ex, one or the other. Because my ex? The man would chase anything that looked like it *might* own a vagina. But I couldn’t have an affair, you see, because I would have to actually have some sort of emotional connection to have sex with someone else, so MY cheating would be much, much worse than HIS cheating.
    *eye roll*
    Knotted pantyhose? *snort* Amateurs.

    Reply
  44. Jan

    The guy who told you that most men wouldn’t mind if their wives had an affair because it would assuage their own guilt is, quite frankly, full of shit. Or has never met my ex, one or the other. Because my ex? The man would chase anything that looked like it *might* own a vagina. But I couldn’t have an affair, you see, because I would have to actually have some sort of emotional connection to have sex with someone else, so MY cheating would be much, much worse than HIS cheating.
    *eye roll*
    Knotted pantyhose? *snort* Amateurs.

    Reply
  45. Jan

    The guy who told you that most men wouldn’t mind if their wives had an affair because it would assuage their own guilt is, quite frankly, full of shit. Or has never met my ex, one or the other. Because my ex? The man would chase anything that looked like it *might* own a vagina. But I couldn’t have an affair, you see, because I would have to actually have some sort of emotional connection to have sex with someone else, so MY cheating would be much, much worse than HIS cheating.
    *eye roll*
    Knotted pantyhose? *snort* Amateurs.

    Reply
  46. alntv

    Men like to be WINNERS. And I have yet to win one of your contests. I am starting to feel inadaquate…

    Reply
  47. alntv

    Men like to be WINNERS. And I have yet to win one of your contests. I am starting to feel inadaquate…

    Reply
  48. alntv

    Men like to be WINNERS. And I have yet to win one of your contests. I am starting to feel inadaquate…

    Reply
  49. alntv

    P.S. I honestly have no idea what a circle 8 is. Could you please explain in a future writing? With pictures…obviously. Thanks!

    Reply
  50. alntv

    P.S. I honestly have no idea what a circle 8 is. Could you please explain in a future writing? With pictures…obviously. Thanks!

    Reply
  51. alntv

    P.S. I honestly have no idea what a circle 8 is. Could you please explain in a future writing? With pictures…obviously. Thanks!

    Reply
  52. Kelly

    Alan wants pictures? Snort! I agree a lot of its emotional but men are more slutty than women by nature. I know it’s never ALL men or ALL women … but. Your friend who said some men wouldn’t care about their wives having affairs? Has clearly had an affair and is trying to rationalize it. In my opinion.

    Reply
  53. Kelly

    Alan wants pictures? Snort! I agree a lot of its emotional but men are more slutty than women by nature. I know it’s never ALL men or ALL women … but. Your friend who said some men wouldn’t care about their wives having affairs? Has clearly had an affair and is trying to rationalize it. In my opinion.

    Reply
  54. Kelly

    Alan wants pictures? Snort! I agree a lot of its emotional but men are more slutty than women by nature. I know it’s never ALL men or ALL women … but. Your friend who said some men wouldn’t care about their wives having affairs? Has clearly had an affair and is trying to rationalize it. In my opinion.

    Reply
  55. Midlife Mama

    OH and one more thing: Men have NO RIGHT to blame the woman in their lives for having an affair. “If she’d have sex more often.” “There was a lack of (love) (affection) (sex) (trust) whtaever” (insert excuse here). Pul-leeze. No one DRIVES someone else to have an affair. Having an affair is a CHOICE, pure and simple. Poor, abused, misunderstood, ignored, taken for granted men. Wah, wah, wah. Cry me a river. If you’re that unhappy, fix what you have! If not, get out. Pure and simple. The only reason for having an affair is 1) to hurt the other person; or 2) to make yourself feel good. The emotional pain that a husband’s affair causes his wife and children lasts for years. Having an affair is a purely selfish act.
    And yes, you’re damn right I’m angry. I hate how men (and women) try and justify their affairs while trying to repair the damage that it wrecks.

    Reply
  56. Midlife Mama

    OH and one more thing: Men have NO RIGHT to blame the woman in their lives for having an affair. “If she’d have sex more often.” “There was a lack of (love) (affection) (sex) (trust) whtaever” (insert excuse here). Pul-leeze. No one DRIVES someone else to have an affair. Having an affair is a CHOICE, pure and simple. Poor, abused, misunderstood, ignored, taken for granted men. Wah, wah, wah. Cry me a river. If you’re that unhappy, fix what you have! If not, get out. Pure and simple. The only reason for having an affair is 1) to hurt the other person; or 2) to make yourself feel good. The emotional pain that a husband’s affair causes his wife and children lasts for years. Having an affair is a purely selfish act.
    And yes, you’re damn right I’m angry. I hate how men (and women) try and justify their affairs while trying to repair the damage that it wrecks.

    Reply
  57. Midlife Mama

    OH and one more thing: Men have NO RIGHT to blame the woman in their lives for having an affair. “If she’d have sex more often.” “There was a lack of (love) (affection) (sex) (trust) whtaever” (insert excuse here). Pul-leeze. No one DRIVES someone else to have an affair. Having an affair is a CHOICE, pure and simple. Poor, abused, misunderstood, ignored, taken for granted men. Wah, wah, wah. Cry me a river. If you’re that unhappy, fix what you have! If not, get out. Pure and simple. The only reason for having an affair is 1) to hurt the other person; or 2) to make yourself feel good. The emotional pain that a husband’s affair causes his wife and children lasts for years. Having an affair is a purely selfish act.
    And yes, you’re damn right I’m angry. I hate how men (and women) try and justify their affairs while trying to repair the damage that it wrecks.

    Reply
  58. Jason

    You’re right on the money with most of these. I think you should just put the word “many” in front of each statement.
    Except maybe the one about nagging. I don’t think anyone likes to be NAGGED! I sure as hell don’t.

    Reply
  59. Jason

    You’re right on the money with most of these. I think you should just put the word “many” in front of each statement.
    Except maybe the one about nagging. I don’t think anyone likes to be NAGGED! I sure as hell don’t.

    Reply
  60. Jason

    You’re right on the money with most of these. I think you should just put the word “many” in front of each statement.
    Except maybe the one about nagging. I don’t think anyone likes to be NAGGED! I sure as hell don’t.

    Reply
  61. sometimessophia

    Your list would be improved by adding “many” in front of each statement, as Jason suggests. And yes, a lot of these statements describe women, too. I’m wary of generaliztions, though, because they’re too heavy handed.
    Aren’t people friends with their partners any more? My husband is also my best friend, and there’s no way I would be disloyal to him, or consciously seek to hurt him. Affairs are so selfish. And when children are part of the equation, it multiplies the misery ten-fold.
    A willingness to invest in keeping things fresh, fun, and meaningful; tolerance for all the nitpicky things each of us are guilty of; communication, forgiveness, and the committment to work through any misunderstandings or hurt; faith that we made the right choice when we committed to our partner in the first place: these are the things that keep relationships healthy and whole.

    Reply
  62. sometimessophia

    Your list would be improved by adding “many” in front of each statement, as Jason suggests. And yes, a lot of these statements describe women, too. I’m wary of generaliztions, though, because they’re too heavy handed.
    Aren’t people friends with their partners any more? My husband is also my best friend, and there’s no way I would be disloyal to him, or consciously seek to hurt him. Affairs are so selfish. And when children are part of the equation, it multiplies the misery ten-fold.
    A willingness to invest in keeping things fresh, fun, and meaningful; tolerance for all the nitpicky things each of us are guilty of; communication, forgiveness, and the committment to work through any misunderstandings or hurt; faith that we made the right choice when we committed to our partner in the first place: these are the things that keep relationships healthy and whole.

    Reply
  63. sometimessophia

    Your list would be improved by adding “many” in front of each statement, as Jason suggests. And yes, a lot of these statements describe women, too. I’m wary of generaliztions, though, because they’re too heavy handed.
    Aren’t people friends with their partners any more? My husband is also my best friend, and there’s no way I would be disloyal to him, or consciously seek to hurt him. Affairs are so selfish. And when children are part of the equation, it multiplies the misery ten-fold.
    A willingness to invest in keeping things fresh, fun, and meaningful; tolerance for all the nitpicky things each of us are guilty of; communication, forgiveness, and the committment to work through any misunderstandings or hurt; faith that we made the right choice when we committed to our partner in the first place: these are the things that keep relationships healthy and whole.

    Reply
  64. Christine

    Delurking to say 1. I love these men/women/sex posts and the discussions that follow ;-) and 2. thank you, Midlife Mama on your comment on men blaming the women for the affair. My dad had an affair after 22 years of marriage and I think to this day he still tries to explain it to me “because mom did such and such or didn’t do this”. It pisses me off so much.
    “The emotional pain that a husband’s affair causes his wife and children lasts for years. Having an affair is a purely selfish act.”
    Why yes. Yes. And yes.
    I found out when I was 20 and away at college. I’m the oldest of 3 and it’s hurt me the most. I’m still not over it. Don’t think I ever will. What relationships I knew and loved will never exist again.
    I think a lot of harm comes from the screwed up notions tv and books give about marriage. It’s no happily ever after. At least not completely. It’s no doubt going to be the hardest thing you’ve ever had to work at. I always liked that line from Maroon Five’s song (of course I can’t remember which one) “it ain’t always rainbows and butterflies, it’s compromise that moves us along”

    Reply
  65. Christine

    Delurking to say 1. I love these men/women/sex posts and the discussions that follow ;-) and 2. thank you, Midlife Mama on your comment on men blaming the women for the affair. My dad had an affair after 22 years of marriage and I think to this day he still tries to explain it to me “because mom did such and such or didn’t do this”. It pisses me off so much.
    “The emotional pain that a husband’s affair causes his wife and children lasts for years. Having an affair is a purely selfish act.”
    Why yes. Yes. And yes.
    I found out when I was 20 and away at college. I’m the oldest of 3 and it’s hurt me the most. I’m still not over it. Don’t think I ever will. What relationships I knew and loved will never exist again.
    I think a lot of harm comes from the screwed up notions tv and books give about marriage. It’s no happily ever after. At least not completely. It’s no doubt going to be the hardest thing you’ve ever had to work at. I always liked that line from Maroon Five’s song (of course I can’t remember which one) “it ain’t always rainbows and butterflies, it’s compromise that moves us along”

    Reply
  66. Christine

    Delurking to say 1. I love these men/women/sex posts and the discussions that follow ;-) and 2. thank you, Midlife Mama on your comment on men blaming the women for the affair. My dad had an affair after 22 years of marriage and I think to this day he still tries to explain it to me “because mom did such and such or didn’t do this”. It pisses me off so much.
    “The emotional pain that a husband’s affair causes his wife and children lasts for years. Having an affair is a purely selfish act.”
    Why yes. Yes. And yes.
    I found out when I was 20 and away at college. I’m the oldest of 3 and it’s hurt me the most. I’m still not over it. Don’t think I ever will. What relationships I knew and loved will never exist again.
    I think a lot of harm comes from the screwed up notions tv and books give about marriage. It’s no happily ever after. At least not completely. It’s no doubt going to be the hardest thing you’ve ever had to work at. I always liked that line from Maroon Five’s song (of course I can’t remember which one) “it ain’t always rainbows and butterflies, it’s compromise that moves us along”

    Reply

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