Not My Mother's Dentist

I got a little aroused at the dentist yesterday.  Oh wow – now I'm blushing.  Maybe I should start at the beginning.  Oh, and Briefcase?  Maybe you should skip this post and come back tomorrow.

Several years ago I was looking for a new dentist.  I have a friend who works at an orthodontist's office so I asked her for recommendations.  She took out a piece of paper and wrote down five names for me.

"Any one of these would be excellent," she said as she handed me the paper.

I noticed one name was underlined repeatedly and had several stars by it.

"Why did you do that?" I asked pointing to the stars.

"He's smoking hot," she answered with a gleam in her eye.

"Is he a good dentist?" I asked.

"Smoking hot," she repeated while nodding her head in the affirmative.  Then she added, "I don't know if you can get in to see him because everyone wants him," she chortled.

Well, I did get an appointment with him and Dr. Drool has been our family dentist ever since.  Yes he is, in fact, smoking hot.  I'm usually immune to super-hot men because it's been my experience that the very hottest of the male species are usually overly enamored with themselves.  Dr. Drool, however, is breath stopping gorgeous, and funny, and nice, and warm, and, and, and!

Nonetheless, I hate going to the dentist.  I dread it for days ahead of time, I try to think of excuses to cancel appointments and I feel anxious the day I have to go.  I don't know why.  I'm in my forties and I've never even had a cavity.  I blame my mom.  My mom was born with nonstop dental problems and has endured enough dental work for both of us combined and then some.  Her fear of dentists is so acute, I think she somehow passed it on to me even though I've never had a single reason of my own to fear them.

Yesterday I went to get my teeth cleaned.  Dr. Drool recently had his entire office renovated.  The hygienist escorted me back to a small room where a "lounge chair" awaited me.  I sat down.  The chair moved me into a reclining position and began vibrating.

"Do you like our new massage chair?" she asked.

"Um, sure?" I countered.

She moved a small flat screen tv so I had a perfect view of it as I reclined.

"Oh MY!" I suddenly exclaimed.

A male voice laughed from behind me.  I turned, and saw Dr. Drool had entered the room. 

"Is the massage chair heating up nicely?" he asked.

Heat and vibration.  OK, I admit, I'm easy like that.

Add in a male next to me who looks like Dr. Drool and I started worrying I might simultaneously combust.  Or something.

"Yes, it is heating up very nicely," I answered.

Dr. Drool sat down next to me and chatted for a few minutes.  Then his eyes met mine and he said, "I always love when you come in.  You have the most beautiful smile."

I know this is what dentists say to patients a million times a day, but don't anyone out there in Internet-World interfere with my fantasy for even one minute.  It's a damn good fantasy and I'm entitled to cling to it for as long as I want to. 

I confessed to Dr. Drool how much I hate going to the dentist and he looked surprised.  He reminded me I've never even had a cavity.  He looked puzzled and hurt.  My heart melted just a little bit right then because … ahem, he's really quite something and I couldn't help it.

He listed all he's done to make things better for his patients.  Massaging chairs.  With vibration.  With heat.  (I had not forgotten!)  Flat screen TVs, headphones for music, and on and on he went.

I nodded.

Then he said, "I know!  You'll love this.  Can I massage some gel on you?  It tingles and you're going to love it!"

I looked at Dr. Drool.  I could not even answer him.  I was already floating in that pre-orgasmic space just from his the heat and vibration.

Massage me?  Tingly gel? 

I suppose I should have said no thanks??

"Open up," Dr. Drool smiled.

My mind was sooooo in the gutter at this point. 

Can I just say in my defense, you've never seen Dr. Drool?  I think most of you (male or female) would have been feeling the exact same way I was at that point.

Dr. Drool started massaging my gums.  It was not quite as intoxicating as what I'd hoped he'd planned.  I don't know if I've ever had a "gum massage" before, but I think not.  A minute later I felt the tingle.  It was not an unpleasant experience.

Dr. Drool then proceeded with his dental exam.  No cavities, great teeth, same thing I hear every time.

I was a little reluctant to leave.  I had to give up the heat, the vibration, the tingle and Dr. Drool.  Oh well, at least I know I'll be back for another visit in six months.

Also?  Thank God this man did not decide to go into gynecology! 

Because?

Omigod!

28 Responses to “Not My Mother's Dentist”

  1. Jan

    You know, I spent the entire time I was reading this post thinking, “Oh, she is SO lucky this guy is not her gynecologist…”
    Of course, I wouldn’t complain if he were MY gynecologist…not that I’d tell Beloved that, or anything.
    Ahem.

  2. Gina

    ahahahaahaa i think i should move to california just so i can see this dentist!!

  3. jo

    That line, “I always love when you come in” (you can hear my deep, seductive tone, right)….I’m sorry, all I could think was this was a great opening scene to a porn flick….and the tingly gel in the mouth. OMG?! Help, I’m dying. This is too funny! Thanks for writing something light today. It took me two days to get over the posts on lasting marriages…it left me very depressed.

  4. Linda

    *climbing out of the gutter* Oh Hi! It’s crowed in her today!
    Bwhahahaha! O.M.G.!!! I soooo needed this this morning!

  5. Lori

    He sounds yummy! One of the first things I thought was thank god he’s not a gynocologist! I definetely wouldn’t mind going to a denstist like this.

  6. Donna in VA

    Okay, I’m picturing George Clooney in a white coat saying, “Open wide”.
    I am a year behind on my routine dental visits cuz I dread going so badly, but with all of THOSE perks, Hell, I’d be racing to the dentist.
    I did have a dentist when I lived north of San Diego that had the MOST beautiful blue eyes that I’ve ever seen. He’d be drilling in my mouth and I was lost in the sea of blue. Mesmerizing eyes. Yeah, I didn’t hate him so much.

  7. SSG

    So, are you going to look forward to going to the dentist now?
    I’m british, dentists are for emergencies only.
    Only when in North America do I notice how bad my teeth suck. Yet they do their job. They just don’t look as good as you guys stateside. I’m 25 now, don’t think that’ll change any time soon… *dreams of shiny white straight teeth*

  8. Kristan Hoffman

    After all that, how could you NOT give us a picture?!
    I was amused throughout, but those last 3 lines are what did it for me. Now I have to explain raucous laughter at work…

  9. goodfather

    Ha ha! I’m not sure why it’s a good thing that your dentist is not your gynecologist (other than the obvious anatomical differences), but this post is hilarious.
    It must be a girl thing. Really. I’ve never heard a guy say, “Whoa! It’s lucky your smokin’ hot dentist isn’t your urologist!’ I don’t think there’s a ‘guy’-equivalent experience…

  10. emmysuh

    Although perhaps those gyno visits would go a little smoother and we’d all come out a little happier if we had Dr. Drool and a vibrating chair. I’m just saying…I’d go there.

  11. Margie

    Trust me, you do NOT want a Dr. Drool as your ob/gyn. Just sayn’. 🙂

  12. thistle

    ROFL…and deeply envious…
    and i think i’ve said this before, my dentist…not smokin’ hot…but a great provider of happy pills and i love hime for that…
    and i’ve left an award for you back at the ‘no smokin’ hot dentist provided’ site
    cheers!

  13. Lo

    bwahahahahahaha oh mah gawd you are A RIOT i love ya girl!!!! oh man.
    heh. heh. this is hilarious. i think i would have just combusted and melted right away if that happened to me. i am SO not good around uber hot guys.
    but oh lordy… DAMN YOU for not sneaking a photo of his ass!!!
    oops? did i say that? outloud?

  14. Sandra

    The problem I have with Too good looking as far as a dentist goes is I’d constantly be worrying if I have a booger in my nose he can see, or the huge zit on my face that of course appears right before the appointment. Just too much stress when they’re that good looking.

  15. Nothing Fancy

    LOL…Reminds me how I miss my very own Dr. Drool. Sadly, he moved from the area. He called me by the wrong name for 5 years, but i was too enamoured with his gorgeous blue eyes and overall hunkyness to correct him. ahhhhhh

  16. Tricia

    I’m not going to interfere with this fantasy, not at all, in fact the next time I have to go to the dentist, which I also hate having to do, I’m taking this fantasy with me. How on earth did you not just start giggling when he asked to rub you with gel. This is so funny, I can’t stop giggling myself. I want your dentist!

  17. Slick

    lol…you women, geeeeez.
    Men aren’t just meat!! I felt violated just reading this post!
    So, uh….can you get me his phone number for my gay cousin?

  18. MLS

    I posted a while back about my HOT HOT HOT dentist. sigh….why can’t I get my teeth cleaned every month?

  19. amyz5

    too funny. how about this, there is a gyn in my docs office who fits the same profile. really drop dead to the point of this is way to awkward to be ok gorgeous. my luck he was on call when i went into labor.
    worse. i ran into him a couple of years later at the pool. and we just could not place how we knew eachother. and then…
    yeh, well you can imagine when i realized. my first reaction was, how about this for a hint. i will lay down and put my legs in the air!

  20. CarolQ

    You better hope like h*ll that his wife (?) isn’t reading your blog or maybe his office manager is reading your blog. Maybe HE’s reading blogs (like yours). I think Dr. Drool is a great name for a dentist that is dreamy but be careful, you never know who’s reading you . . . .

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