How many of you are up for a gross, disgusting topic today? No one? Fine, I'll go right ahead anyway.
At 9:00 a.m. I almost wet my pants and gave up the fight. A friend reached into her purse and handed me a packet. I looked at the packet and discovered she had given me "portable toilet seat covers" for the porta-potty. I was grateful, but surprised. First of all, I hadn't even known we'd be forced to use a porta-potty. Second, I didn't know a person on earth dared to actually sit on the seat in one. (Don't most women do the Squat and Hover rather than actually sit?)
I walked to the porta-potty. I eyed it warily with my toilet seat covers in my hand. I gulped in one last breath of fresh air and then I entered, held my breath, latched the door, placed a toilet seat cover down, and averted my eyes from the hole in case I might see something that would scar me for life. I dropped my pants and peed as quickly as possible. While I was peeing (and I was very fast in an effort to escape the dreaded porta-potty) I couldn't help but notice my very cramped surroundings.
Porta-potties have improved themselves somewhat over the years. There was a "urinal" connected on one side for the men. I've never really understood urinals and I suppose there is no reason why I need to. (I admit, I thought maybe it was a strange type of sink at first glance, but remember? No running water. Therefore I knew not to wash my hands in it!) In addition, the porta-potty had a dispenser filled with hand sanitizer so you could (maybe) kill off a few of the bazillion germs no your hands prior to leaving.
I got out of there as fast as I possibly could, dousing myself with gallons of hand sanitizer in hopes to kill every germ imaginable. I waited until I was five feet away from the porta-potty to inhale again and then I rushed over to my friend. I informed her I needed an immediate shower. Just being in the porta-potty made me feel dirty, disgusting, and germ filled.
Damn, I drank way too much coffee though. An hour later I grabbed my friend's toilet seat covers and re-entered porta-potty hell. I vowed not to drink anything the remainder of the weekend. Saturday night I returned home. The temperature had been in the high eighties all day. I was sunburned and dehydrated, but I hadn't dared to drink a thing all day since my early morning coffee. My two dreadful trips to the porta-potty had sustained me for the remainder of the day.
The moment I got home, I took a shower. I peeled off my clothes and threw them in the laundry. I vowed not to drink a thing on Sunday in an attempt to avoid having to re-enter the dreaded porta-potty.
I almost made it. I even skipped my morning coffee when I, again, had to rise at an early hour for baseball the next day. Unfortunately, PR's team kept winning on Sunday. The more the team wins, the longer they keep playing. I arrived at the tournament at 7 a.m. and didn't leave until after 4 p.m. In those 9 hours, I made one horrific trip to the porta-potty. I won't tell you why it was so horrific, but oh dear God, it was horrific.
Yes, I'm scarred for life. I'm also very dehydrated from being outdoors all weekend and never daring to take even a sip of water. I'll be drinking for days just to rehydrate my body.
never knew I could appreciate a normal, flushing toilet so much.