Are You Sure You're Looking for Me?

I'm being busy-lazy (busy with holiday stuff and lazy on the blogging front) until January rolls around.  Stop judging, I bet you're being busy-lazy too.  I get people searching for some weird shit and landing here on Twenty Four At Heart.  Most of the searches make me smile or laugh, but a few are just … strange.  Once again, I'm copping out of a regular post by sharing what people have typed into their search engines.  The searches are in bold print; my comments are in standard typeface.

Naked 40 year old asses  Really?  This is NOT something you want to see!

Men and their fragile egos  Yes, yes, yes!  Men DO have fragile egos.

What is the surprising touch that whips a guy on date #1?  I'd tell you, but it's my very special secret.

His midlife girlfriend  She's not here.  If he has one, I suggest you get a midlife boyfriend.  Tit for tat (so to speak)!  

My big boobs hang in front while I pedal my bike  Try wearing a bra and shirt!

Is screaming during sex legitimate?  "Legitimate"?  Are you a lawyer?

Losing my best friend because he fell in love with me  This happens to me ALL THE TIME!

Married men & Flirting & Giving Compliments  Really, messing with a married man is never a good idea.  For anyone.

The woman with the biggest boobs in the world  It feels like it sometimes, but I'm sure someone's got bigger boobs than I do.

Don't flirt on a nude beach  It goes against nude beach etiquette and guidelines.

Chocolate chip sex  Where do you PUT the chocolate chips?

Sucking on his earlobes  Behind closed doors please!

Penis protectors  I've gotten dozens of searches for these!  They're called CUPS!

Do ultrasound techs tell patients if they see cancer?  No, no, they don't.

Physical therapist is removing my panties  You need a new physical therapist. 

Caught naked in tanning bed  Well, you probably didn't want tan lines.  I can't say I blame you.

The Real Housewives of Orange County are disgusting sluts  I take exception.  I'm a real housewife of Orange County and for the last few centuries I've only been with Briefcase.

Is plaid okay for a night out?  I wouldn't suggest plaid.  Try a little black dress – you can't go wrong!

Should fathers take son to buy jockstrap?  If they want to avoid the embarrassment I created when trying to buy one, then yes – absolutely!

My braless pics  You're searching for your own braless pics on the Internet?  Having regrets?

Braless beauties  Well yes, thank you!

A cookie lasts longer than sex  There's this new drug called Viagra ….

My wife is naked under her dress  So why are you sitting at the computer typing this into Google?

What I'd give for a 24 year old man!  Heh … wouldn't all of us?!

Caught nude in shower with door open  If you left the door open while showering you wanted to be "caught nude."

She saw me naked in the pool  And …???

Porno scenes during dental exam  My dentist shows movies while he works, but so far no porn.

What goes through a man's mind when he sees an attractive woman?  Sex.  Didn't you ask me this once before?

Need a suck, tuck neck lift as seen on TV  You should never fully believe advertising!

How do I know if my physical therapist is flirting with me?  If you can't tell, the answer is "not flirting."  And really who cares?  Flirting or not – it isn't a big deal.

Naked cookouts  Better known as wiener roasts.

I have a pantieless girlfriend  Congratulations!

What's the best thing about having sex with 24 year olds?  They're 24!

Why do men hate to be nagged?  Women hate to be nagged too.  Nagging sucks.

I'm tired of my husband groping me!  Communication, affection .. and no groping.  Every woman's wish list!

Gynecologist "massage me" stories  Hands over ears.  Don't want to hear this!  La la la la la!!  Go away now!

Hot naked guys on pots  I'm all for hot naked guys … but on POTS??? 

Pictures of moms – clothing optional  You should maybe go talk to Dr. Freud.

My husband is having phone sex and deleting all the messages he gets from all those sluts.  If he's having phone sex with sluts, what does that make your husband?  I'll tell you ….  It makes him a MAN SLUT!

7 Responses to “Are You Sure You're Looking for Me?”

  1. Midlife Mama

    OMG those are hysterical. I liked your reaction to the gynecologist massage me stories. LOL
    And the nude cookout — wiener roast??? *Snort* OMG too funny.

  2. Kristan

    “Hot naked guys on pots I’m all for hot naked guys … but on POTS???”
    LOL! I lost it at this one. Because, seriously, POTS?

  3. Linda

    Me neither Alan. Crocheted cat mittens is the strangest thing I got.
    Merry Christmas, 24! Oh and I’m already on the look out for your new scarf:)

  4. Kelly

    Is plaid okay for a night out? Ha ha ha ha!! Loved this!! Thanks for the laugh today.

  5. mama llama

    These are great! I get a lot of disgusting-sounding “thumbs” searches…let me tell you, my innocent, angelic mind doesn’t know what to make of it!! (HA!)
    Be well, 24.


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