Scared Shitless

I got the phone call every woman dreads.  My mammogram came back abnormal and I need to see a doctor "within 24 hours."  I won't lie, I'm scared shitless.

I have an appointment at 1:00 today (Tuesday).  I've been told I will be meeting with a doctor and that it's probable they will take "more images."  I'm trying not to panic, but I'm panicking anyway.  I know, logically, that an abnormal mammogram does not necessarily mean breast cancer.  My brain knows that.

My heart is racing, my stomach is in knots and my brain is clearly not communicating with the rest of my body.

I won't be taking a pain pill prior to going.  I know I said I would if I needed to go back.  But the fact of the matter is I have to be able to drive to my appointment and back home again afterwards.  I also need to be clear-headed for my meeting with the doctor.  I need to understand what he tells me.

The "abnormality" is on my "right side."  My right "side" is also what has been affected by the car accident.  However,  my surgeries were all on my arm and shoulder, not on my chest or breast.  In addition, I've had one other mammogram since the accident and it came back normal.  I'm therefore concluding, with my vast medical knowledge, that the "abnormality" is not related to the car accident.

I'm concluding that, and I'm hoping I'm completely wrong.

I want them to tell me it's "only scar tissue" or something like that.  I want them to tell me that now.

I'm in the process of being a very poor role model for you, my readers.  I'm letting my emotions run wild even though my head keeps saying, "don't panic."  For those of you who know me in real life, that won't be a surprise.  I'm nothing, if not an emotional person.

In any case, there's nothing I can do now except wait.  So I am.  

Waiting ….

102 Responses to “Scared Shitless”

  1. Kristan

    Oh, hon. Don’t worry about being a role model for us! We’ll all be thinking of you. And remember, you had an abnormal mammogram last year. This one could just as easily be nothing.
    [sending good vibes your way]

  2. Kristan

    Oh, hon. Don’t worry about being a role model for us! We’ll all be thinking of you. And remember, you had an abnormal mammogram last year. This one could just as easily be nothing.
    [sending good vibes your way]

  3. Kristan

    Oh, hon. Don’t worry about being a role model for us! We’ll all be thinking of you. And remember, you had an abnormal mammogram last year. This one could just as easily be nothing.
    [sending good vibes your way]

  4. Twenty Four At Heart

    Actually, my last several have been normal. Many years ago I got called back for a follow up ultrasound, but when they called to have me come back they told me they were pretty sure it was just a problem w/their machine. That was prior to the digital machines which are so much better … and digital is what they used this time when they found the “abnormality.”

  5. Twenty Four At Heart

    Actually, my last several have been normal. Many years ago I got called back for a follow up ultrasound, but when they called to have me come back they told me they were pretty sure it was just a problem w/their machine. That was prior to the digital machines which are so much better … and digital is what they used this time when they found the “abnormality.”

  6. Twenty Four At Heart

    Actually, my last several have been normal. Many years ago I got called back for a follow up ultrasound, but when they called to have me come back they told me they were pretty sure it was just a problem w/their machine. That was prior to the digital machines which are so much better … and digital is what they used this time when they found the “abnormality.”

  7. ballerinatoes

    Thoughts and good vibes being sent to you…I’ve been through the being scared shitless. Take a friend with you and take the damn pain pill if you need it!

  8. ballerinatoes

    Thoughts and good vibes being sent to you…I’ve been through the being scared shitless. Take a friend with you and take the damn pain pill if you need it!

  9. ballerinatoes

    Thoughts and good vibes being sent to you…I’ve been through the being scared shitless. Take a friend with you and take the damn pain pill if you need it!

  10. Pam in NZ

    They probably want you come in so quickly because hey, it’s Christmas next week! Don’t fret.
    (And anyway, been there, done that, had the lump removed, moved on. That was ten years ago. All that’s different is, my headlamps are now unaligned and I was galvanised to do things I’d never got around to, and so I have a much more interesting life.)
    Good luck for tomorrow!

  11. Pam in NZ

    They probably want you come in so quickly because hey, it’s Christmas next week! Don’t fret.
    (And anyway, been there, done that, had the lump removed, moved on. That was ten years ago. All that’s different is, my headlamps are now unaligned and I was galvanised to do things I’d never got around to, and so I have a much more interesting life.)
    Good luck for tomorrow!

  12. Pam in NZ

    They probably want you come in so quickly because hey, it’s Christmas next week! Don’t fret.
    (And anyway, been there, done that, had the lump removed, moved on. That was ten years ago. All that’s different is, my headlamps are now unaligned and I was galvanised to do things I’d never got around to, and so I have a much more interesting life.)
    Good luck for tomorrow!

  13. CourtneyRyan369

    Aw sweetie, don’t worry about the role model part! Just remember to breathe for now…and keep in mind that it could just be scar tissue that’s come off the site and floated or even a small piece of cartilage.
    Regardless, breathe! And know that we’re all here for you!
    Let us know ASAP what you find out!

  14. CourtneyRyan369

    Aw sweetie, don’t worry about the role model part! Just remember to breathe for now…and keep in mind that it could just be scar tissue that’s come off the site and floated or even a small piece of cartilage.
    Regardless, breathe! And know that we’re all here for you!
    Let us know ASAP what you find out!

  15. CourtneyRyan369

    Aw sweetie, don’t worry about the role model part! Just remember to breathe for now…and keep in mind that it could just be scar tissue that’s come off the site and floated or even a small piece of cartilage.
    Regardless, breathe! And know that we’re all here for you!
    Let us know ASAP what you find out!

  16. Lo's Mom

    Sending you healthy vibes…..
    I’ve had this happen a few times, extra images and ultrasounds since I have “dense” breasts.
    Hope you’re “dense” as well

  17. Lo's Mom

    Sending you healthy vibes…..
    I’ve had this happen a few times, extra images and ultrasounds since I have “dense” breasts.
    Hope you’re “dense” as well

  18. Lo's Mom

    Sending you healthy vibes…..
    I’ve had this happen a few times, extra images and ultrasounds since I have “dense” breasts.
    Hope you’re “dense” as well

  19. sometimessophia

    It must be related to your injury or even the PT. Torn muscles… scar tissue. Let’s blame it on the Torturer’s unintentional, PT trauma. Sometimes, the machines have a bad day. Don’t panic yet. Chin up. We’re pulling for you.

  20. sometimessophia

    It must be related to your injury or even the PT. Torn muscles… scar tissue. Let’s blame it on the Torturer’s unintentional, PT trauma. Sometimes, the machines have a bad day. Don’t panic yet. Chin up. We’re pulling for you.

  21. sometimessophia

    It must be related to your injury or even the PT. Torn muscles… scar tissue. Let’s blame it on the Torturer’s unintentional, PT trauma. Sometimes, the machines have a bad day. Don’t panic yet. Chin up. We’re pulling for you.

  22. Joanne

    I just read a long article about the new digital reading, and here is the whole “better” in a nutshell. The digital reading uses the same macine, same tecnology, same everything, but PRINTS the image faster, which cuts down on the tit-in-the-ringer effect by a few seconds or more.
    I too, with a 36 DD/DDD just hate the thought of that proceedure. I have “dense” breast tissue, and they just love to not be able to read them and call me back for ultra sound. I am hoping that that is what is going on with you, especially since you told us all that you have bigg’uns. The world will be waiting for good news, please try to do the same. hugs and prayers, Joanne

  23. Joanne

    I just read a long article about the new digital reading, and here is the whole “better” in a nutshell. The digital reading uses the same macine, same tecnology, same everything, but PRINTS the image faster, which cuts down on the tit-in-the-ringer effect by a few seconds or more.
    I too, with a 36 DD/DDD just hate the thought of that proceedure. I have “dense” breast tissue, and they just love to not be able to read them and call me back for ultra sound. I am hoping that that is what is going on with you, especially since you told us all that you have bigg’uns. The world will be waiting for good news, please try to do the same. hugs and prayers, Joanne

  24. Joanne

    I just read a long article about the new digital reading, and here is the whole “better” in a nutshell. The digital reading uses the same macine, same tecnology, same everything, but PRINTS the image faster, which cuts down on the tit-in-the-ringer effect by a few seconds or more.
    I too, with a 36 DD/DDD just hate the thought of that proceedure. I have “dense” breast tissue, and they just love to not be able to read them and call me back for ultra sound. I am hoping that that is what is going on with you, especially since you told us all that you have bigg’uns. The world will be waiting for good news, please try to do the same. hugs and prayers, Joanne

  25. Jan

    Please try not to worry. I had that happen a few years ago and I had the lump removed and it was just a calcium build up.
    If you have a friend that can go with you that would be a good thing.
    They always want you to come in right away to be re-checked. And like Pam said it has a lot to do with the holiday too.

  26. Jan

    Please try not to worry. I had that happen a few years ago and I had the lump removed and it was just a calcium build up.
    If you have a friend that can go with you that would be a good thing.
    They always want you to come in right away to be re-checked. And like Pam said it has a lot to do with the holiday too.

  27. Jan

    Please try not to worry. I had that happen a few years ago and I had the lump removed and it was just a calcium build up.
    If you have a friend that can go with you that would be a good thing.
    They always want you to come in right away to be re-checked. And like Pam said it has a lot to do with the holiday too.

  28. TheQueen

    Like Lo, I’m dense, and I seem to have gristle. They have some better term for it, but essentially it’s a tangle of gristle. Mom had a lumpectomy and it turned out to be gristle. Plus, the denser your breasts, the more the momm. hurts.

  29. TheQueen

    Like Lo, I’m dense, and I seem to have gristle. They have some better term for it, but essentially it’s a tangle of gristle. Mom had a lumpectomy and it turned out to be gristle. Plus, the denser your breasts, the more the momm. hurts.

  30. TheQueen

    Like Lo, I’m dense, and I seem to have gristle. They have some better term for it, but essentially it’s a tangle of gristle. Mom had a lumpectomy and it turned out to be gristle. Plus, the denser your breasts, the more the momm. hurts.

  31. Jason

    I would be reacting just like you, if I were in your shoes. I’d be trying to be logical and not freak out, but I’d be thinking all sorts of thoughts….I’ll certainly be thinking of you and hoping for some good news.

  32. Jason

    I would be reacting just like you, if I were in your shoes. I’d be trying to be logical and not freak out, but I’d be thinking all sorts of thoughts….I’ll certainly be thinking of you and hoping for some good news.

  33. Jason

    I would be reacting just like you, if I were in your shoes. I’d be trying to be logical and not freak out, but I’d be thinking all sorts of thoughts….I’ll certainly be thinking of you and hoping for some good news.

  34. Midlife Mama

    It is just too cruel to give you that phone call, and then make you come in the next day. Gah! They’re not the ones who have to lie awake all night worrying. They should do same-day appointments for those phone calls. I’ve had a friend who went in for a follow up after an “abnormal” mammo, and she was fine. We’re sending positive thoughts your way. I know you’re scared and it’s okay to be. Can your husband go with you? Or at least a friend. You’ll need someone there to get the information in case you need more follow up. {{{Hugs}}}

  35. Midlife Mama

    It is just too cruel to give you that phone call, and then make you come in the next day. Gah! They’re not the ones who have to lie awake all night worrying. They should do same-day appointments for those phone calls. I’ve had a friend who went in for a follow up after an “abnormal” mammo, and she was fine. We’re sending positive thoughts your way. I know you’re scared and it’s okay to be. Can your husband go with you? Or at least a friend. You’ll need someone there to get the information in case you need more follow up. {{{Hugs}}}

  36. Midlife Mama

    It is just too cruel to give you that phone call, and then make you come in the next day. Gah! They’re not the ones who have to lie awake all night worrying. They should do same-day appointments for those phone calls. I’ve had a friend who went in for a follow up after an “abnormal” mammo, and she was fine. We’re sending positive thoughts your way. I know you’re scared and it’s okay to be. Can your husband go with you? Or at least a friend. You’ll need someone there to get the information in case you need more follow up. {{{Hugs}}}

  37. SSG

    hope it all turns out to be OK, hope your worries are unfounded, and you can write about your relief next. Thinking of you, sending hugs.

  38. SSG

    hope it all turns out to be OK, hope your worries are unfounded, and you can write about your relief next. Thinking of you, sending hugs.

  39. SSG

    hope it all turns out to be OK, hope your worries are unfounded, and you can write about your relief next. Thinking of you, sending hugs.

  40. Alan

    You are in my prayers! Please let us know what the docs say…because now I’M worried! And I agree with Midlife Mama, to call you and make you wait is bullshit! They should have you in there today! 😡

  41. Alan

    You are in my prayers! Please let us know what the docs say…because now I’M worried! And I agree with Midlife Mama, to call you and make you wait is bullshit! They should have you in there today! 😡

  42. Alan

    You are in my prayers! Please let us know what the docs say…because now I’M worried! And I agree with Midlife Mama, to call you and make you wait is bullshit! They should have you in there today! 😡

  43. Jan

    Were you wearing deodorant when you had it done? Sometimes that can screw up your results.
    Waiting along with you…

  44. Jan

    Were you wearing deodorant when you had it done? Sometimes that can screw up your results.
    Waiting along with you…

  45. Jan

    Were you wearing deodorant when you had it done? Sometimes that can screw up your results.
    Waiting along with you…

  46. Lori

    I think you are reacting perfectly normal. We are all human and I think most of us would react this same way. I will be praying for you and sending good vibes your way today. Let us know what you find out! (((((((HUGS))))))))

  47. Lori

    I think you are reacting perfectly normal. We are all human and I think most of us would react this same way. I will be praying for you and sending good vibes your way today. Let us know what you find out! (((((((HUGS))))))))

  48. Lori

    I think you are reacting perfectly normal. We are all human and I think most of us would react this same way. I will be praying for you and sending good vibes your way today. Let us know what you find out! (((((((HUGS))))))))

  49. mama llama

    I’m not going to tell you not to panic, because I would, too.
    No matter what.
    Scar tissue is a really, really nasty and hard thing. It is essentially what killed my father by blocking his bile duct following liver surgery. It is like cement. But I am not a doctor. I can just say that I am praying and vigilant, just as are all your readers.
    Be well, 24. Deep breaths.

  50. mama llama

    I’m not going to tell you not to panic, because I would, too.
    No matter what.
    Scar tissue is a really, really nasty and hard thing. It is essentially what killed my father by blocking his bile duct following liver surgery. It is like cement. But I am not a doctor. I can just say that I am praying and vigilant, just as are all your readers.
    Be well, 24. Deep breaths.

  51. mama llama

    I’m not going to tell you not to panic, because I would, too.
    No matter what.
    Scar tissue is a really, really nasty and hard thing. It is essentially what killed my father by blocking his bile duct following liver surgery. It is like cement. But I am not a doctor. I can just say that I am praying and vigilant, just as are all your readers.
    Be well, 24. Deep breaths.

  52. Nothing Fancy

    Please let us know how your appointment goes. I’ll be thinking of you. Several years ago, I had an abnormal mammogram and had a fun-time biopsy, complete with lying on a table with a hole in it for my boob to hang through. All was well. I’m sure that will be the case for you as well.

  53. Nothing Fancy

    Please let us know how your appointment goes. I’ll be thinking of you. Several years ago, I had an abnormal mammogram and had a fun-time biopsy, complete with lying on a table with a hole in it for my boob to hang through. All was well. I’m sure that will be the case for you as well.

  54. Nothing Fancy

    Please let us know how your appointment goes. I’ll be thinking of you. Several years ago, I had an abnormal mammogram and had a fun-time biopsy, complete with lying on a table with a hole in it for my boob to hang through. All was well. I’m sure that will be the case for you as well.

  55. Debrabby

    24@Heart
    It’s hard not to panic under the circumstances, but just take a breath and try to focus. Everything is going to work out well, you’ll see. I have to go for my Mammogram thursday. I will be thinking of you.

  56. Debrabby

    24@Heart
    It’s hard not to panic under the circumstances, but just take a breath and try to focus. Everything is going to work out well, you’ll see. I have to go for my Mammogram thursday. I will be thinking of you.

  57. Debrabby

    24@Heart
    It’s hard not to panic under the circumstances, but just take a breath and try to focus. Everything is going to work out well, you’ll see. I have to go for my Mammogram thursday. I will be thinking of you.

  58. job

    Not to fear, I’m sure. When you have “dense” breast tissue, they often want you to come back for “spot magnification” views to get a closer look. Do not panic.
    hugs

  59. job

    Not to fear, I’m sure. When you have “dense” breast tissue, they often want you to come back for “spot magnification” views to get a closer look. Do not panic.
    hugs

  60. job

    Not to fear, I’m sure. When you have “dense” breast tissue, they often want you to come back for “spot magnification” views to get a closer look. Do not panic.
    hugs

  61. Donna in VA

    I never thought I’d “pray” for scar tissue, but hopefully that’s what it is. That, or you’re just dense. I’m dense and always calls for a retake, but usually never that quickly.
    My heart goes out to you. And don’t worry about that “role model” business. This is a time where you should be counting on us, your loyal readers, to support YOU. Role model, schmole model, you take care of you.

  62. Donna in VA

    I never thought I’d “pray” for scar tissue, but hopefully that’s what it is. That, or you’re just dense. I’m dense and always calls for a retake, but usually never that quickly.
    My heart goes out to you. And don’t worry about that “role model” business. This is a time where you should be counting on us, your loyal readers, to support YOU. Role model, schmole model, you take care of you.

  63. Donna in VA

    I never thought I’d “pray” for scar tissue, but hopefully that’s what it is. That, or you’re just dense. I’m dense and always calls for a retake, but usually never that quickly.
    My heart goes out to you. And don’t worry about that “role model” business. This is a time where you should be counting on us, your loyal readers, to support YOU. Role model, schmole model, you take care of you.

  64. Angela

    Aww…I’m so sorry to hear about this. I hope that it’s nothing and that everything turns out okay.

  65. Angela

    Aww…I’m so sorry to hear about this. I hope that it’s nothing and that everything turns out okay.

  66. Angela

    Aww…I’m so sorry to hear about this. I hope that it’s nothing and that everything turns out okay.

  67. Bev

    I will be keeping you in thought and prayer. I would imagine that they will do an ultrasound which will give them a much better idea of what they are looking at. It won’t be painful at all. They smear that cold stuff on your breast though.
    Take deep breaths and believe that everything will be okay! I am going to believe that for you too!

  68. Bev

    I will be keeping you in thought and prayer. I would imagine that they will do an ultrasound which will give them a much better idea of what they are looking at. It won’t be painful at all. They smear that cold stuff on your breast though.
    Take deep breaths and believe that everything will be okay! I am going to believe that for you too!

  69. Bev

    I will be keeping you in thought and prayer. I would imagine that they will do an ultrasound which will give them a much better idea of what they are looking at. It won’t be painful at all. They smear that cold stuff on your breast though.
    Take deep breaths and believe that everything will be okay! I am going to believe that for you too!

  70. Anali

    I’m praying hard for you! You’ve been in my thoughts since I saw your tweet yesterday. Take care!

  71. Anali

    I’m praying hard for you! You’ve been in my thoughts since I saw your tweet yesterday. Take care!

  72. Anali

    I’m praying hard for you! You’ve been in my thoughts since I saw your tweet yesterday. Take care!

  73. jill prettyman

    I had that happen a few mammograms ago, I went back, they took shot, after shot in the same area, I was sitting there thinking this is it, then they came in and said, OK you can go now, everything is alright, I think that day took a few years off my life, but all the worry was for nothing, so try not to worry. (I know thats easier said than done)

  74. jill prettyman

    I had that happen a few mammograms ago, I went back, they took shot, after shot in the same area, I was sitting there thinking this is it, then they came in and said, OK you can go now, everything is alright, I think that day took a few years off my life, but all the worry was for nothing, so try not to worry. (I know thats easier said than done)

  75. jill prettyman

    I had that happen a few mammograms ago, I went back, they took shot, after shot in the same area, I was sitting there thinking this is it, then they came in and said, OK you can go now, everything is alright, I think that day took a few years off my life, but all the worry was for nothing, so try not to worry. (I know thats easier said than done)

  76. MadWoman

    Honestly, if panicking is what is helping you deal right now, go with it. But I don’t think there’s a need for it to be honest…..it’ll be fine. My fingers are crossed and everything else that’s crossable.
    I know you’re likely heading into your appointment right now as it’s 1pm on this side of the country…..so I’m thinking about ya!

  77. MadWoman

    Honestly, if panicking is what is helping you deal right now, go with it. But I don’t think there’s a need for it to be honest…..it’ll be fine. My fingers are crossed and everything else that’s crossable.
    I know you’re likely heading into your appointment right now as it’s 1pm on this side of the country…..so I’m thinking about ya!

  78. MadWoman

    Honestly, if panicking is what is helping you deal right now, go with it. But I don’t think there’s a need for it to be honest…..it’ll be fine. My fingers are crossed and everything else that’s crossable.
    I know you’re likely heading into your appointment right now as it’s 1pm on this side of the country…..so I’m thinking about ya!

  79. EricaB

    I am thinking of you. I hear that green light is healing light – so I am envisioning you in a bubble of green light. And I am looking forward to an update.

  80. EricaB

    I am thinking of you. I hear that green light is healing light – so I am envisioning you in a bubble of green light. And I am looking forward to an update.

  81. EricaB

    I am thinking of you. I hear that green light is healing light – so I am envisioning you in a bubble of green light. And I am looking forward to an update.

  82. Wunderwoman

    I had that happen to me too, first mammogram I had!! Everything was fine. I’m thinking of you today and praying everything turns out well.

  83. Wunderwoman

    I had that happen to me too, first mammogram I had!! Everything was fine. I’m thinking of you today and praying everything turns out well.

  84. Wunderwoman

    I had that happen to me too, first mammogram I had!! Everything was fine. I’m thinking of you today and praying everything turns out well.

  85. phhhst

    Keeping good thoughts for you. Been there a few times with both kinds of outcome, so if you need any questions answered, just email me.

  86. phhhst

    Keeping good thoughts for you. Been there a few times with both kinds of outcome, so if you need any questions answered, just email me.

  87. phhhst

    Keeping good thoughts for you. Been there a few times with both kinds of outcome, so if you need any questions answered, just email me.

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