Under the Influence!

Hellooooooo rambling post!  Which I haven't written yet, but which will most assuredly ramble.  Because why?  Because The Torturer ripped my arm out of the socket yesterday at PT and left it there on the floor for the cleaning crew to find at a later date.  No, yes he did! (Can a person say, "no, yes he did"????)

I'm under the influence, can you tell?

I had stopped taking pain meds because um, yeah – they're BAD for you.  I only take them once in a great while at night after PT when I'm really hurting because – they're BAD for you.  And I haven't taken any at all for many weeks till now, right now, as I write this post.

I should have written the post first, but damn and ouch – !  Having my arm ripped out of the socket sort of hurt like hell.

No one's allowed to criticize my writing, spelling, or grammar today.  Okey dokey then!

I swear on my grandpa's grave (sorry gramps!) that a year ago it was not uncommon for me to take a zillion million of these same pain pills a day … and still sob my eyes out in horrible pain.  Now taking one knocks me right on my ass.  It's truly amazing that I never became addicted to them.
  
I'm hungry.

ANYWAY … so, blah, blah, blah the next six months are really, really, critical in my rehab. And that means I "have to suck it up" and deal with more pain (according to The Torturer anyway).  He's doing new stuff to me.  And it's important.  And how I progress with it is "going to make all the difference" as to how much function I end up getting back in my arm. 

I yelled, "Ouuuuuuuuuuch!" so loud at PT yesterday that a woman across the room freaked out.  Then another patient turned to Freaking Out Lady and said, "Don't worry those two (meaning me and The Torturer) squabble like brother and sister all the time."

I wanted to flip her off.  It took an amazing amount of restraint not to.  The Torturer just looked at me with a raised eyebrow as if to ask, "Aren't you going to tell her to fuck off?"

I forget what I was going to write about today.

There's a chick hitting on The Torturer at PT but he's forbidden me from writing about it. So I won't.  But it's very entertaining to watch and she wears almost no clothes when she comes in.  But I'm not allowed to write about it so I won't.  I have a nickname for her but I'm also prohibited from disclosing it.  

Short Shorts.  Yes, I call her Short Shorts because her ass hangs out of her too short shorts.  But I can't tell you about it because he's forbidden me.  And I always respect his wishes. 

Oh, I just remembered!  I was going to tell you about the lady in the Maserati at Taco Bell the other day.  She was a bitch.  There seem to be a lot of Maserati's around here lately.  If any of you ever, ever, doubt any of the stories I tell you … just watch an episode or two of The Real Housewives of Orange County.  No, really.  It will give you a glimpse of what I deal with every day.  You will realize that Joe the Bigamist is really not that abnormal for this area.

I'm glad I never married a bigamist.

I got an email from American Express yesterday.  You know how I've given out AMEX gift cards before?  Well, they just wanted to remind me how much they'd appreciate it if I linked to them every time I mention them.  They said it would be great if my readers could click on a link and see all the other wonderful things they have to offer.  So … okay … maybe they'll want to donate a gift card for me to give away?  Then I'd be so happy to link to them.

Don't ya think?

As long as we are rambling about companies that are out there checking up on me …. 

Do all of you know Starbucks is selling most of their stuff (not coffee drinks) at 20% off right now?  AND for those of us with Gold Cards … there is an additional 10% taken off. If you need a teacher's gift, or have a coffee lover to buy for, you can't go wrong.  Also, Costco is selling a package of five $20 cards ($100 value) for eighty bucks.  I'm a Starbucks addict so I know these things.  And yes, I'm taking advantage of their "deals" to knock out a few gifts on my list.

No, Starbucks did not ask me to mention them – I just thought I'd pass the info along since I think it makes for an awesome, relatively inexpensive, gift.  

If you can afford to drive a Maserati, wouldn't you think you could at least make an effort to be nice to the minimum wage worker at Taco Bell?  Instead of, you know, screaming about the fact your crunchy taco wasn't crunchy enough?

I went shopping yesterday.  I finally got all my out of state gifts purchased.  Now I just need to wrap them and get them mailed off.  Maybe I'll get that done today after PT.  If I don't get myself in trouble flipping off patients while I'm there.

No actual arms were ripped out of the socket for the writing of this post.

75 Responses to “Under the Influence!”

  1. SSG

    Woah you’re one crazy lady today, can I have what you’re having?
    “It’s truly amazing that I never became addicted to them.
    I’m hungry.” Hahahaha. And shortshorts, I can imagine. Is that the best way to get a guy? I don’t think anyone would go out with me if I let my ass hang out everywhere. Random. Glad the meds are working!

  2. SSG

    Woah you’re one crazy lady today, can I have what you’re having?
    “It’s truly amazing that I never became addicted to them.
    I’m hungry.” Hahahaha. And shortshorts, I can imagine. Is that the best way to get a guy? I don’t think anyone would go out with me if I let my ass hang out everywhere. Random. Glad the meds are working!

  3. SSG

    Woah you’re one crazy lady today, can I have what you’re having?
    “It’s truly amazing that I never became addicted to them.
    I’m hungry.” Hahahaha. And shortshorts, I can imagine. Is that the best way to get a guy? I don’t think anyone would go out with me if I let my ass hang out everywhere. Random. Glad the meds are working!

  4. Midlife Mama

    ROFL this was great stream of drug-induced consciousness. This is exactly what happens to your brain on pain meds. LOL It was actually quite entertaining.
    And how bad is the economy, that people who drive Maseratis….MASER-FRICKIN’-ATI’s for God’s sake!…are going to Taco Bell??? Are you freaking kidding me??? Wow.
    Guess she was slumming it. And she’s a total beee-atch for jumping all over that poor minimim wage TB employee who is just trying to make a living. Sheesh.
    Thanks for the laugh this morning.
    Oh, and SECOND!!!!

  5. Midlife Mama

    ROFL this was great stream of drug-induced consciousness. This is exactly what happens to your brain on pain meds. LOL It was actually quite entertaining.
    And how bad is the economy, that people who drive Maseratis….MASER-FRICKIN’-ATI’s for God’s sake!…are going to Taco Bell??? Are you freaking kidding me??? Wow.
    Guess she was slumming it. And she’s a total beee-atch for jumping all over that poor minimim wage TB employee who is just trying to make a living. Sheesh.
    Thanks for the laugh this morning.
    Oh, and SECOND!!!!

  6. Midlife Mama

    ROFL this was great stream of drug-induced consciousness. This is exactly what happens to your brain on pain meds. LOL It was actually quite entertaining.
    And how bad is the economy, that people who drive Maseratis….MASER-FRICKIN’-ATI’s for God’s sake!…are going to Taco Bell??? Are you freaking kidding me??? Wow.
    Guess she was slumming it. And she’s a total beee-atch for jumping all over that poor minimim wage TB employee who is just trying to make a living. Sheesh.
    Thanks for the laugh this morning.
    Oh, and SECOND!!!!

  7. Di

    Heck.. just a couple of 250mg Tylenol knocks me out…. You are lucky you were not addicted.

  8. Di

    Heck.. just a couple of 250mg Tylenol knocks me out…. You are lucky you were not addicted.

  9. Di

    Heck.. just a couple of 250mg Tylenol knocks me out…. You are lucky you were not addicted.

  10. EricaB

    Wow. If that is what pain meds do to you I can’t imagine what a little vodka chaser would do…
    Just a little crazy, not too much, really…

  11. EricaB

    Wow. If that is what pain meds do to you I can’t imagine what a little vodka chaser would do…
    Just a little crazy, not too much, really…

  12. EricaB

    Wow. If that is what pain meds do to you I can’t imagine what a little vodka chaser would do…
    Just a little crazy, not too much, really…

  13. Kelly

    OMG! That was VERY entertaining! Random? Yes! I laughed out loud several times. Ha! I bet it would be a lot of fun to hang out with you when you’ve taken one of those pills. Sorry about the pain!

  14. Kelly

    OMG! That was VERY entertaining! Random? Yes! I laughed out loud several times. Ha! I bet it would be a lot of fun to hang out with you when you’ve taken one of those pills. Sorry about the pain!

  15. Kelly

    OMG! That was VERY entertaining! Random? Yes! I laughed out loud several times. Ha! I bet it would be a lot of fun to hang out with you when you’ve taken one of those pills. Sorry about the pain!

  16. Lo

    okay, scary that this post sounds kinda suspiciously like my NORMAL posts. and i’m not on pain meds. hm. does that say something about me?
    (i drink too much? jsut kidding. but not really. but i am. anyway.)
    thanks for the heads-up on the starbucks gift cards!! i was banging my head against the wall trying to figure out what to get coworkers. AWESOME. i’m heading to costco this weekend.
    and also? love that you’re like ‘oh i was forbidden to talk about her’ SHORT SHORTS hehehe. LOVE THAT.

  17. Lo

    okay, scary that this post sounds kinda suspiciously like my NORMAL posts. and i’m not on pain meds. hm. does that say something about me?
    (i drink too much? jsut kidding. but not really. but i am. anyway.)
    thanks for the heads-up on the starbucks gift cards!! i was banging my head against the wall trying to figure out what to get coworkers. AWESOME. i’m heading to costco this weekend.
    and also? love that you’re like ‘oh i was forbidden to talk about her’ SHORT SHORTS hehehe. LOVE THAT.

  18. Lo

    okay, scary that this post sounds kinda suspiciously like my NORMAL posts. and i’m not on pain meds. hm. does that say something about me?
    (i drink too much? jsut kidding. but not really. but i am. anyway.)
    thanks for the heads-up on the starbucks gift cards!! i was banging my head against the wall trying to figure out what to get coworkers. AWESOME. i’m heading to costco this weekend.
    and also? love that you’re like ‘oh i was forbidden to talk about her’ SHORT SHORTS hehehe. LOVE THAT.

  19. goodfather

    TOP 10!!!!!
    This might be my favorite post you’ve ever written, and that’s saying something. I have a LOT of favorite posts you’ve written. The Short Shorts bit was hysterical.
    Sorry PT was so painful! That sucks big time. Even if it did lead to this post.

  20. goodfather

    TOP 10!!!!!
    This might be my favorite post you’ve ever written, and that’s saying something. I have a LOT of favorite posts you’ve written. The Short Shorts bit was hysterical.
    Sorry PT was so painful! That sucks big time. Even if it did lead to this post.

  21. goodfather

    TOP 10!!!!!
    This might be my favorite post you’ve ever written, and that’s saying something. I have a LOT of favorite posts you’ve written. The Short Shorts bit was hysterical.
    Sorry PT was so painful! That sucks big time. Even if it did lead to this post.

  22. Heather

    Great now I’m hungry. Get me one of those crunchy tacos. Make sure it’s really crunchy too.

  23. Heather

    Great now I’m hungry. Get me one of those crunchy tacos. Make sure it’s really crunchy too.

  24. Heather

    Great now I’m hungry. Get me one of those crunchy tacos. Make sure it’s really crunchy too.

  25. Liz C

    I’m feeling so bad for you while laughing my ass off at your post. Is that wrong?
    I am dealing with a shoulder problem right now (can’t raise my right arm above my chest) and the chiropractor is beating me up twice a week. I am whining like a three year old about it. I cannot imagine having to deal with what you’re dealing with.
    You get big-cyberhugs for being Iron Woman!

  26. Liz C

    I’m feeling so bad for you while laughing my ass off at your post. Is that wrong?
    I am dealing with a shoulder problem right now (can’t raise my right arm above my chest) and the chiropractor is beating me up twice a week. I am whining like a three year old about it. I cannot imagine having to deal with what you’re dealing with.
    You get big-cyberhugs for being Iron Woman!

  27. Liz C

    I’m feeling so bad for you while laughing my ass off at your post. Is that wrong?
    I am dealing with a shoulder problem right now (can’t raise my right arm above my chest) and the chiropractor is beating me up twice a week. I am whining like a three year old about it. I cannot imagine having to deal with what you’re dealing with.
    You get big-cyberhugs for being Iron Woman!

  28. Donna in VA

    Hate that you’re in so much pain, but dang you’re funny on those pills. Hope you don’t get too much flack for “not talking about Short Shorts”.

  29. Donna in VA

    Hate that you’re in so much pain, but dang you’re funny on those pills. Hope you don’t get too much flack for “not talking about Short Shorts”.

  30. Donna in VA

    Hate that you’re in so much pain, but dang you’re funny on those pills. Hope you don’t get too much flack for “not talking about Short Shorts”.

  31. jennster

    lmfao- this was hilare. love it. dude. tell amex to fuck off. and by fuck off, i mean, send you a gift card for yourself and one for you to giveaway to a reader. and by a reader, i mean me. and then you’ll link to them. the companies are SO stupid sometimes. don’t they know how easy it is to please us!?

  32. jennster

    lmfao- this was hilare. love it. dude. tell amex to fuck off. and by fuck off, i mean, send you a gift card for yourself and one for you to giveaway to a reader. and by a reader, i mean me. and then you’ll link to them. the companies are SO stupid sometimes. don’t they know how easy it is to please us!?

  33. jennster

    lmfao- this was hilare. love it. dude. tell amex to fuck off. and by fuck off, i mean, send you a gift card for yourself and one for you to giveaway to a reader. and by a reader, i mean me. and then you’ll link to them. the companies are SO stupid sometimes. don’t they know how easy it is to please us!?

  34. Kristan Hoffman

    Wow, haha, I can tell the difference. You also seem mildly ticked, but not so much that it’s scary. I bet you angry is really frightening, though. 😛
    Geez, taco not crunchy enough?
    Also, shouldn’t you be more careful about disclosing things you promised the Torturer you wouldn’t, since he, you know, TORTURES YOU?

  35. Kristan Hoffman

    Wow, haha, I can tell the difference. You also seem mildly ticked, but not so much that it’s scary. I bet you angry is really frightening, though. 😛
    Geez, taco not crunchy enough?
    Also, shouldn’t you be more careful about disclosing things you promised the Torturer you wouldn’t, since he, you know, TORTURES YOU?

  36. Kristan Hoffman

    Wow, haha, I can tell the difference. You also seem mildly ticked, but not so much that it’s scary. I bet you angry is really frightening, though. 😛
    Geez, taco not crunchy enough?
    Also, shouldn’t you be more careful about disclosing things you promised the Torturer you wouldn’t, since he, you know, TORTURES YOU?

  37. Christa at Giggle On!

    Suggestion to rename Miss Shortie Shorts slut bag to Daisy, aka Daisy Duke.
    Let me ask you, while on pain meds, have you experienced Brain Farts too?

  38. Christa at Giggle On!

    Suggestion to rename Miss Shortie Shorts slut bag to Daisy, aka Daisy Duke.
    Let me ask you, while on pain meds, have you experienced Brain Farts too?

  39. Christa at Giggle On!

    Suggestion to rename Miss Shortie Shorts slut bag to Daisy, aka Daisy Duke.
    Let me ask you, while on pain meds, have you experienced Brain Farts too?

  40. mama llama

    Oh my dear…I think I need some of whatever it is you are on. What a great point of view on Humanity you seem to have today. I love it.
    Luck with the PT/Torturer/ShortShorts drama, enjoy dreaming of the Masarati (I personally want a miyata, always have…in black), and thanks for the Buckies info…too bad it’s not the coffee drinks on 20% off…
    Be well, 24.

  41. mama llama

    Oh my dear…I think I need some of whatever it is you are on. What a great point of view on Humanity you seem to have today. I love it.
    Luck with the PT/Torturer/ShortShorts drama, enjoy dreaming of the Masarati (I personally want a miyata, always have…in black), and thanks for the Buckies info…too bad it’s not the coffee drinks on 20% off…
    Be well, 24.

  42. mama llama

    Oh my dear…I think I need some of whatever it is you are on. What a great point of view on Humanity you seem to have today. I love it.
    Luck with the PT/Torturer/ShortShorts drama, enjoy dreaming of the Masarati (I personally want a miyata, always have…in black), and thanks for the Buckies info…too bad it’s not the coffee drinks on 20% off…
    Be well, 24.

  43. missy

    So glad to hear about PT and The Torturer again. It’s been too long…I absolutely loved how you worked in all the “off limits” stuff. Just blame it on the drugs!
    Great post.

  44. missy

    So glad to hear about PT and The Torturer again. It’s been too long…I absolutely loved how you worked in all the “off limits” stuff. Just blame it on the drugs!
    Great post.

  45. missy

    So glad to hear about PT and The Torturer again. It’s been too long…I absolutely loved how you worked in all the “off limits” stuff. Just blame it on the drugs!
    Great post.

  46. Sandra

    Nothing is off limits when you’re high. In fact, it’s like PMS, anything and everything is fair game. It’s when the real truth comes out. Some days we need that type of cleansing.
    I think I may have mentioned this before, that my grandmother (92) is addicted to OxyCotton. She is stuck in a wheel chair due to a stroke, but years ago had hip surgery and now her hip really bothers her. In her living will (which they had written up years before the stroke) it explicity says that she is allowed to have pain meds, even if she gets addicted. How cool is that!!! Rock on Grandma.

  47. Sandra

    Nothing is off limits when you’re high. In fact, it’s like PMS, anything and everything is fair game. It’s when the real truth comes out. Some days we need that type of cleansing.
    I think I may have mentioned this before, that my grandmother (92) is addicted to OxyCotton. She is stuck in a wheel chair due to a stroke, but years ago had hip surgery and now her hip really bothers her. In her living will (which they had written up years before the stroke) it explicity says that she is allowed to have pain meds, even if she gets addicted. How cool is that!!! Rock on Grandma.

  48. Sandra

    Nothing is off limits when you’re high. In fact, it’s like PMS, anything and everything is fair game. It’s when the real truth comes out. Some days we need that type of cleansing.
    I think I may have mentioned this before, that my grandmother (92) is addicted to OxyCotton. She is stuck in a wheel chair due to a stroke, but years ago had hip surgery and now her hip really bothers her. In her living will (which they had written up years before the stroke) it explicity says that she is allowed to have pain meds, even if she gets addicted. How cool is that!!! Rock on Grandma.

  49. Christine

    I’ll take some of what you’re having, thanks.
    Hope they take the edge off. And that they don’t itch. I’ve had some that made me itch. Not fun.

  50. Christine

    I’ll take some of what you’re having, thanks.
    Hope they take the edge off. And that they don’t itch. I’ve had some that made me itch. Not fun.

  51. Christine

    I’ll take some of what you’re having, thanks.
    Hope they take the edge off. And that they don’t itch. I’ve had some that made me itch. Not fun.

  52. SSG

    I wish Tylenol was legal in the UK, re: Di. I’m pretty sure what you were on 24@H is prescription only..

  53. SSG

    I wish Tylenol was legal in the UK, re: Di. I’m pretty sure what you were on 24@H is prescription only..

  54. SSG

    I wish Tylenol was legal in the UK, re: Di. I’m pretty sure what you were on 24@H is prescription only..

  55. phhhst

    I like pain-med 24 too. You are funny either way.
    I especially like the way you don’t talk about stuff.

  56. phhhst

    I like pain-med 24 too. You are funny either way.
    I especially like the way you don’t talk about stuff.

  57. phhhst

    I like pain-med 24 too. You are funny either way.
    I especially like the way you don’t talk about stuff.

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