My sons have both been very active in the baseball world for many years now. Somewhere along the line, I felt like I was developing Bleacher Butt. Bleacher Butt is caused by too much time sitting on bleachers watching youth sports games. After awhile your butt becomes as wide as the bench you sit on.
PR is still active with baseball, but now I find I spend even more time working on my laptop. Instead of sitting on a hard, uncomfortable, bench I most often find myself working from the couch. (A soft, squishy, dimply, leather couch to be exact.) My butt is now turning into a soft, squishy, dimply, Blogger's Butt.
Isn't that something every woman strives for?
The other affliction bloggers need to be wary of is Twitter Tits. Twitter Tits come from spending too much time on your laptop in your jammies with no bra for support. As you lean over the keyboard for hours Twittering, gravity takes it's toll and you end up with Twitter Tits. (Even men can get Twitter Tits and Blogger's Butt!)
What's a blogger to do?
Well, blah, blah, blah … I did NOT make a resolution to exercise five hours a day or to lose one hundred pounds in a week because I know better. I do, however, want to take my life back this year and part of that is taking better care of myself. All of my energy has gone towards my immediate needs post-surgery and/or towards physical therapy. If there's been a moment of time left it's been dedicated to my family.
Yesterday I decided to weigh myself for the first time since my car accident. I know what you're thinking. Didn't I have to give my weight for each surgery? Yes, I did, but no one ever weighed me. I just filled out the forms with what I thought I weighed.
Well, the weighing-in process yesterday was not a pleasant moment. No, not at all. Maybe you heard me screaming in whatever county (or country) you live in? After my jaw hit the floor I started stammering, "But how did THAT happen?" I mean, I still fit in my jeans …. sort of.
Although I had resolved not to resolve to diet, immediate action was required. Right away, I decided to use nonfat milk in my coffee. Isn't that a big step? It tasted like … meh! But that did not dissuade me. No, there's nothing like the shock of seeing a frightening, scary, number on the scale to motivate a person. Next, I marched over to a neighbor's house.
My neighbor is always dieting. Always.
"Do you have any of those diet drinks you use?" I asked her.
Can you believe she laughed at me? As if … well, as if I were acting like everybody else on January 1st. Nevertheless, she gave me a vanilla flavored diet shake. I use the word shake very, very, loosely. It tasted like thick, artificially flavored, syrup or something. Bleh!
I did not hurl. (Baby steps!)
I'd like to point out a vanilla cappuccino tastes so much better though.
However, I was off to a good start.
"No problem," I thought. Piece of cake. I'll just drink water if I get hungry.
By 2:30 in the afternoon I was starving. Apparently, one of those "shakes" does not last a person all day. Who knew?
I ate an apple. Apples are healthy, right?
Then I ate a pencil.
Well, not really. I gnawed on a pencil as I was deep in thought, and the next thing I knew there was very little pencil left. I don't know how that happened.? I'm sure it added some healthy fiber to my diet.
The remainder of the day went by in a food-deprived haze. I decided to just not eat. It seemed the simplest way to assure I'd see a smaller number on the scale the next day. I realize it's not healthy to skip meals, and I don't plan to keep it up. No, I'm going to eat healthy foods in small quantities. I'm not going to officially "diet" but I am going to focus on being healthy.
I guess that means I should stop digesting pencils.
Blogger Butt? Twitter Tits? Who me??