Blogger Butt And Other Misfortunes

My sons have both been very active in the baseball world for many years now.  Somewhere along the line, I felt like I was developing Bleacher Butt.  Bleacher Butt is caused by too much time sitting on bleachers watching youth sports games.  After awhile your butt becomes as wide as the bench you sit on.  

PR is still active with baseball, but now I find I spend even more time working on my laptop.  Instead of sitting on a hard, uncomfortable, bench I most often find myself working from the couch.  (A soft, squishy, dimply, leather couch to be exact.)  My butt is now turning into a soft, squishy, dimply, Blogger's Butt.

Isn't that something every woman strives for?

The other affliction bloggers need to be wary of is Twitter Tits.  Twitter Tits come from spending too much time on your laptop in your jammies with no bra for support.  As you lean over the keyboard for hours Twittering, gravity takes it's toll and you end up with Twitter Tits.  (Even men can get Twitter Tits and Blogger's Butt!)

What's a blogger to do?

Well, blah, blah, blah … I did NOT make a resolution to exercise five hours a day or to lose one hundred pounds in a week because I know better.  I do, however, want to take my life back this year and part of that is taking better care of myself.  All of my energy has gone towards my immediate needs post-surgery and/or towards physical therapy.  If there's been a moment of time left it's been dedicated to my family.  

Yesterday I decided to weigh myself for the first time since my car accident.  I know what you're thinking.  Didn't I have to give my weight for each surgery?  Yes, I did, but no one ever weighed me.  I just filled out the forms with what I thought I weighed. 

Well, the weighing-in process yesterday was not a pleasant moment.  No, not at all.  Maybe you heard me screaming in whatever county (or country) you live in?  After my jaw hit the floor I started stammering, "But how did THAT happen?"  I mean, I still fit in my jeans …. sort of.   

Although I had resolved not to resolve to diet, immediate action was required.  Right away, I decided to use nonfat milk in my coffee.  Isn't that a big step?  It tasted like … meh!  But that did not dissuade me.  No, there's nothing like the shock of seeing a frightening, scary, number on the scale to motivate a person.  Next, I marched over to a neighbor's house.

My neighbor is always dieting.  Always.

"Do you have any of those diet drinks you use?" I asked her.

Can you believe she laughed at me?  As if … well, as if I were acting like everybody else on January 1st.  Nevertheless, she gave me a vanilla flavored diet shake.  I use the word shake very, very, loosely.  It tasted like thick, artificially flavored, syrup or something. Bleh! 

I did not hurl.  (Baby steps!) 

I'd like to point out a vanilla cappuccino tastes so much better though.

However, I was off to a good start.

"No problem," I thought.  Piece of cake.  I'll just drink water if I get hungry.

By 2:30 in the afternoon I was starving.  Apparently, one of those "shakes" does not last a person all day.  Who knew?

I ate an apple.  Apples are healthy, right?

Then I ate a pencil.  

Well, not really.  I gnawed on a pencil as I was deep in thought, and the next thing I knew there was very little pencil left.  I don't know how that happened.? I'm sure it added some healthy fiber to my diet.  

The remainder of the day went by in a food-deprived haze.  I decided to just not eat.  It seemed the simplest way to assure I'd see a smaller number on the scale the next day.  I realize it's not healthy to skip meals, and I don't plan to keep it up.  No, I'm going to eat healthy foods in small quantities.  I'm not going to officially "diet" but I am going to focus on being healthy.

I guess that means I should stop digesting pencils.

Blogger Butt?  Twitter Tits?  Who me??

75 Responses to “Blogger Butt And Other Misfortunes”

  1. Di

    Unfortunately this afflictions happen to the best of us. There’s also keyboard shoulderitis and finger knuckle crampatilium.

  2. Di

    Unfortunately this afflictions happen to the best of us. There’s also keyboard shoulderitis and finger knuckle crampatilium.

  3. Di

    Unfortunately this afflictions happen to the best of us. There’s also keyboard shoulderitis and finger knuckle crampatilium.

  4. DebrAbby

    I don’t know if you’ve seen the NutriSystem commerical with Valerie Bertinelli(who’s name I probably slaughter) where she says that this is the second year in a row she has not woken up on Jan 1st and made the vow to DO something about her weight? It resonated very strongly with me because I am down 85 pounds and plan to lose another 15 or 20 this year. I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes two years ago and I immediately went into survival mode. HA! Well after losing a minor amount of weight(compared to the total amount I needed to lose!), probably 20 pounds I wasn’t a diabetic anymore. I can’t believe how bad I use to feel to how good I feel now. I wish you luck, but please do not starve yourself! EAT is the way to lose. Just chose the right things to eat and you will be happier and so will your body.

  5. DebrAbby

    I don’t know if you’ve seen the NutriSystem commerical with Valerie Bertinelli(who’s name I probably slaughter) where she says that this is the second year in a row she has not woken up on Jan 1st and made the vow to DO something about her weight? It resonated very strongly with me because I am down 85 pounds and plan to lose another 15 or 20 this year. I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes two years ago and I immediately went into survival mode. HA! Well after losing a minor amount of weight(compared to the total amount I needed to lose!), probably 20 pounds I wasn’t a diabetic anymore. I can’t believe how bad I use to feel to how good I feel now. I wish you luck, but please do not starve yourself! EAT is the way to lose. Just chose the right things to eat and you will be happier and so will your body.

  6. DebrAbby

    I don’t know if you’ve seen the NutriSystem commerical with Valerie Bertinelli(who’s name I probably slaughter) where she says that this is the second year in a row she has not woken up on Jan 1st and made the vow to DO something about her weight? It resonated very strongly with me because I am down 85 pounds and plan to lose another 15 or 20 this year. I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes two years ago and I immediately went into survival mode. HA! Well after losing a minor amount of weight(compared to the total amount I needed to lose!), probably 20 pounds I wasn’t a diabetic anymore. I can’t believe how bad I use to feel to how good I feel now. I wish you luck, but please do not starve yourself! EAT is the way to lose. Just chose the right things to eat and you will be happier and so will your body.

  7. Jan

    Ah…welcome to the “I’m not going to diet, just be healthier” bandwagon.
    I’ve tied myself to it this year, so when I fall off? It’ll drag me around after it.

  8. Jan

    Ah…welcome to the “I’m not going to diet, just be healthier” bandwagon.
    I’ve tied myself to it this year, so when I fall off? It’ll drag me around after it.

  9. Jan

    Ah…welcome to the “I’m not going to diet, just be healthier” bandwagon.
    I’ve tied myself to it this year, so when I fall off? It’ll drag me around after it.

  10. Kristan

    I don’t have Blogger Butt, and I don’t Twitter so that’s n/a, but I think I’m developing Blogger Back. It resembles Quasimodo’s hunch, unfortunately…
    ###
    In seriousness, I didn’t change anything about my eating habits, but I added walking (my dog) 1-2 miles a day every day to my regimen (more out of necessity than a calculated decision) and in the past few months I’ve lost weight without even trying. Slowly, but I’d guess it’s off to stay, as opposed to the weight one loses on crash diets.
    I think part of it also is just not stressing about it. Stress makes me hungry, and hunger makes me eat, and eating makes me gain weight!
    Last but not least, I no longer own a scale, instead I just by how I look/feel and how clothes fit. Because really, isn’t that what counts most anyway? Not the number.

  11. Kristan

    I don’t have Blogger Butt, and I don’t Twitter so that’s n/a, but I think I’m developing Blogger Back. It resembles Quasimodo’s hunch, unfortunately…
    ###
    In seriousness, I didn’t change anything about my eating habits, but I added walking (my dog) 1-2 miles a day every day to my regimen (more out of necessity than a calculated decision) and in the past few months I’ve lost weight without even trying. Slowly, but I’d guess it’s off to stay, as opposed to the weight one loses on crash diets.
    I think part of it also is just not stressing about it. Stress makes me hungry, and hunger makes me eat, and eating makes me gain weight!
    Last but not least, I no longer own a scale, instead I just by how I look/feel and how clothes fit. Because really, isn’t that what counts most anyway? Not the number.

  12. Kristan

    I don’t have Blogger Butt, and I don’t Twitter so that’s n/a, but I think I’m developing Blogger Back. It resembles Quasimodo’s hunch, unfortunately…
    ###
    In seriousness, I didn’t change anything about my eating habits, but I added walking (my dog) 1-2 miles a day every day to my regimen (more out of necessity than a calculated decision) and in the past few months I’ve lost weight without even trying. Slowly, but I’d guess it’s off to stay, as opposed to the weight one loses on crash diets.
    I think part of it also is just not stressing about it. Stress makes me hungry, and hunger makes me eat, and eating makes me gain weight!
    Last but not least, I no longer own a scale, instead I just by how I look/feel and how clothes fit. Because really, isn’t that what counts most anyway? Not the number.

  13. phhhst

    With us all going public on the ol’ eat healthier, take better care of ourselves, get AWAY from the computer in spurts long enough to have a “real” life…we might have quite a round up. Won’t we all look funny as we are dragged by the wagon – as Jan put it?

  14. phhhst

    With us all going public on the ol’ eat healthier, take better care of ourselves, get AWAY from the computer in spurts long enough to have a “real” life…we might have quite a round up. Won’t we all look funny as we are dragged by the wagon – as Jan put it?

  15. phhhst

    With us all going public on the ol’ eat healthier, take better care of ourselves, get AWAY from the computer in spurts long enough to have a “real” life…we might have quite a round up. Won’t we all look funny as we are dragged by the wagon – as Jan put it?

  16. Linda

    All I remember from health class a bazillion years ago was that skipping meals puts your body into starvation mode and the metabolism slows down and you don’t lose weight. Better to eat several small meals than one big one. (This from the person who can give all kinds of advice on every subject but not take it from herself.) My plan is to MOVE more and EAT better. Here’s to hoping this works:)

  17. Linda

    All I remember from health class a bazillion years ago was that skipping meals puts your body into starvation mode and the metabolism slows down and you don’t lose weight. Better to eat several small meals than one big one. (This from the person who can give all kinds of advice on every subject but not take it from herself.) My plan is to MOVE more and EAT better. Here’s to hoping this works:)

  18. Linda

    All I remember from health class a bazillion years ago was that skipping meals puts your body into starvation mode and the metabolism slows down and you don’t lose weight. Better to eat several small meals than one big one. (This from the person who can give all kinds of advice on every subject but not take it from herself.) My plan is to MOVE more and EAT better. Here’s to hoping this works:)

  19. Smart Mouth Broad

    I’m an idiot. I keep commenting but don’t see the verification screen below and forget it’s there. I’m sure you are missing me….NOT. Just wanted to let you know I’ve been here but am blogger challenged apparently.
    That being said, I so feel your pain. No resolutions for me but I will continue the ongoing quest for a healthier and hopefully smaller body. Happy New Year.

  20. Smart Mouth Broad

    I’m an idiot. I keep commenting but don’t see the verification screen below and forget it’s there. I’m sure you are missing me….NOT. Just wanted to let you know I’ve been here but am blogger challenged apparently.
    That being said, I so feel your pain. No resolutions for me but I will continue the ongoing quest for a healthier and hopefully smaller body. Happy New Year.

  21. Smart Mouth Broad

    I’m an idiot. I keep commenting but don’t see the verification screen below and forget it’s there. I’m sure you are missing me….NOT. Just wanted to let you know I’ve been here but am blogger challenged apparently.
    That being said, I so feel your pain. No resolutions for me but I will continue the ongoing quest for a healthier and hopefully smaller body. Happy New Year.

  22. goodfather

    Mmmmmm, delicious pencils… 😉
    Yeah, not eating was my strategy for weight loss. It’s not fun at all, but it gets the job done.
    LMAO at blogger butt and twitter tits. You’re already in great form this year 😀 .

  23. goodfather

    Mmmmmm, delicious pencils… 😉
    Yeah, not eating was my strategy for weight loss. It’s not fun at all, but it gets the job done.
    LMAO at blogger butt and twitter tits. You’re already in great form this year 😀 .

  24. goodfather

    Mmmmmm, delicious pencils… 😉
    Yeah, not eating was my strategy for weight loss. It’s not fun at all, but it gets the job done.
    LMAO at blogger butt and twitter tits. You’re already in great form this year 😀 .

  25. Nothing Fancy

    Now I’m depressed too. I weighed myself this morning, for the first time in a month. I thought I did so well over Christmas – I didn’t eat any sweets. But apparently even if you dont eat sweets, your butt still grows if you sit on it for a month straight. I am vehemently opposed to exercise, but I guess my body couldnt handle doing without climbing stairs or whatever for even a few weeks.
    I hate diets. I hate exercise. I hate healthy food. It’s all just too much.
    That pencil of yours, is starting to sound mighty tastey.

  26. Nothing Fancy

    Now I’m depressed too. I weighed myself this morning, for the first time in a month. I thought I did so well over Christmas – I didn’t eat any sweets. But apparently even if you dont eat sweets, your butt still grows if you sit on it for a month straight. I am vehemently opposed to exercise, but I guess my body couldnt handle doing without climbing stairs or whatever for even a few weeks.
    I hate diets. I hate exercise. I hate healthy food. It’s all just too much.
    That pencil of yours, is starting to sound mighty tastey.

  27. Nothing Fancy

    Now I’m depressed too. I weighed myself this morning, for the first time in a month. I thought I did so well over Christmas – I didn’t eat any sweets. But apparently even if you dont eat sweets, your butt still grows if you sit on it for a month straight. I am vehemently opposed to exercise, but I guess my body couldnt handle doing without climbing stairs or whatever for even a few weeks.
    I hate diets. I hate exercise. I hate healthy food. It’s all just too much.
    That pencil of yours, is starting to sound mighty tastey.

  28. Kelly

    I’m not a blogger so what’s my excuse? Because I have blogger butt AND twitter tits!

  29. Kelly

    I’m not a blogger so what’s my excuse? Because I have blogger butt AND twitter tits!

  30. Kelly

    I’m not a blogger so what’s my excuse? Because I have blogger butt AND twitter tits!

  31. Momo Fali

    I was so happy the other day when I got on the scale and it said the batteries were dead. I still haven’t replaced them.

  32. Momo Fali

    I was so happy the other day when I got on the scale and it said the batteries were dead. I still haven’t replaced them.

  33. Momo Fali

    I was so happy the other day when I got on the scale and it said the batteries were dead. I still haven’t replaced them.

  34. emmysuh

    That’s what I’m doing — I know myself and know that I can try really hard to eat healthy but eventually, I will really, really need a cheeseburger. So I’m going to be as healthy as possible MOST of the time, and up my exercise level.

  35. emmysuh

    That’s what I’m doing — I know myself and know that I can try really hard to eat healthy but eventually, I will really, really need a cheeseburger. So I’m going to be as healthy as possible MOST of the time, and up my exercise level.

  36. emmysuh

    That’s what I’m doing — I know myself and know that I can try really hard to eat healthy but eventually, I will really, really need a cheeseburger. So I’m going to be as healthy as possible MOST of the time, and up my exercise level.

  37. Joanne

    you and I and apparently a lot of other blogger butts are living the same life in different places. I too, stepped on the scale after a month or more of abstaining. yep, jaw dropping is an accurate description. I have started walking 30 minutes a day, or more if I have time and energy.

  38. Joanne

    you and I and apparently a lot of other blogger butts are living the same life in different places. I too, stepped on the scale after a month or more of abstaining. yep, jaw dropping is an accurate description. I have started walking 30 minutes a day, or more if I have time and energy.

  39. Joanne

    you and I and apparently a lot of other blogger butts are living the same life in different places. I too, stepped on the scale after a month or more of abstaining. yep, jaw dropping is an accurate description. I have started walking 30 minutes a day, or more if I have time and energy.

  40. Stepping Thru

    I gave up on resolutions a long time ago. I have decided to just concentrate on a healthy lifestyle. Healthy food, healthy choices, healthy thoughts, etc. I want to be healthy physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My Dr. says I have to keep my hip muscles very strong now or my hips will come out of socket. Guess that’s enough to get the old exercise going.

  41. Stepping Thru

    I gave up on resolutions a long time ago. I have decided to just concentrate on a healthy lifestyle. Healthy food, healthy choices, healthy thoughts, etc. I want to be healthy physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My Dr. says I have to keep my hip muscles very strong now or my hips will come out of socket. Guess that’s enough to get the old exercise going.

  42. Stepping Thru

    I gave up on resolutions a long time ago. I have decided to just concentrate on a healthy lifestyle. Healthy food, healthy choices, healthy thoughts, etc. I want to be healthy physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My Dr. says I have to keep my hip muscles very strong now or my hips will come out of socket. Guess that’s enough to get the old exercise going.

  43. gina

    haha you are too funny! 🙂
    when i needed to lose some weight i found caloriecount.about.com to be VERY helpful

  44. gina

    haha you are too funny! 🙂
    when i needed to lose some weight i found caloriecount.about.com to be VERY helpful

  45. gina

    haha you are too funny! 🙂
    when i needed to lose some weight i found caloriecount.about.com to be VERY helpful

  46. thistle

    Actually, i would like to add laptop elbow (aka tennis elblow) to the list. Which? has given me a whole new level of empathy for your arm issues…as it is my right arm and since i’m a righty, little things likejust picking up my coffee hurt. Apparently it’s from sitting crooked in my chair and reaching across to the laptop balanced on the side of the comfy armchair. It really sucks to get old.

  47. thistle

    Actually, i would like to add laptop elbow (aka tennis elblow) to the list. Which? has given me a whole new level of empathy for your arm issues…as it is my right arm and since i’m a righty, little things likejust picking up my coffee hurt. Apparently it’s from sitting crooked in my chair and reaching across to the laptop balanced on the side of the comfy armchair. It really sucks to get old.

  48. thistle

    Actually, i would like to add laptop elbow (aka tennis elblow) to the list. Which? has given me a whole new level of empathy for your arm issues…as it is my right arm and since i’m a righty, little things likejust picking up my coffee hurt. Apparently it’s from sitting crooked in my chair and reaching across to the laptop balanced on the side of the comfy armchair. It really sucks to get old.

  49. sometimessophia

    Two words to start: protein & walking. And ready-to-munch celery – which is also good for infammation – for those moments when you have to chew on something. And a reasonable, healthy diet of small meals for the long run. Sadly, the older you get, the easier it is to gain. Just wait until menopause. Ugh!!

  50. sometimessophia

    Two words to start: protein & walking. And ready-to-munch celery – which is also good for infammation – for those moments when you have to chew on something. And a reasonable, healthy diet of small meals for the long run. Sadly, the older you get, the easier it is to gain. Just wait until menopause. Ugh!!

  51. sometimessophia

    Two words to start: protein & walking. And ready-to-munch celery – which is also good for infammation – for those moments when you have to chew on something. And a reasonable, healthy diet of small meals for the long run. Sadly, the older you get, the easier it is to gain. Just wait until menopause. Ugh!!

  52. Tricia

    OK, you’ve just given me one more reason NOT to start twittering. Gravity is taking enough of a toll.

  53. Tricia

    OK, you’ve just given me one more reason NOT to start twittering. Gravity is taking enough of a toll.

  54. Tricia

    OK, you’ve just given me one more reason NOT to start twittering. Gravity is taking enough of a toll.

  55. Barrie Summy

    Don’t cut out the pencils. They’re fat free, high fiber, zero cholesterol, zero carbs. You could lose a of weight on these babies. Happy New Year!

  56. Barrie Summy

    Don’t cut out the pencils. They’re fat free, high fiber, zero cholesterol, zero carbs. You could lose a of weight on these babies. Happy New Year!

  57. Barrie Summy

    Don’t cut out the pencils. They’re fat free, high fiber, zero cholesterol, zero carbs. You could lose a of weight on these babies. Happy New Year!

  58. Barrie Summy

    How about this? You do the pencil munching for the first half of the year. I’ll pick up the slack come July. Sound good? 🙂

  59. Barrie Summy

    How about this? You do the pencil munching for the first half of the year. I’ll pick up the slack come July. Sound good? 🙂

  60. Barrie Summy

    How about this? You do the pencil munching for the first half of the year. I’ll pick up the slack come July. Sound good? 🙂

  61. Liz C

    Ah, yes. This happened to me last year (January, in fact, surprised?) except it was a full-on view of my bare butt caused by an unfortunate configuration of mirrors in a hotel bathroom that horrified me.
    I bought (and read) the book ‘Eat to Live’ and decided to give it a go. Then I started blogging about it. (http://justmeeating.blogspot.com)
    I lost 15 lbs in a couple of months. I just gained 5 or so back over the holidays (I’ve gotten lazy) but I’ve started re-reading the book to get the fire lit under me again.
    p.s. I’m 49 and have the metabolism to prove it!

  62. Liz C

    Ah, yes. This happened to me last year (January, in fact, surprised?) except it was a full-on view of my bare butt caused by an unfortunate configuration of mirrors in a hotel bathroom that horrified me.
    I bought (and read) the book ‘Eat to Live’ and decided to give it a go. Then I started blogging about it. (http://justmeeating.blogspot.com)
    I lost 15 lbs in a couple of months. I just gained 5 or so back over the holidays (I’ve gotten lazy) but I’ve started re-reading the book to get the fire lit under me again.
    p.s. I’m 49 and have the metabolism to prove it!

  63. Liz C

    Ah, yes. This happened to me last year (January, in fact, surprised?) except it was a full-on view of my bare butt caused by an unfortunate configuration of mirrors in a hotel bathroom that horrified me.
    I bought (and read) the book ‘Eat to Live’ and decided to give it a go. Then I started blogging about it. (http://justmeeating.blogspot.com)
    I lost 15 lbs in a couple of months. I just gained 5 or so back over the holidays (I’ve gotten lazy) but I’ve started re-reading the book to get the fire lit under me again.
    p.s. I’m 49 and have the metabolism to prove it!

  64. Maximus

    Great Blog!!! Very funny with thorns of truth. This writing can have some major butt effects. However there are a few ways around it. http://michealrussell.blogspot.com/search?q=gym
    I am sure you will be fine. Actually I do know of a new diet that I found accidentally that supposedly really good….of course, advocate the hard way best; but here it is:
    http://morningbananadiet.com/
    http://www.thatsfit.com/2008/09/30/japanese-have-gone-bananas-for-morning-banana-diet/
    http://morningbananadiet.com/

  65. Maximus

    Great Blog!!! Very funny with thorns of truth. This writing can have some major butt effects. However there are a few ways around it. http://michealrussell.blogspot.com/search?q=gym
    I am sure you will be fine. Actually I do know of a new diet that I found accidentally that supposedly really good….of course, advocate the hard way best; but here it is:
    http://morningbananadiet.com/
    http://www.thatsfit.com/2008/09/30/japanese-have-gone-bananas-for-morning-banana-diet/
    http://morningbananadiet.com/

  66. Maximus

    Great Blog!!! Very funny with thorns of truth. This writing can have some major butt effects. However there are a few ways around it. http://michealrussell.blogspot.com/search?q=gym
    I am sure you will be fine. Actually I do know of a new diet that I found accidentally that supposedly really good….of course, advocate the hard way best; but here it is:
    http://morningbananadiet.com/
    http://www.thatsfit.com/2008/09/30/japanese-have-gone-bananas-for-morning-banana-diet/
    http://morningbananadiet.com/

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