Save Me – Bring Vodka!

I'm hiding in my own house.  I'm trying to find someplace quiet.  Someplace where everyone will leave me alone just for a few minutes, please.   The volume of noise continues to escalate and I find myself contemplating ear plugs.  I suppose it's a sad day when you feel the need to escape your own family.

I think I've found a hiding place though.

I was all set to write about a funny experience I had last weekend, but you'll have to forgive me. Writing anything other than a stream of conscience rant will be impossible right now.

Briefcase is cranky and roaming through the house growling like a grizzly bear.  Also, when he's in a bad mood everything gets louder.  He slams closes doors and cupboards every thirty seconds.

It isn't just my family driving me crazy though.  RC has a group of teens over and they are VERY LOUD.  I walked into the kitchen and one of the boys who is about 6'5" tall, and well over 200 pounds, was inhaling food out of our refrigerator as fast as he could.  I asked if he could please leave enough so I could pack PR a lunch for school. 

He replied, "I left an apple."

Thank you, thank you very much.

His girlfriend looked at me apologetically and explained they had just gone out to eat at a restaurant on their way over to our house.

I'm used to this.  Sort of.

Teen boys never, ever, stop eating.  I have two of them, so I know.  They bring a lot of friends over to eat me out of house and home visit also.  Our house tends to be the "hang out" house.

Shoot me.

RC and his girlfriend have gotten quite serious over recent months.  His group of friends has always been a mix of girls and boys, but now it seems we have a lot of teen couples at our house.  As I'm writing this there are teen couples watching a scary movie downstairs.

At the most insane, loud, volume imaginable.

Periodically, a few of the boys roam through the kitchen again to see if there's a single morsel left uneaten.

Scary movies give the girls an excuse to cuddle and hang on to the boys which is really all they want to be doing anyway.  The girls keep squealing loudly.  I have a teen girl also, but I have to say all the girl squealing as I write this is driving me over the edge. The girls must think the squealing is appealing to the boys.

To me, it's like nails on a chalkboard.  

Stop.It.Now.

PR just found me.  He came wandering in as if he's known where I'm hiding the whole time. 

"What do you need?" I asked him.

"I need to cut my nails and I can't find the nail clippers," he said staring intently at me.

Honestly, the kid never wants to cut his nails.  More than anything, I suppose he wanted to see what I'm doing and why I'm hiding.  I think, perhaps, he's part of the conspiracy to not let me spend five minutes in peace.

I already had to tell Briefcase to please stop pestering me.  Why is it when I finally sit down to write, he comes up with at least 150 questions to ask me?

I need a better hiding place.

A few minutes ago RC found me also.  He came to ask if they (the annoyingly loud, squealing teen couples) could heat up our jacuzzi.

This is a favorite teen boy activity.  They love to invite the girls over to the pool in the warm weather or the spa in the winter.  Our pool is romantically lit at night.  The girls wear bathing suits and expose a lot of skin.  There's a degree of privacy awarded by the large rocks surrounding our pool.  It's perfect for making out.

My answer was no.

My answer was no because there has been lightening on the mountain by our canyon and it's not safe for them to be in the water.  It's a good excuse for saying no, don't you think?

As annoying as they're being with their loudness and squealing, at least if they're inside we can assure they get no privacy.  Really, that's my primary responsibility as a parent of teen boys.  It's my job to make sure they're never alone long enough with their girlfriends to get themselves into too much trouble.

Yeah, I know.  I don't believe I'll be successful either, but I can try, can't I?

66 Responses to “Save Me – Bring Vodka!”

  1. Michelle

    Agree on the vodka.
    If you try to be responsible and not give the kids/couples privacy, then you know that while they’re with you nothing is going to happen very easily. And that’s the way we want it! 🙂

  2. Michelle

    Agree on the vodka.
    If you try to be responsible and not give the kids/couples privacy, then you know that while they’re with you nothing is going to happen very easily. And that’s the way we want it! 🙂

  3. Michelle

    Agree on the vodka.
    If you try to be responsible and not give the kids/couples privacy, then you know that while they’re with you nothing is going to happen very easily. And that’s the way we want it! 🙂

  4. Jan

    You have my complete and utter sympathy.
    You have every right to be suspicious of PR’s motives; since I know he’s about the same age as The Young One, I can guarantee you that no boy that age ever wants to voluntarily cut his own nails. I often wonder, when the boy is barefoot, if there’s a werewolf on his father’s side of the family.
    As for the food – my only bit of advice is to keep your hands away from the general vicinity of their mouths. You need your fingers to sign the check at the grocery store.

  5. Jan

    You have my complete and utter sympathy.
    You have every right to be suspicious of PR’s motives; since I know he’s about the same age as The Young One, I can guarantee you that no boy that age ever wants to voluntarily cut his own nails. I often wonder, when the boy is barefoot, if there’s a werewolf on his father’s side of the family.
    As for the food – my only bit of advice is to keep your hands away from the general vicinity of their mouths. You need your fingers to sign the check at the grocery store.

  6. Jan

    You have my complete and utter sympathy.
    You have every right to be suspicious of PR’s motives; since I know he’s about the same age as The Young One, I can guarantee you that no boy that age ever wants to voluntarily cut his own nails. I often wonder, when the boy is barefoot, if there’s a werewolf on his father’s side of the family.
    As for the food – my only bit of advice is to keep your hands away from the general vicinity of their mouths. You need your fingers to sign the check at the grocery store.

  7. Donna in VA

    As the mother of two boys myself, I totally get it.
    When the last one moved out, he worried about me being there all alone. He worried that I’d be bored and/or lonesome. Not me! I LOVE the quiet!
    They come to visit and it gets loud periodically, but nothing like when they were teenagers.

  8. Donna in VA

    As the mother of two boys myself, I totally get it.
    When the last one moved out, he worried about me being there all alone. He worried that I’d be bored and/or lonesome. Not me! I LOVE the quiet!
    They come to visit and it gets loud periodically, but nothing like when they were teenagers.

  9. Donna in VA

    As the mother of two boys myself, I totally get it.
    When the last one moved out, he worried about me being there all alone. He worried that I’d be bored and/or lonesome. Not me! I LOVE the quiet!
    They come to visit and it gets loud periodically, but nothing like when they were teenagers.

  10. Lori

    Yep, peace and quiet are overrated. For years, this was my life with all my teenagers and their friends as our home was the place to hang out too. Never did I think that I would miss all that noise and food disappearing so quickly…but now that they are grown up and gone, I miss them and everything that comes with them. Why is it when we are in the middle of something, we want it to go away and then when it’s gone, we want it? LOL!

  11. Lori

    Yep, peace and quiet are overrated. For years, this was my life with all my teenagers and their friends as our home was the place to hang out too. Never did I think that I would miss all that noise and food disappearing so quickly…but now that they are grown up and gone, I miss them and everything that comes with them. Why is it when we are in the middle of something, we want it to go away and then when it’s gone, we want it? LOL!

  12. Lori

    Yep, peace and quiet are overrated. For years, this was my life with all my teenagers and their friends as our home was the place to hang out too. Never did I think that I would miss all that noise and food disappearing so quickly…but now that they are grown up and gone, I miss them and everything that comes with them. Why is it when we are in the middle of something, we want it to go away and then when it’s gone, we want it? LOL!

  13. Linda

    How a bout a “Do Not Disturb” sign? Oh wait, they’re boys/men. If they are anything like my ELPH, they don’t read and if they do they certainly don’t think it applies to them. LOL! Hope you have a quieter day.

  14. Linda

    How a bout a “Do Not Disturb” sign? Oh wait, they’re boys/men. If they are anything like my ELPH, they don’t read and if they do they certainly don’t think it applies to them. LOL! Hope you have a quieter day.

  15. Linda

    How a bout a “Do Not Disturb” sign? Oh wait, they’re boys/men. If they are anything like my ELPH, they don’t read and if they do they certainly don’t think it applies to them. LOL! Hope you have a quieter day.

  16. Kristan

    LOL oh dear lord, you do need vodka or SOMETHING!
    But I agree, it’s your job to be as preventative as you can. There’s only so much you can do, but it’s the parents who do nothing who end up with grandkids way too early. (I should know, it’s happened a couple times in my family. :P)
    Good luck!

  17. Kristan

    LOL oh dear lord, you do need vodka or SOMETHING!
    But I agree, it’s your job to be as preventative as you can. There’s only so much you can do, but it’s the parents who do nothing who end up with grandkids way too early. (I should know, it’s happened a couple times in my family. :P)
    Good luck!

  18. Kristan

    LOL oh dear lord, you do need vodka or SOMETHING!
    But I agree, it’s your job to be as preventative as you can. There’s only so much you can do, but it’s the parents who do nothing who end up with grandkids way too early. (I should know, it’s happened a couple times in my family. :P)
    Good luck!

  19. Lo

    my boyfriend when i was a freshman/sophomore in high school had the ‘party house.’ a huge house in fallbrook that had acres of land, in the moneytown section. i taught myself how to play piano on their baby grand. to say they were wealthy was an understatement. and uhm…. i am guilty of spending WAY too many nights in their hot tub. heh. now i see it from the mom perspective and all i can say is, i’m sorry and thank you!!!!!! but to my defense i was totally on best friend terms with his mom. we took multiple craft shopping trips to los angeles together, minus boyfriend. heh. and if i were there? i’d totally sneak you some vodka in a water bottle. with a chaser. cuz i’m considerate like that and all. and we’d hide in your bathtub. cuz i’m sure yours is super big and we’d both fit, vodka and all 🙂

  20. Lo

    my boyfriend when i was a freshman/sophomore in high school had the ‘party house.’ a huge house in fallbrook that had acres of land, in the moneytown section. i taught myself how to play piano on their baby grand. to say they were wealthy was an understatement. and uhm…. i am guilty of spending WAY too many nights in their hot tub. heh. now i see it from the mom perspective and all i can say is, i’m sorry and thank you!!!!!! but to my defense i was totally on best friend terms with his mom. we took multiple craft shopping trips to los angeles together, minus boyfriend. heh. and if i were there? i’d totally sneak you some vodka in a water bottle. with a chaser. cuz i’m considerate like that and all. and we’d hide in your bathtub. cuz i’m sure yours is super big and we’d both fit, vodka and all 🙂

  21. Lo

    my boyfriend when i was a freshman/sophomore in high school had the ‘party house.’ a huge house in fallbrook that had acres of land, in the moneytown section. i taught myself how to play piano on their baby grand. to say they were wealthy was an understatement. and uhm…. i am guilty of spending WAY too many nights in their hot tub. heh. now i see it from the mom perspective and all i can say is, i’m sorry and thank you!!!!!! but to my defense i was totally on best friend terms with his mom. we took multiple craft shopping trips to los angeles together, minus boyfriend. heh. and if i were there? i’d totally sneak you some vodka in a water bottle. with a chaser. cuz i’m considerate like that and all. and we’d hide in your bathtub. cuz i’m sure yours is super big and we’d both fit, vodka and all 🙂

  22. MLS

    I come to Texas to escape just those kinds of evenings. The peace and quiet are heaven.

  23. MLS

    I come to Texas to escape just those kinds of evenings. The peace and quiet are heaven.

  24. MLS

    I come to Texas to escape just those kinds of evenings. The peace and quiet are heaven.

  25. Pseudo

    You can come and visit me over here. Lately, the boy is hanging out on the other side of the island, the girl is hardly home, and hubs is working a lot again. They all “worry” about me when I am alone, but I love it.
    But on the wrong weekend (see limbo post) they all drive me crazy just like this.

  26. Pseudo

    You can come and visit me over here. Lately, the boy is hanging out on the other side of the island, the girl is hardly home, and hubs is working a lot again. They all “worry” about me when I am alone, but I love it.
    But on the wrong weekend (see limbo post) they all drive me crazy just like this.

  27. Pseudo

    You can come and visit me over here. Lately, the boy is hanging out on the other side of the island, the girl is hardly home, and hubs is working a lot again. They all “worry” about me when I am alone, but I love it.
    But on the wrong weekend (see limbo post) they all drive me crazy just like this.

  28. SSG

    hmmm… maybe you need a shed, or a cupboard under the stairs lockable from the inside. or an invisibility cloak…
    And as for teenagers, the other kids are probably loving they can come round yours and hang out, and the other parents are happy its not at theirs and also that they can trust you not to let them get freaky at your place. But there’s no stopping it. If it’s not at yours it’ll be behind bushes and in the cinema. Man being a teenager rocked even when adults didn’t let you do things…

  29. SSG

    hmmm… maybe you need a shed, or a cupboard under the stairs lockable from the inside. or an invisibility cloak…
    And as for teenagers, the other kids are probably loving they can come round yours and hang out, and the other parents are happy its not at theirs and also that they can trust you not to let them get freaky at your place. But there’s no stopping it. If it’s not at yours it’ll be behind bushes and in the cinema. Man being a teenager rocked even when adults didn’t let you do things…

  30. SSG

    hmmm… maybe you need a shed, or a cupboard under the stairs lockable from the inside. or an invisibility cloak…
    And as for teenagers, the other kids are probably loving they can come round yours and hang out, and the other parents are happy its not at theirs and also that they can trust you not to let them get freaky at your place. But there’s no stopping it. If it’s not at yours it’ll be behind bushes and in the cinema. Man being a teenager rocked even when adults didn’t let you do things…

  31. Hallie

    Isnt the loud scary movie just on to drown out the sounds of them making out????
    Was that helpful???
    Hallie 🙂

  32. Hallie

    Isnt the loud scary movie just on to drown out the sounds of them making out????
    Was that helpful???
    Hallie 🙂

  33. Hallie

    Isnt the loud scary movie just on to drown out the sounds of them making out????
    Was that helpful???
    Hallie 🙂

  34. Alan

    And that is why I don’t want MY kis to grow up. And also why I don’t own a pool OR jacuzzi. At least that is what I keep telling myself…

  35. Alan

    And that is why I don’t want MY kis to grow up. And also why I don’t own a pool OR jacuzzi. At least that is what I keep telling myself…

  36. Alan

    And that is why I don’t want MY kis to grow up. And also why I don’t own a pool OR jacuzzi. At least that is what I keep telling myself…

  37. Annette

    Well, at least if they are at your house you know he is safe and being looked after. While it’s sometimes annoying for my 16 year old daughter to have friends over I prefer it to her being somewhere else!

  38. Annette

    Well, at least if they are at your house you know he is safe and being looked after. While it’s sometimes annoying for my 16 year old daughter to have friends over I prefer it to her being somewhere else!

  39. Annette

    Well, at least if they are at your house you know he is safe and being looked after. While it’s sometimes annoying for my 16 year old daughter to have friends over I prefer it to her being somewhere else!

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