The Harem

The Torturer is in Las Vegas this week for a big physical therapy conference.  You'd think I'd get a week off if he's gambling and whoring around playing hooky, but instead he set me up for appointments with one of the therapists who works for him.  Sub PT and I are friends at least.  Yeah, "real life" friends who talk on the phone and go out for coffee together and stuff like that.  

I wish it meant she won't hurt me, but I know better.

As you know, I had a couple rough weeks with my rehab recently.  When I left PT last Wednesday The Torturer stormed off unhappily.  I arrived on Thursday only to be summoned to his office and told to "pull up a chair."  I felt like I was going to the principal's office.  Really, I'm not very good with authority figures.

I think I lack respect.

Plus?  My whole relationship with The Torturer has pretty much consisted of me lying flat on my back.  It didn't feel right to be sitting across his desk from him about to be scolded.

Wait a minute … did I just write my whole relationship with him has consisted of me lying on my back?

In any case, The Torturer had a "serious talk" with me.  I felt like a three year old.  I hate shit like that.  Maybe I'll tell you about it soon, but not today.  Then I went on to have my PT session with both of us in very somber moods.  I warned him before I left of my intention to write at his expense while he's out of town (and away from the Internet).  

He said, "No 24, you are not going to do that."

Well, yes I am.  

Today I'm going to tell you about The Torturer's harem.  

I'm changing the names of the people I'm writing about because unfortunately an awful lot of people in Orange County know who I am now.  I don't know how my anonymous blog ceased to be anonymous, but it's an unfortunate fact.  

The Torturer collects women like a ten year old boy collects baseball cards.  One (or two) of every variety and flavor.  On any given week, a particular woman might be his favorite. He's nothing short of predictable though.  By the next week he almost always has a new favorite.  He's not married; it's his prerogative 

What all these women see in him is beyond me, but I've known him for fourteen years so I don't see him in the same light they do.  He was highly offended recently when I mentioned he's "not marriage material."  I was puzzled he was offended, because … really?

The Torturer loves women and the Money Town women love him.  Many of them are married, but they don't care.  He tells me he stays away from the married ones.  (I pretend to believe him.)  

For clarification purposes, what follows are strictly my observations and interpretations of the events I see at PT.  I have a vivid imagination.  I'm just mentioning that in case The Torturer decides to check in on what I'm writing via his iPhone while he's in Vegas.  I'm full of fiction – remember that!

I've mentioned Short Shorts before.  Short Shorts initially came into PT for a minor injury.  I think she stubbed her toe or something.  She should have been out of there in a week.  No matter what the weather, Short Shorts shows up in the shortest shorts imaginable with her ass cheeks hanging out.  She's fairly attractive and thrives on being noticed.  And oh yes, she's married.

A funny thing happened.  After Short Shorts had about three visits with The Torturer rubbing her feet, she decided her butt hurt.

I'm not even kidding.  She and The Torturer spent a few weeks back in a private room intensely working on butt massages (or whatever), and then she was discharged.  She keeps coming back.  Poor thing, her butt starts aching after a little while I guess.  Last week she showed up again.

The Torturer said to me, "Oh look, Short Shorts is back."  Then he tried to remember her real name and he couldn't because I've brainwashed him.  He cursed at me a few times as he went off to find her chart so he could remember her name.  Then he assigned her to a female PT because I think he's had enough of her ass act.

Next on the list is Ms. Hypochondriac.  I'll call her Hypo for short.  She always has a list of aches and pains and she is only too happy to go on and on about them for hours on end.  It began, supposedly, with a neck problem.  Hypo does nothing all day but obsess about herself, her body, her various aches and … The Torturer.  

Hypo is the ultimate Money Town woman.  She is attractive, keeps her figure close to flawless and pretends she is years younger than she is.  She is married to a Toxic Man who provides her with a ton of money, a beautiful home, a shiny Mercedes, and opportunities to travel and vacation frequently.  She shows up to PT in extremely small squares of spandex and nothing else. Over the last year she determined her neck problem has led to pelvic issues.

Should I repeat that for you?

Hypo told me her neck problem has somehow developed into a problem with her pelvis. Now she thinks she needs The Torturer's help with her … girly parts.  Well, with that general area, anyway.

Who am I to judge?

Honestly, I've met Hypo's husband, and the man would shit if he saw her behavior at PT. She is all over The Torturer.  As in, she can't keep her hands to herself for more than thirty seconds.  If you say Hypo's name to any of the staff at PT … you will see an instant smirk, followed by a quick attempt to be professional.  Hypo has been in and out of PT for decades, I think.

Once in awhile The Torturer discharges her or something.  She's suddenly gone for a little while.  (Not that he seems to mind the attention, but maybe he gets bored with her after awhile?) She always comes back.  She's like a bad penny that keeps showing up.  In fact, she even told me she's got "nothing else to do" and "can't imagine" her life without The Torturer.  

Pathetic much?

I'd gladly offer her all of my upcoming appointments, but The Torturer would never allow it.  It's really too bad.  I know she would love to take my place.

Next up, is Hardbody.  

Hardbody and The Torturer are "friends."

Hardbody just hangs out at PT all the time for no reason whatsoever.  She's not a patient. She is just there.  She comes in and reads books about maintaining zero percent body fat. Or whatever.  Hardbody is married too. I could write more about Hardbody, but if I do my life might end soon.  It's probably enough just to let you know she exists.

Then there's Rueful.  Rueful is a very nice woman.  She is single, and a physical therapist.  Rueful is head over heels in love with The Torturer and he doesn't reciprocate the feeli
ngs.  Rueful doesn't work for The Torturer, but they've known each other for years.  She's come to visit him and I've met her.  She's very, very nice.  Sadly, it only takes one look into her eyes to see her intense longing for The Torturer.  In turn, The Torturer has apparently made it clear to her they are "only friends."  This doesn't prevent her from calling him, arranging occasions to see him, etc.  It's really quite sad.

Unrequited love.

Out of the entire harem, I'm pulling for Rueful.  She's in Vegas with The Torturer this week at the PT convention.  With enough alcohol, maybe she'll get him to reconsider her as an option.

There are other women in the harem too.  There are cougars patients who make fools of themselves on a regular basis.  Money Town women do not have enough to do.  Also? Money Town women have no morals, and no shame.

Really, I could go on and on. 

Nonetheless, I think that's enough for one day.  By now you should have a good feel the basics of the harem. 

It makes for some great entertainment while I'm at PT!

69 Responses to “The Harem”

  1. Alan

    Ya know…maybe this guy could have his OWN tv show! Seems like there are quite a few of them out there similiar to this.
    Dunno why…but I got a feeling I would probably like him. Sounds like he’s working it and doing well for himself. Go get ’em Torturer! You da man!

  2. Alan

    Ya know…maybe this guy could have his OWN tv show! Seems like there are quite a few of them out there similiar to this.
    Dunno why…but I got a feeling I would probably like him. Sounds like he’s working it and doing well for himself. Go get ’em Torturer! You da man!

  3. Alan

    Ya know…maybe this guy could have his OWN tv show! Seems like there are quite a few of them out there similiar to this.
    Dunno why…but I got a feeling I would probably like him. Sounds like he’s working it and doing well for himself. Go get ’em Torturer! You da man!

  4. Jan

    I’m with Alan – this has “reality television” written ALL over it.
    You, of course, would have to be in the show, or else I just couldn’t watch it.

  5. Jan

    I’m with Alan – this has “reality television” written ALL over it.
    You, of course, would have to be in the show, or else I just couldn’t watch it.

  6. Jan

    I’m with Alan – this has “reality television” written ALL over it.
    You, of course, would have to be in the show, or else I just couldn’t watch it.

  7. Carole

    I would so watch that TV show too! If only you could spy cam these freaks!
    carole
    xoxo

  8. Carole

    I would so watch that TV show too! If only you could spy cam these freaks!
    carole
    xoxo

  9. Carole

    I would so watch that TV show too! If only you could spy cam these freaks!
    carole
    xoxo

  10. Kelly

    Ha ha! Very entertaining. Is The Torturer a slut? Did he really get tired of her ass? I mean act? Ha ha ha ha! This is so much BETTER than the Real Housewives!

  11. Kelly

    Ha ha! Very entertaining. Is The Torturer a slut? Did he really get tired of her ass? I mean act? Ha ha ha ha! This is so much BETTER than the Real Housewives!

  12. Kelly

    Ha ha! Very entertaining. Is The Torturer a slut? Did he really get tired of her ass? I mean act? Ha ha ha ha! This is so much BETTER than the Real Housewives!

  13. Deb

    Poor thing, her butt starts aching after a little while I guess.
    Ha ha ha! And he can’t remember her real name cuz she’s just Short Shorts now?
    Tired of her ass?
    Ha ha! And I know a Hypo woman or two myself.

  14. Deb

    Poor thing, her butt starts aching after a little while I guess.
    Ha ha ha! And he can’t remember her real name cuz she’s just Short Shorts now?
    Tired of her ass?
    Ha ha! And I know a Hypo woman or two myself.

  15. Deb

    Poor thing, her butt starts aching after a little while I guess.
    Ha ha ha! And he can’t remember her real name cuz she’s just Short Shorts now?
    Tired of her ass?
    Ha ha! And I know a Hypo woman or two myself.

  16. Lo

    DUDE! your pt is SO MUCH BETTER than mine was!! i was stuck with a bunch of marines. and before you say ‘uh hellloooo i dont’ think that’s so bad’ consider that they’re all laid flat-out on their backs with bruises and wounds and the rest of them are snarky old veterans. who don’t like ‘the youngin’s gettin’ our free medicals’. yeah. whatever that means. if i had this entertainment when i was 16 i guarantee you, i would’ve had my ass in PT instead of always making up excuses 🙂 please do tell more! oh and i want pics of short shorts. i know that’s impossible. a girl can try.

  17. Lo

    DUDE! your pt is SO MUCH BETTER than mine was!! i was stuck with a bunch of marines. and before you say ‘uh hellloooo i dont’ think that’s so bad’ consider that they’re all laid flat-out on their backs with bruises and wounds and the rest of them are snarky old veterans. who don’t like ‘the youngin’s gettin’ our free medicals’. yeah. whatever that means. if i had this entertainment when i was 16 i guarantee you, i would’ve had my ass in PT instead of always making up excuses 🙂 please do tell more! oh and i want pics of short shorts. i know that’s impossible. a girl can try.

  18. Lo

    DUDE! your pt is SO MUCH BETTER than mine was!! i was stuck with a bunch of marines. and before you say ‘uh hellloooo i dont’ think that’s so bad’ consider that they’re all laid flat-out on their backs with bruises and wounds and the rest of them are snarky old veterans. who don’t like ‘the youngin’s gettin’ our free medicals’. yeah. whatever that means. if i had this entertainment when i was 16 i guarantee you, i would’ve had my ass in PT instead of always making up excuses 🙂 please do tell more! oh and i want pics of short shorts. i know that’s impossible. a girl can try.

  19. mama llama

    I like Rueful, too. Perhaps ‘cuz I can relate.
    What a wonderful post, filled with great laughs to start my Monday off right. Thank you for that, 24! Torturer might be your PT, but you give me therapy far beyond where any PT could reach
    Be well, 24.

  20. mama llama

    I like Rueful, too. Perhaps ‘cuz I can relate.
    What a wonderful post, filled with great laughs to start my Monday off right. Thank you for that, 24! Torturer might be your PT, but you give me therapy far beyond where any PT could reach
    Be well, 24.

  21. mama llama

    I like Rueful, too. Perhaps ‘cuz I can relate.
    What a wonderful post, filled with great laughs to start my Monday off right. Thank you for that, 24! Torturer might be your PT, but you give me therapy far beyond where any PT could reach
    Be well, 24.

  22. Kristan

    Aw, now I’m pulling for Rueful too! You better keep us updated on the Harem and how each one is faring.

  23. Kristan

    Aw, now I’m pulling for Rueful too! You better keep us updated on the Harem and how each one is faring.

  24. Kristan

    Aw, now I’m pulling for Rueful too! You better keep us updated on the Harem and how each one is faring.

  25. sometimessophia

    I’m not sure about the PT required by these ladies, but I’d say they have some mental health issues, too. Maybe the Torturer should get a degree in counseling, too.

  26. sometimessophia

    I’m not sure about the PT required by these ladies, but I’d say they have some mental health issues, too. Maybe the Torturer should get a degree in counseling, too.

  27. sometimessophia

    I’m not sure about the PT required by these ladies, but I’d say they have some mental health issues, too. Maybe the Torturer should get a degree in counseling, too.

  28. Kaitlyn

    The big question is how many of these women is The Torturer interested in vs. those who are interested in HIM?

  29. Kaitlyn

    The big question is how many of these women is The Torturer interested in vs. those who are interested in HIM?

  30. Kaitlyn

    The big question is how many of these women is The Torturer interested in vs. those who are interested in HIM?

  31. Momo Fali

    The physical therapists my son sees here in Ohio, aren’t nearly hot enough to have a harem. I like it that way.

  32. Momo Fali

    The physical therapists my son sees here in Ohio, aren’t nearly hot enough to have a harem. I like it that way.

  33. Momo Fali

    The physical therapists my son sees here in Ohio, aren’t nearly hot enough to have a harem. I like it that way.

  34. Midlife Slices

    Uhmm….you’re very brave writing all this, being as….in the famous words of your Governor….”HE’LL BE BAAAAAAAAACK”.
    O.k. so maybe not those exact words but close enough.

  35. Midlife Slices

    Uhmm….you’re very brave writing all this, being as….in the famous words of your Governor….”HE’LL BE BAAAAAAAAACK”.
    O.k. so maybe not those exact words but close enough.

  36. Midlife Slices

    Uhmm….you’re very brave writing all this, being as….in the famous words of your Governor….”HE’LL BE BAAAAAAAAACK”.
    O.k. so maybe not those exact words but close enough.

  37. Gina

    i actually laughed out loud at
    “she probably stubbed her toe or something” hehehehehe you crack me up!!!!
    tooo bad about the troll!

  38. Gina

    i actually laughed out loud at
    “she probably stubbed her toe or something” hehehehehe you crack me up!!!!
    tooo bad about the troll!

  39. Gina

    i actually laughed out loud at
    “she probably stubbed her toe or something” hehehehehe you crack me up!!!!
    tooo bad about the troll!

  40. San Diego Momma

    I agree with everyone, this is a reality show in the making. Butt pains are a very real disease and the public needs to be informed.

  41. San Diego Momma

    I agree with everyone, this is a reality show in the making. Butt pains are a very real disease and the public needs to be informed.

  42. San Diego Momma

    I agree with everyone, this is a reality show in the making. Butt pains are a very real disease and the public needs to be informed.

  43. SSG

    Man, you paint a very vivid picture. This should be made into a movie. Please ask the torturer- in a movie of your life who would he like to play him?
    and also you?

  44. SSG

    Man, you paint a very vivid picture. This should be made into a movie. Please ask the torturer- in a movie of your life who would he like to play him?
    and also you?

  45. SSG

    Man, you paint a very vivid picture. This should be made into a movie. Please ask the torturer- in a movie of your life who would he like to play him?
    and also you?

  46. Katy

    This is one of your funniest posts ever! ha ha! I’d love to see these women in person. You are great at making them come to life!

  47. Katy

    This is one of your funniest posts ever! ha ha! I’d love to see these women in person. You are great at making them come to life!

  48. Katy

    This is one of your funniest posts ever! ha ha! I’d love to see these women in person. You are great at making them come to life!

  49. Cathi

    I agree, this would make for some great reality TV. ANd i’d love to see who plays YOU & also Torturer! This was hysterical! LMAO! Stubbed toe, pain that migrates to “girly parts.” hahah Can’t believe how shallow the women are in the OC. He probably loves having you (a NORMAL person) come in. Also – it cracks me up the way the two of you are together. The undercurrent there would add to a great tv show! GREAT POST! LOVED IT!

  50. Cathi

    I agree, this would make for some great reality TV. ANd i’d love to see who plays YOU & also Torturer! This was hysterical! LMAO! Stubbed toe, pain that migrates to “girly parts.” hahah Can’t believe how shallow the women are in the OC. He probably loves having you (a NORMAL person) come in. Also – it cracks me up the way the two of you are together. The undercurrent there would add to a great tv show! GREAT POST! LOVED IT!

  51. Cathi

    I agree, this would make for some great reality TV. ANd i’d love to see who plays YOU & also Torturer! This was hysterical! LMAO! Stubbed toe, pain that migrates to “girly parts.” hahah Can’t believe how shallow the women are in the OC. He probably loves having you (a NORMAL person) come in. Also – it cracks me up the way the two of you are together. The undercurrent there would add to a great tv show! GREAT POST! LOVED IT!

  52. Megan

    I laughed out loud! This was SO funny! I’d love to be there for a day and see these women!

  53. Megan

    I laughed out loud! This was SO funny! I’d love to be there for a day and see these women!

  54. Megan

    I laughed out loud! This was SO funny! I’d love to be there for a day and see these women!

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