Good-bye family members! Do you know me in real life? Well then, good-bye to you too. This post is rated X. It's not intended for the faint of heart.
Okay, now that no one is left reading, I'll commence with my writing.
The Internet world is a strange one. We make friends with people we never meet. One of my Internet friends is Alan. He loves to write primarily about his family, movies and music. Alan and I "met" shortly after I began blogging when someone (I forget who) made a list of a zillion new Internet writers. We were both on the list. Somehow we connected, discovered we share an extreme love for music and have stayed in touch ever since.
Alan doesn't usually blog about sex. However, he recently wrote about an item he found while perusing … sites … on the Internet. His post made me laugh out loud and he gave me his permission to also write about it. Alan made me "promise" I'd tell you he doesn't own this little gadget himself. (Sure, I believe you Alan. Really, I do!)
Today I'm going to show you
Alan's the Sex Counter Cock Ring.
The product description states:
"A stretchy, orgasm-enhancing cock ring that actually counts your BPM – otherwise known as Bonks Per Minute! Slide the cock ring over your penis and enjoy a longer, harder erection as well as the fun of knowing how many times you've thrust per session!"
Bonks Per Minute?
Does it come with an alarm system? If you're wearing your partner out with too many "bonks" does it tell you to hurry up and finish? Or ask you if you had a bit too much alcohol and are now suffering from whiskey dick?
Does it talk to you like a car's GPS system? Does it insult you as "Limp Larry" when you're not quite up to (** ahem **) performing?
What if you're a "one thruster"? Does it give you an error message and say, "Act Incomplete"??
Maybe it even provides your … equipment with a nickname?
It seems to me like this would be anxiety inducing for a man. (Not being male, I can't say for sure.) I picture a little old lady standing in the corner of a room counting off sexual thrusts in her notebook and "grading" the man on whatever she feels is just the right amount.
This is kind of the same concept, but the little gadget is actually strangling his dick at the same time it's counting. (Can a dick be strangled? I'll be honest, I know nothing about cock rings. And now I'm embarrassed I just admitted that. Do most women know about cock rings? Am I a disgrace to the female gender because I don't know anything about them? Do some cocks wear lots of rings? Do dicks ever get strangled by cock rings?)
Also, how does it count a thrust if, instead of a straight in and out thrust, it's more of a … oh, never mind. I'm blushing just thinking about it.
Also, is it getting warm in here?
I think I'm getting side tracked.
In any case, what do you think? If you're female, would you want your man wearing this? And if you're male, would you want a
thrust bonk counter?