Can You Spell C-O-U-G-A-R??

There are a few new Money Town patients at PT.  I guess it's a good thing.  If I'm going to be stuck there indefinitely, it's nice to be entertained.  Which doesn't mean I want to spend the rest of my life there, because that's exactly what it feels like I'm doing.

In any case, the first person I'm going to tell you about is Mr. Whiner.  (Also, I'm telling you about him first because I'm saving the best for last.)  I ran into Mr. Whiner about a week ago, and dear Gawd, what a baby!  The man's got sore feet.  Yes, that's right he has sore feet.  He hasn't had surgery, he doesn't need surgery but he's probably in his late fifties/early sixties and his feet are getting a little achy.

Poor guy.

A couple Wednesdays ago it was particularly busy at PT.  The Torturer runs a pretty big business and there are zillions of tables, and rooms, but every single working area was filled with patients when I arrived.  I looked at The Torturer as if to say, "I'll just go home, m'kay?"  In turn, The Torturer glared at me as if to say, "Don't even think about it!" Fairly quickly, however, a patient left and I was hooked up to an electrical stim unit and wrapped in a heating pad on a table next to Mr. Whiner.

Mr. Whiner complained about everything.  I've never met the man before and I heard about his achy feet, about how his ice pack wasn't just right … could someone please adjust it by half an inch?  And on and on he went.  I would have gotten up and moved tables, but there were no free tables and besides, I was all plugged into equipment at that point.  It turns out Mr. Whiner's biggest complaint was the fact it was so busy at PT, he hadn't received "quite as much TLC" as he likes on that particular visit.  (TLC … his words, not mine!)

Did he have any idea, at all, who he was complaining to?

TLC at physical therapy?  

It took every ounce of willpower to keep my mouth shut and just nod my head at his complaints.  He announced quite loudly that on future visits he would make sure to schedule appointments only when it's not busy so he can get a longer foot massage.

The very rich?  They expect to be catered to constantly.  Yes, even when they have achy feet and they are sitting right next to a diabetic amputee and a woman who has had five surgeries in a two year span.

I refuse to be anywhere in the vicinity of Mr. Whiner again.  Ever.  He was insufferable.

Next on the list is Ms. Skanky.  I don't know what her problem is.  No, I'm serious, I really don't know what her problem is.  Back?  Neck?  Whatever it is, I'm sure it will migrate to her pelvis any day now.

Ms. Skanky is maybe in her late thirties or early forties.  It's hard to guess ages around here because everyone has so much cosmetic surgery.  She's very thin and she's got huge enormous fake breasts which stick straight out at attention.  She comes in with workout clothes on.  She's thin, but she's not a total hard body.  She, like many Money Town women, lives to be noticed.

Ms. Skanky wears tight, black, workout leggings to PT.  She wears a skintight, black, push-up bra on her upper half.  Then she adds to her look by wearing a see through, extremely low cut, pink top over the black ensemble.  When you see her walk into the room, you pretty much just see overflowing cleavage bubbling out all over the place.  She definitely gets noticed.

I was (more) appalled, however, when she sat up and straddled the PT table the other day for no reason whatsoever.  Who does that?  What woman would sit in a crowded room of men with her legs spread apart as far as possible as she straddles a four foot wide table?  (Facing outward, pointy tits on full display for the very crowded room?)  Can I just say … ewww!?  So yeah, I've dubbed her Ms. Skanky.

Last on the list (for today) is Ms. Cougar.  There are a lot of cougars who hang out at PT, but this one epitomizes all aspects of cougar-hood.  Again, it's hard to pin an age on her because she's definitely had a lot of cosmetic surgery.  The other day I met a woman I would have guessed to be 48 and she was 62.  In this case, I'd say Ms. Cougar is in her late fifties, possibly even sixty, but if you saw her you'd probably guess she's 45.

Ms. Cougar is attractive and small.  She has a nice figure which has definitely been nipped and tucked.  She has some sort of problem with her hip and/or pelvis.  (Of course she does!)  Ms. Cougar likes The Torturer, a lot.  Her interest is quite noticeable.

There's one thing about Ms. Cougar that takes the cake though.  It's the noises she makes.  I'm blushing just thinking about how best to describe it.  

I'll just be blunt. (How unlike me!) 

Ms. Cougar cries out as if she's sexually aroused when The Torturer is working on her. It's embarrassing to be anywhere in the vicinity.  Honestly, someone could tape record her during a PT session and dub it over a porn flick and no one would know the difference.

"Oh, oh, ooooooooooooh!"

The other day Ms. Cougar and I were the last two remaining patients in the room.  The Torturer was shuffling back and forth between the two of us.  I was maybe five feet away from Ms. Cougar.  I started doing some exercises independently while The Torturer finished off Ms. Cougar.  

(Oops … did I just write that?)  

<smirk>

All of a sudden Ms. Cougar started in with the sex cries.  I couldn't help it, my head immediately spun around to see exactly what The Torturer was doing to her.  As it turns out, not much.  I swear, I think she was doing it to get his attention.  Or something? 

Help me out here, can you think of a reason?  

I know what it's like to feel pain. Ms. Cougar doesn't make I'm in pain sounds, she makes I'm cumming any second now sounds. 

** Ahem **  

I immediately turned my face away and refused to look over again.

I was afraid if I made eye contact with The Torturer I would burst out in a fit of uncontrollable laughter.  I was also afraid he might be … *ahem* reacting to the noises and that was not anything I wanted to see either.  Don't get me wrong, he was being very professional but he is, after all, a man, right?  And if I thought Ms. Cougar sounded like an X-rated movie, then what would a man be thinking?

© Twenty Four At Heart

87 Responses to “Can You Spell C-O-U-G-A-R??”

  1. Jan

    Girl, I don’t know how you do it. Not just the PT, but the people who go along with it.
    Simply…amazing. I’d have killed Mr. Whiner, told the Skank to save it for the strip club and busted out laughing at Ms. Cougar. You have amazing self-control.

  2. Jan

    Girl, I don’t know how you do it. Not just the PT, but the people who go along with it.
    Simply…amazing. I’d have killed Mr. Whiner, told the Skank to save it for the strip club and busted out laughing at Ms. Cougar. You have amazing self-control.

  3. Jan

    Girl, I don’t know how you do it. Not just the PT, but the people who go along with it.
    Simply…amazing. I’d have killed Mr. Whiner, told the Skank to save it for the strip club and busted out laughing at Ms. Cougar. You have amazing self-control.

  4. Michelle

    I agree with Jan – amazing self-control.
    But I guess you have to keep going back, don’t you. So The Torturer would probably be worse if you told his patients what you share with us. 🙂

  5. Michelle

    I agree with Jan – amazing self-control.
    But I guess you have to keep going back, don’t you. So The Torturer would probably be worse if you told his patients what you share with us. 🙂

  6. Michelle

    I agree with Jan – amazing self-control.
    But I guess you have to keep going back, don’t you. So The Torturer would probably be worse if you told his patients what you share with us. 🙂

  7. Michelle

    I mean, what you think and wish you could say/do

  8. Michelle

    I mean, what you think and wish you could say/do

  9. Michelle

    I mean, what you think and wish you could say/do

  10. Elixa

    LOL! You have such a great way of telling/writing these new Money Town adventures.

  11. Elixa

    LOL! You have such a great way of telling/writing these new Money Town adventures.

  12. Elixa

    LOL! You have such a great way of telling/writing these new Money Town adventures.

  13. Sarah

    I think those Money Town people need to go find a nice spa somewhere to find thier foot rubs and messages that can produce orgasams…or the Torturer should open one maybe in the back room somewhere? Soundproofed! : )

  14. Sarah

    I think those Money Town people need to go find a nice spa somewhere to find thier foot rubs and messages that can produce orgasams…or the Torturer should open one maybe in the back room somewhere? Soundproofed! : )

  15. Sarah

    I think those Money Town people need to go find a nice spa somewhere to find thier foot rubs and messages that can produce orgasams…or the Torturer should open one maybe in the back room somewhere? Soundproofed! : )

  16. Linda

    I’m with Jan, I don’t know how you managed to not say anything and not burst into laughter! I would have smacked the bottoms of Mr Whiner’s feet just to give him something real to whine about, told Ms. Skanky to put some clothes on when she’s in public and Ms. Cougar to put a ball gag in it! Bravo to you for the amazing restraint you used!

  17. Linda

    I’m with Jan, I don’t know how you managed to not say anything and not burst into laughter! I would have smacked the bottoms of Mr Whiner’s feet just to give him something real to whine about, told Ms. Skanky to put some clothes on when she’s in public and Ms. Cougar to put a ball gag in it! Bravo to you for the amazing restraint you used!

  18. Linda

    I’m with Jan, I don’t know how you managed to not say anything and not burst into laughter! I would have smacked the bottoms of Mr Whiner’s feet just to give him something real to whine about, told Ms. Skanky to put some clothes on when she’s in public and Ms. Cougar to put a ball gag in it! Bravo to you for the amazing restraint you used!

  19. Hallie

    Making impressive porn noises takes talent!! Kudos to the cougar. Although for the life of me, I don’t see what she thinks shes gaining by moaning like a rabid hyena!
    Hallie

  20. Hallie

    Making impressive porn noises takes talent!! Kudos to the cougar. Although for the life of me, I don’t see what she thinks shes gaining by moaning like a rabid hyena!
    Hallie

  21. Hallie

    Making impressive porn noises takes talent!! Kudos to the cougar. Although for the life of me, I don’t see what she thinks shes gaining by moaning like a rabid hyena!
    Hallie

  22. Alan

    I have never had …relations…with a loud woman, so I’m sure THAT sounds kinda fake. But I can’t help but try to picture all of these characters that you write about. Your blog is a lot like a soap opera! You should develop this into a prime time series! Imagine…a new character every week! And PT could be the lead character! LOL

  23. Alan

    I have never had …relations…with a loud woman, so I’m sure THAT sounds kinda fake. But I can’t help but try to picture all of these characters that you write about. Your blog is a lot like a soap opera! You should develop this into a prime time series! Imagine…a new character every week! And PT could be the lead character! LOL

  24. Alan

    I have never had …relations…with a loud woman, so I’m sure THAT sounds kinda fake. But I can’t help but try to picture all of these characters that you write about. Your blog is a lot like a soap opera! You should develop this into a prime time series! Imagine…a new character every week! And PT could be the lead character! LOL

  25. Lo

    oh holy hell, that is way too much for me. WAY too much stimulation in PT. dude, when i went, it was a bunch of retired marines. i don’t know if i could’ve handled that level of pain while trying to ignore perky boobs or scary surgery granny coming in the corner. just sayin’. you’re tougher than i am!!!!

  26. Lo

    oh holy hell, that is way too much for me. WAY too much stimulation in PT. dude, when i went, it was a bunch of retired marines. i don’t know if i could’ve handled that level of pain while trying to ignore perky boobs or scary surgery granny coming in the corner. just sayin’. you’re tougher than i am!!!!

  27. Lo

    oh holy hell, that is way too much for me. WAY too much stimulation in PT. dude, when i went, it was a bunch of retired marines. i don’t know if i could’ve handled that level of pain while trying to ignore perky boobs or scary surgery granny coming in the corner. just sayin’. you’re tougher than i am!!!!

  28. Kelly

    OMG you make me laugh. I burst out laughing so hard at Ms. Cougar and her sex noises! hahahahahha
    Tears running down my face – thx for the morning chuckle!

  29. Kelly

    OMG you make me laugh. I burst out laughing so hard at Ms. Cougar and her sex noises! hahahahahha
    Tears running down my face – thx for the morning chuckle!

  30. Kelly

    OMG you make me laugh. I burst out laughing so hard at Ms. Cougar and her sex noises! hahahahahha
    Tears running down my face – thx for the morning chuckle!

  31. Kristan

    LOL! Please for the love of all of us readers, RECORD THAT!
    My word, The Torturer must have a heck of a laugh at the end of every day. (Or else a scream and a cry…)

  32. Kristan

    LOL! Please for the love of all of us readers, RECORD THAT!
    My word, The Torturer must have a heck of a laugh at the end of every day. (Or else a scream and a cry…)

  33. Kristan

    LOL! Please for the love of all of us readers, RECORD THAT!
    My word, The Torturer must have a heck of a laugh at the end of every day. (Or else a scream and a cry…)

  34. sometimessophia

    Next time you’re in the room with her, maybe you should start making the sex noises – preferably before she starts and louder than her. Might shut her up or at least provide us with another outstanding post. Definitely think about it…

  35. sometimessophia

    Next time you’re in the room with her, maybe you should start making the sex noises – preferably before she starts and louder than her. Might shut her up or at least provide us with another outstanding post. Definitely think about it…

  36. sometimessophia

    Next time you’re in the room with her, maybe you should start making the sex noises – preferably before she starts and louder than her. Might shut her up or at least provide us with another outstanding post. Definitely think about it…

  37. Deb

    Really you need to write a tv show. You bring your characters to life. Can you sneak a picture of cougar lady? Ha Ha!

  38. Deb

    Really you need to write a tv show. You bring your characters to life. Can you sneak a picture of cougar lady? Ha Ha!

  39. Deb

    Really you need to write a tv show. You bring your characters to life. Can you sneak a picture of cougar lady? Ha Ha!

  40. Pseudo

    You’re so so funny. I think you should think of an off the wall totally inappropriate noise to make in return. Like, dog barking… Just to see if she gets it ; -)

  41. Pseudo

    You’re so so funny. I think you should think of an off the wall totally inappropriate noise to make in return. Like, dog barking… Just to see if she gets it ; -)

  42. Pseudo

    You’re so so funny. I think you should think of an off the wall totally inappropriate noise to make in return. Like, dog barking… Just to see if she gets it ; -)

  43. Midlife Mama

    ROFL That PT of yours will give you blog fodder every single time. I’m so sorry you have to go though a bunch more than you thought, but holy cow the funny things that happen there!! Lordy. Thanks for the laugh today.

  44. Midlife Mama

    ROFL That PT of yours will give you blog fodder every single time. I’m so sorry you have to go though a bunch more than you thought, but holy cow the funny things that happen there!! Lordy. Thanks for the laugh today.

  45. Midlife Mama

    ROFL That PT of yours will give you blog fodder every single time. I’m so sorry you have to go though a bunch more than you thought, but holy cow the funny things that happen there!! Lordy. Thanks for the laugh today.

  46. PAPA

    We have a moaner that lives next to us and sometimes, just sometimes, she puts me in the mood. And everytime, everytime, she takes my wife OUT OF the mood.
    ha.

  47. PAPA

    We have a moaner that lives next to us and sometimes, just sometimes, she puts me in the mood. And everytime, everytime, she takes my wife OUT OF the mood.
    ha.

  48. PAPA

    We have a moaner that lives next to us and sometimes, just sometimes, she puts me in the mood. And everytime, everytime, she takes my wife OUT OF the mood.
    ha.

  49. Mike

    I might want to meet Ms. Moaner – I mean Ms. Cougar.

  50. Mike

    I might want to meet Ms. Moaner – I mean Ms. Cougar.

  51. Mike

    I might want to meet Ms. Moaner – I mean Ms. Cougar.

  52. Annette

    What a gang of freaks. I don’t know how you keep from saying anything. Too bad it’s not your last session in PT and you could just cut loose with an earful for these idiots!!

  53. Annette

    What a gang of freaks. I don’t know how you keep from saying anything. Too bad it’s not your last session in PT and you could just cut loose with an earful for these idiots!!

  54. Annette

    What a gang of freaks. I don’t know how you keep from saying anything. Too bad it’s not your last session in PT and you could just cut loose with an earful for these idiots!!

  55. Fragrant Liar

    Okay, I would have had to ask her, “Lady, are you okay?” She’s not a cougar, BTW. She’s a skank.
    A horny skank, apparently.

  56. Fragrant Liar

    Okay, I would have had to ask her, “Lady, are you okay?” She’s not a cougar, BTW. She’s a skank.
    A horny skank, apparently.

  57. Fragrant Liar

    Okay, I would have had to ask her, “Lady, are you okay?” She’s not a cougar, BTW. She’s a skank.
    A horny skank, apparently.

  58. thistle

    Ack…that’s all i’ve got, just…ack…
    Amazing the people there are taking up space in the world.

  59. thistle

    Ack…that’s all i’ve got, just…ack…
    Amazing the people there are taking up space in the world.

  60. thistle

    Ack…that’s all i’ve got, just…ack…
    Amazing the people there are taking up space in the world.

  61. Life with Kaishon

    That is just crazy beyond belief. Achy feet? I HATE going to physical therapy and I would never go unless I absolutely had to. I would never enter the doors of Physical therapy for achy feet. Oh no, I would not…

  62. Life with Kaishon

    That is just crazy beyond belief. Achy feet? I HATE going to physical therapy and I would never go unless I absolutely had to. I would never enter the doors of Physical therapy for achy feet. Oh no, I would not…

  63. Life with Kaishon

    That is just crazy beyond belief. Achy feet? I HATE going to physical therapy and I would never go unless I absolutely had to. I would never enter the doors of Physical therapy for achy feet. Oh no, I would not…

  64. Elisa

    Ok, WOW. Your PT place sounds like a complete madhouse. How long do you have to go there again? Maybe bring an iPod next time, so you can tune out Mr. Whine and Ms. Cougar. For Ms. Skanky, I’d afraid there is no cure, sorry. hopefully she’ll be done soon, too.

  65. Elisa

    Ok, WOW. Your PT place sounds like a complete madhouse. How long do you have to go there again? Maybe bring an iPod next time, so you can tune out Mr. Whine and Ms. Cougar. For Ms. Skanky, I’d afraid there is no cure, sorry. hopefully she’ll be done soon, too.

  66. Elisa

    Ok, WOW. Your PT place sounds like a complete madhouse. How long do you have to go there again? Maybe bring an iPod next time, so you can tune out Mr. Whine and Ms. Cougar. For Ms. Skanky, I’d afraid there is no cure, sorry. hopefully she’ll be done soon, too.

  67. buy levitra

    ‘m with Jan, I don’t know how you managed to not say anything and not burst into laughter! I would have smacked the bottoms of Mr Whiner’s feet just to give him something real to whine about, told Ms. Skanky to put some clothes on when she’s in public and Ms. Cougar to put a ball gag in it! Bravo to you for the amazing restraint you used!

  68. buy levitra

    ‘m with Jan, I don’t know how you managed to not say anything and not burst into laughter! I would have smacked the bottoms of Mr Whiner’s feet just to give him something real to whine about, told Ms. Skanky to put some clothes on when she’s in public and Ms. Cougar to put a ball gag in it! Bravo to you for the amazing restraint you used!

  69. buy levitra

    ‘m with Jan, I don’t know how you managed to not say anything and not burst into laughter! I would have smacked the bottoms of Mr Whiner’s feet just to give him something real to whine about, told Ms. Skanky to put some clothes on when she’s in public and Ms. Cougar to put a ball gag in it! Bravo to you for the amazing restraint you used!

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