I haven't done this for quite awhile, but I'm short on writing time this week so I'm going to share with you some recent Internet searches which have brought people here for a visit. I'll be honest, I haven't even looked at search requests for a long time. They never fail to surprise and amuse me though. I usually post things like this on Fridays when traffic is light … but oh well! Hope this brings a smile to your day.
Actual searches are in bold print, my responses are in standard print.
My husband is against it but I like to wear the shortest shorts possible Heh … I know you! You're Short Shorts, right? We go to the same physical therapist!
Why are my boobs so big? Are you pregnant?
How many men suffer from whiskey dick? How many men drink?
What clothes do wives in the OC wear? It's a little embarrassing, but right now I'm wearing brown sweat pants, an old black t-shirt, no makeup, and no shoes. Impressed?
I'm offended by sex toys I promise not to send you any.
Are DD boobs big for a sixth grader? DD boobs are big for anyone.
Smart ass responses You've come to the right place.
Naked women in the wilderness How many? Where?
Naked men standing side by side How many? Where?
I'm scared. Do you get a phone call if you have an abnormal mammogram? Yes, yes, you do. And it is scary, but most of the time it doesn't mean you have cancer.
A housewife in jeans is tempting for a repairman Well, thank GAWD I'm wearing sweats today then.
How do I have sex with a toxic man? A better question is why do you have sex with a toxic man?
I'm pointing my boob at you Well, I'm very flattered. Thank you. I like boobs.
Your such a bitch Well, I do have my moments. Now, go learn how to spell you're.
My husband was an asshole on Valentines Day Don't you just hate it when that happens?
Fuck cupid let's kick his ass First you have to catch him.
She's lubricated Congratulations! Why are you googling instead of enjoying her?
Back pain causing dick to soften during sex? Well, we wouldn't want that now would we? I'm a big fan of hard dicks.
Why does he always make sexual references in front of me? He's a man. It's what they do.
How many countries have porta-potties? Who cares?
I superglued my foot to the floor. What do I do? Hee hee!
I'm really white. What would happen if I went tanning? It's called a sunburn and it hurts.
Found mothers vibrator and tried it Ok, wrong, wrong, wrong! Ew!
I woke up looking ugly Me too, it happens.
Can stubbing toe effect pelvis? I see another one of The Torturer's harem girls has shown up!
I found my wife naked with the neighbors in their pool I honestly don't know what to say to this one.
I saw my neighbors wife naked Congratulations!
Are we getting further apart and losing our friendship? I've been really busy lately, I'm sorry!
I'm a bitch since going off my antidepressants Maybe you should go back on them?
Awful plastic surgery looks like cyclops! Oh … I'm so sorry. (hee hee!)
I want to have sex on a raft in a pool Be careful not to fall off the raft. It kind of ruins the moment.
How do pancake boobs happen? It's called a mammogram.
Short shorts! butt cheeks! I know, I see her at PT on a regular basis.
Does a true friend hurt a friends feelings? Yes. Not on purpose, but it happens all the time.
Aren't boobs great? Yes, they're fantastic!
I drank too much coffee and now I talk too fast Really? You googled this? It will wear off in a little while. Next time monitor your caffeine intake.
I saw a guy and girl having sex in the bleachers at a baseball game Lucky for them!
I can't talk to him without him taking it as a sexual innuendo Maybe he's not getting enough sex. Also? He's a man.
How do you grab a girls boob correctly? Are you a 10 year old boy? A 40 year old man? First of all, never grab! Girls/women don't like it. You can touch, caress, squeeze (softly), play with nipples, lick, suck and taste but don't grab unless she asks you to.
I want to have sex with twenty four at heart Um, ahem … we haven't even had a first date yet! And? I'm married. But thank you for your interest. You might want to stay away from Briefcase though. I don't think he'd be inclined to appreciate your google search.
© Twenty Four At Heart