I Love You Guys, But …

I haven't done this for quite awhile, but I'm short on writing time this week so I'm going to share with you some recent Internet searches which have brought people here for a visit.  I'll be honest, I haven't even looked at search requests for a long time.  They never fail to surprise and amuse me though.  I usually post things like this on Fridays when traffic is light … but oh well!  Hope this brings a smile to your day.

Actual searches are in bold print, my responses are in standard print.

My husband is against it but I like to wear the shortest shorts possible  Heh … I know you! You're Short Shorts, right?  We go to the same physical therapist!

Why are my boobs so big?  Are you pregnant?

How many men suffer from whiskey dick?  How many men drink?

What clothes do wives in the OC wear?  It's a little embarrassing, but right now I'm wearing brown sweat pants, an old black t-shirt, no makeup, and no shoes.  Impressed?

I'm offended by sex toys  I promise not to send you any.

Are DD boobs big for a sixth grader?  DD boobs are big for anyone.

Smart ass responses  You've come to the right place.

Naked women in the wilderness  How many?  Where?

Naked men standing side by side  How many?  Where?

I'm scared.  Do you get a phone call if you have an abnormal mammogram?  Yes, yes, you do.  And it is scary, but most of the time it doesn't mean you have cancer.

A housewife in jeans is tempting for a repairman  Well, thank GAWD I'm wearing sweats today then.  

How do I have sex with a toxic man?  A better question is why do you have sex with a toxic man?

I'm pointing my boob at you  Well, I'm very flattered.  Thank you.  I like boobs.

Your such a bitch  Well, I do have my moments.  Now, go learn how to spell you're.

My husband was an asshole on Valentines Day  Don't you just hate it when that happens?

Fuck cupid let's kick his ass  First you have to catch him.

She's lubricated  Congratulations!  Why are you googling instead of enjoying her?

Back pain causing dick to soften during sex?  Well, we wouldn't want that now would we?  I'm a big fan of hard dicks.

Why does he always make sexual references in front of me?  He's a man.  It's what they do.

How many countries have porta-potties?  Who cares?

I superglued my foot to the floor.  What do I do?  Hee hee!  

I'm really white.  What would happen if I went tanning?  It's called a sunburn and it hurts.

Found mothers vibrator and tried it  Ok, wrong, wrong, wrong!  Ew!

I woke up looking ugly  Me too, it happens.

Can stubbing toe effect pelvis?  I see another one of The Torturer's harem girls has shown up!

I found my wife naked with the neighbors in their pool  I honestly don't know what to say to this one.

I saw my neighbors wife naked  Congratulations!

Are we getting further apart and losing our friendship?  I've been really busy lately, I'm sorry!

I'm a bitch since going off my antidepressants  Maybe you should go back on them?

Awful plastic surgery looks like cyclops!  Oh … I'm so sorry.  (hee hee!)

I want to have sex on a raft in a pool  Be careful not to fall off the raft.  It kind of ruins the moment.

How do pancake boobs happen?  It's called a mammogram.

Short shorts! butt cheeks!  I know, I see her at PT on a regular basis.

Does a true friend hurt a friends feelings?  Yes.  Not on purpose, but it happens all the time.

Aren't boobs great?  Yes, they're fantastic!

I drank too much coffee and now I talk too fast  Really?  You googled this?  It will wear off in a little while.  Next time monitor your caffeine intake.

I saw a guy and girl having sex in the bleachers at a baseball game  Lucky for them!

I can't talk to him without him taking it as a sexual innuendo  Maybe he's not getting enough sex.  Also?  He's a man.

How do you grab a girls boob correctly?  Are you a 10 year old boy?  A 40 year old man?  First of all, never grab!  Girls/women don't like it.  You can touch, caress, squeeze (softly), play with nipples, lick, suck and taste but don't grab unless she asks you to.  

I want to have sex with twenty four at heart  Um, ahem … we haven't even had a first date yet!  And?  I'm married.  But thank you for your interest.  You might want to stay away from Briefcase though.  I don't think he'd be inclined to appreciate your google search.

©  Twenty Four At Heart

54 Responses to “I Love You Guys, But …”

  1. Jan

    “Now, go learn how to spell you’re”
    OMG – we ARE related!
    And I bet Briefcase would be more than interested if the person who did that last search term was a *woman*.
    Again, I live in awe and jealousy of you – I NEVER get propositioned in MY search terms. *sigh*

  2. Jan

    “Now, go learn how to spell you’re”
    OMG – we ARE related!
    And I bet Briefcase would be more than interested if the person who did that last search term was a *woman*.
    Again, I live in awe and jealousy of you – I NEVER get propositioned in MY search terms. *sigh*

  3. Jan

    “Now, go learn how to spell you’re”
    OMG – we ARE related!
    And I bet Briefcase would be more than interested if the person who did that last search term was a *woman*.
    Again, I live in awe and jealousy of you – I NEVER get propositioned in MY search terms. *sigh*

  4. vodkamom

    I’m just here to find a sitter for Tightwad. Any takers??

  5. vodkamom

    I’m just here to find a sitter for Tightwad. Any takers??

  6. vodkamom

    I’m just here to find a sitter for Tightwad. Any takers??

  7. Joanne

    I saw a woman in Lowes (of all places!) in her high heel candies and her butt cheeks peeking from the shortest denim shorts. She was NOT 18!(or even 24). I smiled and thought of you and wondered if you had shipped her to the east coast.

  8. Joanne

    I saw a woman in Lowes (of all places!) in her high heel candies and her butt cheeks peeking from the shortest denim shorts. She was NOT 18!(or even 24). I smiled and thought of you and wondered if you had shipped her to the east coast.

  9. Joanne

    I saw a woman in Lowes (of all places!) in her high heel candies and her butt cheeks peeking from the shortest denim shorts. She was NOT 18!(or even 24). I smiled and thought of you and wondered if you had shipped her to the east coast.

  10. Kelly

    Your such a bitch Well, I do have my moments. Now, go learn how to spell you’re.
    OMG! I snorted coffee out all over my pc! You are so funny. OMG … still trying to catch my breath!
    ROFLMAO!!!!

  11. Kelly

    Your such a bitch Well, I do have my moments. Now, go learn how to spell you’re.
    OMG! I snorted coffee out all over my pc! You are so funny. OMG … still trying to catch my breath!
    ROFLMAO!!!!

  12. Kelly

    Your such a bitch Well, I do have my moments. Now, go learn how to spell you’re.
    OMG! I snorted coffee out all over my pc! You are so funny. OMG … still trying to catch my breath!
    ROFLMAO!!!!

  13. Deb

    I just fell in love with you even more. I didn’t think that was possible. (And I hope Briefcase knows it’s impossible not to heart you!)
    So funny – thanks for the great start to my day!

  14. Deb

    I just fell in love with you even more. I didn’t think that was possible. (And I hope Briefcase knows it’s impossible not to heart you!)
    So funny – thanks for the great start to my day!

  15. Deb

    I just fell in love with you even more. I didn’t think that was possible. (And I hope Briefcase knows it’s impossible not to heart you!)
    So funny – thanks for the great start to my day!

  16. Lo

    ahem. naked women in the wilderness? (will not point, pointing is not polite.) AHEM. do you not recall the open back door and the workers in the wilderness behind your house? hm? 🙂 when you come to Chi Town feel free to flash. we accept all kinds here.

  17. Lo

    ahem. naked women in the wilderness? (will not point, pointing is not polite.) AHEM. do you not recall the open back door and the workers in the wilderness behind your house? hm? 🙂 when you come to Chi Town feel free to flash. we accept all kinds here.

  18. Lo

    ahem. naked women in the wilderness? (will not point, pointing is not polite.) AHEM. do you not recall the open back door and the workers in the wilderness behind your house? hm? 🙂 when you come to Chi Town feel free to flash. we accept all kinds here.

  19. Kristan

    Omigod, is that last search for real?! How… awkward and yet flattering, in a way?! o_O

  20. Kristan

    Omigod, is that last search for real?! How… awkward and yet flattering, in a way?! o_O

  21. Kristan

    Omigod, is that last search for real?! How… awkward and yet flattering, in a way?! o_O

  22. Heather

    I’m pointing my boob at you
    Well, I do have my moments. Now, go learn how to spell you’re
    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

  23. Heather

    I’m pointing my boob at you
    Well, I do have my moments. Now, go learn how to spell you’re
    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

  24. Heather

    I’m pointing my boob at you
    Well, I do have my moments. Now, go learn how to spell you’re
    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

  25. emmysuh

    ahahahhahahahahaahha
    LOVE IT.
    One of your best entries ever, seriously.
    I can’t even remember how I found you (am I THAT old?) but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t through any of those searches.

  26. emmysuh

    ahahahhahahahahaahha
    LOVE IT.
    One of your best entries ever, seriously.
    I can’t even remember how I found you (am I THAT old?) but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t through any of those searches.

  27. emmysuh

    ahahahhahahahahaahha
    LOVE IT.
    One of your best entries ever, seriously.
    I can’t even remember how I found you (am I THAT old?) but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t through any of those searches.

  28. Elixa

    Hilarious! Your responses were too funny.
    It’s a shame that I forgot how I stumbled upon this website. But I’m glad I did.

  29. Elixa

    Hilarious! Your responses were too funny.
    It’s a shame that I forgot how I stumbled upon this website. But I’m glad I did.

  30. Elixa

    Hilarious! Your responses were too funny.
    It’s a shame that I forgot how I stumbled upon this website. But I’m glad I did.

  31. Sandra

    You crack me up. How long do these people stay on your blog once they find you? I’d love to know that data.

  32. Sandra

    You crack me up. How long do these people stay on your blog once they find you? I’d love to know that data.

  33. Sandra

    You crack me up. How long do these people stay on your blog once they find you? I’d love to know that data.

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