Wow, I've got a lot of whores reading this blog. The comments on yesterday's post were hilarious! How funny is it that people were begging to be considered a whore? And trying to prove to me they are whorish enough to get into my whore club? And telling me they could improve on their whoring abilities if I'd just give them a little time? And asking if I could make whore blog badges for them to display on their own blogs?
You make me laugh my ass off!
I was embarrassed to see I had several first time visitors stop by yesterday. I'm sure I successfully scared them away. Imagine stopping by for a first time visit and seeing my contest to join a Whore Club. I'd like to add, I find it hilarious that some of you would like to name the Whore Club Twenty Four's Twats.
Ha! You're a creative group!
I had some law enforcement folks visit yesterday too. I'm not even kidding. Once they realized I'm not running the future Mustang Ranch they moved right along.
Sometimes I forget I'm not writing just to my best friends when I sit down to pen Twenty Four at Heart. Other people with rules and agendas and strong opinions wander through here too. My apologies to all of them. I'm an offensive human being and I openly admit it.
Also? It's kind of creepy because there are automated robots out there in cyberspace. They secretly roam the web and find stuff for people and/or companies. I don't really understand how they work, but there's no doubt that they're creepy and supernatural.
I'll have an announcement on the contest winner tomorrow.
Yesterday I ate a Balance Bar
for lunch. For those of you who are unfamiliar with them, they're protein bars stuffed full of vitamins and other (gag!) healthy stuff. I'm sure you're wondering why I ate a balance bar for lunch, aren't you?
Because what I ate for lunch is fascinating, isn't it?
And no, this is not a paid product endorsement.
It has something to do with bathing suits, St. Lucia, bathing suits, and the fact I haven't tried to lose one ounce of my precious body fat in preparation yet.
And yes, my body fat is precious. Someone has to appreciate it and if I don't, who will?
As an aside, let's place bets on how many days it will be until I hear from the Balance Bar people, shall we? Since I know they'll be stopping by I'll just say this right now. If they'd like to give me a lifetime supply of Balance Bars for free (those suckers add up!) I'll go on a diet and document right here on 24 how those yummy (bleh!) bars helped me look 24 again.
A lifetime supply probably consists of TWO. I think it might be possible to force down two in a lifetime. Like all protein bars, they taste like ass.
In any case, as I was
choking down delighting in my peanut butter flavored bar lunch I contemplated the wrapper. I realized my life, really, is all about balance. I should be a role model or something because I'm all about moderation.
Let me give you a few examples.
If I have a cup of very hot coffee in the morning with a
whole box of few Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies for breakfast it balances out very nicely with a protein bar for lunch.
If I have one or two
or five margaritas I make sure to eat a full plate of nachos with them to absorb the alcohol. Balance!
If I don't exercise for
four six twelve months it's absolutely no problem. Why? Because I can then exercise three times a day every single day for a month before I go to St. Lucia and make up for it. That works, right?
If most women have one sex toy, I *hypothetically* might have been gifted a full collection. For the sake of balance, of course. (I wouldn't want to wear out any one toy too quickly!)
If other people slowly tan in tanning booths beginning with 3 minutes a session, I find a way to burn my cooter to a crisp with a 10 minute exposure on my first visit
. Why waste visits after all? Less visits means more time for balance in my life.
Do you have balance in your life? Do you practice the art of moderation? And most importantly, can you say crispy cooter ten times real fast?
© Twenty Four At Heart