Did you hear the one about …?
On Monday a Canadian man stole a Cessna airplane from a flight school in Canada and flew it into American airspace. At the time I was on Twitter discussing important things such as Neil Kramer's love of cleavage and/or his desire to be a Mommy Blogger (I don't remember which) with people all over the world.
Or perhaps it was only with Neil and one or two other bloggers.
What? My life is important and has value!
Breaking News kept sending me alarming updates about the stolen aircraft and it's potential to bring doom and other bad things to the United States. U.S. fighter jets pursued the Cessna and the news updates warned the plane might be shot down at any moment.
Initially there were reports the Cessna was headed towards the Wisconsin state capitol. I put an immediate Twitter alert out to my followers advising them the pilot obviously had issues with Wisconsin cheese and was about to take his revenge. The Wisconsin state capitol building was evacuated as a precautionary matter which makes it clear the authorites agreed with me.
Everyone knows California cheese is best and all cows want to be California cows. (The California Milk Advisory Board tells us so in commercials aired here in California all the time!)
The fighter jets attempted to communicate with the pilot of the Cessna to no avail. Certainly, he didn't want to discuss his deep-rooted Cheese Issues over the dispatch.
The pilot ended up flying through six states before he landed the plane in Missouri. Upon landing the plane on U.S. Highway 60 at 9:50 p.m. ET, the thief/pilot walked to a nearby convenience store and bought himself a Gatorade. He was quoted as saying he was relieved his ordeal was over.
I'm not sure, but I think he might have also bought himself some crackers and Missouri cheese (?) to snack on at the same time.
Does Missouri have cheese? I mean, cheese of their own? I have a lot of readers in Missouri so I know someone will enlighten me on Missouri cheese making, and perhaps even on Missouri cows. (Missouri cows must have Cow Envy because all cows want to be Caifornia cows!)
Apparently the U.S. Military determined early on that the errant pilot was not a terrorist, but they were unclear as to his intentions. Thus, they didn't shoot him out of the sky and instead "escorted" his flight in the event it became necessary to shoot him down after all.
I don't mean to make light of the unmistakable psychological problems of the Cessna pilot, but it's hard not to. Once he was arrested, he acknowledged it had been his hope the F-16s would shoot him out of the air. The Cessna theft was an attempt by the pilot for death by fighter jet.
Death by fighter jet?
Wouldn't it be much easier to swallow a bunch of pills in the privacy of your own home? Or pull out Uncle Leroy's hunting rifle and just be done with it? Who chooses a fighter jet to commit suicide by?
Maybe it's because I have an innate fear of flying, but why would anyone choose to be shot at when they're 30,000 feet above the ground? That's a long, long, way to fall even if you're already dead.
There's got to be an easier way to go ….
© Twenty Four At Heart