I suppose I should introduce myself since Suzanne didn't bother writing up a nice little intro for me like she did for all the others. I guess nepotism really is dead. Well, I'm Megan of Undomestic Diva and I suppose I should just put out a full disclaimer right here and now, letting you all know that I'm Suzanne's niece.
Yes, In Real Life, we are actually blood-related all though you won't find either of us admitting that aloud… usually. But it's true. And it's funny that while she and I live less than two hours away from each other, we've only seen each other once in the last ten years. Also true. This fact alone should tell you all you need to know about our family.
I suppose this is why when Suzanne was gallivanting her big boobied Orange County ass right onto a plane to fabulous St. Lucia, I got a quick email from her with her blog log-in user name and password asking me to whoop somethin' up for the 22nd. Please. She so totally pulled the family card. Of course, being the good niece that I am (cough!), I felt obligated to post something – anything.
She gave me her user name and password. I could totally fuck with her and she wouldn't even know it until – whoops! – it was already published.
(See. This is why I'll never be allowed to hold any sort of position of power. A police officer once offered to take me on a "ride along" to which I was like, COOL! Do I get my own gun? "Um, no." Can I at least taser someone for not wearing their seatbelt? And then he politely rescinded his offer.)
All week I've struggled internally with whether to post some really juicy scandalous details of Suzanne's life on the internet for you all to read. The moral part of me (though very itty bitty) was like, No! She's your aunt! Don't embarrass her! and the evil part of me was like YOU CAN DO IT! (Or perhaps I've seen too many Adam Sandler movies. I don't know.)
But then as I was perusing her latest entries, I thought to myself, Wait a second – how the fuck could I possibly embarrass Suzanne? Have you read some of her posts? Sure, to a perfect stranger reading another woman's blog on the internet, laughing about dildos and nekkidness and flashing and sunburning your ass is all fine and dandy. But when it's your flesh and blood giving away sex toys and flashing the guys painting her house? Christ. I practically have to read with one eye shut, chanting "she's not my aunt, she's not my aunt" over and over in my head.
(This, undoubtedly, is why our family has stopped having family reunions. Everyone would be whispering about Suzanne like, Oh yes. Did you hear? She's on that Internet talking about her hoo-ha no less. I'll bet she has a vibrator in that purse of hers right now! And then, knowing Suzanne, she totally would and someone would discover it and man, it would just get REALLY awkward from there.)
Truth be told, Suzanne rocks. And any aunt that can make her niece blush in the blogosphere deserves mad props.