Why Suzanne should have never given me the password to her blog

I suppose I should introduce myself since Suzanne didn't bother writing up a nice little intro for me like she did for all the others. I guess nepotism really is dead. Well, I'm Megan of Undomestic Diva and I suppose I should just put out a full disclaimer right here and now, letting you all know that I'm Suzanne's niece. 

Yes, In Real Life, we are actually blood-related all though you won't find either of us admitting that aloud… usually. But it's true. And it's funny that while she and I live less than two hours away from each other, we've only seen each other once in the last ten years. Also true. This fact alone should tell you all you need to know about our family. 

I suppose this is why when Suzanne was gallivanting her big boobied Orange County ass right onto a plane to fabulous St. Lucia, I got a quick email from her with her blog log-in user name and password asking me to whoop somethin' up for the 22nd. Please. She so totally pulled the family card. Of course, being the good niece that I am (cough!), I felt obligated to post something – anything. 

Wait. ANYTHING?

She gave me her user name and password. I could totally fuck with her and she wouldn't even know it until – whoops! – it was already published. 

(See. This is why I'll never be allowed to hold any sort of position of power. A police officer once offered to take me on a "ride along" to which I was like, COOL! Do I get my own gun? "Um, no." Can I at least taser someone for not wearing their seatbelt? And then he politely rescinded his offer.) 

All week I've struggled internally with whether to post some really juicy scandalous details of Suzanne's life on the internet for you all to read. The moral part of me (though very itty bitty) was like, No! She's your aunt! Don't embarrass her! and the evil part of me was like YOU CAN DO IT! (Or perhaps I've seen too many Adam Sandler movies. I don't know.)

But then as I was perusing her latest entries, I thought to myself, Wait a second – how the fuck could I possibly embarrass Suzanne? Have you read some of her posts? Sure, to a perfect stranger reading another woman's blog on the internet, laughing about dildos and nekkidness and flashing and sunburning your ass is all fine and dandy. But when it's your flesh and blood giving away sex toys and flashing the guys painting her house? Christ. I practically have to read with one eye shut, chanting "she's not my aunt, she's not my aunt" over and over in my head.  

(This, undoubtedly, is why our family has stopped having family reunions. Everyone would be whispering about Suzanne like, Oh yes. Did you hear? She's on that Internet talking about her hoo-ha no less. I'll bet she has a vibrator in that purse of hers right now! And then, knowing Suzanne, she totally would and someone would discover it and man, it would just get REALLY awkward from there.)

Truth be told, Suzanne rocks. And any aunt that can make her niece blush in the blogosphere deserves mad props.

48 Responses to “Why Suzanne should have never given me the password to her blog”

  1. Suzanne

    Love you Megan! And is it my fault we’re so much alike? Or that we were both born into a family with some unusual characters in it? Can you and I help it if we are the only two normal ones? BTW thank you and SMOOCHES!

  2. Suzanne

    Love you Megan! And is it my fault we’re so much alike? Or that we were both born into a family with some unusual characters in it? Can you and I help it if we are the only two normal ones? BTW thank you and SMOOCHES!

  3. Suzanne

    Love you Megan! And is it my fault we’re so much alike? Or that we were both born into a family with some unusual characters in it? Can you and I help it if we are the only two normal ones? BTW thank you and SMOOCHES!

  4. Jan

    I was wondering myself what you could possibly say that would embarrass her, and came to the same conclusion.
    Which is why I love her.

  5. Jan

    I was wondering myself what you could possibly say that would embarrass her, and came to the same conclusion.
    Which is why I love her.

  6. Jan

    I was wondering myself what you could possibly say that would embarrass her, and came to the same conclusion.
    Which is why I love her.

  7. Alan

    awwwww…you LOVE her…
    (nice post! But I woulda fucked with her a little bit. You gonna change her bio info or ANYTHING??? LOL)

  8. Alan

    awwwww…you LOVE her…
    (nice post! But I woulda fucked with her a little bit. You gonna change her bio info or ANYTHING??? LOL)

  9. Alan

    awwwww…you LOVE her…
    (nice post! But I woulda fucked with her a little bit. You gonna change her bio info or ANYTHING??? LOL)

  10. Lori

    Yep your aunt Suzanne is great and the things you listed is why she is loved by us all.

  11. Lori

    Yep your aunt Suzanne is great and the things you listed is why she is loved by us all.

  12. Lori

    Yep your aunt Suzanne is great and the things you listed is why she is loved by us all.

  13. Linda

    I was thinking “Embarrass Suzanne? HOW????” She does such a fine job of that all on her own! She’s the Queen of self embarrassment! All hail the Queen!

  14. Linda

    I was thinking “Embarrass Suzanne? HOW????” She does such a fine job of that all on her own! She’s the Queen of self embarrassment! All hail the Queen!

  15. Linda

    I was thinking “Embarrass Suzanne? HOW????” She does such a fine job of that all on her own! She’s the Queen of self embarrassment! All hail the Queen!

  16. Kelly

    Your aunt is COOL! My aunt … not so much. Trade me? I love Suzanne. She makes me laugh daily, and she’s even made me cry. You’re lucky. She is too I’m sure. You even SOUND like her!

  17. Kelly

    Your aunt is COOL! My aunt … not so much. Trade me? I love Suzanne. She makes me laugh daily, and she’s even made me cry. You’re lucky. She is too I’m sure. You even SOUND like her!

  18. Kelly

    Your aunt is COOL! My aunt … not so much. Trade me? I love Suzanne. She makes me laugh daily, and she’s even made me cry. You’re lucky. She is too I’m sure. You even SOUND like her!

  19. Pseudo

    Well, you’re pretty funny yourself. I am wondering why the two of you haven’t spent time together in ten years…. Seems like you would have a lot of fun.

  20. Pseudo

    Well, you’re pretty funny yourself. I am wondering why the two of you haven’t spent time together in ten years…. Seems like you would have a lot of fun.

  21. Pseudo

    Well, you’re pretty funny yourself. I am wondering why the two of you haven’t spent time together in ten years…. Seems like you would have a lot of fun.

  22. Deb

    Is Neil related too? Seems like he would fit right in!

  23. Deb

    Is Neil related too? Seems like he would fit right in!

  24. Deb

    Is Neil related too? Seems like he would fit right in!

  25. Deidre

    Somepeople just don’t need help embarrassing themselves…and that is why we all adore Suzanne.

  26. Deidre

    Somepeople just don’t need help embarrassing themselves…and that is why we all adore Suzanne.

  27. Deidre

    Somepeople just don’t need help embarrassing themselves…and that is why we all adore Suzanne.

  28. Mad Woman

    I’m so glad that you came to the same conclusion as many of the rest of us…that there is nothing you could say to embarrass her.
    Can definitely see the relationship though 🙂

  29. Mad Woman

    I’m so glad that you came to the same conclusion as many of the rest of us…that there is nothing you could say to embarrass her.
    Can definitely see the relationship though 🙂

  30. Mad Woman

    I’m so glad that you came to the same conclusion as many of the rest of us…that there is nothing you could say to embarrass her.
    Can definitely see the relationship though 🙂

×

Comments are closed.