I want to qualify this post right upfront by informing you I'm old, wrinkled, fat, and way past my prime.
Yesterday I left PT and decided to run through the Money Town grocery store real quickly on my way home. I had a zillion things to do and I was very preoccupied. Physically I was at the grocery store, but mentally I was far, far away.
Apparently he saw me as I began shopping, but I was deep in thought and never noticed him at all.
About fifteen minutes into my shopping excursion, as I seriously contemplated the different available sizes of sandwich bags, I heard a man stammer, "Excuse me?"
Startled, I glanced up at a very tall, well built man. He was not bad looking, but he wasn't a walking GQ guy either. He was definitely not a Money Town man. I knew that instantly. I can spot a Money Town man with my eyes closed. I can sense a Money Town man in the room before my eyes ever see him. I expected him to ask me where the Fruit Loops were or something similar as men who are not used to being in grocery stores sometimes do.
He looked at me and didn't speak. He blushed. His cheeks flushed, he looked at the ground and then he began stammering nervously. He was stammering so much it took me a minute to comprehend what he was actually saying.
"I know you're probably married or something like that but I just had to … I just feel like I have to tell you I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. You are … just beautiful."
Stunned, I searched his eyes. I was looking to see if he was mentally balanced, sincere, insincere, on drugs, or just mentally confused.
I don't think anyone's told me I'm beautiful in a few bazillion years, and really? The most beautiful woman he's ever seen? C'mon, let's get real here!
I was so taken aback I didn't immediately say anything.
I might even have looked behind me to see if quite possibly he was talking to someone else.
All of a sudden he startled me by sticking his hand out at me and announcing, "Hi! I'm Sam."
Mentally, I immediately dubbed him Stammering Sam.
His nervousness was so apparent I felt very sorry for him. I shook his hand, did not offer my name, but answered, "Hi Sam, thank you so much. You made my day."
"I really mean it," he said earnestly. "I noticed you as soon as you walked in the store. You're just beautiful."
"Well, that's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time. Thank you Sam."
Stammering Sam was very nervous, and very flustered and at that point he nearly ran away in the opposite direction down the grocery aisle. I heard him let out a huge sigh as if talking to me had used every ounce of willpower. I thought to myself it must be hard to be a man and feel pressure to initiate contact with women.
Wait a minute. It's 2009, isn't it? What pressure?
That's when I heard Sam say to a male customer further down the aisle, "I just talked to that woman, she's so beautiful," as he pointed at me.
Embarrassed, I pushed my cart around the corner away from Stammering Sam.
"There must be something mentally wrong with Stammering Sam," I thought.
I continued shopping without incident. As I was finishing up, I looked up to see Sam coming around the corner of the aisle. He looked up, saw me, blushed, turned and practically ran away.
I laughed out loud. His shyness was, admittedly, endearing.
Money Town men aren't shy. Most Money Town men are cocky, arrogant, and over confident. I can't imagine a Money Town man blushing, stammering, or even hesitating to talk to a woman. Money Town men believe women should be honored to talk to them.
I paid for my groceries and pushed my cart through the parking lot towards my car. All of a sudden a big white pick-up truck pulled up next to me. (Money Town men most definitely do not drive pick-up trucks!) I knew before I even glanced over who I would see.
"I'm sorry," Sam stammered shyly. "I just need to ask you one thing."
There was a pause.
"If I don't ask, I'll always wonder."
I nodded my head in understanding, but said nothing.
"Are you married?" he asked blushing profusely.
"Yes I am," I answered. "But again, thank you for the compliments today."
"I had to ask," he explained.
There was another pause.
"You won't ever see me again. I promise I won't bother you … it's just … you take my breath away."
And then Stammering Sam drove away without another word.
Seriously? I take his breath away?
I took his breath away and I wasn't even sitting on his stomach?
I'm old, wrinkled, fat, and way past my prime.
What the hell?
What's the funniest pick-up line anyone's ever used on you?
© Twenty Four At Heart