I Knew My Life Was Erotic?

I've been a little restless these last two weeks.  My schedule has been busy, but my mind has not been stimulated.  I've been going through some painful turmoil with my arm and the resulting PT, MRI, doctor visits, thirty foot needles, etc. have been time consuming.  Briefcase flew out for a week long trip on Mother's Day.  My kids have been so busy I've barely seen them.

I'm restless.  I'm antsy.  I need … something.

I downloaded a few highly recommended books to my Kindle.  I consumed them in no time.  I was tired of thinking books.  I decided to download an Erotic Novel.  Technically, I guess it's a Romance Novel but ..?  I don't read trashy novels very often.  Once in awhile I'll read one at the beach when I totally want my brained turned off and my body turned on.  Probably one book per year filled with mindless smut is enough for me.

Now, I'm not going to tell you the name of the book I downloaded so don't ask.  It's supposed to be hot and steamy and rawr!  Instead, I find myself laughing out loud and mentally editing the book as I read it.

In the book the heroine has "two strong sexy men catering to her erotic whims."  First of all, I immediately nicknamed the heroine Ho Ho.  Once I did that, it became very difficult to take her exploits seriously.

Ho Ho has two men wanting to please her.  

How many women really want two men?  I mean in reality, not in fantasy.  Two men to drop their socks on the floor, invite guests over unannounced, bitch about the bills, leave the toilet seat up, and "forget" to mention when their family is coming to visit.  

Hypothetically, of course.

There are a lot of threesomes in this particular book which I wasn't expecting.  Not that I really took any time to form expectations, but I figured it would be a typical romance novel with a man and a woman who overcome obstacles to eventually be together. 

Isn't that the case in just about every heterosexual romance story out there? 

Instead, I'm reading about Ho Ho and her two men.  One of her men is Genius and the other is Hung.  

Stop laughing!

Once in awhile she spends some *time* just with Genius.  They discuss physics while they're getting physical.  <snicker>  Other times she spends *time* just with Hung.  Ho Ho and Hung definitely do not discuss physics together.  Ho Ho and Hung do take a lot of showers together though.  

Showers with very slippery soap as it so happens.  Oh, and there's a conveniently located shelf in the shower at the perfect height for ….

Frequently Ho Ho, Genius, and Hung all get together at the same time.  

I don't think Ho Ho knows that Genius and Hung sneak away together now and then too.

And oh yes, one time Ho Ho snuck off with one of Genius's female staff members too.

This book has something for everyone I suppose.

I just wish I could stop laughing long enough to take it seriously.

Do you ever read romance or erotic novels?  Does anyone have any good recommendations?  Perhaps novels with an actual plot in addition to steamy romance?

© Twenty Four At Heart

78 Responses to “I Knew My Life Was Erotic?”

  1. Alan

    I read Playboy for the articles once. Once.

  2. Alan

    I read Playboy for the articles once. Once.

  3. Alan

    I read Playboy for the articles once. Once.

  4. nursemyra

    Nope. I don’t read erotic novels. I do read a lot of non fiction books about sex though…..

  5. nursemyra

    Nope. I don’t read erotic novels. I do read a lot of non fiction books about sex though…..

  6. nursemyra

    Nope. I don’t read erotic novels. I do read a lot of non fiction books about sex though…..

  7. Deidre

    I have to say I’ve never taken a book from the “romance” section nor an erotic novel. But I did read “sushi for beginners’ which possibly SHOULD have been in the romance section. It has a plot, sort of, and romance. and is trashy. I also find the “young adult” novels to be highly entertaining…”The earth, my butt and other big round things” and “angus thongs and full frontal snogging” are favourites.

  8. Deidre

    I have to say I’ve never taken a book from the “romance” section nor an erotic novel. But I did read “sushi for beginners’ which possibly SHOULD have been in the romance section. It has a plot, sort of, and romance. and is trashy. I also find the “young adult” novels to be highly entertaining…”The earth, my butt and other big round things” and “angus thongs and full frontal snogging” are favourites.

  9. Deidre

    I have to say I’ve never taken a book from the “romance” section nor an erotic novel. But I did read “sushi for beginners’ which possibly SHOULD have been in the romance section. It has a plot, sort of, and romance. and is trashy. I also find the “young adult” novels to be highly entertaining…”The earth, my butt and other big round things” and “angus thongs and full frontal snogging” are favourites.

  10. Diamonique

    I like my erotic novels to be filled with vempires. I love MaryJanice Davidson Undead and … serie. Hot sex and funny dialogs.

  11. Diamonique

    I like my erotic novels to be filled with vempires. I love MaryJanice Davidson Undead and … serie. Hot sex and funny dialogs.

  12. Diamonique

    I like my erotic novels to be filled with vempires. I love MaryJanice Davidson Undead and … serie. Hot sex and funny dialogs.

  13. nicki

    I never have read a book like that, not because I’m a prude or anything, because…well… anyone who knows me knows all to well I am the furthest thing from, but I just never seem to find myself surrounded by book covers with fabio-esque men on them. I just can’t seem to get over that. But after hearing the description of that one I am going to have to give it a try…

  14. nicki

    I never have read a book like that, not because I’m a prude or anything, because…well… anyone who knows me knows all to well I am the furthest thing from, but I just never seem to find myself surrounded by book covers with fabio-esque men on them. I just can’t seem to get over that. But after hearing the description of that one I am going to have to give it a try…

  15. nicki

    I never have read a book like that, not because I’m a prude or anything, because…well… anyone who knows me knows all to well I am the furthest thing from, but I just never seem to find myself surrounded by book covers with fabio-esque men on them. I just can’t seem to get over that. But after hearing the description of that one I am going to have to give it a try…

  16. Kristan

    Omg wow. I have NEVER read a book that ridiculous. I think if you want good romance with a plot, check out Nora Roberts. She tells a good story (albeit a bit formulaic after you’ve read several, but hey the woman puts out like 4 books a year, she’s bound to repeat or establish a template).
    I think she did her best work in the late 80s and the 90s, so check out:
    – Honest Illusions (my fave! and one of my fave books ever)
    – The Reef
    – Homeport
    Also, if you like a bit of swashbuckling, check out “Monsoon” by Wilbur Smith. It’s technically an adventure book, I think, but there’s some steamy sex in there as well. 😉

  17. Kristan

    Omg wow. I have NEVER read a book that ridiculous. I think if you want good romance with a plot, check out Nora Roberts. She tells a good story (albeit a bit formulaic after you’ve read several, but hey the woman puts out like 4 books a year, she’s bound to repeat or establish a template).
    I think she did her best work in the late 80s and the 90s, so check out:
    – Honest Illusions (my fave! and one of my fave books ever)
    – The Reef
    – Homeport
    Also, if you like a bit of swashbuckling, check out “Monsoon” by Wilbur Smith. It’s technically an adventure book, I think, but there’s some steamy sex in there as well. 😉

  18. Kristan

    Omg wow. I have NEVER read a book that ridiculous. I think if you want good romance with a plot, check out Nora Roberts. She tells a good story (albeit a bit formulaic after you’ve read several, but hey the woman puts out like 4 books a year, she’s bound to repeat or establish a template).
    I think she did her best work in the late 80s and the 90s, so check out:
    – Honest Illusions (my fave! and one of my fave books ever)
    – The Reef
    – Homeport
    Also, if you like a bit of swashbuckling, check out “Monsoon” by Wilbur Smith. It’s technically an adventure book, I think, but there’s some steamy sex in there as well. 😉

  19. Jan

    Oh, once in a blue moon, although I lean more towards hysterical, er, historical romance novels if I’m going to read one at all.
    I have a friend who *devours* trashy romance novels – Harlequin romances, Nora Roberts, Jude Devereaux – you name it, she’s read it. And complains because her 16-year-old daughter reads the Twilight books (trashy romance for beginners) over and over again.
    *rolls eyes*

  20. Jan

    Oh, once in a blue moon, although I lean more towards hysterical, er, historical romance novels if I’m going to read one at all.
    I have a friend who *devours* trashy romance novels – Harlequin romances, Nora Roberts, Jude Devereaux – you name it, she’s read it. And complains because her 16-year-old daughter reads the Twilight books (trashy romance for beginners) over and over again.
    *rolls eyes*

  21. Jan

    Oh, once in a blue moon, although I lean more towards hysterical, er, historical romance novels if I’m going to read one at all.
    I have a friend who *devours* trashy romance novels – Harlequin romances, Nora Roberts, Jude Devereaux – you name it, she’s read it. And complains because her 16-year-old daughter reads the Twilight books (trashy romance for beginners) over and over again.
    *rolls eyes*

  22. Deb

    I only read romance on vacations when I want to totally relax. Can’t say I’ve really found one yet with a PLOT though?

  23. Deb

    I only read romance on vacations when I want to totally relax. Can’t say I’ve really found one yet with a PLOT though?

  24. Deb

    I only read romance on vacations when I want to totally relax. Can’t say I’ve really found one yet with a PLOT though?

  25. Christine

    You are hilarious. Have I told you that lately? 🙂
    Someone mentioned Nora Roberts. The few I’ve read of hers I liked, and my sister seems like she is ALWAYS reading her. They’re not erotic novels by any means (I assume, I don’t read erotic stuff because the few trashy romances I’ve read were corny enough), but they are for the most part romance novels. I think the last one I read was River’s End — not bad. And it has a plot!

  26. Christine

    You are hilarious. Have I told you that lately? 🙂
    Someone mentioned Nora Roberts. The few I’ve read of hers I liked, and my sister seems like she is ALWAYS reading her. They’re not erotic novels by any means (I assume, I don’t read erotic stuff because the few trashy romances I’ve read were corny enough), but they are for the most part romance novels. I think the last one I read was River’s End — not bad. And it has a plot!

  27. Christine

    You are hilarious. Have I told you that lately? 🙂
    Someone mentioned Nora Roberts. The few I’ve read of hers I liked, and my sister seems like she is ALWAYS reading her. They’re not erotic novels by any means (I assume, I don’t read erotic stuff because the few trashy romances I’ve read were corny enough), but they are for the most part romance novels. I think the last one I read was River’s End — not bad. And it has a plot!

  28. Beth Christians

    I would also have to vote for Nora Roberts…but I like her as JD Robb writing the Eve/Rourke have hot sex and solve crime mysteries books! A bunch of good characters…and mind relaxation!
    Good luck in your reading endeavors…and thanks for the giggles!

  29. Beth Christians

    I would also have to vote for Nora Roberts…but I like her as JD Robb writing the Eve/Rourke have hot sex and solve crime mysteries books! A bunch of good characters…and mind relaxation!
    Good luck in your reading endeavors…and thanks for the giggles!

  30. Beth Christians

    I would also have to vote for Nora Roberts…but I like her as JD Robb writing the Eve/Rourke have hot sex and solve crime mysteries books! A bunch of good characters…and mind relaxation!
    Good luck in your reading endeavors…and thanks for the giggles!

  31. Cute~Ella

    Sandra Brown’s Envy. (If you haven’t read it…)
    I like Janet Evanovich and Jennifer Cruise too. 🙂

  32. Cute~Ella

    Sandra Brown’s Envy. (If you haven’t read it…)
    I like Janet Evanovich and Jennifer Cruise too. 🙂

  33. Cute~Ella

    Sandra Brown’s Envy. (If you haven’t read it…)
    I like Janet Evanovich and Jennifer Cruise too. 🙂

  34. Kelly

    You crack me up. All your nicknames in real life and now you give nicknames to the characters in a smutty book? ha ha! How come in real life we never find a man combining both – a genius who is hung?

  35. Kelly

    You crack me up. All your nicknames in real life and now you give nicknames to the characters in a smutty book? ha ha! How come in real life we never find a man combining both – a genius who is hung?

  36. Kelly

    You crack me up. All your nicknames in real life and now you give nicknames to the characters in a smutty book? ha ha! How come in real life we never find a man combining both – a genius who is hung?

  37. di

    When in my twenties I used to read many romance novels.. they all sounded as though they were written by the same author.. I did have one favorite though that had a hoho and a hung doin’ it on horseback and at the time it seemed very erotic to me….
    DI
    The Blue Ridge Gal

  38. di

    When in my twenties I used to read many romance novels.. they all sounded as though they were written by the same author.. I did have one favorite though that had a hoho and a hung doin’ it on horseback and at the time it seemed very erotic to me….
    DI
    The Blue Ridge Gal

  39. di

    When in my twenties I used to read many romance novels.. they all sounded as though they were written by the same author.. I did have one favorite though that had a hoho and a hung doin’ it on horseback and at the time it seemed very erotic to me….
    DI
    The Blue Ridge Gal

  40. stephen

    ok, i did kinda sorta read one once. just a couple paragraphs from one the wife was currently buried in. she always has one going. but……i mean come on…” she felt a torrential monsoon of passionate heat building in the fertile delta of her femininity…..” why didn’t it just say… “she got turned on” i guess that’s why men don’t write or read them. i’m grinning, steve

  41. stephen

    ok, i did kinda sorta read one once. just a couple paragraphs from one the wife was currently buried in. she always has one going. but……i mean come on…” she felt a torrential monsoon of passionate heat building in the fertile delta of her femininity…..” why didn’t it just say… “she got turned on” i guess that’s why men don’t write or read them. i’m grinning, steve

  42. stephen

    ok, i did kinda sorta read one once. just a couple paragraphs from one the wife was currently buried in. she always has one going. but……i mean come on…” she felt a torrential monsoon of passionate heat building in the fertile delta of her femininity…..” why didn’t it just say… “she got turned on” i guess that’s why men don’t write or read them. i’m grinning, steve

  43. Mama Dawg

    If I’m gonna read an erotic novel, I prefer no plot. Just sex.
    But then again, I’m single and need motiviation.

  44. Mama Dawg

    If I’m gonna read an erotic novel, I prefer no plot. Just sex.
    But then again, I’m single and need motiviation.

  45. Mama Dawg

    If I’m gonna read an erotic novel, I prefer no plot. Just sex.
    But then again, I’m single and need motiviation.

  46. Lori

    This is too funny…I can just picture you laughing, as would I be. I don’t get a chance to read for fun these days but when I used to, I didn’t really care for romance novels. Maybe you should be writing an erotic novel? I’d buy it! Happy belated Mothers day!

  47. Lori

    This is too funny…I can just picture you laughing, as would I be. I don’t get a chance to read for fun these days but when I used to, I didn’t really care for romance novels. Maybe you should be writing an erotic novel? I’d buy it! Happy belated Mothers day!

  48. Lori

    This is too funny…I can just picture you laughing, as would I be. I don’t get a chance to read for fun these days but when I used to, I didn’t really care for romance novels. Maybe you should be writing an erotic novel? I’d buy it! Happy belated Mothers day!

  49. Amy

    Laurell K Hamilton.
    Oh my.
    The Merry Gentry series is probably best for starting, but if you like that than the Anita Blake books are excellent too.

  50. Amy

    Laurell K Hamilton.
    Oh my.
    The Merry Gentry series is probably best for starting, but if you like that than the Anita Blake books are excellent too.

  51. Amy

    Laurell K Hamilton.
    Oh my.
    The Merry Gentry series is probably best for starting, but if you like that than the Anita Blake books are excellent too.

  52. Wunderwoman

    Lora Leigh and her Nauti series, that’s all I’m saying, don’t even try it, I’m not saying any more

  53. Wunderwoman

    Lora Leigh and her Nauti series, that’s all I’m saying, don’t even try it, I’m not saying any more

  54. Wunderwoman

    Lora Leigh and her Nauti series, that’s all I’m saying, don’t even try it, I’m not saying any more

  55. Dutch Donut Girl

    I read them both, erotic novels and romance novels. A couple of them make me laugh out too, but I love Sandra Brown, Linda Howard, Suzanne Brockmann & Rachel Gibson. I could go on for ever, but maybe it’s better not to go overboard.
    As for the steamy romance, Lora Leigh, Denise A. Agnew, Jaci Burton and Lisa Marie Rice are good writers.

  56. Dutch Donut Girl

    I read them both, erotic novels and romance novels. A couple of them make me laugh out too, but I love Sandra Brown, Linda Howard, Suzanne Brockmann & Rachel Gibson. I could go on for ever, but maybe it’s better not to go overboard.
    As for the steamy romance, Lora Leigh, Denise A. Agnew, Jaci Burton and Lisa Marie Rice are good writers.

  57. Dutch Donut Girl

    I read them both, erotic novels and romance novels. A couple of them make me laugh out too, but I love Sandra Brown, Linda Howard, Suzanne Brockmann & Rachel Gibson. I could go on for ever, but maybe it’s better not to go overboard.
    As for the steamy romance, Lora Leigh, Denise A. Agnew, Jaci Burton and Lisa Marie Rice are good writers.

  58. Judy

    Okay, you are seriously becoming my favorite blogger to read. I laughed until tears rolled down my face. 🙂
    My husband is on the road in the music industry so I DO read everything from romance to scads of erotica. How do people think we FAITHFUL ROAD WIDOWS, er… cope???;-)
    Anyhow, if you are truly looking for an incredible book to read start with OUTLANDER written by Diana Galbadon. She is a PROLIFIC storyteller who writes incredibly imaginative story-arc. This is the first book in her series and once you are into the story you will not want to stop.
    I also just finished reading THE ART OF RACING IN THE RAIN which was packed full of life lessons told from the POV of a dog. Really interesting way to tell a story. Fast read too.
    I would have to go through my smutty books to steer you toward a more enticing read, but quite frankly, I may have to devour yours as the tale of HO HO, GENIUS and HUNG seemed quite entertaining…..
    Hope you enjoyed you trip to the beach!

  59. Judy

    Okay, you are seriously becoming my favorite blogger to read. I laughed until tears rolled down my face. 🙂
    My husband is on the road in the music industry so I DO read everything from romance to scads of erotica. How do people think we FAITHFUL ROAD WIDOWS, er… cope???;-)
    Anyhow, if you are truly looking for an incredible book to read start with OUTLANDER written by Diana Galbadon. She is a PROLIFIC storyteller who writes incredibly imaginative story-arc. This is the first book in her series and once you are into the story you will not want to stop.
    I also just finished reading THE ART OF RACING IN THE RAIN which was packed full of life lessons told from the POV of a dog. Really interesting way to tell a story. Fast read too.
    I would have to go through my smutty books to steer you toward a more enticing read, but quite frankly, I may have to devour yours as the tale of HO HO, GENIUS and HUNG seemed quite entertaining…..
    Hope you enjoyed you trip to the beach!

  60. Judy

    Okay, you are seriously becoming my favorite blogger to read. I laughed until tears rolled down my face. 🙂
    My husband is on the road in the music industry so I DO read everything from romance to scads of erotica. How do people think we FAITHFUL ROAD WIDOWS, er… cope???;-)
    Anyhow, if you are truly looking for an incredible book to read start with OUTLANDER written by Diana Galbadon. She is a PROLIFIC storyteller who writes incredibly imaginative story-arc. This is the first book in her series and once you are into the story you will not want to stop.
    I also just finished reading THE ART OF RACING IN THE RAIN which was packed full of life lessons told from the POV of a dog. Really interesting way to tell a story. Fast read too.
    I would have to go through my smutty books to steer you toward a more enticing read, but quite frankly, I may have to devour yours as the tale of HO HO, GENIUS and HUNG seemed quite entertaining…..
    Hope you enjoyed you trip to the beach!

  61. Fragrant Liar

    Erotica is for fun. Not meamt to be taken seriously, unless you need some help to get in the mood, and sometimes they don’t quite work. Or did they? Did you mention? Anyway, I can’t think of any books right off that I’d recommend (that were any better than Ho Ho’s escapades), but I’ll think about it and get back to ya. Oh yeah. Whore.

  62. Fragrant Liar

    Erotica is for fun. Not meamt to be taken seriously, unless you need some help to get in the mood, and sometimes they don’t quite work. Or did they? Did you mention? Anyway, I can’t think of any books right off that I’d recommend (that were any better than Ho Ho’s escapades), but I’ll think about it and get back to ya. Oh yeah. Whore.

  63. Fragrant Liar

    Erotica is for fun. Not meamt to be taken seriously, unless you need some help to get in the mood, and sometimes they don’t quite work. Or did they? Did you mention? Anyway, I can’t think of any books right off that I’d recommend (that were any better than Ho Ho’s escapades), but I’ll think about it and get back to ya. Oh yeah. Whore.

  64. Life with Kaishon

    I used to read novels like this when I wanted to think about nothing : ). I haven’t in a while. But I might look for a smutty novel next time I am at the Thrift store where I get all of my cheap books : ). I am reading Water for Elephants right now. Have you read it? I can’t put it down!

  65. Life with Kaishon

    I used to read novels like this when I wanted to think about nothing : ). I haven’t in a while. But I might look for a smutty novel next time I am at the Thrift store where I get all of my cheap books : ). I am reading Water for Elephants right now. Have you read it? I can’t put it down!

  66. Life with Kaishon

    I used to read novels like this when I wanted to think about nothing : ). I haven’t in a while. But I might look for a smutty novel next time I am at the Thrift store where I get all of my cheap books : ). I am reading Water for Elephants right now. Have you read it? I can’t put it down!

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  69. Fred11

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