I’m Such an Ass

Well, as promised, I'm going to explain my latest flashing incident.  Honestly, I have the worst luck.  Things just happen to me for no good reason at all.  Needless to say, the latest incident was entirely unintentional …

My regular readers probably have a good sense of my relationship with my physical therapist, The Torturer, but my newer readers may not.  I've known The Torturer for fourteen years.  I've practically lived with him daily for the last three years since my car accident. 

Suffice it to say, The Torturer and I are very comfortable around each other.  It isn't necessarily always a positive thing, but it just is.  

Last Thursday I wore a pair of very casual and comfortable capris into PT.  They looked sort of like this (except they were dark brown):

_5754639

They look much nicer on this model than they look on me, by the way.

When I'm at PT, I'm tortured in many different manners.  Sometimes I'm lying down on a table.  Sometimes I'm standing.  Sometimes I'm working on gym-type equipment.  Sometimes I'm on a mat on the floor.  The Torturer orders me around from one activity to the next, and for some odd reason (completely foreign to my personality type), I listen to him and do what he says.

Shocking, I know.

I tell you all this so you'll better understand what otherwise might sound odd.

I was standing in front of a floor length wall mirror.  The Torturer stood directly behind me.  He likes mirrors.  

<snort>

The Torturer commanded me to raise my bum arm.  I did to the best of my ability which is entirely pathetic by a normal person's standard.  Then he lifted my right arm the rest of the way for me since I can't do it on my own.  He barked an order at me to keep my arm raised and then slowly lower it on my own.  He let go of my arm.

My arm dropped like a ton of bricks.

He scowled angrily at me and we began the process again.

This is a routine I'm accustom to now.

The Torturer and I toil at this same activity pretty frequently.  Even though he scowls at me like he's really annoyed, I realize he knows perfectly well what's going to happen each and every time we do this exercise.  For some reason, we keep doing it anyway.

I'm sure there's a reason for that?

On Thursday as we went through the standard grind, The Torturer all of a sudden said, "Bend over."

Without hesitating I started to do so and then a light bulb went on as his words really sunk in and I thought, "Bend over?  He wants me to bend over for him?"

<snicker>

Honestly, I was halfway bent over towards the table in front of me before my brain fully processed his request.  Bend over?  Hands on table?  Full length mirror in front of us?  The Torturer behind me?

Gawd, I'm easy ….

I immediately stood straight up and looked at him with both a startled and questioning look in my eyes.

"Why?" I demanded.  "Why do you want me to bend over for you?"

"I think you have a hole in your pants," he answered matter of factly.

My hands immediately flew to my ass.  I turned and looked at my butt in the mirror.  I didn't see a hole.  The pants are fairly new.  They fit, it's not like I'm bursting out of them or something.

"There's no hole," I admonished confidently.

"I saw white," mocked The Torturer.

My eyes widened at the implication.

"My ass is not white," I replied flushing.  "I have a tan ass."

(Because, remember my pre-vacation tanning exploits?  Here and here.)

Now, if I were wearing full coverage Granny Panties the color of my ass would not be up for discussion.  As it so happened, I knew I definitely did not have Granny Panties on under my capris.  

The Torturer grinned at my embarrassment and ordered me to start in again with the arm exercises.

"Raise your arm," he commanded.

I turned and faced the mirror and did as he asked.

He, once again, started lifting my arm for me.

As he did so, he smirked, "Yep, you've got a hole in your pants.  I can see your ass and it's very white."

Clearly his eyes were not on my arm!

I jumped three feet away from him, covered my ass with my hands and glared at the unconcealed mirth in his eyes.

Apparently he thinks he's hilarious.

Clearly, I don't.

Seeing my glare brought a chortle of glee from The Torturer.

"Just a couple loose threads by your back pocket, it's small," he informed me.

My hands ran over my butt.  I couldn't feel a hole.  I figured the only visible ass was the one standing before me, and I was certain he was playing a practical joke on me.

I shrugged dismissively.

"I don't believe a thing he says," I thought to myself.  "He's just messing with me."

I tugged my shirt down in back just in case.

A few minutes later I was on all fours on an exercise mat on the floor with The Torturer beside me barking commands.

This post sounds like some type of weird porn, doesn't it?  

Twenty Four Does PT coming to a theater near you!

Nonetheless, I was on all fours doing all sorts of things for The Torturer.

*Ahem*

An hour or two later I was back at home.

Curious, I went and stood in front of the large mirror in our bathroom.  I turned my back to the mirror, bent forward slightly and glanced over my shoulder to see my reflection in the mirror.

White ass!  Lots and lots of white ass.

It was way worse than "a small hole."

The fabric, literally, had dissolved.  I don't know the proper fabric terms to describe what had happened to my pants, but it was as if the fabric had unwoven and
disintegrated.  Instead of having fabric covering my butt, it was as if I had a few threads here and there holding the pants together.  Threadbare …

And Ass.  White ass to spare.  My prized Ass Tan had faded and become a thing of the past.

I flashed back to being on all fours on the floor mat.  I grimaced at the thought of what that must have looked like to The Torturer.

Blushing profusely, I sent off an immediate text message to The Torturer.  It said something profound like, "OMG!!  You DID see my ass!!"

And then …

I thought back to the very beginning of this incident.  When he first thought I had a hole in my pants he asked me to bend over for him.

Does anyone have an explanation for that?

© Twenty Four At Heart

66 Responses to “I’m Such an Ass”

  1. Alan

    Sounds like the Torturer is what I expected all along…a guy like every one else! Can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same. LOL
    Way to go Torturer!
    (P.S. I figured I would say something nice since I’m the first commenter because I’m sure he’s gonna be blasted by the rest of your readers. However, I would like to add, next time maybe you should listen to him…HAHAHAHAHA!)

  2. Alan

    Sounds like the Torturer is what I expected all along…a guy like every one else! Can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same. LOL
    Way to go Torturer!
    (P.S. I figured I would say something nice since I’m the first commenter because I’m sure he’s gonna be blasted by the rest of your readers. However, I would like to add, next time maybe you should listen to him…HAHAHAHAHA!)

  3. Alan

    Sounds like the Torturer is what I expected all along…a guy like every one else! Can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same. LOL
    Way to go Torturer!
    (P.S. I figured I would say something nice since I’m the first commenter because I’m sure he’s gonna be blasted by the rest of your readers. However, I would like to add, next time maybe you should listen to him…HAHAHAHAHA!)

  4. Deidre

    Definitely send those pants back! I’m blushing…that is a whole bunch of awkward. And I have no explanation for any of it, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading about it 🙂

  5. Deidre

    Definitely send those pants back! I’m blushing…that is a whole bunch of awkward. And I have no explanation for any of it, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading about it 🙂

  6. Deidre

    Definitely send those pants back! I’m blushing…that is a whole bunch of awkward. And I have no explanation for any of it, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading about it 🙂

  7. Jan

    I have ALL SORTS of explanations…none of which I think would please Briefcase.
    Or The Moaner, for that matter. 😛

  8. Jan

    I have ALL SORTS of explanations…none of which I think would please Briefcase.
    Or The Moaner, for that matter. 😛

  9. Jan

    I have ALL SORTS of explanations…none of which I think would please Briefcase.
    Or The Moaner, for that matter. 😛

  10. stoneskin

    No explanation. Torturers are known for their love of mirrors and trademark frowns.
    I guess they’re just weirdos, I mean why else would they torture people?!

  11. stoneskin

    No explanation. Torturers are known for their love of mirrors and trademark frowns.
    I guess they’re just weirdos, I mean why else would they torture people?!

  12. stoneskin

    No explanation. Torturers are known for their love of mirrors and trademark frowns.
    I guess they’re just weirdos, I mean why else would they torture people?!

  13. sometimessophia

    Awww, he was just having fun. Probably did it to take your mind off the pain. Maybe he’s working on a doctoral thesis on pain management… and you’re his key case study?

  14. sometimessophia

    Awww, he was just having fun. Probably did it to take your mind off the pain. Maybe he’s working on a doctoral thesis on pain management… and you’re his key case study?

  15. sometimessophia

    Awww, he was just having fun. Probably did it to take your mind off the pain. Maybe he’s working on a doctoral thesis on pain management… and you’re his key case study?

  16. Kelly

    Ha ha – so funny! I would have loved to have seen you glare at him. BTW cute capris. Funny story and I think the torturer is probably entertaining himself looking at nothing but T&A all day long. What else does he have to do while he’s working? The Moaner must hate you though!

  17. Kelly

    Ha ha – so funny! I would have loved to have seen you glare at him. BTW cute capris. Funny story and I think the torturer is probably entertaining himself looking at nothing but T&A all day long. What else does he have to do while he’s working? The Moaner must hate you though!

  18. Kelly

    Ha ha – so funny! I would have loved to have seen you glare at him. BTW cute capris. Funny story and I think the torturer is probably entertaining himself looking at nothing but T&A all day long. What else does he have to do while he’s working? The Moaner must hate you though!

  19. Deb

    BWAHAHAHA! Thanks for making ME chortle with glee this morning. Hilarious!

  20. Deb

    BWAHAHAHA! Thanks for making ME chortle with glee this morning. Hilarious!

  21. Deb

    BWAHAHAHA! Thanks for making ME chortle with glee this morning. Hilarious!

  22. Kim

    Hysterical!!!
    First of all, I love that you just comply with his every order. That he told you to bend over and you started to is hysterical. Only because I have had PT before and I can see myself doing the same. exact. thing!
    This guy is something else. I mean, yeah he is a guy (like Alan) but he has a bit of a sadist streak doesn’t he!

  23. Kim

    Hysterical!!!
    First of all, I love that you just comply with his every order. That he told you to bend over and you started to is hysterical. Only because I have had PT before and I can see myself doing the same. exact. thing!
    This guy is something else. I mean, yeah he is a guy (like Alan) but he has a bit of a sadist streak doesn’t he!

  24. Kim

    Hysterical!!!
    First of all, I love that you just comply with his every order. That he told you to bend over and you started to is hysterical. Only because I have had PT before and I can see myself doing the same. exact. thing!
    This guy is something else. I mean, yeah he is a guy (like Alan) but he has a bit of a sadist streak doesn’t he!

  25. Hallie

    I love your stories. They make me laugh cuz I do the same crazy ass things all the time. Nice to know someone on the opposite side of the country is balancing out my East Coast nuttiness!
    Hallie

  26. Hallie

    I love your stories. They make me laugh cuz I do the same crazy ass things all the time. Nice to know someone on the opposite side of the country is balancing out my East Coast nuttiness!
    Hallie

  27. Hallie

    I love your stories. They make me laugh cuz I do the same crazy ass things all the time. Nice to know someone on the opposite side of the country is balancing out my East Coast nuttiness!
    Hallie

  28. Stacey

    Bwahahahahaha. I’m sure some day that will happen to me at yoga. I hope by then I’m in good shape.

  29. Stacey

    Bwahahahahaha. I’m sure some day that will happen to me at yoga. I hope by then I’m in good shape.

  30. Stacey

    Bwahahahahaha. I’m sure some day that will happen to me at yoga. I hope by then I’m in good shape.

  31. Danielle

    LMAO! That is so funny! I think he probably just wanted confirmation that he was really seeing what he thought he was seeing. Ha!

  32. Danielle

    LMAO! That is so funny! I think he probably just wanted confirmation that he was really seeing what he thought he was seeing. Ha!

  33. Danielle

    LMAO! That is so funny! I think he probably just wanted confirmation that he was really seeing what he thought he was seeing. Ha!

  34. Sticky

    I could so picture this *snort* tooo funny!
    I think he was just giving you even more to be embarassed about later!

  35. Sticky

    I could so picture this *snort* tooo funny!
    I think he was just giving you even more to be embarassed about later!

  36. Sticky

    I could so picture this *snort* tooo funny!
    I think he was just giving you even more to be embarassed about later!

  37. Michele P

    Hahahaha! Freaking hilarious and totally something I would do. I love the dialogue between you and The Torturer. You clearly are very comfy with each other!

  38. Michele P

    Hahahaha! Freaking hilarious and totally something I would do. I love the dialogue between you and The Torturer. You clearly are very comfy with each other!

  39. Michele P

    Hahahaha! Freaking hilarious and totally something I would do. I love the dialogue between you and The Torturer. You clearly are very comfy with each other!

  40. Fragrant Liar

    Ahem, this DOES sound like soft porn. Is this part of your next book or something? Cuz it’s sounding like a scene out of that racy novel, “Tortured.” You know the one? Yeah, you do.

  41. Fragrant Liar

    Ahem, this DOES sound like soft porn. Is this part of your next book or something? Cuz it’s sounding like a scene out of that racy novel, “Tortured.” You know the one? Yeah, you do.

  42. Fragrant Liar

    Ahem, this DOES sound like soft porn. Is this part of your next book or something? Cuz it’s sounding like a scene out of that racy novel, “Tortured.” You know the one? Yeah, you do.

  43. Amanda Dill

    Ah, RIP Tan Ass…we hardly knew ye…lol.
    You’re gonna have to get a 360 mirror before you end up pulling a Janet Jackson–well, nevermind. You probably already have. 😉

  44. Amanda Dill

    Ah, RIP Tan Ass…we hardly knew ye…lol.
    You’re gonna have to get a 360 mirror before you end up pulling a Janet Jackson–well, nevermind. You probably already have. 😉

  45. Amanda Dill

    Ah, RIP Tan Ass…we hardly knew ye…lol.
    You’re gonna have to get a 360 mirror before you end up pulling a Janet Jackson–well, nevermind. You probably already have. 😉

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