I mentioned last week my shoulder surgeon has repeatedly told me I should get breast reduction surgery. He feels certain my large chest is negatively impacting my car accident recovery. He has mentioned this to me time and again over the last year and I've chosen to ignore him.
I've ignored him mainly because the idea of any further surgery, no matter what it might be for, is not something I want to be subjected to. I've been through enough with the five post-car accident surgeries I had to go through, thank you very much. (By the way, he also feels I could benefit from a sixth arm/shoulder surgery and I've rebuffed his efforts on that idea also.)
In addition, if I were to ever consider plastic surgery I'd rather have wrinkles removed or fat melted away rather than have my boobs made smaller.
Last week, after I published the possibility of smaller tits in my future, I had another meeting with my shoulder surgeon. He had not yet read my post. The first words out of his mouth when he saw me was, "You've got to do something about your chest." He then proceeded to give me a good thirty minute lecture on my anatomy and what it's doing to my shoulder. I hate to admit it, but he made a lot of sense.
I haven't stopped staring at everyone's boobs since I left his office. I mean, I'm really, really, staring at everyone's boobs and I can't seem to stop myself.
There are really a lot of breasts in Orange County! I feel like I'm becoming a breast connoisseur. I guess this must be what it's like to be a heterosexual man? Or a lesbian woman?
Most women's breasts aren't really so great. That's really what I've discovered by staring at so many of them. They're droopy-ish or too long and skinny … kind of hot dog-ish. Of course, here in the OC there are a ton of fake ones everywhere you look too. Most of those don't look so great either. Many of them are like giant rocks perched up high on women's chests.
I guess saline breasts actually swish when you walk?
By the way, I'm not anti-fake breast. Nor am I anti-plastic surgery. I think if someone is really bothered by a part of their body they may as well get it fixed if they're able to. I am anti-overdoing it though. I don't think an all plastic person is attractive in the least.
I also realize the male perspective on all of these Orange County boobs is probably a lot different from mine.
I've not only been staring at every boob I see, I've been point blank asking everyone about boobs too.
"What size boobs would look good on me?" I asked my friend Nike yesterday at lunch.
"C," she answered. "B would be too drastic of a change on you."
"Do you know a Boob Man?" I asked a male lawyer friend of mine.
"Yes," he answered, "But I don't know the quality of work he does."
"What size boobs do you have?" I asked a random woman at the Gap yesterday.
"D's," she answered without flinching. "But I wish I'd bought C's."
"Who did your breast reduction?" I asked a friend. "Dr. X," she replied, "But he later dropped dead from an aneurysm so he's no help."
I guess not.
In case all of my staring at boobs, and talking about boobs is not bad enough, I'm also looking boobs up on the Internet every chance I get. I keep googling various Newport Beach plastic surgeons and perusing before and after pictures of boobs they've performed reduction surgery on.
There are some gawd-awful ugly boobs out there. <shudder>
I stopped my car in the middle of the street yesterday to talk boobs with a male neighbor. He does a lot of work with local plastic surgeons and I wanted to get his opinion. Halfway through our conversation it occurred to me that I was A) In my car having a lengthy boob discussion with someone who was trying to mow their lawn B) Discussing details about my boobs with another woman's husband and C) Taking notes on surgeon recommendations on the outside of a shopping bag I had
in the car with me.
I've become boob obsessed.
All this boob-mania hasn't fazed me in the least although it's probably very disconcerting to everyone who encounters me.
I've thought about this a lot. I don't know yet if I'm going to go through with breast reduction surgery or not. My understanding is, since my shoulder doc has deemed it a "medical necessity," my medical insurance should cover the cost if I decide to do it.
I'm going to get a few consultations. I've also decided to write about my adventures along the way. Maybe it will help other women the way my posts about bad mammogram results did? Maybe there will be some good stories as I visit the finest of Orange County's plastic surgeons on my quest for more information.
What won't I be doing?
I won't be sharing photos of my boobs here on the Internet. Not before, not after, not ever. Don't even ask.
© Twenty Four At Heart