Buttery Nipples

How much more can I talk about my boobs?

Just kidding, because we all know that boobs can be a never ending conversation.  Who doesn't love boobs?  It doesn't matter what gender you are or what your sexual preference is, boobs are just fun.  Boobs make people smile.

That being said, I'm still stuck at home resting as my breasts heal from reduction surgery.  The first few days I was feeling too crappy to think back on the more amusing moments of my surgery, but I'm obviously feeling better because today I'm going to share.

It started about twenty minutes prior to the actual surgery when my doc greeted me.  He brought a set of markers with him to draw on my breasts.  He had me stand in front of him (he was seated on a chair).  I lowered my hospital gown and he took a minute to study my breasts.  I'm quite sure he was taking in the awesomeness of my boobs, don't you think?

Then, like an artist, he began sketching on them.  Now, I'm not sure what type of games you enjoy in the privacy of your own life with other consenting adults, but this was the first time I've ever had anyone draw on my boobs.  It sort of tickled.

I admit, I felt a little awkward at first.  Purple, blue … so many choices of color and what did they all mean?  Plus, where to focus my attention?  Should I stare straight ahead into space, should I look at the lines he was drawing?  Should I study the look of concentration on his face as he drew on me?

I decided to strike up a conversation.  (Of course, I did!)

"So, is there some sort of method for chopping off boobs?" I asked.

Oh, how I wish I had a picture of his face to show you just then.  

He looked startled, then aghast, and then amused all in a matter of a split second.

"No one will be chopping off anything," he replied somewhat defensively.

I gave him a skeptical look.

"I can send you an article about the procedure on email if you'd like a detailed explanation," he offered.

I rolled my eyes and sighed.  Clearly, I was not interested in receiving a medical journal document via email.

As he continued drawing, he began describing to me in general terms what he would be doing during the surgery.  I interrupted him to emphasize, "I really want perky boobs!"

He actually blushed, and answered, "Of course."

Then he went blah, blah, blahing about the purpose of the reduction being to help my shoulder and blah, blah, blah.

I broke his train of thought by blurting out, "Hey, about my nipples …."

He looked startled again.

"Your nipples?" he asked.  

"What do you do with my nipples?" I inquired.

"Your nipples aren't going anywhere," he admonished.  "Your nipples stay put."

There was a pause.

"I won't let them leave the room," he assured me with a grin.

I instantly relaxed.

When he was done sketching on me, I pulled up the hospital gown and climbed back on the gurney.  The anesthesiologist joined us then.

The anesthesiologist told me he'd be giving me a few different medications in my IV prior to heading to the operating room.

"The first one will make your private parts feel warm, possibly even hot, and very tingly for a few minutes right after I put it in your IV."

I'm not joking, that is exactly what he said.

I burst out laughing (because I'm so mature) and said, "I can't wait, that sounds like a lot of fun!"

My doctor burst out laughing before he could stop himself and everyone, including the anesthesiologist and a few nurses, began giggling.  Apparently most patients don't say things like that out loud, but you know everyone must think it, right?

Not a second later, I started squirming on the gurney.  My lady bits were on fire!

My doc gave me a knowing look and said, "I always wonder how the medicine knows to go there."

The anesthesiologist waited a moment or two, and then asked, "Done yet?"

(Ladies, we can just imagine what he's like in bed, can't we?)

But, I was indeed done.  I was done tingling and feeling hot.

He then began administering a different drug into my IV.

I know this will shock you, but whatever he gave me made me downright giddy.  I was HAPPY, and FUNNY, and HEY YOU, YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND friendly.

They began wheeling me to the operating room.  My doctor had momentarily disappeared, but the anesthesiologist and three nurses were accompanying me.

"I'm afraid I'm going to offer the doc a drink of a Buttery Nipple," I blurted out.

My pronouncement was followed by loud guffaws and laughter.

"No, I mean it," I said.  I desperately wanted to explain myself but the drugs were whirling through my brain, the room was spinning, and the right words were becoming harder and harder to grasp.

"Do you know what a Buttery Nipple is?" I managed to ask the (still laughing) anesthesiologist.

One of the nurses, understood my struggle.

"It's one of my favorite after-dinner drinks," she assured me.

"We all love Buttery Nipples," the anesthesiologist added and they all burst into new fits of giggles.

The room began swirling more and darken at the edges.  Darker, and then darker still.  The last thing I heard before I drifted off was the nurse explaining to my doctor my fear of offering him a Buttery Nipple followed by his hearty, deep laughter.

There are variations on the recipe, but here's the traditional and my favorite:

Buttery Nipple

1/2 ounce Bailey's Irish Cream
1/2 ounce Butterscotch Schnapps
1/2 ounce Vodka

© Twenty Four At Heart

90 Responses to “Buttery Nipples”

  1. Sugee

    Omg is this true? You stayed awake that long to remember all that? Gees, you’re good! lol

  2. Sugee

    Omg is this true? You stayed awake that long to remember all that? Gees, you’re good! lol

  3. Sugee

    Omg is this true? You stayed awake that long to remember all that? Gees, you’re good! lol

  4. Irish Gumbo

    Sighhhhh…and all I had for breakfast was oatmeal…I could have had a buttery nipple…(pout)

  5. Irish Gumbo

    Sighhhhh…and all I had for breakfast was oatmeal…I could have had a buttery nipple…(pout)

  6. Irish Gumbo

    Sighhhhh…and all I had for breakfast was oatmeal…I could have had a buttery nipple…(pout)

  7. Alan

    I want some of that medicine! And then a buttery nipple. In that order…

  8. Alan

    I want some of that medicine! And then a buttery nipple. In that order…

  9. Alan

    I want some of that medicine! And then a buttery nipple. In that order…

  10. Lori

    First of all I am glad that you are starting to feel better. Secondly, too flippin funny…made me spit out my coffee. I bet you made the doctor and all the medical peoples day. I am sure that they get so used to doing what they do that they forget how humorous it really is. I have seen shows where they show the dr drawing on the breasts and always pictures myself giggling if that were me standing there…always figured that had to tickle! I would love to have seen their faces as they were listening to you…priceless.

  11. Lori

    First of all I am glad that you are starting to feel better. Secondly, too flippin funny…made me spit out my coffee. I bet you made the doctor and all the medical peoples day. I am sure that they get so used to doing what they do that they forget how humorous it really is. I have seen shows where they show the dr drawing on the breasts and always pictures myself giggling if that were me standing there…always figured that had to tickle! I would love to have seen their faces as they were listening to you…priceless.

  12. Lori

    First of all I am glad that you are starting to feel better. Secondly, too flippin funny…made me spit out my coffee. I bet you made the doctor and all the medical peoples day. I am sure that they get so used to doing what they do that they forget how humorous it really is. I have seen shows where they show the dr drawing on the breasts and always pictures myself giggling if that were me standing there…always figured that had to tickle! I would love to have seen their faces as they were listening to you…priceless.

  13. LPC

    I love the way you finally got the doctor to crack and show you his humor – he won’t let them leave the room indeed. My guess is that all around your neighborhood medical professionals are chuckling on their way in to work.

  14. LPC

    I love the way you finally got the doctor to crack and show you his humor – he won’t let them leave the room indeed. My guess is that all around your neighborhood medical professionals are chuckling on their way in to work.

  15. LPC

    I love the way you finally got the doctor to crack and show you his humor – he won’t let them leave the room indeed. My guess is that all around your neighborhood medical professionals are chuckling on their way in to work.

  16. Debrabby

    I am so glad to hear that you are feeling much better. After healing up I think you will be so happy that you did this. Buttery nipples too good!

  17. Debrabby

    I am so glad to hear that you are feeling much better. After healing up I think you will be so happy that you did this. Buttery nipples too good!

  18. Debrabby

    I am so glad to hear that you are feeling much better. After healing up I think you will be so happy that you did this. Buttery nipples too good!

  19. Jan

    You see? This is (one of the many reasons) why I love you – you freak out doctors by blurting out inappropriate stuff too…even without drugs.

  20. Jan

    You see? This is (one of the many reasons) why I love you – you freak out doctors by blurting out inappropriate stuff too…even without drugs.

  21. Jan

    You see? This is (one of the many reasons) why I love you – you freak out doctors by blurting out inappropriate stuff too…even without drugs.

  22. Midlife Mama

    ROFLMAO That’s one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. Holy crap, woman you are too funny!!
    I gotta try that buttery nipple drink. I do love me some Bailey’s. But trying to order that with a straight face will take some doing. Kind of like trying to order Sex on a Beach. “Yes, I’ll have Sex on the Beach, please.” And the bartender leering at you. “I’ll just bet you would.” LOL

  23. Midlife Mama

    ROFLMAO That’s one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. Holy crap, woman you are too funny!!
    I gotta try that buttery nipple drink. I do love me some Bailey’s. But trying to order that with a straight face will take some doing. Kind of like trying to order Sex on a Beach. “Yes, I’ll have Sex on the Beach, please.” And the bartender leering at you. “I’ll just bet you would.” LOL

  24. Midlife Mama

    ROFLMAO That’s one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. Holy crap, woman you are too funny!!
    I gotta try that buttery nipple drink. I do love me some Bailey’s. But trying to order that with a straight face will take some doing. Kind of like trying to order Sex on a Beach. “Yes, I’ll have Sex on the Beach, please.” And the bartender leering at you. “I’ll just bet you would.” LOL

  25. Carole

    How are you feeling? I had the surgery in 06′. It’s one hell of a pain in the boob! How do they look? My doc screwed up pretty bad, but hey they are perky now so Oh well!
    Hope you are feeling well and thanks for all the laughs!
    carole
    xoxo

  26. Carole

    How are you feeling? I had the surgery in 06′. It’s one hell of a pain in the boob! How do they look? My doc screwed up pretty bad, but hey they are perky now so Oh well!
    Hope you are feeling well and thanks for all the laughs!
    carole
    xoxo

  27. Carole

    How are you feeling? I had the surgery in 06′. It’s one hell of a pain in the boob! How do they look? My doc screwed up pretty bad, but hey they are perky now so Oh well!
    Hope you are feeling well and thanks for all the laughs!
    carole
    xoxo

  28. Sandi

    I am so glad you are recovering well enough to post. I’ve missed you.
    I am still trying to figure out the shit they put in your IV that makes your privates burn. What in the hell is it, and what is it used for, and why does it burn your crotch? I have some research to do.

  29. Sandi

    I am so glad you are recovering well enough to post. I’ve missed you.
    I am still trying to figure out the shit they put in your IV that makes your privates burn. What in the hell is it, and what is it used for, and why does it burn your crotch? I have some research to do.

  30. Sandi

    I am so glad you are recovering well enough to post. I’ve missed you.
    I am still trying to figure out the shit they put in your IV that makes your privates burn. What in the hell is it, and what is it used for, and why does it burn your crotch? I have some research to do.

  31. Grace

    OMG 24! I’m sure that crew is going to be talking about you for a long time. Everytime they’ve had a yucky patient, they’ll think “remember that lady with the buttery nipples?” and that’ll make them all smile. Glad to hear you’re feeling better!

  32. Grace

    OMG 24! I’m sure that crew is going to be talking about you for a long time. Everytime they’ve had a yucky patient, they’ll think “remember that lady with the buttery nipples?” and that’ll make them all smile. Glad to hear you’re feeling better!

  33. Grace

    OMG 24! I’m sure that crew is going to be talking about you for a long time. Everytime they’ve had a yucky patient, they’ll think “remember that lady with the buttery nipples?” and that’ll make them all smile. Glad to hear you’re feeling better!

  34. Donna in VA

    That is too too funny! YOU are funny!
    I’m familiar with that drug that makes your lady bits hot. (Now I’m going to go around saying “lady bits” all day. heehee) They’re not joking when they warn you.
    I’m glad that nasty drug reaction is over and you’re on the mend. And I really hope this helps with your shoulder.

  35. Donna in VA

    That is too too funny! YOU are funny!
    I’m familiar with that drug that makes your lady bits hot. (Now I’m going to go around saying “lady bits” all day. heehee) They’re not joking when they warn you.
    I’m glad that nasty drug reaction is over and you’re on the mend. And I really hope this helps with your shoulder.

  36. Donna in VA

    That is too too funny! YOU are funny!
    I’m familiar with that drug that makes your lady bits hot. (Now I’m going to go around saying “lady bits” all day. heehee) They’re not joking when they warn you.
    I’m glad that nasty drug reaction is over and you’re on the mend. And I really hope this helps with your shoulder.

  37. sometimessophia

    Glad to hear that you’re feeling better… and that your doctor had a sense of humor. Makes a great story.

  38. sometimessophia

    Glad to hear that you’re feeling better… and that your doctor had a sense of humor. Makes a great story.

  39. sometimessophia

    Glad to hear that you’re feeling better… and that your doctor had a sense of humor. Makes a great story.

  40. ballerinatoes

    What I heard from a nurse after one of my surgeries, “I bet you’re a fun drunk!” and I thought oh Dear God, what did I say? She wouldn’t tell me. She just said it was damn funny.

  41. ballerinatoes

    What I heard from a nurse after one of my surgeries, “I bet you’re a fun drunk!” and I thought oh Dear God, what did I say? She wouldn’t tell me. She just said it was damn funny.

  42. ballerinatoes

    What I heard from a nurse after one of my surgeries, “I bet you’re a fun drunk!” and I thought oh Dear God, what did I say? She wouldn’t tell me. She just said it was damn funny.

  43. Julie @ Angry Julie Monday

    So, are we going to have some Buttery Nipples in Chicago to celebrate the new twins…
    That’s hilarious….at least you didn’t tell him that you wanted your aereola’s the size of quarters…perhaps I told him that…

  44. Julie @ Angry Julie Monday

    So, are we going to have some Buttery Nipples in Chicago to celebrate the new twins…
    That’s hilarious….at least you didn’t tell him that you wanted your aereola’s the size of quarters…perhaps I told him that…

  45. Julie @ Angry Julie Monday

    So, are we going to have some Buttery Nipples in Chicago to celebrate the new twins…
    That’s hilarious….at least you didn’t tell him that you wanted your aereola’s the size of quarters…perhaps I told him that…

  46. Lynda O

    Hmmm, warm lady bits and nipples staying close by the surgeon…. memories running deep and clear this morning.
    Although my right nipple ‘never left the room’ during my first reduction in 2001, its major feeder blood vessel became detached post-op. Co-workers enjoyed teasing me that it was just mixed up during the operation and that somewhere out there was a bewildered black woman with my pink nipple. I completely lost that chunk of eschar tissue. Within an incredibly short period of time, my teeny titties grew bigger and I underwent the whole blinkin’ surgery again four years later. Best part? the pre-op meds!!
    Declining the tattooed nipple this surgeon offered my, I am reminded every day that sometimes the nipple isn’t the important part. I wouldn’t trade my little boobs for the hassle of yesteryears.
    It is unbelievably cool to walk thru life and attract NO unwelcome attention whatsoever. My only regret would be that I hadn’t done it while I lived in the Tropics.
    Onward-I am very glad to see you back posting and look forward to the next several months of your New Look. Smile, it is truly wonderful.

  47. Lynda O

    Hmmm, warm lady bits and nipples staying close by the surgeon…. memories running deep and clear this morning.
    Although my right nipple ‘never left the room’ during my first reduction in 2001, its major feeder blood vessel became detached post-op. Co-workers enjoyed teasing me that it was just mixed up during the operation and that somewhere out there was a bewildered black woman with my pink nipple. I completely lost that chunk of eschar tissue. Within an incredibly short period of time, my teeny titties grew bigger and I underwent the whole blinkin’ surgery again four years later. Best part? the pre-op meds!!
    Declining the tattooed nipple this surgeon offered my, I am reminded every day that sometimes the nipple isn’t the important part. I wouldn’t trade my little boobs for the hassle of yesteryears.
    It is unbelievably cool to walk thru life and attract NO unwelcome attention whatsoever. My only regret would be that I hadn’t done it while I lived in the Tropics.
    Onward-I am very glad to see you back posting and look forward to the next several months of your New Look. Smile, it is truly wonderful.

  48. Lynda O

    Hmmm, warm lady bits and nipples staying close by the surgeon…. memories running deep and clear this morning.
    Although my right nipple ‘never left the room’ during my first reduction in 2001, its major feeder blood vessel became detached post-op. Co-workers enjoyed teasing me that it was just mixed up during the operation and that somewhere out there was a bewildered black woman with my pink nipple. I completely lost that chunk of eschar tissue. Within an incredibly short period of time, my teeny titties grew bigger and I underwent the whole blinkin’ surgery again four years later. Best part? the pre-op meds!!
    Declining the tattooed nipple this surgeon offered my, I am reminded every day that sometimes the nipple isn’t the important part. I wouldn’t trade my little boobs for the hassle of yesteryears.
    It is unbelievably cool to walk thru life and attract NO unwelcome attention whatsoever. My only regret would be that I hadn’t done it while I lived in the Tropics.
    Onward-I am very glad to see you back posting and look forward to the next several months of your New Look. Smile, it is truly wonderful.

  49. Duchess

    Well, you weren’t making it up… I googled buttery nipple.
    Glad you are feeling better enough to make us all laugh.

  50. Duchess

    Well, you weren’t making it up… I googled buttery nipple.
    Glad you are feeling better enough to make us all laugh.

  51. Duchess

    Well, you weren’t making it up… I googled buttery nipple.
    Glad you are feeling better enough to make us all laugh.

  52. Angela McCoy

    Attention Bloggers! Do you want to inspire the world? Sign up here to:
    http://tiny.cc/BlogItForward541 Blog it Forward, and join us in bringing a world of inspiration to the blogging realm.
    Hey there:
    Just a quick note, here, as I’m trying to spread the word via comments.
    I hope you don’t mind if I steal a piece of your comment section here. I’m sure you won’t, though, ’cause you know I luv ya! ;o)
    Come on over and check it out! :o)

  53. Angela McCoy

    Attention Bloggers! Do you want to inspire the world? Sign up here to:
    http://tiny.cc/BlogItForward541 Blog it Forward, and join us in bringing a world of inspiration to the blogging realm.
    Hey there:
    Just a quick note, here, as I’m trying to spread the word via comments.
    I hope you don’t mind if I steal a piece of your comment section here. I’m sure you won’t, though, ’cause you know I luv ya! ;o)
    Come on over and check it out! :o)

  54. Angela McCoy

    Attention Bloggers! Do you want to inspire the world? Sign up here to:
    http://tiny.cc/BlogItForward541 Blog it Forward, and join us in bringing a world of inspiration to the blogging realm.
    Hey there:
    Just a quick note, here, as I’m trying to spread the word via comments.
    I hope you don’t mind if I steal a piece of your comment section here. I’m sure you won’t, though, ’cause you know I luv ya! ;o)
    Come on over and check it out! :o)

  55. Deidre

    I am so glad that you’re doctor had a sense of humour!
    Hope your recovery only gets easier from here!

  56. Deidre

    I am so glad that you’re doctor had a sense of humour!
    Hope your recovery only gets easier from here!

  57. Deidre

    I am so glad that you’re doctor had a sense of humour!
    Hope your recovery only gets easier from here!

  58. Tricia

    This doc and his crew will be talking about you for many moons to come, and wishing they had more patients with a fantastic sense of humor.
    I’m so glad you’re beginning to feel a tad better.

  59. Tricia

    This doc and his crew will be talking about you for many moons to come, and wishing they had more patients with a fantastic sense of humor.
    I’m so glad you’re beginning to feel a tad better.

  60. Tricia

    This doc and his crew will be talking about you for many moons to come, and wishing they had more patients with a fantastic sense of humor.
    I’m so glad you’re beginning to feel a tad better.

  61. Carolina

    I just found your blog. I LOVE it. Hope you have a wonderful recovery. You seem like the kind of person who has a silver lining on every cloud! You go girl.

  62. Carolina

    I just found your blog. I LOVE it. Hope you have a wonderful recovery. You seem like the kind of person who has a silver lining on every cloud! You go girl.

  63. Carolina

    I just found your blog. I LOVE it. Hope you have a wonderful recovery. You seem like the kind of person who has a silver lining on every cloud! You go girl.

  64. Fragrant Liar

    OOOHHHH! Buttery Nipples are my favorite shots. They won’t warm your private parts, but they’re warm going down your throat.
    See about that boob drawing, I picture myself pulling out the finger pistols and telling the doc, “DRAW, varmint!”
    So, how do you like your new boobs? Are they perky enough?

  65. Fragrant Liar

    OOOHHHH! Buttery Nipples are my favorite shots. They won’t warm your private parts, but they’re warm going down your throat.
    See about that boob drawing, I picture myself pulling out the finger pistols and telling the doc, “DRAW, varmint!”
    So, how do you like your new boobs? Are they perky enough?

  66. Fragrant Liar

    OOOHHHH! Buttery Nipples are my favorite shots. They won’t warm your private parts, but they’re warm going down your throat.
    See about that boob drawing, I picture myself pulling out the finger pistols and telling the doc, “DRAW, varmint!”
    So, how do you like your new boobs? Are they perky enough?

  67. Suzy

    NO FAIR! When I had my surgery, I did NOT get this “make your private parts warm” drug. What is up with that?? And they didn’t give me the happy stuff until right before I zonked out. I didn’t get a chance to crack any good under-the-influence jokes.
    So do you have incisions around your nipples? I did. I know you had a different kind of incision pattern. Mine was the traditional anchor.

  68. Suzy

    NO FAIR! When I had my surgery, I did NOT get this “make your private parts warm” drug. What is up with that?? And they didn’t give me the happy stuff until right before I zonked out. I didn’t get a chance to crack any good under-the-influence jokes.
    So do you have incisions around your nipples? I did. I know you had a different kind of incision pattern. Mine was the traditional anchor.

  69. Suzy

    NO FAIR! When I had my surgery, I did NOT get this “make your private parts warm” drug. What is up with that?? And they didn’t give me the happy stuff until right before I zonked out. I didn’t get a chance to crack any good under-the-influence jokes.
    So do you have incisions around your nipples? I did. I know you had a different kind of incision pattern. Mine was the traditional anchor.

  70. Kim

    “I won’t let them leave the room.” That is effing hysterical.

  71. Kim

    “I won’t let them leave the room.” That is effing hysterical.

  72. Kim

    “I won’t let them leave the room.” That is effing hysterical.

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