Talking Nipples and Uncontainable Boobs

This is SO not my fault.

I know what you're thinking, but when you hear what happened you'll realize the situation was truly beyond my control.

I think maybe my boobs have their very own personality.  What do you think?  Could it be possible?  No matter how I try, they always escape.  My breasts keep making appearances whether or not I give them permission.  My tits are like wayward teenagers with a mind of their own.

I can wear a "real" bra now.  Real is a funny word though.  Six weeks post-reduction surgery it has to be a "soft" bra with no underwire.  Many of you gave me suggestions on bras to try and I bought a few different styles to see what's comfortable.  (My boobs are still tender and a little bruised even now.)  My nipples continue to beam out at everyone in their super bionic state.  

I have turgid nipples.  I've always wanted to write turgid nipples.  Is there any other time when it's appropriate to use the word turgid except with the word nipple?

Remember when I wrote pre-surgery wondering if men would ever look at me again without my DD breasts?  They do.  Only now I'm convinced they look at me because my nipples are waving at them and yelling, "Look at me!  I'm hyper-sensitive and magical!"

Men know nipple language.  They seem to instantly understand exactly what my nipples are saying.  (My nipples talk without my permission, mind you!)  Men are attracted to talking nipples and especially magical ones.

I tried one of my new bras for the first time the other day.  I realized it was much looser than when I bought it.  I had only worn it briefly the day I purchased it.  It was very loose around my rib cage but not in the cup area.  I think the swelling along my ribs is subsiding and I already need a size (or two) smaller bra.  I had a lot to do though, and decided to keep the rather loose bra on for the day.

That was my first mistake.

A couple hours into my day the thought crossed my mind, "This bra is ridiculously loose!"

I didn't stop to really listen to that thought.

That was my second mistake.

An hour or so further into my day I thought, "I may as well not even HAVE a bra on – this thing is worthless!"

Um … why did the light bulb not go on at that point?

In my defense, I'm totally out of control busy right now.  My cup runneth over with commitments and activities.  My brain is whirring at a million miles an hour and not even in the same stratosphere as my body.  Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to get through the next six weeks because I'm so overbooked.

Among other places, I went to the car wash that day.  The men there?  They were so friendly.  I've never had such great service.  They were fawning over me in an effort to take the very best care of my car.  How often do you have five service men talking to you before your car even starts moving through the big giant car washing tunnel?

I waited for my car to be cleaned in the air conditioned waiting room because we've had quite a heat wave in Orange County recently.  There's nothing like some cool, chilly, air on uber-sensitive nipples, don't ya think?

I glanced down at one point and realized my nipples were ….  Well, my nipples were very present and in attendance.  It's not unusual for that to be the case since my surgery though, so I didn't think twice about it.

That would be mistake number three.

It took one hour for my car to be washed at the Money Town car wash.  One hour is pretty standard there, although I realize it's longer than most car washes.  During that one hour I sat in the air conditined waiting room.  When I got restless I walked around once in awhile looking at the little gifts they offer for purchase.  I also spent a lot of time talking to the very friendly male customers who were also waiting for their cars.  No less than four men struck up conversations while I waited.

Money Town has never been so friendly!

By the time I got back in my car to drive home I was really in a good mood.  I was thinking, "People are so nice!  What a friendly, social time I had at the car wash today!"

I was back at home a few minutes later.  As I walked in the door I again was bothered by the bra moving all around my ribcage.  I decided this particular brand of bra was headed for the trash.

Right then I looked up to see Briefcase staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"You went to the car wash without a bra on?" he queried with one raised eyebrow.

I looked down at my firm and perky new remodeled boobs.  They were very visibly displayed through my see-through white t-shirt.  My brain quickly processed the looseness along my ribs, the lack of support on my tits, the friendliness of both the car wash workers and patrons.

"Oh!" I exclaimed.

I haven't worn a front clasping bra in about a million years.  The clasp had come open and the "cups" of the bra were on the outer side of each breast.  I had been walking around for hours, in essence, braless in a white see-through shirt.

I've since thrown out the spontaneous-unclasping bra.

On the other hand, my car hasn't been this clean since I bought it.

© Twenty Four At Heart

63 Responses to “Talking Nipples and Uncontainable Boobs”

  1. Deidre

    Wow. I guess the real question is: is it worth it for people to be extra nice to you while you go around showing your ta-tahs?
    My boobs have never put in that much effort.

  2. Deidre

    Wow. I guess the real question is: is it worth it for people to be extra nice to you while you go around showing your ta-tahs?
    My boobs have never put in that much effort.

  3. Deidre

    Wow. I guess the real question is: is it worth it for people to be extra nice to you while you go around showing your ta-tahs?
    My boobs have never put in that much effort.

  4. stoneskin

    Men know nipple language? Really? I’ve never understood a word a nipple has said to me. I suspect it might be because I don’t speak French.

  5. stoneskin

    Men know nipple language? Really? I’ve never understood a word a nipple has said to me. I suspect it might be because I don’t speak French.

  6. stoneskin

    Men know nipple language? Really? I’ve never understood a word a nipple has said to me. I suspect it might be because I don’t speak French.

  7. Alan

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is priceless! The cleanest car you’ve ever had…
    Nice.

  8. Alan

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is priceless! The cleanest car you’ve ever had…
    Nice.

  9. Alan

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is priceless! The cleanest car you’ve ever had…
    Nice.

  10. Linda

    I knoew it wouldn’t be long before you were showing off the “new” Girls! 😉

  11. Linda

    I knoew it wouldn’t be long before you were showing off the “new” Girls! 😉

  12. Linda

    I knoew it wouldn’t be long before you were showing off the “new” Girls! 😉

  13. Andrea

    Having had a reduction myself, I can TOTALLY relate to this post. Wow, how typical is it that your accidental bralessness attracted the best service you’ve gotten from a mostly male service staff? Well, hey. Maybe you could save a little money next time on the tip (do you have to tip at that type of car wash?) if you decide to go braless again. Might be worth it for the uber clean car, or you could ask for a discount even. These are tough times, after all.

  14. Andrea

    Having had a reduction myself, I can TOTALLY relate to this post. Wow, how typical is it that your accidental bralessness attracted the best service you’ve gotten from a mostly male service staff? Well, hey. Maybe you could save a little money next time on the tip (do you have to tip at that type of car wash?) if you decide to go braless again. Might be worth it for the uber clean car, or you could ask for a discount even. These are tough times, after all.

  15. Andrea

    Having had a reduction myself, I can TOTALLY relate to this post. Wow, how typical is it that your accidental bralessness attracted the best service you’ve gotten from a mostly male service staff? Well, hey. Maybe you could save a little money next time on the tip (do you have to tip at that type of car wash?) if you decide to go braless again. Might be worth it for the uber clean car, or you could ask for a discount even. These are tough times, after all.

  16. Jan

    You are the only person I know that can flash a group of men fully clothed.
    I applaud you.
    No, really – I do!

  17. Jan

    You are the only person I know that can flash a group of men fully clothed.
    I applaud you.
    No, really – I do!

  18. Jan

    You are the only person I know that can flash a group of men fully clothed.
    I applaud you.
    No, really – I do!

  19. Kristan

    Okay, this might be the best unintentional pun ever:
    “My cup runneth over with commitments and activities.”
    LOL oh 24. You and your boobs.

  20. Kristan

    Okay, this might be the best unintentional pun ever:
    “My cup runneth over with commitments and activities.”
    LOL oh 24. You and your boobs.

  21. Kristan

    Okay, this might be the best unintentional pun ever:
    “My cup runneth over with commitments and activities.”
    LOL oh 24. You and your boobs.

  22. Pseudo

    I had a comment, but am too busy laughing at Mo’s comment.
    Meanwhile, I trying to think of another use of the word turgid.

  23. Pseudo

    I had a comment, but am too busy laughing at Mo’s comment.
    Meanwhile, I trying to think of another use of the word turgid.

  24. Pseudo

    I had a comment, but am too busy laughing at Mo’s comment.
    Meanwhile, I trying to think of another use of the word turgid.

  25. Casey

    Pseudo sent me your way, I just had a reduction last Friday. I’m still in the HOLYSHITMYBOOBSHURT phase so I haven’t moved on to bra shopping but I think I’m going to make you my new sponsor. I’ll learn from your hilarious mistakes if that’s ok with you?

  26. Casey

    Pseudo sent me your way, I just had a reduction last Friday. I’m still in the HOLYSHITMYBOOBSHURT phase so I haven’t moved on to bra shopping but I think I’m going to make you my new sponsor. I’ll learn from your hilarious mistakes if that’s ok with you?

  27. Casey

    Pseudo sent me your way, I just had a reduction last Friday. I’m still in the HOLYSHITMYBOOBSHURT phase so I haven’t moved on to bra shopping but I think I’m going to make you my new sponsor. I’ll learn from your hilarious mistakes if that’s ok with you?

  28. Linda T.

    the word turgid has always been associated with the word penis in my mind. I guess I just “swing” that way. LOL at your silly boobs! Thanks for making me laugh.

  29. Linda T.

    the word turgid has always been associated with the word penis in my mind. I guess I just “swing” that way. LOL at your silly boobs! Thanks for making me laugh.

  30. Linda T.

    the word turgid has always been associated with the word penis in my mind. I guess I just “swing” that way. LOL at your silly boobs! Thanks for making me laugh.

  31. LPC

    Why do the words “Escape to Alcatraz” keep running through my head?

  32. LPC

    Why do the words “Escape to Alcatraz” keep running through my head?

  33. LPC

    Why do the words “Escape to Alcatraz” keep running through my head?

  34. missy

    I’ve been meaning to tell you about a product for your bionic nipples called Dimrs-a thin silicone insert that will take care of your highbeam issue (dimrs.com). My sister swears by them.

  35. missy

    I’ve been meaning to tell you about a product for your bionic nipples called Dimrs-a thin silicone insert that will take care of your highbeam issue (dimrs.com). My sister swears by them.

  36. missy

    I’ve been meaning to tell you about a product for your bionic nipples called Dimrs-a thin silicone insert that will take care of your highbeam issue (dimrs.com). My sister swears by them.

  37. nicki

    hahahaa omg i am sorry to be laughing at your expense but OMG too funny

  38. nicki

    hahahaa omg i am sorry to be laughing at your expense but OMG too funny

  39. nicki

    hahahaa omg i am sorry to be laughing at your expense but OMG too funny

  40. Maureen at IslandRoar

    So you’re saying if I go braless men will be nice to me and the world will be a friendly place?? It may be worth a try.
    Oh, yeah, right. I don’t have perky nipples and “new” boobs. Oh, well…
    As always, you are too funny. I had a front-clasping bra in high school. My boyfriend really liked it.

  41. Maureen at IslandRoar

    So you’re saying if I go braless men will be nice to me and the world will be a friendly place?? It may be worth a try.
    Oh, yeah, right. I don’t have perky nipples and “new” boobs. Oh, well…
    As always, you are too funny. I had a front-clasping bra in high school. My boyfriend really liked it.

  42. Maureen at IslandRoar

    So you’re saying if I go braless men will be nice to me and the world will be a friendly place?? It may be worth a try.
    Oh, yeah, right. I don’t have perky nipples and “new” boobs. Oh, well…
    As always, you are too funny. I had a front-clasping bra in high school. My boyfriend really liked it.

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