I Am An Uppity Bitch

I got together with a male friend of mine about a week ago.  I hadn't seen him for awhile but we correspond pretty frequently by email.  I've known him for at least six years now.  I love him dearly, but I suppose we kind of have an odd friendship.

In any case, my friend – let's call him Mr. Charming, and I both tend to speak our minds pretty bluntly.  Maybe it's a trait we admire in each other or maybe we just like to stand by and listen to the other one speak in case one of us causes a train wreck.  In the six years I've known him, we've both had occasion to see each other do exactly that.

Who can say what really draws people together as friends?

Have I ever mentioned I sometimes cause train wrecks?  Unintentionally, of course.  It's a talent I have because I often lack a brain-mouth filter.  

Mr. Charming tells me he reads Twenty Four At Heart every day.  Mr. Charming greeted me with a handshake.

A handshake!

This is someone I nearly bolted across the room to hug and swing through the air.  (Well, you know – if both my arms worked that's what I would have done.)

I didn't say it, but my immediate thought was, "Omigod, he reads 24 and he knows I have bionic nipples and he's afraid to hug me in case I ….  In case I … self combust!"

Do ya think?

Maybe I'm wrong.

It's kind of a strange feeling when people in my every day life read my writing.

Now, there was a purpose to my get together with Mr. Charming, but I'm not going to discuss it.  No, because what ended up being interesting to me about our visit were all the little things that came up in conversation which had nothing to do with the intention of our visit together.

It was like a case study in a male-female platonic friendship.

For instance, have I mentioned the handshake instead of a hug?

Then there was the moment in our conversation when he shook his head and told me he had thought (for years, apparently) that I was "uppity."

Uppity?

Now, he says, he realizes I'm actually very shy.

"Except not at all when you write," he added with a grin.

I am shy.  It's something I've written about here many times, but I know many of you don't believe me.  You wonder how I could possibly write about Losing My Clitoris, or my Bionic Boobs detonating in public places if I'm shy.  But, you see – it's so easy when I can hide behind my laptop.  Put me in a room crowded with people and watch me flee in a panic.

Wait a minute . . .  

Did he say he thought I was UPPITY?

And if he thought that, why has he been my friend?

There were a few more interesting revelations from Mr. Charming also.

He informed me that, "Flirting is inappropriate."

He wasn't discussing flirting between the two of us; he was discussing flirting by married people in general.

This statement really bothered me.

Maybe it bothered me because I began flirting as an infant on the day I learned to smile.  It's an innate part of who I am and I doubt if I'll stop flirting until I drop dead one day.  My flirting means nothing.  It's the way I communicate.  I even flirt with women and I'm decidedly heterosexual.  

The flirting comment bothered me so much I fretted over it for a few hours.  Then I sent a quick email off to Mr. Charming stating, "You flirt too – admit it!"

It took me those few hours of stewing to think back on every occasion I'd seen Mr. Charming over the last six years and get my mental ammunition prepared regarding a time I'd seen him flirt.

I ended up not having to prove anything to him.  He emailed back and said, "Ok, I do."

Just like that he admitted it.

Does anyone understand men?

I spent hours contemplating whether flirting in male/female friendships is good or bad, harmless or provocative,  and he reversed himself in a millisecond with no hesitation.

While I was with Mr. Charming he also informed me that although he realizes I believe in male/female friendships … they really don't exist.  

What the hell?

My male friend was telling me there are no male/female friendships?

He said there "has to be an attraction" existing between male/female friends and therefore they aren't simply friendships.

I disagreed, of course.

Then he asked me how many repulsive male friends I have.

I stared at him in silence.

He smiled, knowingly, as if he'd just scored against me in a game of chess.

"We're friends," he acknowledged, "But we both get something from our friendship."

Have I mentioned Mr. Charming is also Mr. Exasperating?

All people get "something" from all relationships.  Platonic, sexual, business … whatever the precursor to a relationship is, both sides get something out of a relationship or the relationship ceases to exist.

Sometimes I think Mr. Charming just likes to make me think.

I would never admit to him it's one of the reasons I like being friends with him.

And by the way, I don't have any repulsive female friends either.

© Twenty Four At Heart

60 Responses to “I Am An Uppity Bitch”

  1. sometimessophia

    Maybe Mr. Charming is afraid of what he will be reading about himself in your blog and how people will perceive him, now that he knows you have quite a following. Maybe Mr. Charming has always been attracted to you, but you cornered him into a platonic friendship. Maybe Mr. Charming’s attempts to make you think are an indirect way to change the nature of your relationship with him?

  2. sometimessophia

    Maybe Mr. Charming is afraid of what he will be reading about himself in your blog and how people will perceive him, now that he knows you have quite a following. Maybe Mr. Charming has always been attracted to you, but you cornered him into a platonic friendship. Maybe Mr. Charming’s attempts to make you think are an indirect way to change the nature of your relationship with him?

  3. sometimessophia

    Maybe Mr. Charming is afraid of what he will be reading about himself in your blog and how people will perceive him, now that he knows you have quite a following. Maybe Mr. Charming has always been attracted to you, but you cornered him into a platonic friendship. Maybe Mr. Charming’s attempts to make you think are an indirect way to change the nature of your relationship with him?

  4. Jan

    “Does anyone understand men?”
    That’s one of those rhetorical questions, right?
    How many repulsive male friends do you have? Can he be serious? How many repulsive friends do you have, period? I dunno about you, but I don’t befriend *repulsive* people (and looks have nothing to do with being repulsive).
    Of course, you can argue that entire statement with the words “ex husband.” I apparently don’t befriend repulsive people, I just MARRY them.

  5. Jan

    “Does anyone understand men?”
    That’s one of those rhetorical questions, right?
    How many repulsive male friends do you have? Can he be serious? How many repulsive friends do you have, period? I dunno about you, but I don’t befriend *repulsive* people (and looks have nothing to do with being repulsive).
    Of course, you can argue that entire statement with the words “ex husband.” I apparently don’t befriend repulsive people, I just MARRY them.

  6. Jan

    “Does anyone understand men?”
    That’s one of those rhetorical questions, right?
    How many repulsive male friends do you have? Can he be serious? How many repulsive friends do you have, period? I dunno about you, but I don’t befriend *repulsive* people (and looks have nothing to do with being repulsive).
    Of course, you can argue that entire statement with the words “ex husband.” I apparently don’t befriend repulsive people, I just MARRY them.

  7. cute~ella

    Everyone flirts. Men and women can be friends. Mr. Charming sounds like he’s just feeling arguementative. And I have no repulsive friends either – male or female…

  8. cute~ella

    Everyone flirts. Men and women can be friends. Mr. Charming sounds like he’s just feeling arguementative. And I have no repulsive friends either – male or female…

  9. cute~ella

    Everyone flirts. Men and women can be friends. Mr. Charming sounds like he’s just feeling arguementative. And I have no repulsive friends either – male or female…

  10. Kelly

    No one has repulsive friends. If they repulsed us they wouldn’t be our friends. I also think everyone flirts. I know I do! I bet if you thought about it for a minute you’d realize even Mr. Charming has flirted with you before – how could he not? You’re adorable! I flirt with my male friends DAILY. Its fun and its harmless.

  11. Kelly

    No one has repulsive friends. If they repulsed us they wouldn’t be our friends. I also think everyone flirts. I know I do! I bet if you thought about it for a minute you’d realize even Mr. Charming has flirted with you before – how could he not? You’re adorable! I flirt with my male friends DAILY. Its fun and its harmless.

  12. Kelly

    No one has repulsive friends. If they repulsed us they wouldn’t be our friends. I also think everyone flirts. I know I do! I bet if you thought about it for a minute you’d realize even Mr. Charming has flirted with you before – how could he not? You’re adorable! I flirt with my male friends DAILY. Its fun and its harmless.

  13. Donna in VA

    I have male friends whom I love dearly and even mildly flirt with on occasion, but would be repulsed to carry on anything any further than that. It’d be like kissing your brother. Eewwwhh!
    I completely believe that men and women can be just friends.
    Of course, my opinion is completely subjective to the people that I’ve known in my life. It in no way reflects the majority as a whole. I don’t believe there is one blanket answer. It’s purely individual.
    But I do believe men and women can be “just friends”.

  14. Donna in VA

    I have male friends whom I love dearly and even mildly flirt with on occasion, but would be repulsed to carry on anything any further than that. It’d be like kissing your brother. Eewwwhh!
    I completely believe that men and women can be just friends.
    Of course, my opinion is completely subjective to the people that I’ve known in my life. It in no way reflects the majority as a whole. I don’t believe there is one blanket answer. It’s purely individual.
    But I do believe men and women can be “just friends”.

  15. Donna in VA

    I have male friends whom I love dearly and even mildly flirt with on occasion, but would be repulsed to carry on anything any further than that. It’d be like kissing your brother. Eewwwhh!
    I completely believe that men and women can be just friends.
    Of course, my opinion is completely subjective to the people that I’ve known in my life. It in no way reflects the majority as a whole. I don’t believe there is one blanket answer. It’s purely individual.
    But I do believe men and women can be “just friends”.

  16. Kristan

    ” All people get “something” from all relationships. Platonic, sexual, business … whatever the precursor to a relationship is, both sides get something out of a relationship or the relationship ceases to exist. ”
    SO WISE.

  17. Kristan

    ” All people get “something” from all relationships. Platonic, sexual, business … whatever the precursor to a relationship is, both sides get something out of a relationship or the relationship ceases to exist. ”
    SO WISE.

  18. Kristan

    ” All people get “something” from all relationships. Platonic, sexual, business … whatever the precursor to a relationship is, both sides get something out of a relationship or the relationship ceases to exist. ”
    SO WISE.

  19. Mike

    I think Mr. Charming likes playing a type of verbal chess with you. It seems like it entertains him. Maybe he chooses chess so he isn’t distracted by your CHEST.

  20. Mike

    I think Mr. Charming likes playing a type of verbal chess with you. It seems like it entertains him. Maybe he chooses chess so he isn’t distracted by your CHEST.

  21. Mike

    I think Mr. Charming likes playing a type of verbal chess with you. It seems like it entertains him. Maybe he chooses chess so he isn’t distracted by your CHEST.

  22. Rachael

    I’m shy too. Have been all my life. (I am the death of the party.) That’s one of the most distressing parts- being perceived as uppity. It’s happened a few times. Sigh.

  23. Rachael

    I’m shy too. Have been all my life. (I am the death of the party.) That’s one of the most distressing parts- being perceived as uppity. It’s happened a few times. Sigh.

  24. Rachael

    I’m shy too. Have been all my life. (I am the death of the party.) That’s one of the most distressing parts- being perceived as uppity. It’s happened a few times. Sigh.

  25. Maureen@IslandRoar

    You’re so very right; we’re all attracted to all our friends on some level, and physicality probably plays some part in all of it. As a kid I remember picking up certain habits of girls I really liked. And flirting? Humanity 101!
    I have to say I am shy and quite reserved until I get to know people (getting better at this as I age), and several times in my life, after they know me better, people have said they thought at first I might have been a snob. I guess we all walk around assuming it’s all about us.
    Such a thought provoking post; thanks!

  26. Maureen@IslandRoar

    You’re so very right; we’re all attracted to all our friends on some level, and physicality probably plays some part in all of it. As a kid I remember picking up certain habits of girls I really liked. And flirting? Humanity 101!
    I have to say I am shy and quite reserved until I get to know people (getting better at this as I age), and several times in my life, after they know me better, people have said they thought at first I might have been a snob. I guess we all walk around assuming it’s all about us.
    Such a thought provoking post; thanks!

  27. Maureen@IslandRoar

    You’re so very right; we’re all attracted to all our friends on some level, and physicality probably plays some part in all of it. As a kid I remember picking up certain habits of girls I really liked. And flirting? Humanity 101!
    I have to say I am shy and quite reserved until I get to know people (getting better at this as I age), and several times in my life, after they know me better, people have said they thought at first I might have been a snob. I guess we all walk around assuming it’s all about us.
    Such a thought provoking post; thanks!

  28. Jill

    Why would anyone be friends with anyone who’s repulsive? I think of repulsive as more of a personality trait than a physical characteristic and I don’t want to be around anyone who repluses me. He sounds like a shit stirrer if you ask me! 🙂

  29. Jill

    Why would anyone be friends with anyone who’s repulsive? I think of repulsive as more of a personality trait than a physical characteristic and I don’t want to be around anyone who repluses me. He sounds like a shit stirrer if you ask me! 🙂

  30. Jill

    Why would anyone be friends with anyone who’s repulsive? I think of repulsive as more of a personality trait than a physical characteristic and I don’t want to be around anyone who repluses me. He sounds like a shit stirrer if you ask me! 🙂

  31. Kate

    This post brings up lots of questions. Like, can we hear about some of the train wrecks you’ve created? LOL I think we should hear more about Mr Charming to. Are you attracted to him? Even a tiny bit? And is he to you? Inquiring minds want to know.

  32. Kate

    This post brings up lots of questions. Like, can we hear about some of the train wrecks you’ve created? LOL I think we should hear more about Mr Charming to. Are you attracted to him? Even a tiny bit? And is he to you? Inquiring minds want to know.

  33. Kate

    This post brings up lots of questions. Like, can we hear about some of the train wrecks you’ve created? LOL I think we should hear more about Mr Charming to. Are you attracted to him? Even a tiny bit? And is he to you? Inquiring minds want to know.

  34. Kari-Mel

    This was a great post! Very thought provoking! I’ve noticed a lot during my illness that I have many male friends I didn’t really think of any more. Old friends from school and such. Even old girlfriends who I haven’t spoken to in ages. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m sick or because they’ve taken the time to rekindle friendships gone by but I have loved getting reacquainted with each and every one of them. And yes, I’ve gotten something from them all – a sense that no matter how long it’s been or how things were left in the past, that there is something inherently good in all of us and it’s a wonderful thing when we share it with a friend.
    And 24, thank you so much for being my friend – you have no idea how much it means to me to have a someone from so far away wishing me well through all of this hell. I think of you so often and all your struggles with PT and regaining your independence with your arm.

  35. Kari-Mel

    This was a great post! Very thought provoking! I’ve noticed a lot during my illness that I have many male friends I didn’t really think of any more. Old friends from school and such. Even old girlfriends who I haven’t spoken to in ages. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m sick or because they’ve taken the time to rekindle friendships gone by but I have loved getting reacquainted with each and every one of them. And yes, I’ve gotten something from them all – a sense that no matter how long it’s been or how things were left in the past, that there is something inherently good in all of us and it’s a wonderful thing when we share it with a friend.
    And 24, thank you so much for being my friend – you have no idea how much it means to me to have a someone from so far away wishing me well through all of this hell. I think of you so often and all your struggles with PT and regaining your independence with your arm.

  36. Kari-Mel

    This was a great post! Very thought provoking! I’ve noticed a lot during my illness that I have many male friends I didn’t really think of any more. Old friends from school and such. Even old girlfriends who I haven’t spoken to in ages. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m sick or because they’ve taken the time to rekindle friendships gone by but I have loved getting reacquainted with each and every one of them. And yes, I’ve gotten something from them all – a sense that no matter how long it’s been or how things were left in the past, that there is something inherently good in all of us and it’s a wonderful thing when we share it with a friend.
    And 24, thank you so much for being my friend – you have no idea how much it means to me to have a someone from so far away wishing me well through all of this hell. I think of you so often and all your struggles with PT and regaining your independence with your arm.

  37. Mattie

    So if there HAS to be an attraction is he saying there is one between the two of you? How charming is Mr Charming? personally I say men and women can be great friends. Well, at least until one of them hits on the other. ha ha

  38. Mattie

    So if there HAS to be an attraction is he saying there is one between the two of you? How charming is Mr Charming? personally I say men and women can be great friends. Well, at least until one of them hits on the other. ha ha

  39. Mattie

    So if there HAS to be an attraction is he saying there is one between the two of you? How charming is Mr Charming? personally I say men and women can be great friends. Well, at least until one of them hits on the other. ha ha

  40. Suzy Voices

    I think he likes you. You know, LIKES you. He’s going back and forth, saying you shouldn’t flirt, when clearly he’s flirting with you by playing these mind games.

  41. Suzy Voices

    I think he likes you. You know, LIKES you. He’s going back and forth, saying you shouldn’t flirt, when clearly he’s flirting with you by playing these mind games.

  42. Suzy Voices

    I think he likes you. You know, LIKES you. He’s going back and forth, saying you shouldn’t flirt, when clearly he’s flirting with you by playing these mind games.

  43. Celeste

    This makes me want to go out and get some repulsive friends just for the entertainment factor.

  44. Celeste

    This makes me want to go out and get some repulsive friends just for the entertainment factor.

  45. Celeste

    This makes me want to go out and get some repulsive friends just for the entertainment factor.

  46. stephen

    Hmmm? How many women who declare that men and women can “just be friends,” would be a bit squeamish about their husband or boyfriend having close female friends? My married for 29 year gut answers, “ALOT.” Especially outside the confines of couples being friends. This is a slippery slope indeed, and my flip flops have grease on the bottom to prove it. Jealousy, intertwined with fear of betrayal, is at the root of much evil. The Cliff Notes version is that Testosterone and Estrogen are in constant opposition. And as we all know, opposites attract. steve

  47. stephen

    Hmmm? How many women who declare that men and women can “just be friends,” would be a bit squeamish about their husband or boyfriend having close female friends? My married for 29 year gut answers, “ALOT.” Especially outside the confines of couples being friends. This is a slippery slope indeed, and my flip flops have grease on the bottom to prove it. Jealousy, intertwined with fear of betrayal, is at the root of much evil. The Cliff Notes version is that Testosterone and Estrogen are in constant opposition. And as we all know, opposites attract. steve

  48. stephen

    Hmmm? How many women who declare that men and women can “just be friends,” would be a bit squeamish about their husband or boyfriend having close female friends? My married for 29 year gut answers, “ALOT.” Especially outside the confines of couples being friends. This is a slippery slope indeed, and my flip flops have grease on the bottom to prove it. Jealousy, intertwined with fear of betrayal, is at the root of much evil. The Cliff Notes version is that Testosterone and Estrogen are in constant opposition. And as we all know, opposites attract. steve

  49. Linda T.

    You know- I think his whole conversation was a mild flirt- Just to see what you would say. Being married IS different from being dead- You cannot flirt when you are dead. LOL I loved Jan’s response. I love you too Suzanne and I am very attracted to you. LOL-really.
    Linda T

  50. Linda T.

    You know- I think his whole conversation was a mild flirt- Just to see what you would say. Being married IS different from being dead- You cannot flirt when you are dead. LOL I loved Jan’s response. I love you too Suzanne and I am very attracted to you. LOL-really.
    Linda T

  51. Linda T.

    You know- I think his whole conversation was a mild flirt- Just to see what you would say. Being married IS different from being dead- You cannot flirt when you are dead. LOL I loved Jan’s response. I love you too Suzanne and I am very attracted to you. LOL-really.
    Linda T

  52. Fragrant Liar

    I think you were talking to Harry and you were his Sally. I give you ten years before you’re having lunch with him in a cafe and faking an orgasm.

  53. Fragrant Liar

    I think you were talking to Harry and you were his Sally. I give you ten years before you’re having lunch with him in a cafe and faking an orgasm.

  54. Fragrant Liar

    I think you were talking to Harry and you were his Sally. I give you ten years before you’re having lunch with him in a cafe and faking an orgasm.

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