Do you have any secrets?
I bet you do.
I think everyone has secrets.
I'm not telling you mine. What? Do you really think I would take my deepest, darkest, secret and publish it on the Internet? Actually, I don't think I have too many mysteries to share even if I wanted to. I do, however, have a few secrets. I'm of the opinion that everyone does.
Have you ever wondered at what point undisclosed information becomes classified as a secret?
Can secrets between a couple actually be a healthy thing for a relationship?
Do all secrets destroy trust?
The married man who has an affair but never reveals it to his wife has a secret. The wife of that man may know he had an affair but perhaps she's chosen never to reveal her knowledge. She also has a secret.
I have girlfriends I feel I can tell anything to. Anything. Whether it be the condition of my uterus or my frustration over an argument with Briefcase. They, in turn, can pour out their hearts to me. We can chat on the phone, or over a cocktail. We offer each other support, advice and companionship.
Do I then go share these conversations with my husband?
No, I do not.
To me, it's girl talk. It's what we women do. We talk, we share, we confess our hearts to one another.
Do we have secrets? I suppose we do.
Do I think of our conversations as secrets? No, I don't. I think we share confidences. Is there really a difference?
Almost every family has "family secrets." Uncle Joe may wear dresses when no one is looking. The entire family knows, but no one discusses it. Parents may get divorced and tell the kids, "It's no one's fault." In reality, maybe mommy has had ten affairs and can't stop abusing alcohol. Sometimes a secret is the same as a lie.
When is it wrong to keep information to yourself?
What if you don't tell your spouse something because you don't want to hurt her feelings? What if your wife gets jealous easily so you "never mention" a platonic female friend you are actually very close to? What if your husband questions you unmercifully about everything you do so you "forget to mention" certain things in your day just to get him off your back? In both these situations, the "secret" may actually be harmless information which is hidden so it won't be misconstrued.
I know some of you will say all secrets are bad. Some of you are thinking spouses should know absolutely everything about one another.
To that, I say bullshit.
Look in the mirror and then look again.
Everyone has secrets. I, personally, think keeping some things to yourself is healthy. I'm not condoning cheating or outright betrayals of trust. I just think every individual needs a little space to call their own. Sometimes not sharing everything can be better for a relationship.
What do you think?
Is it healthy to have a secret? At what point does a secret become a betrayal?
© Twenty Four At Heart