Strange Oddities or Maybe I’m Just on Drugs?

** Disclaimer:  This post was written while under the influence of narcotics and you know what THAT means! **

Here's a picture of my bum arm taken yesterday afternoon:

Photo 20

I'm taped differently right now than I have been in recent weeks.  The tape sort of looks like the legs of a stick person, don't you think?  Or maybe I'm just hallucinating on my drugs?  

I see Stick People.

The Torturer taped me up after my orthopedic surgeon decided he needed to hurt inject me again.  My bicep tendon is one of the many parts of my shoulder which has been surgically altered.  It's been causing a lot of problems recently.  Doc thought if he hurt me intensely yesterday, I might forget about it.

Or something like that.  (Or, possibly, something entirely different from that.)

Whatever.

The doc stabbed me with an effing needle in a part of my shoulder where no needle should go.  I think his entire office heard me yelp in pain as he dug that needle into me.  It was the most painful shoulder injection I've ever had and I've had too many to count.  Possibly it was excruciating because the area was so acutely painful to start with.

My arm will be even more useless for at least a few days until it rebounds from the shot.  The remainder of my week will be filled with drugs and spinning rooms.

** Will it go round in circles/Will it fly high like a bird up in the sky …?

La la la la … lyrics by Billy Preston. **

The doc and I also discussed the possible need for a long-term pain management doctor.  I've been in quite a lot of pain for 3+ years and I'm giving up hope I'll ever NOT be in pain.  My big concern with using a Pain Management Doc is I'm afraid he/she will just throw lots of drugs at me.  I prefer to be as drug-free as possible.  I do not want to become addicted to pain meds.

Although?  Spinning rooms are really fun if you only experience them once in awhile.

After my injection, I went back to PT (I had already spent two hours there earlier that morning).  I cried on The Torturer's shoulder.  He has good shoulders for crying on.  The Torturer hugged me and then taped me up and sent me off to the drugstore to pick up my pain meds.

I might have implied he's a man-whore while I was there.  The Torturer might have (softly) bopped me on the head in response.

When he doesn't hate me, I'm his favorite patient.  Have I mentioned that?

I'm sure he's overjoyed knowing I will be right back in there with him again today.

My life sucks.

And now – on to other oddities besides the weird tape on my arm, shoulder and back.

1.  While I was waiting to see my surgeon yesterday I was told he would be in to see me, "in just a few more minutes."  I waited.  Then, I waited some more.  Where was he?  Turns out, he was in his office reading 24 and didn't want to be interrupted by his staff until he was done.

Isn't that a little strange?

Um, I was right there in an examination room waiting for him ….  Really, he could have just TALKED to me, don't you think?  He said reading 24 is a "nice little break" from work.  He likes to read it while he's working on his charts.  

Hellooooo?  I was waiting for you doc!

2.  My surgeon has taken to calling himself Dr. Perky since I wrote about him acknowledging my perky boobs at one of my appointments.  He thinks it's very funny and laughs at himself when he says it.

3.  Dr. Perky was discussing with me whether my Brazilian Bikini Wax was more painful, or less so, than the injection he was giving me.  (The part I just wrote about him injecting me sounds really dirty and I didn't intend it to!  Or maybe it doesn't sound dirty?  Maybe it's just my dirty, drugged-up, mind?)

How many orthopedic shoulder surgeons discuss their patient's brazilian bikini waxes with them?  How many orthopedic shoulder surgeons read their patient's blogs?  I was *bright* red as I explained to him that my shoulder pain is 500 bazilion times more painful than any brazilian bikini wax.  

There are some people in my "real life" who know entirely too much about me.

I have a really pretty cooter!

4.  My surgeon also thinks it's very funny that I use words like cooter and chub in my writing.  <blush>  I'm very ladylike as his patient (really!) and I think he finds the contrast hilarious.  Having my surgeon chuckling over the words cooter and chub?  Very, very odd ….

5.  Dr. Perky lives in Newport Beach which is one of the most affluent areas in California.  (Yes, I'm quite sure my shoulder expenses have assured he will be able to continue living there forever.)  Nonetheless, Dr. Perky sees patients from all over the world  Orange County the U.S. and he agrees the women living in Money Town "are the worst" on the shallow/plastic/pretentious scale.  Of course, there are nice, normal, people in Money Town too.  

I met one once.

6.  The doc has given me a new prescription.  Quite emphatically, he insists I continue writing.  He thinks my writing is a very healing influence for me.  He thinks it's a creative outlet I need to help me cope with my pain/recovery/shitty life.  

I couldn't stop if I tried.  Writing is too much a part of who I am.

7.  Unrelated to everything else in this post, I've been invited to a Plastic Surgery Party tonight.  Have you ever heard of such a thing?  Only in Orange County!  I have no idea what a Plastic Surgery Party entails.  I'm planning to attend.  In all likelihood, I will be on pain meds while I'm at the party.  Being on pain meds means I will have to make use of a designated driver.  I also won't indulge in any alcohol because strong narcotics and alcohol mixed together = deadness.  Lastly, I will have to work very hard to keep my mouth under control.  It could be really embarrassing if I say the wrong thing!  (Like, "Wow those are the biggest fake tits I've ever seen!")  I plan to tweet the experience live if possible.  I will also be writing a blog post covering the event sometime in the next few days.

© Twenty Four At Heart

66 Responses to “Strange Oddities or Maybe I’m Just on Drugs?”

  1. Jan

    Oh, yes – PLEASE go to the plastic surgery party. I’m dying to know if it’s like a Tupperware or Pampered Chef party – will someone be trying to sell you a boob job or a face lift? Will the hostess get a free liposuction for having the party at her house?
    Inquiring minds want to know.

  2. Jan

    Oh, yes – PLEASE go to the plastic surgery party. I’m dying to know if it’s like a Tupperware or Pampered Chef party – will someone be trying to sell you a boob job or a face lift? Will the hostess get a free liposuction for having the party at her house?
    Inquiring minds want to know.

  3. Jan

    Oh, yes – PLEASE go to the plastic surgery party. I’m dying to know if it’s like a Tupperware or Pampered Chef party – will someone be trying to sell you a boob job or a face lift? Will the hostess get a free liposuction for having the party at her house?
    Inquiring minds want to know.

  4. Joanne

    sounds like Dr Perky was wishing he had the nerve (or reason) to ask you to show the cuter cooter to him!

  5. Joanne

    sounds like Dr Perky was wishing he had the nerve (or reason) to ask you to show the cuter cooter to him!

  6. Joanne

    sounds like Dr Perky was wishing he had the nerve (or reason) to ask you to show the cuter cooter to him!

  7. Lori

    As someone that just recently got another shoulder injection that hurt like flippin hell on top of pain that is already there, my heart goes out to you. Ugh. I also know that having someone crank on a body part that hurts like hell and make it go it directions it doesn’t want to go, makes you want to scream. And of course those lovely pain pills…lol. You now have me imagining what it would be like to have these conversations with my orthopedic surgeon. Oh my. Looking forward to hearing about the plastic surgury party!

  8. Lori

    As someone that just recently got another shoulder injection that hurt like flippin hell on top of pain that is already there, my heart goes out to you. Ugh. I also know that having someone crank on a body part that hurts like hell and make it go it directions it doesn’t want to go, makes you want to scream. And of course those lovely pain pills…lol. You now have me imagining what it would be like to have these conversations with my orthopedic surgeon. Oh my. Looking forward to hearing about the plastic surgury party!

  9. Lori

    As someone that just recently got another shoulder injection that hurt like flippin hell on top of pain that is already there, my heart goes out to you. Ugh. I also know that having someone crank on a body part that hurts like hell and make it go it directions it doesn’t want to go, makes you want to scream. And of course those lovely pain pills…lol. You now have me imagining what it would be like to have these conversations with my orthopedic surgeon. Oh my. Looking forward to hearing about the plastic surgury party!

  10. Maureen@IslandRoar

    That shoulder injection sounds terrible; I’m so sorry. And glad to hear the Torturer was sympathetic. His tape job looks like a wish-bone (did you ever break wishbones as a kid; my sister and I fought over them).
    It’s so funny your doc reads the blog. You’re obviously his most fun patient. Again, I feel so bad you have to be in such pain for so long. Your outlook is amazing. I’m sure I won’t be the first to say you should write a book.
    And I can’t wait to hear about the plastic surgery party!!

  11. Maureen@IslandRoar

    That shoulder injection sounds terrible; I’m so sorry. And glad to hear the Torturer was sympathetic. His tape job looks like a wish-bone (did you ever break wishbones as a kid; my sister and I fought over them).
    It’s so funny your doc reads the blog. You’re obviously his most fun patient. Again, I feel so bad you have to be in such pain for so long. Your outlook is amazing. I’m sure I won’t be the first to say you should write a book.
    And I can’t wait to hear about the plastic surgery party!!

  12. Maureen@IslandRoar

    That shoulder injection sounds terrible; I’m so sorry. And glad to hear the Torturer was sympathetic. His tape job looks like a wish-bone (did you ever break wishbones as a kid; my sister and I fought over them).
    It’s so funny your doc reads the blog. You’re obviously his most fun patient. Again, I feel so bad you have to be in such pain for so long. Your outlook is amazing. I’m sure I won’t be the first to say you should write a book.
    And I can’t wait to hear about the plastic surgery party!!

  13. Kelly

    I’m sorry you’re having to go through this (again)! My brother went to a pain dr. and she really helped him. It wouldn’t hurt to check it out. SO FUNNY that Dr. Perky reads 24. Funnier still to broach subjects like your cooter waxing with you. I would die! Wish I could be a fly on the wall at the plastic surgery party. Can’t wait to hear all about it!

  14. Kelly

    I’m sorry you’re having to go through this (again)! My brother went to a pain dr. and she really helped him. It wouldn’t hurt to check it out. SO FUNNY that Dr. Perky reads 24. Funnier still to broach subjects like your cooter waxing with you. I would die! Wish I could be a fly on the wall at the plastic surgery party. Can’t wait to hear all about it!

  15. Kelly

    I’m sorry you’re having to go through this (again)! My brother went to a pain dr. and she really helped him. It wouldn’t hurt to check it out. SO FUNNY that Dr. Perky reads 24. Funnier still to broach subjects like your cooter waxing with you. I would die! Wish I could be a fly on the wall at the plastic surgery party. Can’t wait to hear all about it!

  16. ballerinatoes

    Hey 24, I had a pain mgmt doc when I was going thru a chronic pain situation and she was wonderful. She kept a very close eye and worked very hard to attain the right mix of drugs to keep me as pain free as possible. And when it was time to wean off, she was there with a plan and I really had no withdrawal symptoms at all. I did go to one pain mgmt doc before her (in plan) that I did not like at all.) I paid extra for her because I felt a good connection with her. Good luck dear girl.

  17. ballerinatoes

    Hey 24, I had a pain mgmt doc when I was going thru a chronic pain situation and she was wonderful. She kept a very close eye and worked very hard to attain the right mix of drugs to keep me as pain free as possible. And when it was time to wean off, she was there with a plan and I really had no withdrawal symptoms at all. I did go to one pain mgmt doc before her (in plan) that I did not like at all.) I paid extra for her because I felt a good connection with her. Good luck dear girl.

  18. ballerinatoes

    Hey 24, I had a pain mgmt doc when I was going thru a chronic pain situation and she was wonderful. She kept a very close eye and worked very hard to attain the right mix of drugs to keep me as pain free as possible. And when it was time to wean off, she was there with a plan and I really had no withdrawal symptoms at all. I did go to one pain mgmt doc before her (in plan) that I did not like at all.) I paid extra for her because I felt a good connection with her. Good luck dear girl.

  19. cute~ella

    Haha. You said cooter and chub. Of course he loves you.
    I do have to say that the plastic surgery party sounds like a hoot. Some of the women I know from teaching swimming lessons in a hoity-toity gym used to have Botox parties. I wonder if it’s the same thing. Can’t wait to see your tweets!
    Hugs 24. Hugs. Hang in there. Remember little miracles are the key…

  20. cute~ella

    Haha. You said cooter and chub. Of course he loves you.
    I do have to say that the plastic surgery party sounds like a hoot. Some of the women I know from teaching swimming lessons in a hoity-toity gym used to have Botox parties. I wonder if it’s the same thing. Can’t wait to see your tweets!
    Hugs 24. Hugs. Hang in there. Remember little miracles are the key…

  21. cute~ella

    Haha. You said cooter and chub. Of course he loves you.
    I do have to say that the plastic surgery party sounds like a hoot. Some of the women I know from teaching swimming lessons in a hoity-toity gym used to have Botox parties. I wonder if it’s the same thing. Can’t wait to see your tweets!
    Hugs 24. Hugs. Hang in there. Remember little miracles are the key…

  22. missy

    I could feel your injection pain reading your post. Having had shots in my elbows and foot I know what discomfort feels like – you are in a whole different pain league 24. I agree with your doc that the writing probably helps you deal with everything you are going through and your readers also benefit. I would like to be a fly on the wall tonight at the plastic party and can’t wait to hear all about it!

  23. missy

    I could feel your injection pain reading your post. Having had shots in my elbows and foot I know what discomfort feels like – you are in a whole different pain league 24. I agree with your doc that the writing probably helps you deal with everything you are going through and your readers also benefit. I would like to be a fly on the wall tonight at the plastic party and can’t wait to hear all about it!

  24. missy

    I could feel your injection pain reading your post. Having had shots in my elbows and foot I know what discomfort feels like – you are in a whole different pain league 24. I agree with your doc that the writing probably helps you deal with everything you are going through and your readers also benefit. I would like to be a fly on the wall tonight at the plastic party and can’t wait to hear all about it!

  25. Lynette

    Oh, they have botox, and laser removal parties here in the Hills of Beverly…but I don’t think that I’ve EVER heard of a plastic surgery party.. Please do spill the dirty secrets… LOL

  26. Lynette

    Oh, they have botox, and laser removal parties here in the Hills of Beverly…but I don’t think that I’ve EVER heard of a plastic surgery party.. Please do spill the dirty secrets… LOL

  27. Lynette

    Oh, they have botox, and laser removal parties here in the Hills of Beverly…but I don’t think that I’ve EVER heard of a plastic surgery party.. Please do spill the dirty secrets… LOL

  28. AmyAmyBoBamey

    My shoulder had sympathy pains just reading about your injection. OUCH I totally see stick legs too, so it’s not the drugs.
    I definitely want to hear about the party. Looking forward to hearing about that. I am from the OC too but live at the other beach HB.

  29. AmyAmyBoBamey

    My shoulder had sympathy pains just reading about your injection. OUCH I totally see stick legs too, so it’s not the drugs.
    I definitely want to hear about the party. Looking forward to hearing about that. I am from the OC too but live at the other beach HB.

  30. AmyAmyBoBamey

    My shoulder had sympathy pains just reading about your injection. OUCH I totally see stick legs too, so it’s not the drugs.
    I definitely want to hear about the party. Looking forward to hearing about that. I am from the OC too but live at the other beach HB.

  31. WebSavyMom

    –>Seriously, I think you should wear gauze over your nose like you just had a nose job to the party tonight. Plus use the thick black magic marker on people you meet at the party and suggest they go back again. Mention often that they now have a procedure for THAT when talking to strangers…calf implants, etc. It would be fun! Please take pictures!
    ~deb
    http://www.websavymom.com

  32. WebSavyMom

    –>Seriously, I think you should wear gauze over your nose like you just had a nose job to the party tonight. Plus use the thick black magic marker on people you meet at the party and suggest they go back again. Mention often that they now have a procedure for THAT when talking to strangers…calf implants, etc. It would be fun! Please take pictures!
    ~deb
    http://www.websavymom.com

  33. WebSavyMom

    –>Seriously, I think you should wear gauze over your nose like you just had a nose job to the party tonight. Plus use the thick black magic marker on people you meet at the party and suggest they go back again. Mention often that they now have a procedure for THAT when talking to strangers…calf implants, etc. It would be fun! Please take pictures!
    ~deb
    http://www.websavymom.com

  34. LPC

    Wishing you the best in recovering from this pain. And really looking forward to your coverage of the little get-together:).

  35. LPC

    Wishing you the best in recovering from this pain. And really looking forward to your coverage of the little get-together:).

  36. LPC

    Wishing you the best in recovering from this pain. And really looking forward to your coverage of the little get-together:).

  37. Sandi

    I have missed you! I just caught up on the blog and laughed till my gut hurt! You are the funniest writer out there. I am ready for lunch whenever you are.

  38. Sandi

    I have missed you! I just caught up on the blog and laughed till my gut hurt! You are the funniest writer out there. I am ready for lunch whenever you are.

  39. Sandi

    I have missed you! I just caught up on the blog and laughed till my gut hurt! You are the funniest writer out there. I am ready for lunch whenever you are.

  40. Michelle Pixie

    I was laughing through a lot of this post. Funny stuff. Not your poor shoulder and the pain you are in, but the Dr. Perky stuff. Making you wait while he reads YOUR blog, asking you about the wax, your pretty cooter, and the money town women.
    I can’t wait to hear about the party!

  41. Michelle Pixie

    I was laughing through a lot of this post. Funny stuff. Not your poor shoulder and the pain you are in, but the Dr. Perky stuff. Making you wait while he reads YOUR blog, asking you about the wax, your pretty cooter, and the money town women.
    I can’t wait to hear about the party!

  42. Michelle Pixie

    I was laughing through a lot of this post. Funny stuff. Not your poor shoulder and the pain you are in, but the Dr. Perky stuff. Making you wait while he reads YOUR blog, asking you about the wax, your pretty cooter, and the money town women.
    I can’t wait to hear about the party!

  43. Alan

    You’re life is amazingly odd. And hysterical to read about…!!!

  44. Alan

    You’re life is amazingly odd. And hysterical to read about…!!!

  45. Alan

    You’re life is amazingly odd. And hysterical to read about…!!!

  46. Kathy

    I’m a little confused. I thought your right arm was your bum arm. This picture shows your left arm.

  47. Kathy

    I’m a little confused. I thought your right arm was your bum arm. This picture shows your left arm.

  48. Kathy

    I’m a little confused. I thought your right arm was your bum arm. This picture shows your left arm.

  49. Anne Gibert

    You are so brave about pain. I am ashamed of my complete wimpyness in the face of even slight discomfort.
    I wonder whether the plastic surgery party will be for people who have already had it or for people who think they need it.

  50. Anne Gibert

    You are so brave about pain. I am ashamed of my complete wimpyness in the face of even slight discomfort.
    I wonder whether the plastic surgery party will be for people who have already had it or for people who think they need it.

  51. Anne Gibert

    You are so brave about pain. I am ashamed of my complete wimpyness in the face of even slight discomfort.
    I wonder whether the plastic surgery party will be for people who have already had it or for people who think they need it.

  52. Jason

    Sometimes you make your arm injury sound downright fun!!!
    But really, I know how horrible it is and I wonder when it will end.
    At least it gives you lots of blog topics!
    xoxo

  53. Jason

    Sometimes you make your arm injury sound downright fun!!!
    But really, I know how horrible it is and I wonder when it will end.
    At least it gives you lots of blog topics!
    xoxo

  54. Jason

    Sometimes you make your arm injury sound downright fun!!!
    But really, I know how horrible it is and I wonder when it will end.
    At least it gives you lots of blog topics!
    xoxo

  55. Sarah

    Damnit! I meant to come here and see what you wrote after giggling like a 10 year old about your sparkly cooter half the night. Because you SAID you were coming here to write! Duh. I’m sad I missed your live tweet of the party. Better go read that. 😀 And Dr. Perky is hysterical.
    On a different note, I had chronic right shoulder pain for 8 years. It was so horrid, and none of the pain meds they gave me worked. It was clearly a totally different situation, but nonetheless… I empathize deeply. I hope something brings you significant relief soon. Somehow.

  56. Sarah

    Damnit! I meant to come here and see what you wrote after giggling like a 10 year old about your sparkly cooter half the night. Because you SAID you were coming here to write! Duh. I’m sad I missed your live tweet of the party. Better go read that. 😀 And Dr. Perky is hysterical.
    On a different note, I had chronic right shoulder pain for 8 years. It was so horrid, and none of the pain meds they gave me worked. It was clearly a totally different situation, but nonetheless… I empathize deeply. I hope something brings you significant relief soon. Somehow.

  57. Sarah

    Damnit! I meant to come here and see what you wrote after giggling like a 10 year old about your sparkly cooter half the night. Because you SAID you were coming here to write! Duh. I’m sad I missed your live tweet of the party. Better go read that. 😀 And Dr. Perky is hysterical.
    On a different note, I had chronic right shoulder pain for 8 years. It was so horrid, and none of the pain meds they gave me worked. It was clearly a totally different situation, but nonetheless… I empathize deeply. I hope something brings you significant relief soon. Somehow.

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