If you've never been married, or if you've been married only a few years, you may find today's post puzzling. Possibly, you'll find today's post horrifying. I don't write about my own marriage ever often, but today I'm making an exception.
I've been married for an eternity. The dynamics of a relationship change a lot over the course of a bazillion years together. Cohabiting becomes a bit routine.
Partners have their roles.
Wars break out.
For three years now, Briefcase and I have been having a silent, but very serious war over a red coffee cup. To be more specific, it's my red coffee cup. It's an old Starbucks cup and it's more insulated than any cup they've put on the market since. It keeps my coffee hot for hours upon hours and I love my red coffee cup.
Please don't even think about suggesting I replace my favorite cup. I'm emotionally attached to The Red Cup.
The Red Cup has to be handwashed. It can't be put in the dishwasher.
And therein, begins the war.
Let me back up just a little. Briefcase has a job which requires a lot of travel. He's been gone a lot over the years. I often think his travel is similar to what a military wife faces. When he's gone, I, of course, do absolutely everything for our house, kids, life. I am like a widow and a single mom of three rolled into one.
Commence with the violin playing now.
However, when Briefcase is home he's very good about helping out. He doesn't cook, but if I fix dinner he generally does the evening dishes.
It's our very own unwritten contract.
I cook dinner. He washes the dishes after dinner.
Except for one thing …
He won't wash my red coffee cup.
I use that cup all day. At the end of the day I set it in our sink to be washed. When Briefcase travels, I think nothing of it. I hand wash it each night when I do all the other evening dishes. It takes less than thirty seconds and then it's ready to be reused in the morning.
If I do the dinner dishes when Briefcase is home, I wash (surprise!) ALL OF THE DISHES! Even his! However, when Briefcase is home, he takes care of the evening dishes the majority of nights.
Except … he always leaves The Red Cup sitting in the sink unwashed.
Over, and over, and over, again.
With my vast psychological expertise (after all, I did take psych 101 in college), I've decided Briefcase is exhibiting classic passive-aggressive behavior. I've even explained his passive-aggressive behavior to him. I'm quite sure he appreciated my insight into his psyche.
I've approached the whole subject of The Red Cup with different strategies. I've tried washing it myself. The problem with that is – it breaks our unwritten contract! He's supposed to do the dishes when he's home and I cook. I'm very law abiding and I'm just not comfortable breaking our contract.
I've left The Red Cup in the sink to see how many days Briefcase will wash every dish except for it. (The answer is … many, many, more days than I can handle watching it sit in the sink.)
I've even threatened to wash all the laundry except for his, just like he washes all the dishes except for my cup. I might need to carry through with my laundry threat soon if things don't change.
I'm not asking for your advice or a solution. No, I figure sooner or later The War Over The Red Cup will come to an end one way or the other. (Briefcase is probably going to destroy that cup while I'm sleeping one night!) The War Over The Red Cup has only been going on for three years now, and as wars go, I suppose it's not long at all.
Instead, I'd like to know what The Red Cup issue is in your house? What does your spouse or partner do that drives you crazy?
© Twenty Four At Heart