I was in Money Town several times this last week. In fact, I was at three Money Town parties recently. This is what I learned:
1. My dream kitchen does exist. It just doesn't belong to me.
2. There is no such thing as too much cleavage.
3. Money Town folks can easily get lost in their own houses because there are so many damn rooms.
4. It's fun when you get lost in your own house because you rediscover rooms you totally forgot about. Oh look – it's the Sit And Ponder Life room!
5. There is no such thing as too much "help."
6. I could be happy with caterers working in my kitchen to indulge my every whim.
7. Strawberry infused vodka is a good thing.
8. Money may not buy happiness but it can get rid of wrinkles and fat.
9. If you are hit hard by the economy, and live in Money Town, you must not alter your extravagant lifestyle because the neighbors might talk.
10. Some Money Town kids learn to be pompous assholes at a very young age.
11. Actually, strawberry infused vodka is a very, very, good thing!
12. There are nice people in Money Town too.
13. Even the not-so-nice Money Town people get nicer when they drink enough strawberry-infused vodka.
14. If you're a Money Town wife you're expected to stay fairly sober at MT parties so your husband can get sloppy drunk and make a fool of himself staggering around, staring at other women's cleavage (and/or bionic nipples), and telling the same stories over and over again. You are expected to be the designated driver to get home.
15. As a Money Town woman, it's not good form to hit on someone else's husband while yours is in the next room. His wife might, hypothetically, write about it on her blog. (You don't want to look like a whore to all of Orange County and the entire Internet, do you?)
* Even if you are one.
© Twenty Four At Heart