Aaaand … It’s a Setback

Last Friday the decision was made to take me off the new (nerve-reaction-calmer-downer) pain medication I was so excited about a few weeks ago.

The medicine has to be decreased slowly over the next two weeks.  It's like being weaned.  If I stop the medication outright, I'll drop dead - or something sorta like that.  

I have mixed feelings about this change.  On one hand, I'll be glad to be rid of the many side effects.  On the other hand, it is just one more let down in the very frustrating aftermath from the car accident.

I've opted against Plan B in my pain management doc's arsenal also because Plan B involved a very similar drug with just as many, if not more, side effects.  We'll figure out Plan C when I see him in a few weeks I guess.

I have, however, decided on a blog name for the doc.

Dr. Painless.

Not because he helps with pain, but because he's pretty damn painless to look at.

Ahem.

Anyway ….

Maybe now, I'll be able to stay awake for more than 2 hours at a time.  

Maybe now, I'll start losing weight again – I haven't lost an ounce since I was put on the medication.  (Fast and dramatic weight GAIN is one of the top named side effects.)

Maybe now, I won't stumble around like a drunk person when bouts of dizziness overcome me unexpectedly.  (Yes, I did STUMBLE, in public, more than once. Go ahead and laugh at me ….)

Maybe now, my short-term memory will come back.  (Did I tell you how mad Briefcase got when he asked me what I did one day and I answered, "I don't remember?"  I had to go look at my calendar to remember what I did THAT SAME DAY!)

Maybe now, I'll feel comfortable driving again since I won't be worried about getting dizzy unexpectedly.

Maybe now, I'll be able to enjoy an occasional glass of wine or cocktail.

Maybe now, I'll be able to think with a clear head and not wander around foggy-headed all the time.  (To me, the worst side effect of all.)

Was the medication helping with pain?

A little, but I never made it up to a full dose.  I only got two thirds of the way there.  I'll never know how effective it might have been, but it definitely wasn't shaping up to be a miracle drug for me.

Of course, at the same time I'm beginning the drug-weaning process, I'm also going through a bad pain flare-up.  The two aren't connected at all – the flare-up began before I decreased the medication.  In fact, all that medication is still in my bloodstream and it hasn't decreased the severity of pain at all.

The flare-up is a result of my over enthusiasm in the pool.  I was trying to increase the laps I did each day with my bum arm … and, um … not such a good idea.

Whatever.

I should know better, but I guess I don't.

I keep pushing myself to do a little more, to strive just a little harder.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit to being discouraged.

Why can't something, anything, be easy for me on this journey with my arm?

The recent situation with The Torturer, the discontinuation of  the medication that was my best bet for pain relief (very discouraging!), and a huge, major, pain flare-up (misery!) all within a couple weeks.

It kind of sucks.

But …

The ups and downs that come with this whole situation are like a roller coaster.  I try not to get too optimistic at the high points and I try not to get too discouraged by the low ones.

It certainly isn't the first time things have seemed hopeless since the accident.

(And I'm sure it won't be the last.)

So, don't mind me –

I'll be fine.

In the meantime, I'm going to pop a couple pain pills and sit in a corner sucking my thumb until the pain dies down a little.

© Twenty Four At Heart

11 Responses to “Aaaand … It’s a Setback”

  1. Michelle

    Oh. Praying the pain flare up eases really quickly, and the drug withdrawals aren’t too bad, and Plan B is better than Plan A.

  2. Maureen@IslandRoar

    Oh, it’s got to be so frustrating. I’m glad you can look forward to getting rid of these side effects, but now you’re back to square one. I’m in awe of your strength. Hunker down and hang in there thru this latest pain jag.

  3. Kristi

    Hang in there! I’m sure you’re feeling very down in the dumps right now. It has not been an easy road. I don’t know if it helps, but you should know your strength is so inspiring to me! xo

  4. Jim

    Your husband sounds like a jerk.
    Sorry but after all you’ve been through I doubt if you need an asshole at home.

  5. Kelly

    Jim is just rude. I know the torturer was a blow but I also know you are better without him in your life. Sometimes it takes a little time and distance to see that when someone hurts us. I realize he was a big support for you for a long time and it must be hard to lose that. Still, he’s done enough damage. You need to surround yourself with people who care about you and will be positive and support you – not hurt you, turn you away when you need them, or put you down for what you’re going through. I’m so sorry you’re hurting right now. I’d probably crawl into bed and not come out if it were me. Of course you strive for more. It’s that very spirit that makes us all admire you so much.

  6. Jan

    This has been a dual roller coaster between your attempt at pain management and my nephew’s – he just had an electronic device implanted in his spine yesterday that is supposed to “mask” the pain in his legs and feet he’s been suffering from since the shooting. It’ll be a few days before we know it’s working, and I don’t know what the poor kid will do if it doesn’t.
    I SO hope Dr. Painless has something else for you when you go back.

  7. Sandi

    You should seriously come over and be miserable with me. (misery loves company) But we love each other anyway so it might be fun.

  8. Liz Tee

    Ahhh, setbacks. I am sad for you. It sucks when something you’re hopeful about doesn’t work out. We just had a setback in our house this week that pretty much knocked us on our asses. I’m glad that you will feel better on some level after you get off the drug, though.

  9. Jack

    Good luck with it. Can’t say much more than that, but with a little luck maybe things happen.

  10. Jane

    Go to http://butyoudontlooksick.com and read the Spoons Theory. It really helped me to understand my sister’s fibromyalgia. Healthy people really have no concept of what it’s like to deal with chronic and acute pain. This story makes that understanding accessible to everyone. I hope you find a new physical therapist who can really connect with you.

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