I Don’t Love Vampires

Well, yesterday's post set a record for "fuck you's" in my comment section.  

Getting so many fucks in one day will most likely make me ineligible for any blog awards during the year 2010.

That didn't sound right …


That big corporate sponsorship I was recently contacted about probably just disappeared, but that's okay!  I haven't had a big corporate sponsorship previously, and I never intended to have one when I began Twenty Four At Heart.  If Corporate America thinks I've had too many fucks from my readers then … oh well.

(Wait …. that didn't sound right either!)

I think I'd better change the subject before I make things even worse than they already are.

Apparently another Twilight movie just came out.

I'm sorry, but I don't get it.

I can understand ten and twelve year old little girls squeeing over vampires and werewolves, but grown women?

I tried, I really did try.

I downloaded the first Twilight book to my Kindle awhile back and I forced myself to read the entire thing.  I thought the writing was incredibly weak and the story juvenile.

**  Ducking from thrown objects **

I couldn't bring myself to go see the movie or, for that matter, to read any of the other books.

I realize my opinion is not a popular one.

I realize my opinion will probably create fuck yous in my comment section again today, except this time they will be directed at me.

Why would a grown woman wait in line for four hours to see a movie written for 12 year olds?  Why, why, why?

Why would a grown woman fantasize about a pasty white man with fangs sucking blood out of her neck?

Why would she find it titillating to think a werewolf would compete with a vampire for her?  (Yes, a hairy beast of a man who likes to howl at full moons.)

It's no wonder so many men say they don't understand what women want.

I don't understand either.

I, personally, like a real man.

You know, a warm bodied man with real flesh, kind eyes and … ok, maybe a talented tongue.

Did I just say that?

I believe I did ….

© Twenty Four At Heart

27 Responses to “I Don’t Love Vampires”

  1. jacki

    It’s my first time visiting your site from OC register blog list because I like the title of your blog. I like your comment. You are funny. As I was reading I couldn’t believe that you spelled out the f word fully but you got to do what u got to do.

  2. Pseudo

    Ah, the cheese doodle writing of Stephanie Meyers. I used to read a lot of Harlequin romances when I worked the night shift in a five and dime as a teenager. I thought Twilight was a lot like them. Poor writing and predictable, but easy to read and catchy nonetheless. That’s just my opinion. What I think is the catchy thing is that the Bella and Edward have so much desire but (because Edward might kill her)live in perpetual heatedness. Which is hot. Too much straight to fucking these days, in real life and fiction.

  3. Karen

    I think the above written comment is true… it’s the heat…it’s the suspense, the angst, the very good looking cast (well that’s my opinion) and you know, life is hard…sometimes its nice to get away from the gritty reality and enjoy some fantasy without horrific blood, gore or pornography. I think that’s the appeal.
    Sorry you’re getting “F-u’s”. THAT seems juvenile.

  4. Deidre

    I have to agree, I think the writing was fairly weak – that’s not to say I didn’t read them all. I found they were perfect reading for in between environmental policy articles while I was getting my masters degree.
    As for the movies I couldn’t care LESS about the movies. In fact, I I care more about NOT seeing them.
    I’d be more impressed if Jakob turned into a cuddly puppy. A man one moment and a cute little puggle the next. ahh, bliss.
    Also, loved the photo of your chocolate lab – seriously cute. Those eyes. My dog has two different coloured eyes too.

  5. di

    I can’t understand all the swooning and the standing in long lines to see the movie. I watched 1 & 2 on cable at home and will also wait for this 3rd one to hit cable. I don’t swooon, but do find the series entertaining. The girl, however, is a TERRIBLE actress. Just wish they had chosen someone else for the role of Bella.

  6. Maureen@IslandRoar

    You know, I read all those books because my younger daughter loved them and begged me to. IT WAS PAINFUL and I believe it means I go straight to Heaven when I die. I have yet to see the movies tho. I like my men warm blooded and, well, Men.

  7. Jan

    “I thought the writing was incredibly weak and the story juvenile.” I couldn’t agree more, so no thrown objects coming from my direction.
    I read all four books, for what it’s worth; I wanted to see if the writing would improve (it didn’t) and if the plotline could get any more asinine (it succeeded in that admirably). Also, the message the books send to young girls is horrible.
    *pins large target to chest and stands next to 24*

  8. Kristan

    I think Pseudo nailed it. No pun intended.
    Also, in fairness, Jacob (the werewolf) doesn’t howl at the moon. 😛

  9. Linda

    I admit I don’t get it either. But I also haven’t read the books or seen the movies. I prefer my hunk to be sunkissed though.

  10. NeCole

    I’m with you on this–it’s not my thing either. I haven’t read the books or seen the movies and I don’t intend to do so.

  11. Tara

    I think I strained some eye muscles with all the eye-rolling I did reading Twilight. The writing was just horrible! I don’t fancy myself as an awesome writer but I think I could do much better. I find the movies entertaining but I don’t see the obsession over the books. I think I am a book snob must be my liberal arts education.

  12. Laura

    I love your writing..lol.
    I myself, sadly, like the whole Twilight thing, however there is no need to duck from flying objects because I am a firm believer that we all like different things. We are each allowed our own opinion and our own likes and dislikes.
    However, I am not one of those crazed people, I wait until it comes out on DVD to watch it, I don’t run and buy things with “team Jacob or Team Edward” on them, etc. That’s a little far fetched in my opnion.

  13. Abby Smith

    My best girlfriend (at the same age group of 24@Heart) begged me to read TWILIGHT. I wasn’t really interested. She sent me the book AND the DVD of the first movie. I finally broke down while we were having our kitchen remodeled to read the book, and thought, I’m not 16 anymore. This setting of high school dynamics did not do anything for me. The only interesting part of the first book (for me) was the background on the vampire family. The storyline was all too predictable. The movie was worse and that took me longer to finally watch after reading the book.
    I do understand why this would appeal to the 12-20 bracket, but I’m sorry, the way the books are written I don’t understand the 24@HEARTS loving it.
    Vampire stories I do understand the appeal and intrigue but read Anne Rice instead of Stephanie Meyers. Or heck just read Bram Stoker!
    And of course everyone does have their own individual tastes, I just don’t quite understand the TWILIGHT phenomenon either.

  14. cindy w

    OMG YES. I do not care about young adult fiction. I especially do not care about vampire stories with Mormon undertones. And I have a ton of friends who are all excited about going to see the movie, and I just sort of stare blankly at them when they talk about Twilight.
    Full disclosure, though: my husband happened to see the first Twilight movie on HBO (by himself! I wasn’t even in the room! I was upstairs sleeping at the time) and he said it was “ok”, so he decided to rent the 2nd one. When we saw the trailer for the 3rd movie, he asked if I’d go see it with him so he wouldn’t have to go by himself. I told him that he needs to just go ahead & turn in his penis now.

  15. Lorna E

    I have not had, and continue the same (non)desire to read or see this series. I have “mature” adult girlfriends who are also crazy over it, not to the point of standing in line for first showing, but close enough, and I just have to laugh. Some things are just fine to live without, and this is one of them!

  16. OCShannon

    It actually freaks me out that my grown, adult women friends drool over the guys in Twilight. Ewwww- can you say creeper ladies- they’re infants?? I didn’t ‘hate’ the books, but it wasn’t life altering in any way. I sure as hell wouldn’t sit in a theater to see the movies, let alone stand in a line?!?!? Big girls should check out True Blood if they’re into the vampire thing. The men are HAUT and you get to see some grown man bootie!! Grrrr.

  17. Kristen

    I also downloaded the first Twilight book to my kindle just to see what the hype was about. I had to force myself to finish it. I HATED it. I refuse to read any other of the trash, excuse me, “books,” in that series and will never be putting a single dollar towards that franchise in movie form. How can anyone get into it – teenager or, ahem, older? I work with teenage kids and I still don’t get it. I mean, seriously, a sparkly vampire? And a werewolf?
    There will be no fuck you’s from me….just a fuck yeah, you are totally right. 🙂

  18. Sandra

    I’ve read the books and seen the first 2 movies. I swooned not because I’m a 40 year old googly-eyed for a teen, cuz I’m not. But because I remember how it felt in my teens to be totally obsessed over someone. I HAD to have him. It just brings back those feelings.
    Dear John did the same thing for me. I’ve seen that movie 15 times.

  19. Carolyn Online

    Sorry, I’m still laughing to myself a little at the first comment from Jacki. I don’t really know why.

  20. vodkamom

    FIRST, you were right. She’s funny. SECOND??????
    This is the LINE of the year. “Getting so many fucks in one day will most likely make me ineligible for any blog awards during the year 2010.”
    and I am quoting it at BlogHer ALL DAMN WEEKEND.

  21. Mike Krause

    I would never be able to compete with a “hairy beast of a man who likes to howl at full moons”. The closest I could come to that would be to crap in the forest behind a tree under a full moon.

  22. San Diego Momma

    Good freaking Lord, YES!
    I am not reading these books on principle, because I want to be a writer, and from the few tidbits I HAVE read in reviews, I have gathered that the cheese is large and wedgy and cheeselike, and the prose sucks my ass.
    Can. Not. Do. It.
    Same with the movies.
    But? The Buffy the Vampire TV series? I would watch that any day. The writing is inspiring in a campy, redonk way.

  23. Kimberly

    I started reading the book series to preview it before my 12 year old daughter read them, I normally wouldn’t even think about reading them for just myself. I didn’t find them horrible, perfect for the right age group. We’ve enjoyed the movies though, it’s fun to take my daughters and her friends and watch them go ga-ga over the guys! I’m not sure I really “get” the women in the forties going overboard though, a little weird.

  24. Jason

    Agreed! So, so agreed! I have never understood the whole vampire thing at all…but now? Even less.

  25. Jason

    And I just went back and read the whole “fat” controversy. All I have to say is yowza—that was uncomfortable!

  26. Kathy W

    I’m with you. And you’ve gone further than I ever intend to – you read one of the books! I have NO desire to read them, see the movies or even wonder whose “team” someone is one. None whatsoever!

  27. Poppy

    My daughters were 11 at the time and swore I HAD to watch Twilight with them. I never did. But on a plane headed for Germany I got very bored and watched it. I somewhat enjoyed it.
    That summer we were all looking for some adventure.. Decided to cross the border into the US (from Canada) and visit Forks WA~! The scenery on the way down and at La Push beach was fabulous. So was puttering around Forks.
    So of course I had to see New Moon (and gasp when Jacob takes his shirt off, totally humiliating my girls 🙂 and Eclipse. Have read all the books and look forward to the next two.
    I think I just enjoy feeling somewhat intrigued by the fact that my daughters and I can enjoy a movie together at our ages. Good for us.. Mom is not some out of it old lady!


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