Money Town – Live!

Yesterday, I spent about two hours in the Money Town Starbucks.  The place was packed with people.  As I sat there, sipping a nonfat cappuccino, extra hot please, I took surreptitious notes as fast as I could.  I'm sharing (most of) my notes, exactly as they were written, with you today.  I don't know if this whole exercise will give you a better feel for Money Town, or – more likely – a better feel for how my brain works?  

In any case, here you go and if you don't like snark, skip this post!

• Look! Older man with very dark, dyed black hair.  Reading newspaper.  Very fake hair.  Looks awful!

• Middle aged, good looking man w/teenaged daughter checking me out.  Not too subtle buddy!  Completely ignoring his daughter.  Staring at my bionic nipples.  What a dad!

• Good looking man, probably 40, tripped and spilled coffee while staring at his blackberry.

• Oh!  A tramp!  With her tramp stamp hanging out.  No panties.  Five inch heels.  Designer sunglasses inside.  It's still foggy out – you don't even need sunglasses OUTSIDE right now, let alone in Starbucks.

• Local worker in gardening clothes.  Getting coffee before heading into Money Town to work.  

• Ooh!  Very hawt!  Approximately 30 yrs., blondish, tan, nice blue eyes.  Smiles at me.  Sat behind me.  Glancing at my notes.  (I try to cover them – he laughs!)  *BLUSHING*

• MT (Money Town) woman.  Bleached blonde hair.  Fake boobs, botoxed face, filler in lips, maybe her skin is fake too?  Fake designer purse.  Nothing looks real.  She's an illusion …..

• Can Hawt Guy see my notes?

• Hmmm.  Woman late fifties wearing hideous Christmas sweater with lint all over it.  Um, isn't today June 1st?  Sheesh!  It would be a very poor decision to wear that sweater in December, what the hell is she thinking?

• Money just walked in.  Streaming from her pores.  Mid-fifties I'd guess, looks 40.  Very nipped and tucked.  Six carats (at least) on ring finger.  Bling everywhere.  Designer sunglasses, designer $4,000 purse – all real.  Having a snit over her coffee order.  No surprise.

• Businessman with lacoste shirt tucked in.  Gut is way too big to be tucking that shirt in.  Air of self importance and a fancy leather folder with him to prove it.  Needs bigger shirt.

• Handsome, bald, shorts, flip flops – arrived in his porsche.

• Everyone in the room has had their teeth whitened or has veneers.

• Man about 60, basketball shorts, Angels baseball hat and slippers on.  Really?

• Couple, not married.  He can't stop staring at her ass as she's adding cream to her coffee.  He is about to take a bite out of her ass!  Seriously, he wants to have sex with her rt here in Starbucks.  They must both be married to other people.  She does not seem to notice he's about to bite her ass.

• Whoa!  Very orange, fake tan just walked in.  Must not have much money because the rich don't use the cheap fake tanning creams they get professionally sprayed.

• OMG!  Man with big head and gigantic THING growing out of his head.  GIGANTIC!  Ewww!  Freaking out!  What IS it??  Reminds me of a movie … what movie?  Can goiters grow out of the top of a skull?  A hat would be a very good idea.  Someone should suggest it!

• Little girl in purple and green tutu straight from ballet.  Adorable!

• A lot of golf shirts on the MT men, a lot of bling-y sandals and designer purses and sunglasses on the MT women.

• Looking out window at parking lot and this is what I see:  Porche, BMW, Audi, Mercedes, Mercedes, Lexus, Porsche, Lamborghini, BMW, Land Rover, Nissan (??), Lexus, Corvette, Mercedes …

• Man (35?) with big purse (?), too big Hawaiian shirt (it says Aloha! and Hawaii), too big pants, too big watch … Whose clothes did he steal borrow?  Nothing fits!

• Woman I knew a few years back walks in.  Ignores me.  Bitch.  She looks like hell.  Good.

• Whoa!  A woman who looks remarkably like a bulldog!  Not even joking.  Can't she do something about that?  Her jowls are hanging on the floor.  I mean, there are situations where plastic surgery IS a must!

• Group of men at outside table smoking, drinking coffee.  One has an adorable boxer puppy.  Worried puppy will have secondhand smoke issues.  Does that happen?

• Where is the guy with the yellow corvette and purple short-shorts who usually hangs here in the mornings?

• Ewww!  Gorilla man!  I have NEVER seen so much hair on a human being before.  A turquoise bracelet to draw attention to the forest which are his arms.  Long, long hair and bushels of it everywhere!  He's with a woman whose entire legs are tattooed.  Every inch.  Must.Look.Away!

• 9:30 a.m.  Not a free seat in this (very large) Starbucks.  Standing room only and it is PACKED!

• There have never been so many bleach blondes with fake boobs in one place at one time!

• One of my friends is here!  *Waving*  Said hi, met her friends.  They're amused at what I'm doing here ….

• A woman in a pink tennis skirt is eating a banana quite provocatively.  She has every man's attention in the room.

• A man in a blue shirt wants to know what I'm doing.  "Working," I say as I cover up what I'm doing.  (Writing snark!)

• Pro-ball player.  Damn.  Can't remember his name and I think I've met him more than once.  I'm so bad with the sports guys and Money Town has a lot of them.  Briefcase would know who he is, but I just smile and nod at him.  He is very, very, TALL.  He smiles back – recognizes me too.

• Man in ugly green jacket with wide ugly orange stripe wants anyone with a vagina me.  Not in your wildest dreams, buddy.  He's rebuffed.

• Delinquent teenagers at outside table making out.  Wearing Oakley sunglasses, playing with iPhones when not making out.  Should be in school.  Lots of tongues in lots of ears.  Where are their parents?

• Businessman cleaning up creamer station before he can pour his cream into coffee.  He's meticulous.  And?  OCD.  He can't stop cleaning.  He doesn't work here.

• Hawt Guy is still sitting behind me and we keep sneaking glances at what each other is doing.  I think he finds my note taking amusing.

• Man in ugly green jacket is now hitting on woman dressed for arctic storm.  We don't get arctic storms in Orange County.  She seems intrigued with him.  It's a match made in heaven!

• Aww!  Dad with two kids.  Cute kids, cute dad.  Very sweet.

• Woman in too-tight Juicy sweats.  All bright pink, including pink metallic purse.  Extreme high heels which she can't walk in.  (with sweats?)  Sliding her feet in an awkward attempt to walk.

• Woman, 30-ish in black mini-cocktail dress with lots of sequins.  It's 9:45 a.m!  Plunging neckline.  Tacky jewelry.  Walk of shame from a MT man's house the night before?  Came home with him from a bar probably and has stopped at Starbucks on her way home this morning.

• OCD ma
n is still cleaning creamer station.  He's gone through a bazillion napkins and might stay there all day if someone doesn't make him stop.  I want to grab the napkins from him and yell STOP!

• Three MT young (13-15 yr old) teen girls.  Tiffany jewelry, designer purses and sunglasses, bleached hair, skin tight clothes, revealing/cleavage enhancing shirts.  Are their MT moms proud?

• MT men (late 50's) are ogling the underage MT teens.  Can we all say DISGUSTING at the same time?  How about if I just call them pedophiles?

• It's 10:02 a.m. and I've had about all I can stand of the Money Town crowd.  The Torturer just texted me and I'm off to pay him a visit.  I'll tell you how THAT goes tomorrow!

© Twenty Four At Heart

20 Responses to “Money Town – Live!”

  1. Mo "Mad Dog" Stoneskin

    I love it. Fantastic picture. This is the kind of stuff I take down before constructing a post. Good job you didn’t see my old banger in the parking lot…
    Nothing like sunglasses in Starbucks and I can’t believe you got caught by HG taking notes. You need to learn to be more subtle…

  2. Jack

    Gorilla man ought to look into buying a Mangroomer. Sorry, I laugh every time I think of that thing.

  3. Karen

    LOLOL…. can I come out THERE for a visit? I want to walk the beach, swim in your pool with the dog, and sit at Starbucks and snark with you 🙂
    We’ll Swap visits..you come see mine and I’ll come see yours.

  4. Jan

    Gee, the only people who hang out in our local Starbucks are…wait, no one hangs out there. It has an effing drive-thru.
    I cannot wait to hear about how things went with the Torturer.

  5. Pam

    GREAT post today! I love your observations. Funny, funny, funny!

  6. Karen

    How did you manage to sit there and not bust out laughing?

  7. Kelly

    OMG – loved this! Awesome and hilarious all rolled into one!

  8. Mike Krause

    Porche, BMW, Audi, Mercedes, Mercedes, Lexus, Porsche, Lamborghini, BMW, Land Rover, Nissan (??), Lexus, Corvette, Mercedes …(Nissan had to belong to the MT gardener dude)

  9. Duchess

    Your Moneytown Starbucks doesn’t sound much like the Summertown Starbucks I sometimes hang out in, lurking in case my younger daughter shows up for a grande latte. There are a lot of teenagers (mostly speaking some east European language) and no one is hot (or hawt) and no one ever hits on me. Clearly there are some advantages to MT.
    Good luck with the Torturer. I hope you two patch things up.

  10. dogmother

    from one people watcher to another…love it! fyi… at least you still get checked out!!

  11. ingrid

    How wonderful. 🙂 thank you for this vivid picture.

  12. Jordan Jumpman

    I am so luck ,thank you for your article ,I like it very much ,I am looking forward your next ,thank you again!

  13. The Queen of Chaos

    The ONLY way to improve on this post, is if you had used your camera phone to sneak some pics of these folks. Having spent a LOT of time in your area,I completely understand all of these visuals!

  14. Issa

    I adore this post. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who watches people like this. ha.

  15. Anali

    What a cool idea for a post! It’s like a prompt for a writing class on creating characters. Sit in Starbucks and write about the people. I’m going to try it!

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