My Best Shot?

It's been awhile since I've shared a "24" moment with you.

You do know what a 24 moment is, don't you?

I seem to have a knack for humiliating myself in public as only few people can do.  When I started seeing people on Twitter writing, "I just pulled a 24!" I knew I better stop writing about all my public embarrassments.

Except …

Oh my, I have really outdone myself this time.

In fact, I can honestly say I have never, never, ever (!!), been so embarrassed in my entire life.

Why am I sharing this, worst-ever, humiliation?

I think it is SO bad, the only way I can purge myself of the experience is by writing about it.  If you're a writer, you will understand.

OK, then ….

On Sunday, I was at the races.  You might recall from yesterday's post, I wore a long black dress.

Dress
 

On the drive down to San Diego County, Nike and I stopped at Starbucks so I could get a green iced tea.  I was very thirsty.  Green tea makes me need to pee a lot.  I'm sorry to share this information with you, but it's critical to my embarrassment the story.

When we arrived at the race track, I made an immediate stop at the ladies room.  It was there, I realized why my thong panties were so uncomfortable.  The lace on them had unraveled and they were, literally, falling apart.

So, um, I ditched them.

Yes, I did.  

There was no way I could keep them on, unraveling, all day long.  I tossed them in the little trash can in the bathroom stall.  

The exact thought that went through my head was, "No one will ever be able to tell, this dress is black as night and comes down to my ankles."

** WRONG **

About midday, Nike and I decided to roam around the track.  I wanted to get some photos and Nike was checking out what seats she'd like to purchase tickets for next time she returns to the races.  And so it was, we were wandering.

Suddenly Nike pointed out to me an outdoor deck, facing away from the track, where a lot of people were gathered. 

"Look," she said, "You can get a great shot of the ocean view from there.  You should go out and get some photos."

I walked out on the deck and began composing my shot.  Nike wandered inside to check out the seats on that particular level of the grandstands.

With both hands on my camera, just as I was clicking the shutter, a huge gust of wind came and lifted my dress up over my head!

Omigod!

I wish I were joking, but I'm not!

I stood there, hands on my camera, bare assed and freshly brazilian waxed, for the whole world to see.

"Click" went the shutter.

My heart stopped as I realized what was happening and my hands immediately went to force my dress to its rightful spot.

"Now THAT was a nice shot!" exclaimed a man next to me.

(I swear to God, that is EXACTLY what he said!)

Nike later told me I came running around the corner, back into the building, at record speed.  My face was forty shades of red and she stood there, incredulous, as I told her what happened.

"Oh my God, only you!" she laughed.

Is that true?

Only me?

Can somebody out there please tell me this has happened to them before too?

Looking on the bright side, I guess it's a good thing I was just waxed.

I think it would have been worse if I was fuzzy.

© Twenty Four At Heart

37 Responses to “My Best Shot?”

  1. Kristen

    Holy crap, I’m embarrassed just reading it!! I probably would have cried!!

  2. Kelly

    OMG I want to die a little bit for you! I have to admit the ending line about being fuzzy made me bust out laughing.

  3. Julie {Angry Julie Monday}

    I’ve been wearing a lot of dresses lately, and I’ve had some close calls. I’ve vowed to wear granny panties under them. I was even thinking about boy shorts.
    And yes, only YOU, and probably ME, would this happen to.
    I was trying on my leopard dress from BlogHer last year for another event today. I looked at the mirror and said, “Holy Crap, this is short”. Sure enough, I bent over and you could see my cheeks, my ass cheeks that is.

  4. Deidre

    Eek! I am blushing reading this! EEEEEEEK
    So true – at least you weren’t fuzzy!

  5. Elaine

    Will you be posting the actual nice shot of the ocean view so we can see if it was worth it?

  6. Linda

    *SNORT!* ahem, sorry. I would venture to guess you were not the only lady sans panties at the races that day but you were probably the only one who proved it:) Lets just hope you don’t run into that guy again at Starbucks!

  7. Kristan

    Oh you! I don’t know how you manage to do these things, but… thanks for sharing the hilarity!

  8. WebSavvyMom

    –>I Just blushed for you. I would have been mortified too but then again, no one looked at your face. 😉

  9. Kari-Mel

    OMG! I can’t stop laughing and cringing for you at the same time. I can’t imagine your feelings at that moment but I am so with everyone else – you have serious GUTS!

  10. Briya

    So yesterday I was walking across the bridge of where I work and this HUGE wind blew my dress up before I could get my hand back there to push it back down.
    All I heard was a whistle from one of the MDs.
    But at least I was wearing NEON GREEN PANTIES. So, you know…there’s that.

  11. OCShannon

    That is hilarious. And yes, thank God for the wax. Haha

  12. Tami

    ** Snort! **
    Yes, only you but I’m so glad you share the hilarity!

  13. Sandra

    Your so Hollywood showing your cooter to everyone. I also bet that man will NEVER forget his day at the races.

  14. Pam

    OMG! I am laughing my ass off right now! That is hilarious!!!

  15. Michelle Pixie

    Has never happened to me and just one more reason to leave my panties on! I am dying for you!! On the bright side at least it was around a bunch of people who will never remember your face. 😉

  16. Amy_in_Stl

    I have to admit this has never happened to me. In fact, it confirms my decision to always wear full butt panties when I’m wearing a dress because you never know what’ll happen.
    Like the time my 80 year old mother wanted a closer look at the hemline of my knee length dress and lifted it up since she couldn’t bend down. We were standing in the back yard at a family gathering; totally glad I had hiphuggers on rather than a thong. My family does NOT need to see that.

  17. San Diego Momma

    This has TOTALLY happened to me. I was in my 20s (THANK GOD b/c there was less butt cheek saggage) and wearing a dress at my boyfriend’s college graduation when my skirt flew up OVER my head. In the drink line. Which was very crowded. With guys.
    So I feel ya.

  18. Redneck Mommy

    Laughing my ass off. With you of course, not AT you.
    Snicker.
    How you doing, sweet cheeks? (said in my most lurid voice.)

  19. Linda Tustin

    LOL Suzanne- Try to wear real panties next time! Ha I laugh just thinking about it. Better you than me. However I would NEVER wax my cooter so definately better you than me. LOLOLOL

  20. Amy (aka TheMom)

    This is EXACTLY why I almost always wear pants. Seriously one of my biggest fears is the whole dress over the head with a big gust of wind or the dress tucked into the panty hose by mistake thing. Granted in my mind I was always at least wearing panties if something like that were to happen.
    Well at least you were nicely waxed.

  21. life with Kaishon

    Oh my gosh.
    That is the absolute WORST!
    On the other hand,
    at least you got a great shot!
    Or did you?
    Where the heck is it? : )

  22. Poppy

    BAAA HAAA!!! OMG I would have been mortified! At least you were all pretty down there 😉

  23. Jason

    Shut UP! What is it about you that attracts these situations? I’m actually kind of jealous.
    At least you were freshly waxed!
    I linked you today…..I need you to give me beach lessons.

  24. MommyTime

    This is so horrifying. I completely feel for you. It’s never happened to me, but I did witness it happen to a friend of mine — so at least you know from all these stories that you are not alone.

  25. Meredithblumoff

    totally happened to me once. aaaand it took way longer for me to calm down about it to be able to talk about it. thank god for brazilians.

  26. 12ontheinside.wordpress.com

    This happened to me at school, aged about 14 or 15. I of course had knickers on but I still remember the burning embarrassment! It still sounds like something I would do now!

  27. yvonne nc

    Oh hell – My husband’s Uncle’s funeral. Talking to both ministers and my skirt falls to my ankles! Thongs on. Men behind me, in front of me and beside me.

  28. DuchessOmnium

    That is why I never wear wrap around skirts (remember those?) any more. But I must admit that whenever the wind has taken me, I have always had my knickers on. So no one could have remarked on the state of my wax. Or not.

  29. Rob

    Oh what is So wrong had you been fuzzy? Fuzzy is nice, too.
    Besides, with natural blondes (which you’ve written you are), at any reasonable distance – I’ll bet only your hairdresser would known.

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